Sometimes my best thinking comes as I lie in bed early in the morning. I’m waiting to launch myself into the day. No quite ready to give up the warmth of my duvet. Awake and aware though.

I’ve been dreaming vividly for the last week or so and last night was no different. Each morning I’ve wondered what all that restless, emotional sleep was about. Early on I realised that I was busy clearing emotional energy from my aura. Yet I had no idea what exactly was going. Certainly Past Life stuff. Probably this life’s karmic consequences from all that old stuff. And possibly some future life possibilities too. That’s a lot of letting go, I thought.

There is a line of reasoning that everything has happened somewhere at one point or another. That our moment to moment decisions move us from one future possible to another. And that releasing karma in this life will heal the lives that are spread across all of our parallel lives. For the Spirit state operates outside of the limitations of time. Or other physical laws that operate in this Universe. Any where, any when I may be doing a thousand other things. Yet they will still all be my Spirit experiencing life. These ideas aren’t easy to get my head around. Especially in the early morning.

Thinking about my life this way does help. This morning I applied that idea to my continuing quest to find a balance with money energy.

It’s really hard to drop into a new life and find out that there is an energy which cuts across manifesting. When I lived in the pink perfect I could get what I wanted in an instant. It was simple. I willed it and it happened. Early on in this life I was exposed to the impact of money energy. I remember waking up on winter mornings with the frost inside the glass. Sleeping under piles of coats with my siblings to keep warm during the night. Home made clothes and hand me downs because the money wouldn’t stretch that far.

Eventually I saw another side to the energy flow. A house with so many rooms I felt lost. New clothes three times a year. We had a car and a garage. Gardens to play in not a street. Something and altered the flow of money through my life. My parents worked hard throughout both periods. So it wasn’t that. Perhaps there was more money flowing through the economic system so pay was better. Or a feeling of plenty generally so people spent more. There was a growth in credit available. Getting money seemed easy. I feel like I came out of these different energy experienced with quite a mixed up view. Lack was the energy of my earliest memories. Abundance was the energy of my teenage years.

When I got out on my own finding a balance with money was much harder. I had to reply on my own expectations. It was all about what I chose to manifest. I’m sure my Spirit was really confused.

Was my journey about experiencing lack or experiencing plenty? Or a bit of both. Or about not experiencing money at all? If only I had known enough to consider asking for a look at my Blueprint. But I seem to have forgotten to put that in my life plan too. Early this morning I was thinking about all the effort I’ve spent in my life trying to understand the flow of money. Quite early in my spiritual development I read about a lot about manifesting. Especially for money. Because it’s something that concerns most of us. I’d even go so far as to say it consumes us most of the time. And it’s a very difficult addiction to let go of. Because it’s based on fear.

That is the power of lack. I recognise I’ve been driven by lack to believe that money has to rule our lives. Though I can recognise this it has taken me a few years to really understand and release myself from the energy of money. Because every time I thought I’d stepped out of it I found I was stepping right back in. There is something seductive about the fear of lack. It can give you a great buzz to push you forward. Striving for money and winning is a huge high. Followed by the deep downs of recognising what you have got is never enough. You are chasing the money dragon.

Releasing myself from this pattern has taken a huge effort of will. I started with the ‘No pockets in shrouds’ philosophy of my Mum.

I followed up with Law of Attraction and manifesting. Yet there was still a little hook. Somehow that old rush of panic when money came in or went out wouldn’t go away. This morning, as I thought gratefully of my home, my food, my clothes I understood that I chose to step into the energy of money. Yes, to balance it for my karmic progression. But also to develop my faith. I have always had some sort of roof over my head. And the talent and ability to manifest anything I need. Money is a form of ritualised barter. I have spent many lives in the rituals of money. And it has never killed me.

Because Spirit never dies. That’s the ultimate driver within lack. The fear that if I don’t have such and such I will die. I even feared social death if I wasn’t wearing the right brand of clothes. This morning, listening to the sounds of people arriving early in town to secure a parking spot, I decided to get off the money merry-go-round. I don’t need anything else to complete my life. I can trust in the Universe to provide for me. There is no tomorrow, only today. I refuse to be weighed down with a feeling of lack. Instead I am celebrating my flow of abundance.

There are things I might need to barter my skills for. I am going to do so in the joyful expectation that the energy flow I am in will balance out between give and take. After all, my many lives have shown me that it always does. There is always another life to explore and enjoy.

Day 433 of my blogging challenge.