It’s been another clearing day. What with Reiki and Meditation then a lovely discussion in the Drop In session. Has it been unhappy? No, not at all.
Although I have been clearing out more of my old paperwork and the stuff at the back of the cupboards. In amongst the lovely memories I found things that reminded me of times when I was unhappy. How strange to hang on to sadness like that, I thought. Did I intend when I put them away to keep reminding myself of unhappiness? If so then I’ve failed. The miscellaneous bits of paper, photos and items seemed very distant now. They happened in another life. In my past. And whatever the past I know I can’t change it from here and now.
But it also got me thinking about feeling unhappy. It’s a normal feeling caused for a variety of reasons. Often when my outward world fails to match my inner world in some way. When did I learn to move on from unhappiness? I know there were distinct periods of my life were the pursuit of happiness seemed just than. An endless round of ‘doing’ that never quite filled the sad or empty place inside me. I can recall years of being stuck in misery. Such deep unhappiness that I had no hope or desire for my life. Somehow I had the strength to pull myself through these times.
What shifted that unhappy feeling? So much that it’s now quite a rare thing for me to experience.
As I threw the unhappy memory stuff into a box I realised that I have learned to accept that unhappiness is the shadow of happiness. Without one I could not experience or understand the other. I’ve discovered that being unhappy passes if I let it. If i acknowledge what I am feeling I can let it go. And I can also try to understand what assumptions were underneath that feeling. Because there is everything I actually require already in my life. Even if I can’t see or touch it. It’s there in the background waiting for me to notice. If I take a good look at my inner world.
I know that this is where my feelings really originate. Not from the outside world or others. But from the choices I make when processing what is happening to me. If I feel content, loved, peaceful and grateful then happiness follows. If I feel upset, deprived, angry, fearful or a victim then unhappiness is what I will get. Not from the causes of the outer world. But from what I choose to inflict on myself. I’ve written many times in my blogs that I have to learn to love myself. My life will only flow positively when I do that. Today as I released those memories I recognised that I don’t require them. I love myself. I am free to choose. So I choose happiness.
Day 550 of my blogging challenge