Friends: Fair-weather or Forever

imageOne of the topics I’m often asked about is friends, friendships and spirituality. People frequently find that as they discover their spiritual side or are on their spiritual journey the people they mix with change. Some friends drift away, new friends arrive and there is a significant change in how we feel about the people we call friends. This process can be upsetting, refreshing, challenging or exciting. It can be confusing that a long held friendship suddenly fades. Or that someone who is an aquaintance feels more of a familiar friend than a once well known friend.

It can be hard to know what these changes are about. It can be harder to accept that the friendship is on the wane or even over completely. We want certainty in our lives. Most of us prefer predictable patterns than outright spontaneity. Our friendships form a part of our comfort zone. Like a warm security blanket knowing that the same people are going to be in our lives can somehow protect us from feeling alone or abandoned. As humans we have a great need for community. So we tend to hold onto our friends though all sorts of situations & experiences. Only if something major happens do we give up on the friendship.

So when I started to tell people I was developing my mediumship it soon became clear that some of my friends couldn’t handle that part of my life. Whether through fear, religious beliefs, disbelief or reluctance to be open minded those people drifted away. One or two even left very abruptly. I asked my Guides why this should be so. What had I done for them to want to unfriend me? With much loving kindness my Guides explained  that I had started on a journey that not everyone would be able to share or understand. We each have to choose the connections we keep in this life. But the choice goes both ways. It isn’t possible to keep someone who doesn’t want to be your friend. And no matter how much time, energy and commitment you give to the friendship if it turns out to be one sided then it’s not in your best interest.

I was sad to see some of the most unexpected people move out of my life over a few years. It seemed my journey was too far outside of their expectations – that we had to part. In my sad moments I asked my Guides how I could deal with my loss. Once again they offered me an option. They asked me to think about all of the love we had shared as friends, all of the happy memories and good times. They asked me to see that my life would have been poorer if that friend hadn’t been sharing with me. And they asked me to send my friends loving wishes for their new journeys for we all need as much positive energy as we can get. Then they asked me to let go of the friendship.

The letting go wasn’t easy. Especially when friends left in an unpleasant or upsetting way. We often call them fair weather friends. The ones who take from the relationship but give back very little. Or the ones who were unhappy that their life will be affected by our changing priorities. I remember being criticised for being unhelpful, unsupportive and refusing to give whatever it was they felt they wanted. I wondered if I had dreamed up all the times I had given into the relationship. I tried to count all of the times I had received nothing back – not even a thank you. It was draining, harsh and emotional. Keeping me going was the gentle presence of my Guides and the friendship of the people who stayed with me as I journeyed.

Then there were the times when new friendships formed. I asked my Guides time after time would this or that person be a forever friend. Could this be a relationship that lasted & lasted even if we didn’t see or connect with each other very often? My Guides were very clear. They asked me to wait & see. They encouraged me to put aside any worry or fear based on the progress of past friendships. They helped me to learn that the friends to keep are the ones who not only say what they will do but who also do what they say they will do. They helped me to sense the energy flow in the friendship. If I was doing a lot of giving almost all the time with not much energy being returned they encouraged me to be brave and accept it wasn’t a forever kind of relationship. They helped me to understand that some people can’t share the intimacy of a friendship because they are still carrying past disappointments. They discussed with me where the line lay between friendship, business and family. I am very blessed to have some amazing forever friends. They are there for me even if we don’t see or speak to each other every day, week, month or year. I’m also blessed to have had the fair-weather friends who have helped me to develop my own strength, boundaries and perseverance. Without the fair-weather people I wouldn’t have been able to value the forever people.

It’s also interesting that we make choices about our friendships based on only half, or even less, of the full info. When couples or families separate or split up some people follow one side & some the other. Not many friends stay friends with both sides. There is a guilty little feeling that somehow if we do we are being disloyal to the side we have stayed connected to. So how do we choose? Often we designate one person as the victim, the one in need of support, or the one who we most identify with. Yet that can be equally the same for the other person. But we choose not to see it. When this type of friendship breakdown happened to me guess what I asked the Guides! Why didn’t I get picked to be the friend? What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t they see my pain too? As ever they stepped in to encourage me to see that friendship isn’t some kind of competition. There are no winners and looser in the way I was asking about it.  There is always free will choice. We judge situations and make a choice based on what we want to do for ourselves. These friendships stopped because, for their own reasons, the other person didn’t want them to continue. It suited them. My Guides asked me to notice who was trying their best to stay connected with me (& the other person), how I helped them to stay connected to me & whether I was the one doing the pushing away.

My spiritual journey has brought me into contact with so many people now that I have learned another valuable thing. There are the one meeting friendships too. These rich exchanges are there for myself & the other person to share a warmth of connection, exchange experiences and shine a positive light into both of our lives. Even if it’s only for  five minutes, half an hour, three hours. What matters is the loving connection that can be made, enjoyed and remembered. I have had a wonderful amount of one meeting friendships so far in my journey. I am fascinated that the Universe brings me one of these at exactly the right moment for me. These friendships enrich my daily life. They are forever friendships- little bubbles of time where the authentic me & you can shine through. And that is another wonderful thing to know. My forever friendships are with people who are happy to be their authentic selves, moment to moment, mood to mood. I would not have understood that if I had not had the fair-weather friends too. Isn’t friendship a wonderful gift!

 Day 94 of my blogging challenge.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.