Adding Bits & Bobs: It All Makes Sense

Trees adding upI’ve been adding things up today. All sorts of bits and bobs. Snippets of work. Ideas and inspirations. Trying to get a sense of the big picture.

Sometimes I know I can’t see the wood for the trees. I see each task or choice and lose sight of the overall plan. It’s the same with my spiritual world as it is in my material world. So I sat down at my desk today with a list of tasks I wanted to complete. Steps in my book project, information to share about the Centre, bills to check and pay. Plus the healing and tarot appointments that were booked in. By 2pm I was fighting a lost battle. I was finding it hard adding up all the remaining things I still had to do and fitting them into the time I had left. Perhaps it was as well that I had an exercise session booked in. Because part of my commitment to my wellbeing is to make sure I do enough physical exercise.

Whilst I was doing the exercises I had to change my focus. To concentrate only on the movements. That meant that I could shift away from all that adding up and step back. Because taking that step away let my subconscious mind work on the themes I am experiencing right now. The wood, so to speak. In the end I finished my session bursting with fresh insight. Understanding that what was adding up in front of me was a whole heap of fears. Fears that have been trying to distract me from moving forward. Therefore I had no chance of seeing the wood. I could only stare at the tree in front of me and wonder, helplessly, what I could do to shift past it.

As I listed the fears that had been working all morning I understood how powerful they can still be. Adding to them was pointless. So was ignoring them. Or denying that I felt any fear at all.

Of course I knew what to do. I’d done it many times before. I needed to speak them out loud. And ask myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. Taking each task, choice or idea, one by one, I worked through what if. That most powerful of thought experiments. Because it also allowed me to visualise success as well as failure. To see that some of my imaginings were much worse that the worst that could actually happen. And to allow myself the feeling of trust. Each fear was me saying I didn’t trust me. Adding to the confusion between heart and head. Nibbling away at my confidence in myself. Adding to a general feeling of being lost or stuck.

Speaking my fear gave me a chance to hear it outside my head. As a result I could challenge what I was thinking. I could remind myself of all the things that had already happened in my life that were much worse that these fears. In regaining my perspective the trees blended into a whole forest. I could see the way through and the many paths I could use. It’s sometimes surprising how things begin adding up once I face my fears. How the Universe answers in kind. If I am fearful it will send some more fear as it assumes that’s what I want. Because that is what my energy is living. Yet if I am hopeful the Universe will send things that bring hope. Once again, because I am living hopefully.

Tonight I’m back looking at the big picture. It’s made up of all sorts of bits and bobs that are adding up to a wonderful new beginning for me. I’m looking forward to my journey because I know, if ever I get lost in fear again, I will be able to find my way through anything.

Day 665 of my blogging challenge

Grandfather Samesh Drops In

I bounced awake at 3.16 am today with the image of Grandfather Samesh in my mind.  Pulled from a deep sleep I wondered what was happening. And why he was there.

I am fortunate to work with the Earth’s ArchAngels. They are the Guardian Angels for this solar system with particular responsibility for all of humanity. One of these is Grandfather Samesh. He has much ancient wisdom concerning the formation of our Mother Earth, the evolution of living things and the abundance of life here. Samesh always shows me the Earth as a wonderful garden. A garden full of plants, flowers, trees and wildlife. All of it here for me to enjoy and live off. But he is also that rather grumpy Grandfather who sighs every time I forget to do the right thing. And those words were echoing in my head when I woke.

At the moment, with all of the fear, chaos and unsettling energy of change, it’s easy to make decisions that end up being a step onto a path that will make me unhappy. Or miserable. Trying to avoid the necessary things that have to happen or running and hiding from myself can get me on the road to nowhere. That’s the time I need Samesh the most. As that rather tough loving Grandfather who will help me see the wisdom of doing not what is easiest but what will be for the greater good. I soon drifted back to sleep clear in my mind that today was a key day to do the right thing.

What Samesh was helping me see was the need to clear myself of the fear of change. In fact to clear myself of all sorts of fears. Even the ones I’d never admited to myself.

Because I have some fears that are unspoken. I believe we all do. But whilst they remain inside of me, unsaid, I can pretend I don’t have those fears. Yet they can still be influencing my choices. So I took an opportunity that presented itself this afternoon. In the company of a good friend I sat and named my fears. Some were still powerful. But many were only the remains of fear. That in itself was enlightening. Understanding that some of my fears were gently dwindling down to nothing helped me see how much progress I’ve made. I realised that the ones that still had power were due to go. I couldn’t continue giving them headroom in case the changes Ii am making become based on fear reactions.

Of course Grandfather Samesh has things all lined up. Tonight, on the evening of the Full Moon, my friend had organised a Yoga Nidra. And I was free to go. The perfect way to release old fear energy and do a bit more to reduce the more active fears. I took my opportunity with gratitude to both my friend and Samesh for their loving kindness. They both played a part in the shift I experienced during the Nidra. The outcome of my day has been the support of good friends, an ArchAngel included, and my feeling of lightness. My Spirit is refreshed. My mind is focused. I am ready to embrace the chaos of change once more. And determined to do the right thing.

Day 505 of my blogging challenge