When You Find Yourself

imageI woke up this morning with the words of a song in my head. The song has resonated with me all day. My Guides often use this way of getting a point across to me so I’ve been paying attention every time it popped into my head again. It’s from a Disney/Pixar movie called Cars and the song ‘Find Yourself’ is written by Brad Paisley.

We go though life
So sure of where we’re heading,
And then we wind up lost
And it’s the best thing that could happen.
Sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well.
Because you find yourself;
Yeah that’s when you find yourself.

For the last seven years I’ve been lost in a situation where I felt powerless. I seemed to have no voice. Anything I said was either ignored or, perhaps even worse, used against me to make a case for carrying on with dreadful behaviour. Since this matter affected not only me but my family it has been an emotionally challenging journey. There have been times when I wished I could turn the clock back to the time when I was certain where life was headed. The time when I had it all mapped out and was only waiting for all the pieces to slide into place. There have also been times when a kind word of support from a friend was the only ray of hope I had. And the black days when it felt like I was alone in the middle of a nightmare unable to wake up. As the situation got more and more oppressive, aggressive and draining even my faith was tested to it’s limits. I couldn’t find my way at all.

Over the last few weeks I have been doing intensive healing to find myself. I know that I was very much ‘absent’ whilst dealing with the situation where I felt powerless. I ended up acting and  speaking in ways I didn’t want to. I felt pushed into choices that were only about making the best of a bad job. Lost in this person who was behaving very differently than I desired to, I struggled to change the energy, the relationship dynamics between the participants, the options that were being presented. I finally resolved the situation a few months ago. There are still some loose ends to tie up but I want to deal with them as myself. The powerless person is a part of me that I experienced during a long period of time. The healing has been helping me to find the powerful person who also shares my inner world. She is the one who will be finalising the last few bits and pieces.

When the song came to mind today it was at points where I was putting together my action plan for clearing those loose ends. Finding my power, taking back the control of myself, I know I will be able to act in the compassionate and forgiving way I want to. Shedding the stuck energy that had kept me lost from myself has been the focus of the healing. However I also honour the wandering in the wilderness that this situation has created. When life is going smoothly we forget how strong, capable and brave we really are. People live through so much that is challenging. We are survivors. Never victims. Now I know that I can move forward from a position of strength. Even if I get lost again at some point I will always be able to find myself. Be powerful, strong and brave in your life. You are only a breath away from your true self.

Day 204 of my blogging challenge.

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