I woke from a dream this morning. But I couldn’t remember the thread of it. I felt it was very strong yet the story faded very quickly.

That’s the nature of our dreams. They are jumbled, half rembered snippets. Most of the time. Occasionally I have such a vivid dream that it stays clear and I can write it down. Even understand it’s meaning for my life. And today as I tried to capture the fast fading dream it was because I hoped it had some meaning. I’m deep into a process of changing my life. However I’m also at that point when it seems I’ve lost the thread I was following. My certainty about the pattern of my life has disappeared. I can’t see the big picture let alone any of the threads that weave my life together into an understandable whole.

Of course it’s not the first time I’ve made changes. I am sure it won’t be the last time either. So I also know that bit by bit I will pick up the thread of each part of my life once more. However, this time I’m also embracing this period of not knowing what’s going on. The urge to grab at anything concrete is very strong. But I’m aware I may pull on a thread that ends up leading to a dead end. Or to me spending time and energy on something I end up deciding I don’t feel passionate enough about.  Whilst I’m in this part of the process I have decide to observe but not choose. To stay silent and listen to my inner voice. And to be relaxed about what I do with my life.

I have resisted putting together a bucket list. Or a wish list either. Right now I am comfortable with my not knowing what I want. The threads of my life are changing. I’m content to let the new picture emerge.

Day 525 of my blogging challenge