What If I Don’t Know What To Say?

The web editor page always says Enter Title Here. What if I don’t know what to say? What if my day is full of random chaos that currently makes no sense at all? How can I give something a name when I don’t know what it is?

In this case it’s my blog. Often the title is the first thing I get. Then the words spin out and flow onto the screen without much effort on my part. Another someone has taken over and my hands move on the keyboard of their own accord. I get to the end and am surprised when I read my writing back. What I end up saying is often very different than what I expected to say. And out of many different ideas one or two have woven themselves into something that makes me think. Think hard. Wonder if the questions I’ve asked myself were waiting to sneak up on me anyway.

Yet there are times when I see that request for a title and really wonder if I have anything useful to say. When my day has been so muddled that too many things press forward to be said. How can I restrict myself to one observation? I can’t get a focus on the day’s events anyway. Where do I start refining it all down into what I feel I want to say? It’s the same with many things in life. I can generally decide what I want to say and do. But every now and again something causes me to wobble. There is too much calling for my attention. It gets harder for me to sift through everything and say what I might need to. Becuase I’m unsure about what matters. And what doesn’t.

I like to call these times my creative crisis points. To remind myself that there is a lot going on. And that I can’t necessarily put names to all of it.

And in these times having my say can be difficult. Perhaps even impossible. How can I tell it like it is for me when I don’t know how it is for me? I know that lots of us bump into these creative crisis points on a regular basis. Becuase I often find myself speaking to people who are hard pushed to describe what they are feeling at that moment. Who can’t put a title to what is wrong. Or what is right. The words just don’t appear. Or won’t appear. Yet life has to plod on. After all I have told myself that I must be productive in some way. I’ve even set myself a blogging challenge.

That’s what tends to trip me up every time. Feeling obliged to do what I say I will. Endlessly. Forever. So find a title. Write 300 words. Share it to the world. More pressure on a chaotic day. A day when my creativity has disappeared. Run away. Is sending me a postcard from Outer Space. You can see I can talk myself into a crisis by what I say to myself. Yet I step back for a moment and acknowledge that I feel pressured. Or out of focus. Even that I’m in a creative crisis and have way too much to say to pick only one topic. The wonderful thing is I now know what I feel. I know what I want to say. It’s possible to relax and allow myself the chaos inside. With that the creative crisis has passed. And here it is. My blog!

Day 483 of my blogging challenge.

Resting the Mind Day

Some days are perfect for resting the mind. Taking some time away from all the usual chatter that fills my head. Chatter that gets more involved when I have Spirit communicating with me too.

I do love connecting with Energy Beings. And with the people who need to get messages from their loved ones. But every now and again that bit of me needs resting. I have to shut down for a while so that I can reopen refreshed and sharp once more. In the same way I also need to close down my mind every now and again to all the thoughts that can fill my mind endlessly if I let them. Yes, 2017 has started and I’m raring to go. Ideas have been dropping in for several weeks and I want to get on with all sorts of things immediately. But …

Yesterday I wrote about balance. Sometimes the mind needs resting too. Letting my thoughts slow down completely. Perhaps even stop altogether. Giving me silence from plans, ideas, worries and choices. It’s been a good day to disappear into another world. I’ve been reading one of my favourite authors, Terry Pratchett, and letting the world take care of itself. Because that’s also a way of resting my mind. Letting all thoughts about the outer world float away. I always find reading is a being in the moment activity. Whilst I’ve wandered into another world in my mind, this world fades out of view.

Very often my mind can run around chasing it’s own tail with all the things I have to do or think about. Quite a bit of the time what I’m thinking about turns out to be wasted energy.

It seems that as soon as we learn to think we get stuck with the idea that it’s always the best way to deal with the world. When I am resting my mind I notice that things go on much the same as always. Tasks get done eventually. Time moves forward anyway. The world still turns. In fact I find resting my mind is much more about being in the moment. That place of mindfulness where everything happens just as it would have done anyway. How great to move through my day without all that excess thinking.

Interestingly, I sometimes notice a little niggle of guilt underlying a rest day. It’s as if my mind wants to prompt me to get thinking, thinking, thinking again. Almost as if I’m betraying my thoughts by not thinking. Trusting my thoughts instead of my feelings has been a hard habit to break. Yet I know my intuitive ability can steer my life much better than my thoughts. Letting myself have a resting day helps me to tune in much better to what I am feeling. Even when it’s time to start allowing the thoughts in once more.

My final thought about my day is how curious we are. We have the ability to process the world through our intuition but have been taught to ignore that information in favour of assumptions. That’s what thoughts are. Constructs built around what we assume about our experiences. Constructs that are often misleading because they are open to interpretation. Oops. Deep thoughts for a resting day!

Day 414 of my blogging challenge. 

Feelings: Mine, Yours, Theirs?

One of the questions I’m often asked is about how I know what Energy Beings are communicating. For me it all started with noticing my feelings. And then realising that some of them didn’t belong to me.

In fact it’s one of the things that I explain very early on when I’m teaching. Perhaps because I had to develop as a medium from my clairsentient ability. All that time I spent working out if it was my pain in my back or the back pain the Spirit person was trying to tell me they had did eventually pay off. I became very aware of my own feelings when I was working. That helped me to be aware of my feelings when I wasn’t working too. It made me aware that I often soaked up other people’s emotions. So much so that I got muddled most of the time.

Realising how much my psychic senses were switched on all the time I began to understand that I needed to sort all the emotions out. Sometimes a person with a strong ability to tune in to other people’s feeling is called an Empath. Highly empathetic people can have real difficulty switching off the emotional energy from everyone around them. In the same way, I can also switch into how Energy Beings feel.  As I learned more and opened more to the messages I was getting I knew I had to protect my own energy.

Since we have feelings all the time I knew I had to be able to close off from other people’s feelings.

Sifting through what I was feeling every day made me much more aware of what was my stuff and what wasn’t. So I started to ignore the feelings that seemed to belong to others. I also made an effort to be in a bubble of positive energy. If I knew I was positive any negative feelings that popped in were suspect. Of course there are always going to be times when I’m negative about things. But being aware of and thinking about my emotions really helps to own only mine. I also learned to work with the intention to mirror back any feelings that weren’t mine.

Imagining myself surrounded by mirrors I could reflect back those stray, random emotions. It meant my inner world became a lot clearer and much more manageable. Strong emotions are still a part of me but those are all mine. And I’m happy to deal with what I feel. Especially as I work to release the emotions in a way that doesn’t send them out into the world. I know that if I radiate energy outward it will come back to me. So I want to have the positives coming back. And not anything else.

This carries into my work with Energy Beings too.

At the beginning I could easily be swamped by the emotions they were sending me. It was all information to help me describe them. But it could be too overwhelming at times. Especially if they were experiencing an emotion I was feeling too. So that I could connect for them I had to ask for an agreement that they came in very gently. That they let me acknowledge the emotional energy gradually and that it cleared as soon as I had given it as information. Over time it has become possible to pick up the emotional information from very small blasts of energy.

So now I only get extra feelings when I’m tuning in for work. The rest of the time I’m protected from confusion, over-reactions and mistaking mine for theirs. I still feel. And react. But now I own that it’s all my own stuff.

Day 390 of my blogging challenge. 

Shaking the Tree Again

imageSometimes I wonder what I’ve let myself in for. Especially when it seems I can’t do right for doing wrong. Throughout my life I’ve been told so many times that I’ve said the wrong thing, caused someone hurt or been unable to empathise with other people. I’ve come to realise that what I’m very good at is shaking the tree.

I used to stop myself being myself because I was worried if people would like me or love me. For many years I ended up doing what other people told me I should do. I took responsibility for everyone’s feelings and never let mine out. If anything went wrong I took the blame. I allowed people to say it was all my fault. I even believe that it was for a very long time. My nurturing streak seemed to automatically put me in the Mother role for all and sundry. Yet I always ended up being put in the Bad Mother category when it came to shaking the tree. You see, we all think our mothers are bad when it’s time for us to fly the nest.

I know that when I was a teenager I kicked against my Mother’s rules. It’s true I pushed at the boundaries she set. At the same time I really felt frightened about who I was and what would happen to me in the big, wide world. It’s often called teenage angst. That mix of confusing, emotional rebellion linked to trying to stay safe in old habits. But I also thought I was an adult already. I felt like the rules shouldn’t apply to me any more. Some of our battles were loud and turbulent. Through it all she held her line. She kept pushing me firmly but lovingly out of the cosy nest she had built for me.

Shaking the tree is all about letting the fledgling bird learn that it can fly by itself. When I finally understood that I started to be the person who is really me.

As a mother I have had to push my own daughter out of the nest. I’ve done it as firmly and positively as I can. She may not agree with me about that but it’s ok. At some other part of her life she may decide that I did ok. I know my mother did. She was more than ok. She was the perfect mother for me since she encouraged my independence and loved me, no matter what I did. So when someone tells me that I’ve upset them, or hurt them or I’m at fault I think about my mum. What would she say about the situation?

My mum was a great believer in taking responsibility for yourself. She worked on the principle that everything you did was a reflection of your inner world. I remember her pointing out that talking peace but going ahead and waging war was a hypocritical situation. When I was training to be a therapeutic counsellor her wise counsel came back to me time after time. It’s not unusual for the person supporting some one through emotional issues to end up being the one identified with blame or responsibility for the ills of the person being helped. It’s a pitfall that I used supervision to work through. Because it’s easy to identify in the challenges from a client some of your own personal issues. And that’s the heart of the issue.

When I end up shaking the tree who’s feelings matter? And what can be done about them?

If I’m not careful I can take on the responsibility for the feelings of others. Yet the reality is that they feel what they choose to feel. They identify in me something that they need to recognise in themselves. So they may not like the mirror being held up to them. But it is only a mirror. I am not the person who they think they see reflected. Turning the feelings around and saying they must be mine, or that I’m somehow projecting my stuff so the feelings they are expereincing are not really theirs, provides a way to deny those feelings. I can’t cause feelings in another person. Even my energy can’t cause feelings. Unless the person concerned wants to take what I say, or the energy I hold in my aura, and turn it into uncomfortable feelings for themselves.

That’s an important point. My feeling are mine. I take full responsibility for what I feel and think. Your feelings are yours. You must take full responsibility for what you feel and think. It’s a key part of my approach to spirituality. I know it’s a tough line. I expect people to behave towards me as they expect me to behave towards them. Or, to put it another way, to put their money where their mouth is. When I feel something I’m honest about it. But I may choose not to express what I’m feeling. I may choose to reflect on why I’m feeling that way. On what other stuff is tagged into that feeling. And why something I have experienced has made me feel that way. It’s even more important to understand this when I consider the energy I give out.

What we feel is reflected in our aura. The energy we dump out into the world is a much truer reflection of what we feel than what we might say. That’s because we aren’t very good at being authentic. At taking responsibility for ourselves.

When someone tells me I have made them feel a low vibrational feeling I pause. I check out what they are saying. Is my energy ‘off’ in some way? Has something from another part of my life stayed with me so that my energy is cloudy? Why are they seeking to pass the responsibility for their feelings over to me? Has something I have pointed out, probably as a general comment, hit home. Is their tree shaking? And do I have any responsibility to do anything about it? In the end, nothing I can say or do will alter the way someone wants to feel. I can radiate loving, healing energy out to them. But if they want to feel a particular way that is their choice. If it is easier for them to see me as Bad Mum right now that’s ok.

In the end it’s not my energy that is affected. It’s theirs. One day I believe we will all take off our masks. If we can do that I am sure that we will love our authentic selves much more than we love the masks. We will stop making excuses for accepting the hand outs that sustain our dramas. Instead we will be ready to seek out the hand ups that are all around us. Then I won’t be shaking the tree. Each one of us will recognise that flying the nest is a wonderful part of our growth and development. We will be brave, strong and persistent as our emotions are accepted as a matter of individual choice. Finally, I believe, we will have found our adult wisdom.

Day 298 of my blogging challenge.