Diary: Loving Myself Enough

13625373_10201848968303434_254503665621293958_nToday I bought my 2017 diary. The back of my current one is getting a bit messy as I try to sort out where I’ll be and when. Sometimes I have to smile. Actually my diary is only the potential where and when. The Universe may have a different plan!

That’s the fascination (and occasionally frustration) of living an intuitive life. I can diary something in for next week but there is no guarantee that I’ll be doing what I expect. It took me a while to get used to events and plans shifting around. Most of my life I’ve believed that it was important to control my days. To structure the chunks of time so that things got done. Yet I often had to change things around. I know that a part of that need to plan came from my Mum and Nanna. Monday was wash day. Tuesday was ironing day. Wednesday was cleaning the bedrooms … and on and on. It’s also from school. There is a timetable and lessons happen when the school thinks best not when you are at your best.

It’s the same with my working life. I guess I still cling to my diary there too. I know that it has been a slow journey from rigid working hours to working when I want. I’m going to show my age here, lol. In the 1980’s when computers suddenly became the thing to have in the workplace – all that modern technology – we worried that we would have too much leisure time. How would it be to only work 3 or 4 days a week. Or to, gasp, work from home. I find it really interesting that my freedom of working hours has come through working for myself rather than a shift in the way all work is organised. Though I still prefer a paper diary rather than the one on my phone!

Where does that leave me with time management? What am I putting in my diary? And perhaps what should I make sure doesn’t change?

I’m writing this during my Reiki Refresh session. Tonight no one else came. In my old working life I would have been stressing about that. Worrying if I had done something wrong. In my intuitive life I’m grateful that no one did come. I’ve treated myself to a lovely Reiki meditation and got some healing for me. And I can write my blog early for a change. That will give me more time to relax after another new beginnings day that was rather more stressful than I expected. I love being a Mum but sometimes the tough love is hard. The Universe understood perfectly. I got a chance to change my plans without any fuss or bother.

There is also another lesson that I need to notice. In my diary I have to have time for me. I find it hard to ignore when someone wants my time and attention. Or when I have business things to sort out. Yet I have to make sure that I have put time for me in my diary. Whatever else happens I have already blocked out my 2017 diary with my holiday weeks. I have restricted the number of church & centre services I can do. Finally, I have reorganised my working week from September this year to give me time away from work. If I choose to work at all hours of the day and night (that’s especially important when we have different time zones) there must be a balance of time off somewhere.

The key to my intuitive life is loving myself enough. Making sure that I understand my needs matter too. Giving but also being prepared to receive.

There is a lot of fear around the idea that we can be considered to be selfish. I know that the fear of that judgemental word pushed me to over compensate for a lot of my life. I took back very little of what I gave out. Even when people were desperate to give back to me. I see so many people doing the same. It’s wonderful that we care about each other. I love that it is in our nature to give rather than take. But there also has to be a balance. My Reiki Refresh is a way of letting people get used to receiving. I give. It’s something I love to do. Yet I’m happy to receive and in a roundabout way everyone who usually attends gave back to me tonight.

So whenever my diary changed unexpectedly I know that I will need that time. There will be something else I’m going to do. Something that will make perfect sense. A bit of giving or taking. An opportunity for me to look after me. I hope you can enjoy an intuitive life too. As I often tell myself ‘Go with the flow’.

Day 281 of my blogging challenge.