I had another wide awake night. The blast of positive energy flowing over me kept me alert. My thoughts were like lightbulbs going off. One after another after another. Shedding the misunderstood, puzzled or confused thinking I have been doing. Before I fell into a deep sleep I felt another skin float away from me.
My personality is built up of many, many layers. Each one added as I’ve encountered what life has brought to me. Experience has hardened me in some ways. Changed my patterns or expectations. Now, like a snake, I am busy shedding these layers. Peeling off the skin to find what is deep inside. This process has been going on for a long time. I could date it back to when I was eighteen. Or 1987. Also to 2000 or 2005. All the times when I took a big leap forward. When I stopped accepting that I couldn’t change. And started thinking about what I could become.
These times of growth always involve a shedding. Taking off the old me and putting on the new one. That can feel easier or harder depending on whether I let myself see that I am growing a new skin. But however challenging or smooth I make the process I know one thing. The process will continue to happen. Until I have reached the heart of who I am. So that I can contribute my abilities in the best way for the people who need what I have to offer. That can feel difficult. Because this world contains so many judgements. There are far too many should, musts, oughts and duty. They burden all of us down.
Instead of being let grow into our true nature we are left shedding other people’s expectations of who we should be. For them. It’s like we can’t be allowed to be our real, whole selves.
Yet I know, as a community of spirit beings, we can trust that the best will come for all when each of us is allowed to be ourself. And that’s the tricky sticking point. The lack of trust. I don’t trust me to be me. Experiences have shown me that other people don’t like me. So I carry a fear of rejection. Instead of being proud of who I am I mute my energy signal. I only give a little instead of as much as I can. And instead of accepting that not liking me is the responsibility of the other person. It’s their choice. And, of course, their judgement.
Shedding my latest skin has also been an acknowledgement that there was still a part of me that yearned to be liked. A bit of me that would do anything to please another person. That layer came into being early in my life when I found that people, school and religion judged me. In fact it has been around in a lot of my life situations. Driving the outcomes and giving me limited choices. In this Moon month I knew it had to go. I have lots to do yet with my life. Things I can’t achieve if I hold on to that layer of fear. In the middle of last night I took a step forward with trust. I let that layer release. Now I can do my work without fear that I will be disliked.
Shedding layers may leave me feeling a little raw for a while. With this one I was glad to see it go. So it probably won’t be long before my new skin toughens up. I am taking my future on trust. It will be whatever my Spirit Within has planned for me. Are you limiting yourself because your ‘skin’ is too tight? Time to trust and let the shedding happen!
Day 863 of my blogging challenge