Tag Archives: Changes

Kick Off 2018: Start As You Mean To Go On

Posted on by
Reply

KickWelcome to 2018. The first day of a whole new year. The point when I can kick past the restrictions of 2017 and move into new energy. And instead of resolutions I’m focused on making the most of every day.

I used to make resolutions. Promises to help me kick start changes I wanted to make. Things I thought I ought to do better, or should stop doing altogether. But they often faded out far too quickly. Because I hadn’t thought them through. I wasn’t setting these promises for the best reasons. It turned out most of what I was promising came from other people’s expectations of me. In other words, I was trying to deliver on what other people wanted of me. Not what I wanted of myself. And that’s why I found I couldn’t stick at it. Which, strangely enough, had me kicking myself for most of the rest of the year. Believing I was a failure by not sticking with what I promised.

However, I now realise that setting resolutions ended up being a negative cycle for me. Instead I kick off my new year with actions. The things that I want to do to make the most of my life. Perhaps the most important actions I take relate to being kind to myself. So today I have continued to read a novel I’m enjoying. When I’m back at work there might not be as much time for reading. I took my vitamins and pencilled in a visit to the swimming pool because I want to look after my body. Then I also made a shopping list for my meals this week to make sure I give myself good fuel. I also spent some time working on the details for the launch of my ebook. I’m really excited to write this year and kick off in a very different direction for me.

So I’m starting as I mean to go on. I’ve had two weeks rest and enjoyed every moment of it. Soon I will be back to the busyness of life. But with a very firm kick to keep being kind to myself. I want 2018 to be a year of balance in all areas of my life. Each day a new start. Each evening resting in positive energy. I have a feeling it will be a great year!

Day 767 of my blogging challenge 

Heading To The End Of A Year Of Change

Posted on by
Reply

Heading into autumI was heading to my aunt’s house this morning. The leaves have started to turn their colour as the year fades gently away. As I drove I thought about all the changes that have happened to me this year.

Sometimes I’m so busy changing that I don’t even notice that it’s happening. Other times I’m in the midst of changes feeling really stuck and wanting to push on forward. Yet the strange thing about change is that I can’t see where I’m heading. Because I might think I’m going in one direction only to find I’ve ended up somewhere completely different. I knew at the start of this year that my life had to change. I even thought I knew how it would be changing. Yet at the back end of the year I’m heading off into a very different set of experiences. I hadn’t thought at all about Embrace Intuitive Mentoring in January. My book was going to be published but I hadn’t expected it to be when it was. And what about my Centre? That didn’t turn out as I expected either.

Heading through each month I’ve found myself having to respond to changes that have been thrown at me. Because on top of my desire to reshape my life the Universe has also sent lots of things to make sure the change happens. In fact my Passion Planner is full of plans and projects that have been revisited, overturned, revised or deleted. As if I hadn’t quite got the big picture yet. However, I have noticed that the changes that have happened are really good for me. I am listening to my intuition all the time. When I wobble I am strong enough to deal with my fears. I am choosing things that I love to do. And making the practical stuff happen to keep being able to do those things. In the end I feel I have recognised and valued my abilities much more this year.

So I’m sure I’m heading in a better direction with my life. Because I have chosen to embrace change, not fight it.

I’ve also made a great effort this year not to be hard on myself. When change is unexpected it’s easy for me to start telling myself off. I can bring up all sorts of reasons why I should judge myself harshly as I try to respond to changes. There are a lot of should’ve, would’ve, could’ve moments. These aren’t helpful. They stop me from heading in a positive direction. Instead I’ve given myself a lot more permission to have my wobbly moments. And a lot more encouragement that everything will turn out for the best. Because it usually does. And because I do my best to make it turn out that way. That’s the secret. My resilience in the face of many changes will pull me through.

I think we forget just how much change we can handle. I know I’ve hit that ‘change overload’ point several times this year. When I’ve wanted to say ‘enough is enough’. But I’ve somehow kept going. Stayed with my head above the water. Faced down my fears and carried on taking whatever action I could. Heading to the end of the year I can see that I have stuck with the process of change. Dealing with the loss of the old and the introduction of the new. Shifting my position to find a new balanc in my life. Recognising what I want to keep and what I want to bring in. I haven’t done this perfectly. Sometimes the Universe has had to drop things on my head to get me to notice. And I’m almost there.

I’m almost at the dream I wanted to try for the next few years. It hasn’t shaped up exactly the way I thought it would. But it’s here all the same. I’m heading into a bright future. I’m so glad I’ve changed!

Day 687 of my blogging challenge 

The Cry of The Lone Wolf

Posted on by
Reply

Sometimes I feel like howling at the the moon. The lone wolf in me has had enough. I’m tired of trying my best. I want to head off alone. And leave everything behind.

I feel there comes a point in the process of change that is a real squeeze. I’m too far forward to go back. Yet hanging on by my fingertips to the past. It is what has defined me. So it’s safe. But very restricted. The future me is undefined. Unknown. I feel as if I’m the lone wolf. Running ahead of the pack. Sensing my way forward past the danger, imagined or real, that waits up ahead. But I don’t want to be a lone wolf either. I want my pack around me. Even want them to be making the decisions for me. Because that is easier. I can always say it was their fault if things go wrong.

In truth the lone wolf is just that. I am the one who is responsible for myself. It’s me making the choices. So when I can’t choose I’m ready to howl. Howl at the restrictions on my creativity. Roar at the fear that is pushing and pulling at me. Scream my resentment of the expectations I place on myself. Most of which are the product of other people’s expectations of me. And whimper at my lack of confidence in myself. Because otherwise all I would sound is the whine of my despair. Change is a dispiriting process. At times the excitement of the new is wiped completely by the concrete stuckness of the old. Breaking out of old habits is hard.

So is understanding the basis of those habits. I stand, like a lone wolf, panting and howling, raging against being human in the first place.

Today has been a day of wanting to go home. Back to the dimension I originated from. To leave the struggle of being human far behind me. I’ve wanted to escape what’s in front of me. Mostly because I know I’ve gone a bit off track. I’ve forgotten what my passion is. I’m still trying to do what is expected of me. Instead of racing off to do what I want. So the Universe has been slowing me down. No, the Universe has ground me to a halt. My batteries are flat. I’m frustrated with myself. The easy way to deal with this is say that it’s the world at fault. I also know that’s not true. I understand I’m not honouring my talents. Which means that no one else is either.

The lone wolf in me wants to snap and bite. Yet that wolf is also a leader. One who is prepared to be in advance, scouting out the way for the rest of the pack. Being brave enough to howl when necessary. Or to test the ground as much as is needed. Even if it means being the only one. Being alone. Running ahead all by myself. The cry of my innner wolf means several things today. It’s is the strength I draw on to persevere over rough ground. It is the eyes to see through the darkest night. And the intelligence to find the firm, safe ground on the path ahead. The wolf in me will spring ahead once I’ve finished my anguished ‘Why?’ cry to the Moon. Because there are creative solutions to changes. And I’m good at sniffing them out.

If it’s been a lone wolf day for you too I welcome you to my tribe. If you are going through changes I remind you that you are a creative being too. Join me in a chorus of howls before we move on once more.

Day 492 of my blogging challenge.