Is This A Normal Day At the Office?

I’ve been in my Centre today. It’s the place I have my office. Plus my healing room and a large meeting/teaching room. I love spending time there. When people drop in it feels perfect to meet them in this space.

Sitting having my lunch today I thought about my corporate life. A long time ago I worked in a large organisation. My office was one of many with teams of workers grouped all around in big floors in tall buildings. I guess we were in a hive of activity. All producing something, planning the next thing or reviewing that last thing we had done. I can’t say that there were many relaxing spaces in that building. It was designed for function not for productivity. In fact I always found it rather regimented. Even the ‘break out’ areas struggled to look inviting. And as for that name … it says it all. I couldn’t wait to break out.

When I decided that I was going to make the move and work outside of my home I looked around for an office. That would surely keep me focused on what I was there to do. I found a very good place with a desk, phone, wifi etc. But I found I couldn’t focus. The office setting wasn’t working for me. So I got a sofa. Then I got some cushions. I hoped they would make it ‘softer’. What I meant was less business looking. Less corporate. Also less clininical. I wonder that we create spaces, where we spend lots of time, as impersonal, functional areas. Is it supposed to keep us heads down at our work? That must be it. Because they certainly aren’t friendly and relaxed.

Offices the world over look just like what they are. Boxes designed to give us work-stations to keep us churning out widgets of some sort.

Except that my Centre doesn’t look like that at all. Because when I moved into the building I thought about what I would like to have around me as I worked. I also thought about the work I was going to be doing. How could my office layout support my spiritual principles? To me that’s something equally as important as making a profit. I would like people to feel relaxed and welcomed. There should be an easy flow between each part of my business. And my desk, computer and other paperwork etc could be left outside the view of visitors as much as possible. I felt today that I had finally achieved what I wanted.

I have an office behind a closed doorand go there to focus on the ‘backroom’ stuff of my business. In my main room there are couches and chairs grouped around tables to create several natural sitting areas. Space for groups or one person. There is a help yourself tea point – a much pre-loved cabinet and side table. Cushions and throws are arranged to provide extra comfort. There is a subtle invitation being made to take your shoes off and relax. If there is healing required the final room is the place. Easy chairs, a little table, my therapy bed and plants in abundance create an intimate space. If I sound like an estate agent’s catalogue it’s because I love my space.

How does all this support my spiritual principles? When I visit an office I’d like to feel that I was in a personal space. Not a production line. No matter how modern or soothing the decor.

I know that I work better in a place that has good energy. Good energy generated by that comfortable, at home feeling. I also know that people open up and talk more in a relaxed atmosphere. More progress can be made because there is a degree more honesty when someone feels at ease. To me it seems only right that we achieve more honest and compassionate communication. That way I can work in ways that support and empower people. Instead of viewing them as a way to generate income. Sharing with someone on my ‘home turf’ when that space is safe for them means positive energy flows between us.

It also means that any stuck energy can be encouraged to come to the surface too. And be released. I’m delighted when someone leaves my ‘office’ feeling lighter and brighter. The way the space is peovided has made that easier for them to do. And yes, I do think about my profit. Or rather I want to ensure that my bills are paid and I take a living wage. But I also want to provide support that doesn’t have to cost in financial terms. That’s why the kettle is always ready should someone drop by for a chat or to sit in the main room and gather their breath. We all need to step off the world at times. A warm, welcoming space to do that is what I hope to provide.

So it has been another normal day at the office for me. An ‘office’ full of comfort and relaxation. I feel I’ve worked as much or more than I might have done in that corporate style building. And my business is running exactly the way I want it to. From the heart of my spirituality.

Day 585 of my blogging challenge 

Conversations Sharing Compassion And Wisdom

The stand out feature of today has been my conversations. Wonderfully full of compassion and wisdom. I love sharing this way.

One of the gifts of being human is that I can have conversations with other people. All sorts of vibrant discussions, debates and exchanges of ideas. My blogs often feature inspiration for the chats I’ve had with all sorts of people. What is also a feature of these chats is the sharing of compassion and understanding. When we discuss things it gives me and you the chance to explore each other’s point of view. Not to persuade one another to change our views. But to help me and you to find common ground. Ways in which both of us can live comfortably side by side.

I feel that we have to focus more on our conversations. On actively listening to each other as we share our own views about the world. If I come to a conversation with a compassionate intent I can enjoy both the differences and similarities that arise. In a sense I can live and let live. I am also opening myself up to the possibility that our conversation may contain wisdom that will help me live my life better. Because a conversation stretches my mind to open to another perspective. It allows me to consider what I take for granted from a different place. It may even help me to understand myself, my world and other people better.

That’s why I love conversations. Held in an atmosphere of compassion these chats have the power to unite us in our humanity.

In the same way my conversations with Spirits and Energy Beings feature compassion and wisdom. They talk to me about my life, answer my questions and help me to navigate a spiritual path. Never seeking to change my mind but asking me to think about things in a deeper way. And if I am the medium through which a conversation can take place between loved ones then the loving kindness overflows. Ever helpful but very aware of our right to free will the Spirit and Energy people hold to that rule. In the discussions there is never a do this or do that. Just gentle encouragement to decide from the heart.

What matters to them is our choices work out better when we follow our heart intuition. Not the head logic. And my Guides and loved ones in Spirit certainly understand how the heart and head can get muddled up. That’s why they have so many conversations with me. Getting me to listen to my intuition instead of my fears. To acknowledge my feelings and not my anxieties. Having compassionate conversations with me until I have sorted myself out and can choose wisely. In whatever way the speak to me I can benefit from listening.

I feel it’s time to put compassion at the heart of all we say. No matter who we talk to we all want to have a positive way forward in our lives. Is it time to find the wisdom contained in all of your conversations?

Day 584 of my blogging challenge

Mental Wellbeing: Time To Think Energy

For the last 20 years I’ve been passionate about mental health. Why we have difficulties that affect our minds. And what we can do to help ourselves have mental wellbeing.

This is a cause close to my heart. In my younger days I had two bouts of clinical depression dealt with by antidepressants and counselling. The tablets helped the first time but not the second. The counselling got me through both. That’s why I decided to move into being a counsellor. However the reality of care for people with a range of ‘mental health’ issues is more about good people trying to help in a system that frustrates the nature of counselling. The talking therapy isn’t really that. It’s a listening therapy. It takes time and patience as it works through the relationship rather than the verbal offloading.

And it’s not helped by the idea that a mind has stopped being healthy and needs a ‘cure’.

I also found that working within current models of mental issues pulled me into targets, waiting times and cost/benefit debates. With a small private practice reaching only those who had private or insurance means I diversified all over the place hoping to do some good. Now I come at mental health for a very different perspective. My spiritual journey has taught me to see things in terms of energy flows, energy imbalances and emotional energy. It’s time for us to open up to the reasons why so many of us get sad beyond bearing. To recognise that we have lost the meaning of being alive. That frustration and helplessness drive hope away. And to see that anger turned inwards is the seat of depression.

It’s also time to understand that hearing voices isn’t necessarily an illness. Or seeing things either. Mental wellbeing can encompass all of our intuitive senses working alongside our physical senses.

I’d love to get the DSM V, the diagnostic manual that lists all the accepted mental ailments, diseases and syndromes, and rip it to bits. The drug industry and the healthcare industry make billions out of this manual of mental health dis-eases. Where is the compassionate understanding and support that will help people pull through the dark times? Who talks about energy, intuition and spirituality so that people find hope again? When will we stop accepting that mental illness is ok so long as it happens to someone else. And we don’t have to see or deal with it.

Perhaps it’s time to encourage everyone to pay attention to mental wellbeing.

I have alsways believed that labelling something is only useful if that produces a positive outcome where the best help is given . When it impacts in a negative way it’s time to stop applying the label and think again. Labels call to mind the bit in Alice In Wonderland when she is presented with a bottle saying ‘drink me’ and a cake saying ‘eat me’. Both labels had drastic consequences until she put the instructions into the right order. Then they made sense. But she still ended up swimming in her own tears. When someone defines themselves by the label they have been given I always ask if it empowers them. Or do they let that definition define them.

Many people find me because they are questioning their own mental health. Theyare seeing and hearing things they have been told don’t exsist. Yet it’s happened in to them.

They believe they are developing an illness in the mind. They are scared. Mostly because of stereotypical perceptions of mental illness. That’s when I talk about mental wellbeing. I ask them to focus on all of the things that their mind does in it’s usual way. Then we talk about the changes that are new. In that conversation I am able to validate their experiences. More importantly I can explain why they are having those experiences. I’m able to describe what connecting to non-physical beings is like. Sharing my personal experiences I can reassure then that we are both as sane as each other.

Except we are now living in a different reality than what we had before.

I can also help them to understand that their mental status is affected by the energy they find themselves in. Communicating non verbally with others is an intuitive flow. An exchange of aura energy. I can access information about state of mind, feelings, experiences by linking into another person’s aura. It’s there for me to ‘read’. They can also access mine if I let them. Understanding this exchange of energy is the first step in realising how Energy Beings can communicate with us. They exchange energy too. When someone takes the time to listen to the intuitive information from energy flows they often realise that half of what they are feeling and thinking isn’t actually theirs.

This has a great significance for mental wellbeing. What if I’m depressed because I’m carrying someone else’s anger or sadness? As well as my own?

We all do it. Through our connections we take on the energy others pass to us. And we pass ours on to others. I know that’s ok if what is being shared is positive. But what if it’s not? I do a lot of work with people who are weighed down by low vibrational energy they have collected from others. They often feel like they are stuck. Trapped in low moods. Wondering if they are suffering from mental problems. Often I find that the low vibrational energy got stuck years and years ago. So they have been holding onto emotions and judgements that could have been cleared already.

I also know that you can’t let go of stuck energy until you know that it’s there and what it is.

Or know that it’s not your own feelings and thoughts. Setting my sights on mental wellbeing gives me the room to consider my mental state as an inbalance in my energy flow. Have I taken on too much for others? Given away all too much of my positive energy? Do I set up protective boundaries around my aura to limit the energy I take on from the rest of the world? Have I found and plugged into positive energy flows so my energy batteries stay fully charged? All of these questions help me to consider my mental state in a proactive way. Answering them will lead to to the practical steps that are required to rebalance my energy.

It’s time to open up to a new understanding of our world. Putting an understanding of energy exchanges at the heart of our mental wellbeing. And to respect our mental capacity as an evolving model that needs more pieces added to it.

Day 583 of my blogging challenge 

My Wish Is No Stress. Cool, Calm, Collected Instead

I start each day with the wish that I can stay cool, calm and collected. An old fashioned way of saying I’m going to stay away from stress of any kind.

It’s a wonderful intention. But as they say – the road to hell is paved with good intentions! However I am becoming much better at minimising my stress level when I notice that I’m getting a bit twitchy. When I think back to my twenties and thirties I notice how much time I spent stressed out and exhausted. I’m not sure now what I thought all that stress was achieving. Certainly not what I thought it was anyway. There was the shift into being married not single. Trying to get ahead in my career. Discussions about babies and family life. A messy divorce. Singlehood. Another messy relationship. Still trying to forge ahead with a career despite moving from one end of the country to another.

Now I look back I seem to have been trying to pack an awful lot of living into a short space of time. I feel that’s one of the benefits of getting more years under my belt. I can shake my head and laugh at all the stuff that created stress for me. Because none of it matters now. I’d love to be able to share that perspective with some of my younger mentees. But I’m not sure if they would get it. We jump into life wanting all sorts of dreams and stress ourselves up to the eyeballs to get them. Only to find, quite often, that the dream we were chasing isn’t the one that is right for us. It took me many years of self development to get to the point of recognising and rejecting my stressy head.

Of course reacting to stress is a survival technique. It’s just that the ego mind now sees risk in all sorts of things. And learning to tell the difference between survival and a dream dying can be hard.

One of the best things I learned when discovering how to be less stressed was that I was doing it to myself. If I made something matter to me then it got stressy. I remember working really hard doing a lot of overtime to buy a particular car. When I got in to drive it for the first time I hated the way it drove. I moved from stressing about affording it to stressing about wanting to get rid of it. It took me a long time to work out that I could have had a test drive in all sorts of cheaper cars in case there was a more affordable one that was lovely to drive. I think we all do that far too often. Forget to think things through because we are focused on one outcome.

When I started to think things through I found that I could let issues drop. I could step back from the pressure of making decisions that felt like they had to be concrete or perfect and let myself have more options. Flexibility too. Stress decreases when I know that it’s ok to change my mind. Or that I can try something and then swap to another choice if I want. The relief from believing something is the only option is wonderful. It also helped me to notice when the stress wasn’t really mine. Because I had to deal with people who were also stressed. Pressured in one way or another. Their minds running wild with fear and anxiety.

Stress is a bit like a virus. You can be immune. Or you can catch every variety going.

Part of freeing myself from stressful days was to develop an ability to step back. Not to react in the same way when someone was stressy headed with me. Letting their energy flow around and past me. I began aiming for that cool, calm, collected approach in my dealings with others. Letting them say and do what they needed to express their stress but not joining in. Reminding myself that I was only responsible for myself and my actions. I also found that if I spoke what was truthful for me I carried less stres around.

It was hard to find my authentic voice because of all the conditioning about how we should, ought or must speak to one another. Yet when I took off my masks and spoke from the realest me I became more at peace with myself. Even if I wasn’t heard or understood. I recognised that suffering in silence, so to speak, was stressful. Then I began to notice that when I was calm so were others. Calmness spreads like a virus too. I promised myself that I would bring as much of that energy into my day as I could. Meditation really helped me to hone my calmness. Being able to release myself from my thoughts. Letting my feelings go. Living in the moment.

Nowadays I am much more likely to step back from stress. To decline to get wound up. Happy to let anything that is problematic resolve itself. I haven’t lost that stressy head completely. But I’m nearly there!

Day 582 of my blogging challenge 

Yes, Love Is In The Air We Breathe!

I’m an air sign. Often I find myself floating off from life instead of being grounded into what is happening. Sometimes that means I will avoid my feelings until they burst out of me.

That can be volcanic. And scary. Plus taking other people completely by surprise. They wonder where all that fallout has come from. Certainly not from the present moment. Perhaps I should revisit what I’ve said. I used to be volcanic. Now I’m chilled. My air energy has found a connection to water. My feelings have become much more flowing and I find myself grounding them out instead of hanging on to them. How did this happen? Certainly not with the wave of a magic wand. But my journey into my spiritual side has had an enormous impact on the way I deal with my feelings.

I’m also rules by the planet Venus. She is the planet of love. But in my journey through life I have experienced an absence of love for a lot of the time. Something my air nature tended to waft me away from. But I need to clarify what that absence has been. I have always had love around me. And, as I thought, given love to others. Yet the one person I didn’t give much, if any, love to was myself. I preferred to skip over the bit about loving me. Thinking that to do so I had to be perfect. I didn’t understand that I could love my flaws as much as  I could love my abilities. Learning to love me has been a long journey. Because I had to remember that loving is as easy as breathing. No wonder I have asthma. And feel like I’m drowning.

I struggled to let love into me from me. Like gasping for air I only grabbed little bits of love. And only for certain things that would prove I was a ‘good’ person.

Until one day I ran completely out of self love. I was down at the bottom of the murky ocean of life. I wanted a way out. Yet I struggled to understand that love was the air I needed to breath. Instead I felt full of hate. Then someone threw me a lifeline. Or should I say my Gatekeeper Guide stepped in. He wrapped me up in the energy of love. Carefully he nudged me into connections with people who radiated love. People who gave me a reason to continue swimming. I found hope again. Then I began the process of learning to love me fully. My Spirit rejoiced at the opportunity to engage fully with being human.

I learned to be grateful for me. Along with learning to forgive me for being me. And I finally realised that feeling were good things to have. My air nature might float me off but the love of my Guides kept me connected to the Earth. I started to find love for myself reflected in the people around me. They were sharing their love for me and I was finally listening. I felt myself sharing my love for them. We created loops and spirals of love around each other. My life became incredibly positive. Not challenge free. But I knew I could meet every test with courage because I loved myself enough to do so. What’s more I loved others enough to take the help they wanted to give me. Our bonds of love have been woven tightly together.

I’m no longer drowning. I breathe the air of love. Surrounded by loving people, some of whom have shared my day today, I am afloat in a wonderful world. Love yourself. Breathe the love. Share the love.

Day 581 of my blogging challenge 

A Human Transitions Back To Spirit

I traveled out to Bacup today to take a church service. My job is to relay the messages from those who no longer live in a human body. They have made the biggest change of all. Back into Spirit.

It’s a job I’ve done for a long time. I often think I’ve covered everything there is to know about death and the Afterlife. Yet every now and then the Spirit World reminds me of the amazing process that transition can be. In the move from being human to being Spirit again how much love and compassion there is. Because today there were some lovely examples of the continuation of our exsistance and one very wonderful message of hope. I’ve written before about my evidence based mediumship. I want the person getting the message to feel or sense the presence of their Spirit loved one. That is greatly helped by factual information that I can be given that I would be unable to get in any other way.

During the messages this afternoon there was plenty of fact passed on through me. Confirmations that someone other than me was present. But to get that sense of presence  I also want the messages to be relevant to the listener. Loved ones come back to help. To give us a positive boost. To get us laughing and even hopeful again. I know they can’t take away the grief of their leaving. But they certainly want to remind us that they haven’t gone for good. So sometimes it’s also important to explain how they made the transition to the Afterlife. Giving information about their death or what happened afterwards helps to confirm that they have crossed over successfully. It sets minds at rest on this human side of life.

It’s also true that in the Afterlife they keep their human personality. That way when they message us we can recognise them. But they have returned to their true Spirit self as well.

Today I saw both aspects of that transition. There was a message from a very recently passed Spirit who came in his human self to ask that his family be reassured that he is safe with loved ones in Spirit. He told who collected him and helped him cross. He also asked that his loved ones here be supported in their grief. And he provided comfort to others by showing that loved ones survive that great transition. Now matter how challenging it may appear to be to us. From our human perspective. Along side him and helping him was another Spirit known to some of the congregation. The second Spirit explained that the energy around the first one required a booster. The second Spirit was the boost.

Although both Spirits were complete strangers to one another they shared a common link with people in the church. Much to the delight of those who it mattered to both Spirits had joined forces to bring in their messages of love. Especially the second Spirit. This one came as a pure Spirit being. One who had been human but was now through the completed transition process and fully back connected to the Afterlife. One who could let the human personality go and move on to do the work required in the Afterlife. My Guides tell me there is always a great sense of achievement when a Spirit completely lets go of their need to be human any longer. Because it is a new beginning. A fresh start. I know my Mum made that transition in order to be one of my Guides. That doesn’t mean I’ve lost her human side. She can pick it back up again if she has to.

However, I also get the benefit of the unconditional love she radiates as a Spirit. That helps me so much. Human aspect or Spirit aspect, our loved ones have made a tremendous change. One we have to make. But one that, when it comes, will be a joyful new beginning for our Spirit.

Day 580 of my blogging challenge 

Healer, Teacher, Beggar, Queen: A Life

I’ve been out and about today. It was time to be a teacher again and present a Past Lives workshop with a fab group in Darwen, Lancashire. It was a great day.

Since past lives have fascinated me for forty years I love the opportunity to share what I know with people. As I uncovered my own past lives I started to see the patterns of karmic energy that I had woven into this life too. In fact being a teacher is a key ability that I’ve carried with me through many lives. Not always successfully of course. But working life after life to get better at sharing my knowledge and experiences in the best way for others.  That goes for all the other things I teach. My workshops come from my heart connection to those past lives where I experienced first hand what I teach about now.

I find it interesting to be experienced in something I haven’t actually done in this life. But with access to my past life records it seems I have all sorts of information I can share. This happenes with more than just my teacher lives. I have a number of healing lives that help me work as a healer today. Whether with energy medicine or talking therapies. Even life mentoring includes an element of past life healing work. Then there are the beggar lives and queen lives that still dog me in this one. I float between lack and excess as I work to balance the karma from both those kind of lives. In between is an abundant life that I’m striving to live now so that I end the wobbly balancing act. As I tackle lack and excess on one theme another one is waiting to pick me up again.

That’s what I love about being the teacher. Explaining to myself why I’ve got into these karmic cycles and figuring the way out of them.

Though I did point out to the group today that working out the karmic bigger picture was really difficult as I am in it and living it. So in the end I am still only trying to do my best. Seeing if it all worked out ok will come when I go back to the Spirit World and take a look at my life plan. I will be able to see if my free will choices kept me on track for where I wanted to go. Or not. Then I suspect I will sit down with everyone and work out the fine details of my next life. Life and karma agree. What goes around comes around. Getting the chance to teach in this life has helped me share that vital point with many people. And to help them make better choices too.

Of course I don’t escape doing past life work either when I’m teaching. I couldn’t sleep last night. I was restless. All sorts of stray, random thoughts kept coming to mind. This morning my body ached. But I recognised those aches. They belong to another life. A life that has been holding me back for a little while now. Leading the group through a meditation to release karmic consequences let me focus on releasing my stuck past life energy too. The teacher gets a reward for teaching. As I drove home I thought about all of the releasing that had happened. Brining the stories to the surface, acknowledging the patterns in this life and understanding why those lives continue to affect us. That give me and others a positive choice for our future experiences. They can be handled in a different way.

I’m grateful to be a teacher. I love my subject – life, the Universe and everything. I can’t wait for the next chance to share my experience and wisdom with others. Here’s to many more workshops!

Day 579 of my blogging challenge 

Old Feelings Rising To The Surface

Yesterday I wrote about wobbles. The natural result of feelings coming to the surface. As I got into bed last night I realised that I had been feeling scared. Only I had no idea why.

That set me off on a little journey today. Trying to work out what, if anything, I had in my life that I was scared of. Although I thought about it for a while I still felt that this feeling was a bit random. It had come to the surface of my thoughts so I wanted to pay it some attention. Yet I felt stuck with identifying what it really was. I know that I can release my feelings easily once I decide to do so. But this had me a bit stumped. An important step was giving myself the time to think it through. But I knew I also had to go into the feeling itself to see if I could place it better.

I decided to sit quietly in my healing room and meditate for a short while. Taking those few moments I allowed the feeling to surface more fully. I could sense that the fear was around my self-esteem. Somewhere in my life some energy had got stuck. Perhaps I’d been unable to express this fear to anyone. Or the situation, whatever it was, meant that I locked the feeling away behind a closed door in my mind. It may have been that whoever else was involved had more powerful energy than me. As I slowly peeled back the layer of energy it seems that it was something very early in my life. Coming to the surface was something I had no thoughts about. Because it was in the time before I thought.

Children start to develop the ability to think around the age of seven. Before that they feel more than think. Under the surface of their conversations they are processing with their emotions instead of their minds.

Tracking down what inspired a fear becomes much more of a challenge when reaching back into childhood. However the meditation allowed me to be in the feeling. I could surface it enough to recognise that I was scared of being in the spotlight. It made sense. I have mixed feelings about being a public medium. I love making the connections to pass on messages. That feeling of being of service to others. But I also want to have a private life with my own opinions and views. This ambivalence comes straight from that fear. As a child I remember being told lots of things that made me feel I was pushing myself forward. And ‘good’ children don’t do that.

As I surfaced from my meditation I felt much more positive about that fear. Because I knew I could let it go. It doesn’t fit as a part of me any more. That’s the great thing about the energy that is around at the moment. I’m being helped to free myself from restrictions that I might not even know I’m applying to myself. I’m looking forward to the New Moon to help my fear on it’s way in the process of being transformed. That’s the key to the new me. Letting myself find and remove any stuckness. Transforming my life bit by bit. Through transforming me. I love this process. It’s bringing the best of me to the surface. That really is exciting. I wonder how I’ll turn out?

Day 578 of my blogging challenge 

Self-Belief: Wobble, Balance, Wobble

I’ve had a day off today. Almost. I had a live broadcast to do. Strange when I think how much that made me wobble. So much that I almost didn’t get started.

I’ve been doing live videos on Facebook once a week for over three months now. It took ages for me to step forward and start to do them. I had one wobble after another. My Guides kept reassuring me that I would do ok. They kept reminding me that I would reach people who could benefit from what I had to pass on. In the end I sat down one day and did it. Feeling unsteady all the way through. But getting it done anyway. I was remembering that feeling again today as I sat down to broadcast.

No matter how much self-belief I have I know that from time to time I will wobble again. It happened again yesterday when I had to launch a new subscription email for the work connected with the broadcasts. And it will probably happen again next week when I sit down on Monday and Wednesday to record my first podcasts. Although my Guides have been kindly reminding me that it will all go ok I am still stepping out of a comfort zone. Because I’m releasing restrictions. Bringing on the wobble for myself. Pushing myself to try new things.

The wobble I bring on myself seems far more terrifying that any wobble that life can bring me. That’s because my self induced wobbles are me challenging my own self-belief.

I feel confident that if the world throws anything at me somehow I will sort it out, get through it, survive it. These wobbles might make me feel a little out of balance. But they don’t tend to end up with me on the floor wondering if I’ll ever get up again. The ones that come from inside tend to emerge from the dark places. From my deepest fears. Aiming right at my confidence and self-esteem. There is a part of me that still believes in ‘I can’t’, ‘I’m useless’, ‘I don’t deserve’. It’s a part that is shrinking. Something I definitely want to be rid of. I’m making great strides to stay balanced as much as possible.

Self-belief is like walking a tightrope. At any moment I could fall off. Except that I am learning how to be calm, free and relaxed about the wobble. I’m accepting it will happen every time I step further out of my comfort zone. So I’m giving myself permission to have the wobbles. And the permission to be balanced. I’m also treating that tightrope as something which is getting more substantial. Thicker and stronger. Capable of bearing more of my foot. Supporting me as I move across it.

That’s the secret with a wobble. Reminding myself that it’s a natural part of removing my limitations and restrictions. Being certain that my balance will keep me upright. That I can do new things whenever I want. And enjoy it.

Day 577 of my blogging challenge 

Saying Hello: Dawn On The Longest Day

This morning I got up at 4am. It’s Summer Solstice. The longest day. I wanted to watch the sunrise as we move into the energy influence of ArchAngel Etieliel.

Of course I wasn’t the only one up and about in the pre-dawn. All over the country people were posting their Solstice Blessings to my Facebook newsfeed. And when I did my live broadcast there were some people online watching for the sunrise with me. Needless to say it was a cloudy morning. Not a chance of catching a glimpse of the sun as it rose. But that didn’t put me off. I carried on with my broadcast because Etieliel, the leader of the Earth’s Guardian angels, wanted to bring in the light of love for the longest time on this longest of days.

As I stood with him I also felt the presence of Divine Feminine energy. I felt wrapped in a warm, strong love. My eye was taking in all of the beauty around me. Birds were calling making a musical backdrop to the lapping water where I stood. I was reminded that we all have a core strength. A gift of intent that keeps us going when all else fails. I felt a deep appreciation of my willpower. Of the way I somehow survive whatever is thrown at me. Even those things that I have created to challenge myself. I thought about the way in which we bend but never quite break.

For the longest time I thought I was weak. And useless. Because I struggled to achieve what I thought I should.

This morning as I blended with nature once more I felt relieved of that burden. The need to achieve has tripped me up a lot. I feel it trips all of us up far to much. It makes change the longest process going because we struggle to let go of things we can’t achieve. Not recognising that moving on to things we can achieve easily is the better option. When I look at what I thought I ought to do I see that I was driven for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t loving myself enough to work towards the things I do really well. The love pouring into our world this morning helped me to focus on what I do well.

I drove home with a renewed sense of myself. And what I’m good at. Magically, as if a gift to say well done, I caught site of a deer at the side of the road. It was standing in a garden area looking at me. I know we have deer around the hillsides but they don’t come close to people very often. It waited whilst I stopped the car and looked at it properly. Then it moved away back into the tree line. What is often hidden has been revealed. My abilities can benefit the people who require them. So no more hiding in a deep forest. I carried on home laughing to myself about the way messages get put across.

For the longest time I have held myself back from accepting positive feedback. Stuck with trying to achieve positive feedback for stuff that I’ve lost my passion for. Now I’m ready to shine my light in the way that suits me. Because on the longest day I know I am loved.

Day 576 of my blogging challenge