Choosing me not duty

headsI’m a little bit under the weather today but didn’t want to miss out on a blog since I’ve set myself a challenge. I was due to do a service at a spiritualist church tonight but realised earlier today I was too unsteady to drive there and back and to connect for the messages. I had to cancel which is not ideal at such short notice, especially as the booking secretary then has to find a replacement, and it’s also something I do very rarely. If I’ve made a commitment I like to keep to it. So I had a big debate with myself about trying to get there.

I actually have a mild concussion so driving isn’t a good idea. Yet the part of me that hates letting people down was nagging at me to give it a go. There was another part of me that was saying don’t be so stupid – you need to stay in bed. Then a third part joined in trying to shut the other two up! When I finally got it all sorted I relaxed back in bed thinking about how hard we find it to put our needs first. It’s lovely to be able to give a service to others. Having a chance to do something that might make their lives brighter, even if only for a moment, is a great feeling. It’s a feeling that can easily develop into a MUST though.

So much of our life carries the energy of Should, Must, Ought and Duty. These are commands that have been given to us over time, time and time again, so that we set all of our choices against these SMOD standards. Even if to choose them goes against our own good. All of us have expectations about others. We say someone, you, they Should, Must, Ought and it’s their Duty to … something. We expect others to make changes for us, or to provide exactly what we want when we want it and we can get very upset or angry when it doesn’t happen. Alongside that we also have expectations about ourselves. Again many of our internal expectations are SMOD’s. So we do rush into doing, saying and being things that try to get us to comply with these expectations.

Being authentic about who you truly are involves checking in with these SMODs on a regular basis. Testing out if you are doing something that is the best for you and that might end up be the best for the other people involved. It takes a lot of courage to say NO to others when you feel that internal pressure of Should, Must, Ought and Duty. The risk is that doing something because it is a SMOD will only end up in generating resentment and negative energy within you. Being able to do something because you have chosen to do so for your own reasons is a very powerful step. It may mean that other people will express their disappointment, dismay, unhappiness or anger. However, what they feel is their response to their internal SMOD expectations. We are never responsible for how another person feels. We can always try to act with the best of intentions but the outcome of those actions may not be anything we can control or be responsible for.

So I made a decision to cancel. It really is for the best – for my health & wellbeing. I am sure that the Spirit World will still have found a way to get their messages across to their loved ones – they always do. Next time you are faced with a choice think about your SMODs and those of the people around you. Act as your heart prompts you without all of the Shoulds, Musts, Oughts and Duty. Following your heart always brings the most authentic and correct outcomes.

Day 34 of my blogging challenge.

2 thoughts on “Choosing me not duty

  1. Hi Annie.

    Hope you feel better soon so you can approach and enjoy Christmas in good health
    All the best

    Love and light

  2. Thank you Andy, I’m much better and looking forward to a restful end to my week. Have a lovely Christmas 😀

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