Suicide: A Doorway To The Spirit World

suicideSuicide is a hard word to type. A hard death to understand or contemplate. Yet I know the desire to be out of a world that seems so closed to me that I can’t speak of my pain to anyone.

A long time ago I fell into a depression. And kept falling. I fell so deep that I became cut off from everyone around me. Even myself. In that isolated, lonely and confusing place I decided that I wanted to stop existing. I worked out my suicide plan. Then I put it into action. And came round the next day. I have been fortunate never to stray into that place again. Having to return to life spurred me on to making sure that I got help. Eventually I found I could reconnect with the everyday world of other people. And I realised that there would have been heavy consequences if I had left my life voluntarily. Mainly because no one around me, the people who loved me, knew that I was suffering.

I learned that they would have done anything they could to catch me as I fell. To take away my pain if they could. Suicide is often the silent killer. Leaving those who are here with so many questions. Because they always wish they could have done something, done more to help. It wasn’t until I started connecting with Spirit people that I heard the other side of death by suicide. Even though I understood it in a way. Sometimes it feels like all the doors to a happy life have closed one by one. Those who looked around for a way out only saw the door marked ‘exit by suicide’. Not all of those lovely people understood the impact of their decision. They felt it would be better for the people they left behind.

Some found that the problems they were caught up in were too big. Others felt they had no value and nothing further to contribute. Still others couldn’t see past the fog and confusion. Taking their own life seemed to be an answer.

Each one of the Spirit people I connected with explained the agony of thoughts and feelings they were caught up in before they chose the ‘exit by suicide’ door. How cut off they felt from their loved ones and the people around them. How much they felt they had let everyone down. I understand those feelings. And the temptation to blot it all out once and for all. Yet each Spirit also told me how grateful they felt to be embraced by the loved ones in Spirit as they crossed over. To return to a place where human issues have all been removed. I know they were wrapped in loving embraces. And helped to understand the nature of their choice.

There is no judgement in the Spirit World. Each person returns to love and healing. The Spirit people I have spoken with who chose suicide have always expressed regret at the fall out from their deaths. They have seen the impact of that passing on their loved ones. I know they try to connect back with their loved ones to give some explanation, some account of why it happened. Because they also want to make it clear that it had nothing to do with their family and friends either. They tell me how they got lost in a thick fog. Not understanding or thinking about the outer world at all. Stuck inside their heads and unable to break out again. In a place where it seemed all love had died.

The path to suicide is a long and twisted one. Because it has no signposts. No ‘get help now’ warnings. In the end, I know personally, it seems like the best of ideas. In a mind that is tortured in some way. My message from these loved ones is not that they didn’t love you, or want to be with you. But that there seemed like no way to stay here. Now they are at peace they can see all of the love you gave them. And they are sorry that they missed understanding that sooner.

Day 933 of my blogging challenge