Yesterday’s theme continues. I’m running late with a couple of things. And struggling with a press release I have to write. It’s certainly not like me to be stuck for words!
I’m getting used to flying through a piece of writing. Letting my words flow out and then organising afterwords. After all, at the moment I’m writing at least two pieces a day. Plus the social media posts, answering questions by email and message and bits towards my new book. Who would have thought a press release could cause so much anxiety, frustration and doubt? It’s not as if I haven’t written any for myself before. In the last eleven years I’ve done plenty. But like my Amazon Authors Page and my lulu Author Spotlight page doing a piece to send off for publicity has me running for cover. So, of course, I’ve left it almost to the last minute.
I’ve had many debates with myself about writing a press release. Is it my Ego Mind playing with me and generating false modesty? Am I still ruled by that childhood instruction not to be big headed? Is there a little corner of me still saying I’m not worthy of being talked about in a positive way? Have I discovered a part of me that thinks saying what I’m good at is boasting? I suspect it’s a combination of all of these added in with that bit of me that has always been shy. Most people who know me now wouldn’t think I was shy. I learned quickly to ‘fake it ’till I make it’ so that I can be outgoing. But when my Guides asked me to stand up in public and give messages I refused for quite a while.
Until I was able to encourage the shy me to step back so the talkative me could take over. Then I could press on with working for the Spirit World. She has stayed in the background pretty much.
Yet I feel she’s raising all sorts of objections again right now. I have to take another step out of my comfort zone and she’s worried. Worried that the wider world might not like what I offer. I keep telling her that I’m past caring about what people think. But she still does. She cares that people will judge her and find fault. That people will press criticism on her so much that she will be in bits. I know that there is a person like this in most of us. It’s the bit that didn’t get quite enough loving, positive approval for being who I am. The girl who could paint but was told not to bother. The woman who wanted to write but only wrote factual, dull reports.
No wonder a press release, talking about what I’m doing with my writing, is a challenge. I’m going to have to dig very deep to get past this. But I will. Because I love that shy, reserved girl who practised her singing and wanted to be in a band. Yet was too afraid to chase that dream. I love that she puts in an appearance when I’m about to take a leap forward. And I love her persistence. Even though she lost some of her dreams she’s determined not to be forgotten. I know she has courage. She regularly comes up against the domineering me who wants to take on the world and win because she’s always right. Shy me always calms domineering me down. Shy me keeps me grounded.
I guess the press release will get written. In the end I have to learn to talk about myself and my abilities. It’s a delicate balancing act but worth it in the end. Because what matters is the book. It’s arrived through Spirit intervention. They have helped me press on. And what ever is said next, I know I have acknowledged my love of words.
Day 710 of my blogging challenge