The Blame Game

imageOne of the hardest things to realise is when I have fallen into panic, fear and possibly victimhood. Going about my ordinary, everyday life I can mange to cope with most things that happen. Of course I can try hard to plan my days so that I keep a tight control on what is happening. However life has a way of turning upside down every now & again. Staying strong may be much more of a challenge during those times than usual. There is a temptation that I might end up trying to pass the responsibility for my life on to other people. I might start playing the blame game!

We all have circumstances and situations that make us feel weak, dispirited or disempowered. Those ‘buttons’ can easy be pressed any time. Things happen that remind us that we are not Masters of the Universe, that we are very much frail human beings in a chaotic world and that there is only an illusion of control in our lives. It’s during these life events that we are at our most fearful and panicky. Sometimes the ‘button’ to an observer might not seem so big. Perhaps we didn’t get the job we were after. Or someone we put on a pedestal turned out to be not at all like we imagined. I always wanted to meet Jane Austin but perhaps we wouldn’t have ever got on because we were born in very different times. Sometimes those buttons are much bigger, big enough that an observer would certainly feel empathy for us. The person you love deeply not loving you back. A house you love being flooded. A parent dying.

When our foundations, our beliefs about ourselves & our place in life are rocked we wobble too. A natural part of that wobble is to look at why this is happening. It’s much easier to look outward than inward. If the focus is outside ourself we can transfer the emotional energy away from ourself. Then it often turns into blame. What has happened is because of … rather than anything we might have created, caused or even wished for. It’s at this point that it also becomes easier to blame ‘them’. Them can be a person, a group, a company, a government or anyone who doesn’t understand the way we are feeling. Perhaps even the person who is trying to help us the most. From this point on it is easy to place the responsibility for what has happened and how we feel wholly on ‘them’. The game has really started.

Alongside the blame it’s also possible to start feeling like no one else has as hard a life as we do. No one else understands. Everyone is against us. We are sinking further into victimhood as these feelings are followed by thoughts about being insignificant, worthless or invisible. Our whole perspective on life becomes stuck in finding ‘proof’ to back up the way we are feeling and thinking about ourself. The blame game takes on a life of its own and we are stuck in an endless recycling of negative emotions. We start searching for a rescuer. And when that person can’t rescue us we have yet another person to blame.

One of the Spiritualist Movement’s principles is Personal Responsibility. I’ve often channelled philosophy from my Guides in relation to this principle because it’s one that is easy to say but hard to live. I have come to understand that being spiritual is not about what you say but about what you do. So if I wish to develop my spirituality in this life I also have to live accepting that I am responsible for myself. The energy of my feelings, thoughts and actions creates the world around me. If I am angry and full of blame I will find situations arising where I stay angry and blame more. If I am positive and strong through what life puts in my way then when anything happens I will be able to deal with it and make a positive outcome. That’s not to say that weak moments, fears or panic won’t happen. But when I feel and think that way I will be able to look inside myself to understand why I am reacting that way.

Stepping out of the blame game also means that I stop telling myself that I’ve got things wrong. Making judgements actually ends up clouding any issue anyway. I am my harshest critic. I am harder on myself than anyone else. I fail to notice or admire the inventive and original ways I resolve the life issues that have create wobbles. Accepting personal responsibility for my internal world gives me permission to find the wonderful parts of me that get lost when blame starts. The words on the picture at the top of this post came to me from Spirit whenI was trying to understand how I had been caught up in a blame game. My Guides wanted to help but not to rescue. They wanted to make it clear that I had to rescue myself. By looking into me I could get myself unstuck and move forward onc more.

The words were a bit like a bucket of cold water being poured over me. They brought me to my senses. I started to question why I was putting myself into blame game situations, what need that served in me and what I had to change in me to stop the destructive energy of blame. I found that I could be strong enough to own my thoughts, feelings and actions. Strong enough to to change me rather than others. There is a freedom that comes from finding yourself. If you know who you are in your heart you can never be a victim, invisible or insignificant. You stand in your power knowing you have choices. That is true spirituality in action. Do you go inwards? Are you standing in your power? Is it time for you to accept the responsibility for you?

Day 83 of my blogging challenge. 

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