Restless, Inspired, Creating, Tired

Where did the restless feeling come from? I was tired enough last night to sleep for a week. Yet I couldn’t stop creating in my mind. The incoming energy inspired more and more ideas.

I do get those nights. When the tide of energy flowing around and into the world energises me. It’s as if tiredness is swallowed up by impatience instead. My brain starts throwing out big ideas when my body wants some downtime. Sleep disappears. Instead I have to get up and do something. It was one of those nights last night. In fact I ended up writing a list of all the new possibilities. When I get some refreshing sleep I know I’ll be able to put many of the ideas into practice. Yet there was, underneath it all, a restless feeling.

That ‘itchy feet’ kind of feeling emerged in the middle of the ideas. Is it time to move on to something else I wondered. My mind fidgeted around the edges of the inspirations coming in. Am I feeling like it’s too much of the same old same old I thought. What exactly was I being restless about? My personal life? My working life? Life, the Universe and everything? I also wondered if this was part of why I couldn’t get to sleep. I found myself having a side conversation with myself about my tendency to be impatient. Often I want ‘it’ and I want ‘it’ now.

It, of course, can be anything. It’s all very well reading the leading edge of the energy coming in but it can make you restless for everything to happen all at once.

Now we are clearing the Mercury retrograde energy of course everything will resume going forward. It’s just that I’d like it to go from 0-60 in about 3 seconds, please. And I also know it won’t happen like that. As I sipped a cup of herbal tea I realised that this time the fidgety feeling was about new challenges. It connects to the way I find it hard to let go and move on. If I’m not careful I dress my old ideas up in new clothes and pretend that they are new inspirations. I tell myself I’m seeing them for the first time from this point of view so they must be fresh. I checked the list I’d written down.

Then I crossed off some of the ideas. They were old inspirations trying to pretend they were new. The ego at work wanting to keep me in my comfort zone. Ah! I thought. I’ve been on this spot before. About this time of year too. When I was planning for last year’s new adventures. What I needed to do was sort out the new opportunities from the same old same old. No wonder I was restless. Creating a new future takes positive energy. Theses old ideas would hold me back if I wasn’t careful. Perhaps the tiredness was fighting a battle with the manifesting energy.

That realisation sent me off to bed again. To get some rest by putting away my thoughts for the future.

Using one of my favourite mantras I snuggled down under the covers. Time to let the tiredness in again and release the restless feelings. They had done their job. I was alert to the realisation that I might encourage myself to manifest safety instead of risk. What I create with my intentions might not be the new future. Instead I could possibly make for myself more limitations. As I repeated my mantra I became aware of a very old part of me becoming visible. The part that connects to lack of love.

I know we all experience conditional love whilst we are human. But that old part of me was grieving for the unconditional love I experienced as a Spirit. When we incarnate as a human being we have to leave the pink perfect behind. It’s our experiences here, in the absence of unconditional love, that makes us yearn for that other world. That brings us closer to an understanding of the Divine nature of exsistence. No wonder I am restless. I want to be wrapped in and immersed in that warm energy sea of love. To float in pure, unconditional love along with everyone else. I drifted off to sleep creating a human world where that would be my reality. I hope it manifests here soon ?

Day 420 of my blogging challenge.

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