Script In My Head: Changing The Dialogue

scriptI met a good friend for lunch today. We were catching up on all the changes happening to us. As we talked I realised that the script in my head had finally changed.

When I was growing up I worked hard to get other peoples approval. It mattered that I got on with them because otherwise the world could be a lonely place. But I also found it very confusing. Trying to work out who wanted what from me. How to settle on a ‘me’ that fitted all sorts of competing expectations. In the end I feel I managed to get my contact with others down to a set of scripts. Each script put my voice into the character that suited someone else best. So I was daughter, sister, work colleague, junior, senior, stand in mother, sex object, woman in the queue, server. So many different aspects. Yet non of them was the ‘real’ me. Until I became so muddled I didn’t actually know who I was any more.

Until I started to listen to my intuition. And my Guides turned up. By then the script had been edited, rewritten, edited again, thrown away, picked up again and edited some more. The first job my Guides had was to help me find my own script. The one I wrote as a Spirit before I came here. That document contained my blueprint. It was packed full all of all the things I said I wanted to achieve in my life. When I started to read it I found my authentic voice emerging. And I knew I had to change the dialogue I had with myself. It didn’t fit. Too many scripts had created contradictory descriptions of who I was. Even the directions I should head in.

I started by taking a long look at what I was telling myself. And what I wasn’t. The script had to go back to the basics. All the way back.

So did I. I had to learn to praise myself. To substitute kind words for the harsh ones I was using. By looking at myself again and again I could see what I valued about myself but had failed to recognise. Then came a more difficult step. Changing the script in my head was one thing. But I also had to change the way I spoke about myself too. What did I tell people about myself in the words I used? Did I show my love and gratitude for being me? Or was I still minimising myself? Because I wasn’t confident? Or too frightened of being judged?

Working to change the way I presented myself to the world I had to look at my gaps as well as my abilities. Then I had to decide if I wanted to please myself or others. In the end I realised I could only please myself. I could run myself ragged trying to please everyone who crossed my path. That would really be an impossible mission. When I got to that point my Guides encouraged me to speak my own truth. Not because it is the only truth. But because it is my experience of being human. It is as valuable as every other persons experience. This also changed the way I communicated with my Guides and the people around me. My conversations became a much easier give and take.

The basic script had finally allowed me space to be me. And for me to allow others to be themselves too. Our dialogues matter. They translate the world for us. They alter our perceptions of our reality. Do you praise yourself enough? Are you happy with the way you represent yourself to the world? Is it time to speak positively and lovingly about yourself – inwardly and outwardly?

Day 783 of my blogging challenge

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