I like to do my Oracle Cards most days. I feel that I am turning in to the general every of my day. Today I got a card about lightening.

In a traditional reading using playing cards the Jokers stay in the pack. If one comes out in your spread the interpretation is said to be a bolt of lightening. Depending on which way up the card is pulled suggested whether the lightening is on it’s way in or on it’s way out. The good thing about lightening is that it shakes things up. But not exactly in the way you might want. As I thought about the lightening card I’d pulled I wondered what my day would be like. Could I ride out the energy storm and embrace the lesson of the lightening? How could I use the energy of nine alongside the lightening?

I’m a nine person. In a nine year on a day that is a nine as well. Going through the ninth month. Would this lightening leave me feeling foolish or wise? Could the trickster energy of the Joker give me a way through whatever I needed to experience. Or was I just fooling myself? To guide myself I thought about the key energy of this number – the ending of cycles. I’ve certainly felt the energy of endings all year. Things in me and therefore outside of me have been changing rapidly. This is my third time off grid, so to speak, and I’m finding myself, once again,  reading interesting, soul searching books on my kindle. As with the previous times, I’m also with a companion who is kindly allowing me the space to be off grid too.

So what about 9 being divisible by 3. Three is the number of creation and my retreats are certainly turning out to be creative in one way or another.

As I moved through the day it was time to go out and eat. Yet in the restaurant the pain of neuralgia in my gum and jaw took over. I felt physically ill, emotionally vulnerable and all my efforts to retreat or release the pain failed. Stepping outside I went to a bench and sat down. Had I been struck by lightening? Colours flooded into my clairvoyant vision. The land felt like it was in pain. There was some sort of ancient energy calling for release. Within me I also felt surges of painful energy. It was hard to hold on to what they represented because the waves of pain were flooding over me.

Because I am used to working with challenging energy I let the pain increase and flow. My feet were glued to the ground as I asked for the energy to be released. I called on my Guides and the ArchAngels because I had become pure feeling. My mind had slipped into the pain too. It felt as if I was drowning in pain. I know that I was receiving encouragement to let this cycle of energies end. Yet I also felt like I needed to retreat. Which I did. Back at the apartment I lay on my bed repeating a positive mantra in my mind. I knew that I was in the grip of lightening and the only way to come through it was to ride out the storm.

I work a lot with colour. So I put my pink (unconditional love) scarf over my head and focused on my breathing. Relax and release I told myself. The pain will pass I repeated.

Gradually I sensed the three pains I was feeling. I realised that I had connected to a deep ancestral pain of the land burning from the volcanic eruptions. Death and destruction are powerful ways for rebirth and new growth. But they are not pain free, easy events to experience. I also realised that I had connected to the pain I felt in my mother’s womb. At the end of pregnancy, prior to birth, the baby is in a restricted space. The confined feel of the womb, whilst sometimes comforting, is also the energy push needed for the child to begin being born. It can be painful to leave a safe space for somewhere unknown. The third block of painful energy was connected to all that has been left unsaid in this current cycle.

I know that I have a tendency to let things pass. To stay quiet about my truth or even feel reluctant to give my view of emotional events. This has resulted in all sorts of fall out. And it seems that today I was collecting the physical pain associated with holding back the words. So I started to make sounds. Any kind of sounds. Letting noises emerge from my throat to move the stuck energy on. I also switched on my channel for the energy healing to flow through me. Letting the healing go out to the past and the present. Reminding myself that I could stay foolishly stuck in the pain or choose to use my wisdom and let it leave me. Tears finally came. Like a wash of rain after the electricity of the the lightening.

It’s never easy to end something. To release yourself for the next phase. The Earth, me, everyone else, the Universe. All going round and round in cycles that are, hopefully, spirals upward.

Waves of pain left me to be replaced by waves of calm. I fell asleep. It seems a hard way to do it. I know that the lightening shook me up. But I woke feeling at peace. There are some slight after-twinges still being released. However, those powerful, yet hidden, energies are gone. I have space to embrace my new challenges. I’m also sure the land breathes a bit easier underneath my feet. I know that we are encouraged to persevere. To push the feelings aside and keep going. Yet to move onto the next go round the circle of life we also have to embrace the emotions we have experienced. This is so that we can be cleared and refreshed ready for new adventures. Not to do so only stores up physical pain in the future. Then the letting go may be much tougher.

Today has helped me to remember that acknowledging feelings as they arise and releasing them as quickly as possible is the most positive cycle of energy. Holding on is like keeping karma at bay. It has to be experienced at some point, regardless of whether we want to or not. So why carry stuck energy with us endlessly. Is it time you released your stuck thoughts, feelings, situations and embraced change? Don’t wait for a nine times nine times nine moment. The lightening might not be so easy to handle!

Day 308 of my blogging challenge.