Way back when I started a challenge. Now I find myself half way to completing that challenge. It’s a strange feeling. A mixture of yippee and who me.
I’m not sure I can put into words what getting half way feels like. I started out on a 30 day challenge but realised I wanted to push myself more. So I set myself a thousand and one day blogging challenge. I knew it would take nearly three years to complete. But I wanted to encourage myself to keep writing. I suppose a part of it was about whether I could write every day. Another part of it was to see if I really enjoyed writing. Then there way the bit of me that likes to dare herself to do the impossible. It certainly seemed like the impossible back at the start. Because I had the most massive writer’s block. Yet here I am. Half way along and looking forward to the finishing line. Even if it’s many months away yet.
I’ve proved to myself that I can write every day. I’ve accepted I’m a writer and I’ve shifted my writer’s block. But I’m still a little bit in disbelief that I’ve done it. I guess most of us have felt that too. Not quite certain that we can do something then rather shocked when we do. What I’ve realised is that I thought I would fail. All through there has been a nagging doubt that I’m too half hearted to complete a big challenge. That particular doubt has prompted potential self sabotage. The times when I was tired and had to insist I wrote. Occasions when I left it so late I was certain I would miss the deadline I’d set and then what would be the point in continuing. Moments when my mind was blank even though I knew I had lots to say.
Half way through I can see how much I’ve grown from taking this challenge. I love writing and have confidence in what I say.
So much so that I have run three mini writing challenges to help other people find their writing voices. I have pushed through the fear, worry and doubt and found a way of writing about myself that is comfortable. I would love other people to find that comfort with expressing themselves too. Because there is something else important about the challenge I set myself. I have proof of my determination, focus and commitment to myself. To honouring one of my abilities. It’s not about being the greatest writer in the world. What I have been able to do is listen to the true me. The voice inside that is often shouted down by the Ego mind. Or other people.
Now I’m determined to have my say. Because it’s me talking to me. If anyone listening to that conversation is prompted to think about what is being said that is an added bonus. I know I wIll finish my challenge. I want to listen to myself a lot more. Not in any half hearted way. But with full attention to what I’m saying to me. I often say to people that the heart is always the best guide. I ask them to check what they feel about their choices. But I know we have forgotten how to access the heart’s voice. For me writing has been the path to listening to my heart. It’s easy to give advice and much harder to take it. My writing challenge is me taking my own advice. And finding that I enjoy what I hear.
When you are half way through it’s tempting to stop. But I won’t be doing that. My writing is changing my life for the better. And I want more of it.
Day 500 of my blogging challenge