It’s been a wait. All day I have wanted to jump onto my computer and write this blog. Because it’s the end of my working week, month and year so far. Tomorrow I am going to take a couple of weeks off (except not from the blog) to relax.
For a sometimes impatient person I find having to wait can be a bit of an itch I can’t scratch. I make long lists and itemise everything I feel I have to do before I can say I’m on holiday. Then I spend ages going through my list and deciding what not to do. The cats are all sorted. My house is all sorted. The spare keys have been handed over to my guest. I’ve even packed. Because I can’t wait to be on the beach again. Waiting to have some sunshine and a walk in the forest. I know I need to refresh my batteries for the next intense period of energy that is going to be coming in from 15th April. Another wave of powerful, healing fire.
The wait for that is my next task. I’m sitting out the rest of Mercury retrograde in my sacred space. Because once I start going forward again there is a lot to be said and done. Actions begun a long time ago are starting to return. Ready for me to take more action to keep the momentum going. Today I was reminded that life is an endless cycle of beginnings and endings. And the way to flow with the cycles is to be ready to do what is necessary at the right time. My holiday break is the perfect way to get myself relaxed. To make sure I am in tune with the energy flow. But here comes waiting again. I’m excited by the glimpse of what is to come. Yet it can’t happen yet.
Occasionally waiting involves wishing my life away and I don’t want to do that. Every moment has to count because I don’t know how many of them I have left. I don’t want to be in God’s waiting room wondering what I missed out on doing. So no more time to wait. Time to sleep and arrive at a new day.
It must be a necessary theme this week – working with Guides. Yesterday I wrote about my latest new Guide and today I’ve been chatting to several people about the way I work with mine. Explaining that our connection couldn’t get off the ground until I learned about shutting up my internal chatter.
As a human being I have learned to keep my mind active. Not necessarily by choice. But because I have always been expected to process lots of information. Firstly by my Ego Mind so that I can keep myself out of danger and stay alive as long as possible. The chatter that flows through in my thoughts has a big chunk of assumptions, options and debates about what to do for the best. Not only about crossing a road or driving. But also how much my gas bill is, the price of food and if that person really did mean to be nasty to me. The Ego Mind is expecting uncertainty and attack. Shutting it down completely is hard because I want to stay safe too. So it gently rumbles on yacking at me all the time.
Also chatting away are my feelings. Who said what, when and why. Debating if I feel hurt, proud, upset or angry. Linking what has been said to things in my past and dredging up old feelings. Chattering about assumptions of what is going to happen in the future if I have to speak to that person again. Going round and round judgements, conversation points and individual words. Constructing my answers for next time. Or the things I really wished I had said. I play these over and over again in the safety of my internal world hoping that I can deny them or reinvent them to sound more positive to me. Using up lots of energy keeping myself in the past rather than accepting the conversations and moving on. And all because humans don’t show each other how to deal with feelings immediately.
Shutting up chatter therefore becomes a lot more complicated as I fall into all of these internal dialogues. Swapping Ego Mind with feelings endlessly. So how can my Guides break through that noise?
It’s important to acknowledge that my Guides communicate with my Intuitive Mind. The part of me that processes the information from my intuitive senses. It’s a part of me that has been pushed into he background. I’ve been trained to believe that I actually don’t have intuitive senses. So how can the information break through if I’m not even paying attention? My Intuitive Mind is chattering very quietly to itself. Gradually shutting down the information coming in because all the other chatter is drowning it out. Until it’s almost silent. I’ve even forgotten that it’s there. Unless I get a random prediction right. Or have a moment of deja vu that wobbles my certainty in the material world. Even denying that I might have seen a non-physical being.
So here I am with far too much chatter going on in my head. Yet the voices or connections I want to experience are shutting up. In my experience the only way to deal with this was to start closing down the chatter and opening my intuition. I began with learning to meditate. Letting myself turn down the volume on my Ego and feelings. But turning up the volume on my intuitive senses. I also learned to sit very quietly so that the chatter could calm down, slow down and fade a bit. Music for relaxation helped me too. I started to write my questions down and let myself answer them. I paid attention to any thoughts and feeling I had that seemed not to be mine. And I kept asking for more. telling my Guides to give me the information again.
With a lot of practice I gradually learned how effective shutting down the chatter could be. Because I had a space in my head where other impressions, thoughts and feelings could emerge. It took me some time to trust that this was my Guides communicating with me. Yet when I finally accepted it was my mind chatter became a wonderful, purposeful conversation instead. Is it time for you to stop chattering and start listening?
I’ve know for a little while that my Guide Team was shuffling about. It’s happened before and I’m sure it will happen again. Yet it always makes me a little on edge. Because Introducing a new Guide takes time. Because we have to make a relationship that will work so that I can carry on doing my spiritual work.
I think my team started introducing this particular guide about four month ago. To be honest it could have been much longer as I’m sometimes a bit reluctant to acknowledge that things are changing. I can trust the team members I already know. Someone new might not be as easy to work with. Or know all my likes and dislikes. A new guide might also think that s/he can tell me what to do. Or want me to do work that I’m not confident about doing well. Really, it’s like any other new relationship. Lots of doubts, false starts and a period of really getting to know one another. It takes time. And I can be really impatient to get on with what I’m supposed to be doing.
That’s the issue. Introducing a new guide means that my work will also be changing. So I hold on to what I already know I can do. And try to run away from what I’m being asked to do in the future. Tonight my new guide, Rafe, stepped in to help me with my live video broadcast. It seems he is going to work with me on my YouTube venture. But I hardly know him. Even though we have been testing one another out for the last four months. We are busy introducing some changes to my Guide Contract, negotiating working arrangements and trying to get a sense of who each of us is. It’s hard work! Starting a relationship is always a tricky venture when the person is physically in the world. And I find it’s even more so when hey are non-physical.
So I’m looking forward to some bonding, some clashes and some getting to know one another days. Working together means introducing new ways of communicating. As well as new things to do. So I’m delighted that he has finally given me a name I can use. It’s a trust thing. I’m excited that he is working with me. And I’m optimistic about our adventures together. Let the relationship begin!
Sometimes I have a topic I want to write my blog about. I know what it is early in the day. But I always wait to see who is walking by my side before I use that topic. Often I write about a completely different thing. Because whoever is with me helps me to notice something else more important.
I’ve said before that I enjoy writing my blog for me. It’s a great way to clear my mind and get me paying attention to what happens in my day. I’m also aware that my Guides and Inspirers use my blog as a way to put words out to others. To send messages to people the loved ones are struggling to reach directly. So sometimes I have Spirit people at my side with me as I draft my blog. They also walk with me when I’m giving messages. I feel their presence and enjoy finding out about them. Today my topic has changed because of one very determined lady in Spirit who started walking along with me an hour before her loved one rang me to ask for a reading.
I love this contact from those in the afterlife. The way they get us to make the connection and make it work. The loved one had been prompted to ring me. Pointed in my direction so to speak. And my day had casually been rearranged so that I had time to fit in a reading. I don’t stress when something gets cancelled or rearranged. I know it is for the right reasons. And I also know that my blog turns into different things because it’s also for the right reasons. That’s the power of the love our departed family and friends feel. The power of our Guides to get us to pay attention. Because knowing someone is walking through something with you gives you hope.
It’s also true that when I know someone is walking along with me in the tough times I feel less alone. There is a strength I can draw on when I need it. And a listening ear to tell my troubles to. Even more special, I can feel the waves of love and encouragement they bring me. The reminder that everything will turn out for the best. That I can do what’s in front of me. And that I am safe. Thank you for being there today.
Here I go again! Another round of energy has arrived on my doorstep and it’s time to do some more clearing. But ouch! This energy has got my physical body protesting loudly. Every one of my aches, pains and ailments has suddenly started to surface. And it’s grim!
When I woke up this morning I tried to ignore the ache in my shoulders. And the pain in my neck. My digestion was rumbling. So was my stomach. Not with hunger but with a sort of sea sickness. As I climbed out of bed my knee screamed ouch. Then my head began to ache. I felt as if all of the little irritating aches of the last few days had piled up. Like they were conspiring against me. Them my back began to ping with discomfort. I knew there was no real reason for all of these symptoms. Because I had been having a very interesting middle of the night discussion with my Guides.
Ok, perhaps I had been moaning at them a bit. Telling them I was tired of all this emotional and mental clearing that was going on. Fed up with running into another ouch memory or reaction. Actually, I was telling them that it needed to stop. That I had really had enough. Was my spiritual work worth all of this inner journeying? I know I fell asleep still muttering at them. Then this morning all the physical stuff hit me. Like one massive ouch. Not fair I thought stomping around the bedroom. It makes me grumpy. So I sat down to do a little Reiki on myself. And found my healing Guides only too eager to explain what was happening.
I’ve written a lot about how we are energy beings rather that only human beings. That stuck feelings and thought energy create dis-ease in our physical body. So what is more logical than after an emotional and/or mental clearing there has to be a physical one too. Ouch!
I hadn’t actually thought about that. Even though I should have. Because it’s obvious really. Aches and pains in my body tell me where I am holding on to stuck energy. When the pile of stuck energy has become so big it stops my physical body from running smoothly. So not only do I have to let go of the feelings and thoughts that are stuck. My body has to release the aches and pains too. No wonder I have been saying ouch all day. What’s even more interesting is that some of the physical issues tie in to my past lives. This current body has inherited the karmic energy of those lives and that needs to be acknowledged and released through my physical body too.
So how do I do it? My Guides always say that the first step is becoming aware of the pain. Then I can investigate inside me where the energy is stuck. What event, feeling or thought is creating my aches or conditions. Because I don’t need to carry this energy. Nor do I need to keep having the physical symptoms of trauma that is in another life. But I don’t have to go back into the trauma to let it go. Once I have located which life is involved, or what feeling or thought is holding onto old energy I can embrace the signals my physical body are giving me. I can love the body I am in now and treat it more carefully. And I can do something to show my body I care. Whilst reassuring myself that I don’t need that pain signal any longer.
So I took myself off for a facial, pedicure and a shoulder massage. Acknowledging the ouch but letting the care and attention to my body show how much I love my body too. I also topped up on my Reiki healing energy. And later tonight I’m going to have a warm bath with Epsom salts to sooth away any remaining aches and pains. Make sure you let your physical body do it’s clearing too!
I love what the butterfly can teach us. That’s because the butterfly path has come up in my conversation several times today. It’s a path I know we all try out at some time or other in our lives. But it’s also a path that can turn into a dead end if we don’t notice what we are doing.
What do I mean by the butterfly path? I use the story of the butterfly to help people understand why they don’t appear to be making any progress in their lives. A caterpillar has a great time hatching from an egg and having one focus. To eat enough and grow enough to put itself into a hard skin. Then the caterpillar stays inside until it has transformed into a butterfly. It rearranges itself and emerges a whole new shape. Best of all it can fly. It sets off around all of the flowers enjoying it’s freedom until it’s time for that butterfly to lay it’s eggs. Having created a new beginning it dies. But what a life! All those wonderful blooms. Riding the air. Adventure and discovery. Who wouldn’t want a life like that.
There’s the issue. I started my spiritual journey like the caterpillar. Grabbing all of the experiences of a material world I gradually built up a rigid shell. It became restricting. And limiting. I had to reorganise internally to find a different way of being. A way that let me soar amongst the abundant energies of this world. I learned to sense the planet and it’s inhabitant in a completely different way. Through my intuitive senses I flitted from one bright experience to another. Never quite free of the caterpillar but trying to be all that I could. Yet I also knew there would be a price. That there was something I had to do in return. I had to do what I came into existence for. Lay the groundwork for the next generation.
That’s why the butterfly path can be a challenge. At some point I had to stop flitting around. It was my time to contribute instead.
I have worked with lots of people throughout my life. Those who are still caterpillars. Whatever their age. And those who are busy flitting from flower to flower. In the last ten years of my life I have started to notice those people who have found a flower and are busy laying eggs. The people who stick at creating what will be the new experiences for others. Every caterpillar knows it will become a butterfly. It will have to make a difficult transition. And every butterfly knows it must ensure that new caterpillars arrive. Yet it’s easy to get stuck trying to avoid the hard work of creating the new.
I say hard work because people often struggle to leave behind that old part of themselves. So they dash around from therapy to therapy, healer to healer or retreat after retreat. They have become so caught up in the butterfly that they deny their ability to create. Whilst also expecting someone else to wave a magic wand and make it happen without any effort. But effort is necessary. Creative effort ensures that I have remade myself. Even that I can help new caterpillars and butterflies remake themselves when the time comes. I can also empathise with all those caterpillars and butterflies still hanging onto that shape, those habits and the limitations.
I know it is time for me to become unstuck and create. Do you? Are you still gathering ‘stuff’ like the caterpillar. Are you flitting around looking for the right flower like the butterfly? Or have you found the very end of the path? The place where you know who and what you are and why you are here? Are you grabbing the opportunity to create? Or still prevaricating? Be a beautiful creative butterfly. Share a new beginning with all of those other caterpillars and butterflies you come into contact with. It’s time for all of us to move on.
There have been times in my life when I have had choices and not known which way to go forward. A bit like me being at a roundabout and looking for the right road to my destination. Until I connected with my Guide Team I would stumble forward. In a sort of hit and miss way I would get to somewhere. But now I have a better way. My team are happy confirming if my choice will suit me. So long as I have made a choice!
It has helped me a lot. Confirming my direction, once I have taken a first step, allows me to go forward with confidence. Of course they leave the decision up to me. After all there are always many roads to the top of a mountain. And many down the other side too. But when I choose a route my Guides will let me know if it’s going to be an easy one or not. However, a habit I developed when I began working with my Guides has stuck with me. I like them to confirm important directions three times in three different ways. In this way I can listen to my intuition, do what I feel is the right thing and then make sure I have done the best I can.
I don’t do this with everything in my life. There are decisions I can easily make for myself. That’s part of being responsible for myself. However, every now and again I come to a point where there are options and the way ahead is a bit foggy. Once again I like that my Guide team, by confirming what I am debating, help and inspire me to my choices. Like little nudges that get me looking at things from a higher perspective. And checking that I am not getting lost in my Ego Mind. After all, I want to live by my spiritual beliefs and to do that I have to be in my Intuitive Mind. I want to come from a place of compassion and honesty in my dealings with the world. So sometimes my choices surprise people. I will gladly explain them if I am asked.
Actually, my blog is a way of making my choices transparent. So often when I sit down to write it it turns out to be a confirmation that a decision was the best one in the circumstances. Or I get a chance to argue with myself over which path to take. And in behind it all the time are my Guide Team, confirming the pros and cons, dropping debating points into my mind and reassuring me that I don’t have to worry about unexpected outcomes. I am a Spirit in a human body doing the best I can.
I’ve been on an EFT workshop today. I like EFT but I hadn’t really planned to do more learning about it. Yet when my friend Fiona said that there was still a place available I really felt like I should go. At bedtime last night I did all of my usual things. But I couldn’t get to sleep.
I was still winding down from working late. Sometimes time zones mean I speak to people later in my night time so that we speak in their morning or afternoon time. Otherwise we can’t connect. So, as I’m a bit of a night owl anyway, I don’t mind working a bit later. In the end I got up again, had a cup of tea and tried to go to bed again. I did fall asleep and woke up ok. Yet the issue of bedtime came up for me in some of the practice tapping. Because I have to change my routine now. I want to do so because I’d like to write every morning first thing when I get up. But my working day kicks in quite early. How to find the time?
And how to find the discipline I need to make it happen? I need wind down time. Yet I have people who consult with me late in the evening. If I’m not careful my bedtime drifts to one am or later. Getting up at seven or eight am to focus on writing means less sleep. Yet I need my sleep. As I started to tackle this with the help of another group member what came up for me was about my childhood. I was surprised to find memories of my Mum playing a part. She always had to send me to bed. I used to sit on the stairs listening to the TV programmes. Because all of the ones I liked were on after my supposed bedtime. She would check on me soon after she told me to go to bed. And there I would be on the stairs. Not wanting to miss out. It seems I have a long established ‘go to bed Annie’ pattern.
The special thing about discovering this is that my Mum passed to Spirit fourteen years ago. I hadn’t realised how much grief I was still holding onto until I realised my bedtime routine had reverted to a childhood one.
Even though she works with me as a Guide my Mum can’t tell me to go to bed any more. It’s against the rules to interfere with my free will. My need for my Mum to send me to bed is part of wanting to feel safe. Safe in a world where she can’t physically be here to tell me to go to bed. So my natural night owl has been pushed into overdrive. While I wait for that instruction to go to sleep. Or fall asleep from exhaustion. Even though I have spent twenty years helping people deal with grief I recognised today that I had to do more work to help me deal with mine. Thank goodness for tapping. And tears. As well as good friends. And a safe place to let go of it all.
Because connecting with my Mum in Spirit is wonderful. I feel her presence a lot. But it doesn’t stop me wanting more. More messages. More contact. really, what I want is to have her back in the physical. Here in front of me. And I know that isn’t possible. yet that little girl sits on the stairs every night waiting to be told to go to bed. Working through this today I felt a great sense of relief. I want to get on with my writing. I’ve blogged before about my writers block. So I really don’t want to get into that pattern again. Finding out what has been keeping me in a holding pattern means I can move on. Knowing it’s ok to change my pattern. And giving that little girl a motherly hug as I tell her ‘go to bed Annie’.
I am sure my Mum was the one getting me to the EFT course. She came to visit in my Home Circle on Friday night and left me a few cryptic confirmations about today. She know how much I want to continue writing. I still have so much to say!
It’s been an angelic day. Not that I knew that when I got up this morning. I’m used to my Guide Team being around and stepping forward when I need to know something. But I’ve also learned to look for their signs when they come in unexpected ways. Paying attention always makes a great deal of sense in the long run.
So I’m pushing against my posting deadline and typing as fast as I can because the angelic vibe has pushed my attention into other things. Which is mostly what happens in my day anyway. I expect to be doing what is needed just when it is necessary because my Team know someone needs something. From readings, emails and catch up chats with friends. To letters, research and social media posts. However, today the Angels and Archangels have been at the front. They always remind me to practice unconditional love, forgiveness, gratitude and service. To not take things personally as I could be a karma agent. And remind me that love and laughter are the best antidote to hate, fear and oppression.
I hope I spread some laughter today. And I hope I lightened someone’s day. I know that everyone who I met today did that for me. They were being sent on that angelic vibe, speaking messages to me that they couldn’t have known. Helping me to put on a coat of angelic protection. Sharing the wisdom of the Angels. And reminding me how fortunate I am to share my day in this way. Never mind the newsletter that was waiting. Or the planning for May and June events. Instead I have reflected on my direction. Thought through my plans from a different point of view. And revised the way I am approaching my work. Because I know I’m being prompted to change things for the better. That’s not a bad thing at all.
Angelic energy is very distinct. Look out for the random white feathers. Keep an eye out for number sequences. This is day 848 so double Archangels (number eight) and single Angels (number 4). Be open to the approach of strangers who have a certain glow about them. Or a certain smile that lights up their eyes. Especially if the tell you something. And listen to what your family, friends and colleagues say. They could be speaking with the voice of an Angel. I hope you find that your Angels are watching over you too.
It’s felt like a grumpiness has been around all week. Sometimes the energy felt sluggish. And the people around me seemed irritated. Or I felt irritated. Of course Mercury has now gone retrograde until the middle of April. That always makes communications a little less clear. It also tends to bring things to the surface for me to pay attention to. Being grumpy is one of them!
So why grumpiness? What has been irritating me.? Getting me a bit snappy? I was driving along in my car this afternoon listening to music and laughing with my daughter. In that moment I realised I felt happy. Really happy. It got me thinking about the way I had been feeling out of sorts. And how much I had been connecting with grumpiness in other people too. It’s as if the whole world got out of bed on the wrong side. All week. Yet I had managed to find my way to a moment of happiness. The laughter was infectious. The music was inspirational. I had nothing to do but enjoy that moment.
As I reflect I feel that we get ourselves into grumpiness when what we want seems too big an ask. I know that I used to have a long list of things I thought would make me happy. Yet as I ticked each thing off on my list I never quite seemed to be really happy. There were always more things on my list to work hard for. Because I was taking life far to seriously. Almost like I had forgotten that to be happy was not wrapped up in things. Rather that it is a feeling that can come from any experience or connection. During the early stages of my development as a medium I had to try really hard to remove any grumpy feelings. The low vibration they created kept me from sharing the joy of connecting to the Higher Energy beings.
So to get a blast from the past, so to speak, and be back in grumpiness is a reminder that i need to lighten up. It’s time for more laughter. That’s why I enjoy my Letters From The Light Side videos. My Guides bring me so much laughter I ride a wave of happiness for days. I want to spread that laughter vibration. It really is the best medicine for all of us. So when you have read this blog, why not share some laughter with someone around you? Start a wave of giggles. Or a storm of chortles. Even a hurricane of mirth. Happiness really is the greatest gift I possess.