I’ve certainly had an interesting week. And today a conversation about value for money really rounded off my thought processing. I heard myself sharing a lightbulb moment that I had forgotten.

Of course when I get under the influence of heavy energy it can get me spinning around in all directions. Like a pendulum that is struggling to give a clear yes/no answer I can’t seem to get a grip. Underneath all of the reviewing Saturn has had me doing there has been a thread about value. My worth. Or importance. Even the way people think of me. Connected with how I value myself. And what I feel I am worth as a person, with my abilities and what I contribute. Sometimes I’ve been told I’m valuing myself too highly. Other times I have told myself I’m not worth anything. The reality is somewhere between the two.

But there is another aspect to this. I charge for some of my work. I live in a material world and bills have to be paid. However I also choose, on some occasions, not to charge my full rate or to do work for free. The value I place on my work, reflected through my charges, relates to how I feel about my worth. Interestingly not everyone recognises this. They are looking for a bargain. The lowest possible price. The cheapest option. Or as much free as possible. And if you have done it once at a lower rate then the expectation is that you will continue to do so forever more. But what I’ve noticed is that the cheaper the price the less they value what I have given them.

It’s an interesting facet of human nature. A kind of perverse value system. The assumption that higher the price the better the service. But wanting to be the one who gets that excellent service at a rock bottom price.

I have to admit at this point that I love a bargain. I sometimes spend time seeking them out. Often not thinking of the cost that has gone into the item I’m after. Or the loss that someone takes from supplying something under it’s true value. Until I’m faced with someone who expects me to provide something at low cost to them. Who hasn’t considered the value to themseleves of what they want to receive. After all, if I keep telling myself that I can only spend a minimum amount on myself I’m really saying I’m not worth investing my money in. I’m reinforcing a belief that I have no value. As I’m not prepared to pay the going rate for myself. Then I go out and spend a fortune on others.

It’s also something that comes up when I’m asked to do a set piece of work. I’m given the numbers involved so I work out my cost and price on that basis. Then that work is cancelled. Often at short notice. Or I get there and find only half the people have turned up. I am expected to take the loss of trade. It’s something that I know happens a lot to small businesses and self employed people. As if our time or effort has no value either. This is one reason why I do very few events away from my Centre. At least I have other work I can be doing if I get a ‘no show’. Meaning I value my time too.

But I want to come back to this idea of the value I place on myself. We are often encouraged to give much more to others than we give to ourselves. Often in the form of money.

Money is a flow of energy. It can feel positive or it can feel negative. Because it is a flow it can feel like there is very little. Or plenty. More than enough. What it can’t be is stuck. Yet when I look for my bargains am I telling myself to hold on the the energy of money? Having an inner voice reminding me that I dont know when I will get the next wave of abundance? Is my sense of low worth fuelled by a misunderstanding about the nature of money. And am I considering that I am restricting the flow of money by only passing on a minimum amount to the person who is supplying me a service? So that I am not valuing them either?

Today as I talked about this issue of value and worth I recognised that I have to hold my boundaries. I have to give to myself in the same amount as I give to others. That way I have those things that show me I value myself. A haircut, massage or new trousers. Nourishing food, an exercise session with a personal trainer, a book I want to read. That means charging for my services at a rate that will allow someone to value what I give them. And to let them show themeselves that they matter just as much as everyone else.

It’s time for me to take a look at those boundaries again. I want to show myself that I value myself. And that I can also value others appropriately too.

Day 618 of my blogging challenge