I write a lot about the power of love. Today I encountered the power of grief. When it’s time to let a loved one go onward to the Spirit World it can be an overwhelming wrench.

I had a reminder today about that feeling as I recalled both my Mum and my Dad. Although years have passed since they died I still feel their loss. However there is a distance between then and now that makes the shock and disbelief a distant memory. I realised I have become accustomed to the feeling of grief. Or, at least, to some of the feelings associated with the grieving process. I’m not sure how long it took for the shock to wear off. Many mornings I woke up to a sharp realisation that my world had changed. Plenty of times in my day I suddenly remembered that one or other was gone for good. Eventually it seemed to stop. To be replaced with a sense of disbelief.

There were days when I so wanted to phone my Mum. Or drive over to see my Dad. How could they be gone? Surely they should still be there for me? Time and again I would be faced with a problem that I wanted to ask them about. But I couldn’t. That got me angry in so many ways. Angry and sad. I’m still not sure how many tears were sad and how many angry. As I moved through my grief it seemed like it was never ending. Actually I didn’t realise I was moving through it at all. I had a long period when I felt stuck. That’s when I was at my most unreal. When I rejected all help because I was soldiering on. Putting on my happy face.

That’s aspect of the power of grief. That we keep going, carry on regardless or refuse to admit our deeper feelings.

There is a danger in getting stuck in grief. The power of emotions that can colour life black. I know that I was gloomy on many days. Perhaps not bitter or despairing. But times when I felt an absence of love or support out of all proportion to the events of my day. I refused to trace it back to my grief and loss. It was as if I couldn’t bear to look at my reactions too closely. Or let anyone in to help me. Over time I came to realise that I had to give myself permission to grieve. And to reach out to get the help I needed to come to terms with my losses. I loved my parents for who they were – not the idealised pictures I had in my head because that’s what we are supposed to do.

What a silly saying – don’t speak ill of the dead. That restricted me in the way I could process my grief. It blocked me from saying how angry I felt that they had left me. Even though I knew they had no choice. So it was a big step forward for me to express that anger. And to cry some more about loosing them. To be surrounded by others who helped me over that hurdle. Actually I knew they could. They had also been affected by the power of grief. They understood where I was at. Ever so slowly I came to a place of peace. I knew that my grief was also an expression of my love for my parents. That the deeper the love the stronger the grief. No wonder it hurt so much.

Now when I meet people who want to know how their loved ones are in the Spirit World, or yearn to have them back here with them, I remind myself that I have walked that path too.

My work with my Guides has put me in contact with other people’s loved ones. I have the privilege of passing on their messages of love and support. They help me to explain how it is to be in the Afterlife. That can’t take away the pain or loss. But perhaps it can help the people left here to move through their grief inch by inch. Connecting with their loved ones in a different way perhaps those left behind will also give themselves permission to grieve. To learn that the power of grief is also the power of love ❤️

Day 363 of my blogging challenge.