I really admire Judge Judy Sheindlin. She is a lady with much wisdom, a ready wit and great intelligence. She has also lived a long life of service to others and learned a lot on the way. One of her quotes, in the TV court where she adjudicates civil cases, is ‘My playpen, my rules’. She is amazing at holding her boundaries and earning respect from even the most grudging of participants. She is also extremely firm and not afraid to enforce her rules. I’m writing about her tonight because the best quality she has, after her honesty, is her determination not to be too nice. She has a very clear focus about her role, her power and the need to balance her decisions fairly. So often the people who bring their cases find that they are being tested by sharp, pertinent questions. All so that the issues can be spelled out and the boundaries set.

Judge Judy often pops into my mind when my Guides want me to watch my boundaries. I’ve written before about the rules of our relationship. We can only work together as a team if we have give and take, respect and acknowledgement of our roles. In my mentoring of other developing mediums one of the things I encourage them to do as they make the connections to their Guides is to set up a working agreement. The agreement can cover all sorts of things to help make sure both sides are working effectively for the best of all concerned. They are also about being fair to each other. I certainly work with my Guides in the clear understanding that it is my playpen (my choices of when and where I work) though I will consider every thing they ask me to do. And seek more info if I’m not sure what I’m being asked to do. It also follows that I ask them to work to my rules so that I can feel like I have given the best service I can in the best way I can.

In the last couple of days Judge Judy has been in my head a couple of times. I was talking to someone about their development. Sometimes progress can seem very slow when we are trying to build a relationship of trust because we have to trust ourself as well as the other. Getting frustrated with slow progress often gets someone looking outside themselves for answers. I am often asked to tell people who their guides are. I generally refuse because it’s a boundary issue. When the Guide is ready to step forward more fully they will. The Guide is also entitled to say My playpen, my rules! Occasionally their Guide will ask me to help create enough energy for the connection between them to be made. Or they might ask me to reassure the person by giving a brief description or information to them. However, I would not get any more closely involved. It’s my understanding from my Guides that they would not want to regularly use me as the connector or have me link in to the relationship. Regularly being involved as the third party in a relationship seems to me to be a quick way to set up a triangular relationship which is likely to be complicated at best and fraught at worst. Where would the boundaries lie? It would be all to easy for misunderstanding to break up any team effort. I love ncourage anyone wanting to connect to take what appears to be the slow route, practice patience and build the relationship in a steady fashion. It will be much more rewarding in the end.

The other reason why Judge Judy popped in was a situation concerning the conditions under which I work. I am an evidence based medium so I ask my Guides to bring me lots of confirmations. That tends to mean a lot of information is packed into each reading. I know from my own experience that it’s hard to remember a whole reading anyway. Someone writing the info down as they get it distracts from listening so a lot of info can still get lost. So I always record my readings. I hope that by doing so people will listen to the messages again and find comfort or new information as they do so. There is also another reason to record the reading that comes under the heading of my playpen, my rules. Since 2008 my work (as with all psychic & mediumship readings) has come under legislation contained in the Consumer Protection Regulations. The regulations are rather vague in meaning and have not yet been fully tested by the Courts. However, I have to be mindful of the legal requirements they contain and operate in a fair and transparent way. I also have to protect the information in compliance with the Data Protection Act. I take these responsibilities seriously and advise people in advance that I will be making a recording.  When someone says they don’t want to be recorded, even if they are sitting in front of me, I will decline to do the reading. That is my choice as a professional person.

Sometimes we are so keen to help that we will work under any conditions demanded by the person who has come to see us. I know that as in my early days I did just that. I answered the phone at 10pm, responded to the text at midnight or messaged back on Facebook at 6am. I replied to all of the unsolicited messages from people who hoped I would drop everything and give them a free reading. I was being nice. I was happy to help. Until I noticed that the requests didn’t stop after the first time. Sometimes I was ‘on call’ for someone constantly. If I said I wasn’t available in the instant they needed me somehow I was in the wrong. That is when my Guides gave me a serious talking to. They asked me to consider my boundaries. To think about how helpful it was to wear myself out to the point where I wouldn’t be able to help anyone. They insisted I work out some rules for my work that I could live with.

So Judge Judy appears every time I need to hold my boundaries. And that is still surprisingly more than you might expect. The conditioning to be ‘nice’ runs very deep. I am a deeply caring person but I have learned I have to balance caring for others with caring for myself. I say no a lot more often nowadays. I follow my rules better. I stop and think every time I get a reminder from my Guides. I hope that I will always have empathy for the person who feels they need something from me right then and there. I also hope that I will consider my rules before I leap into doing something just to be nice.

Day 184 of my blogging challenge.