Hitting The Wall: Finding The Will To Continue

hitting wallIt was wild and windy outside so today I decided to stay inside. I read for a while. Then got out my artwork. A little while later I took out my notebook. But I couldn’t settle. So I got out my blog ideas to pick one. And that’s when I realised I was hitting the wall. My will to get things done had gone away.

Vanished overnight. Nowhere to be found. I was struggling to apply my focus to anything. Perhaps a little of it is because my holiday is almost over. Certainly some of it is about the routine stuff I need to do. But I also realised that hitting the wall is part of my letting go process. I’m on the eight hundred and sixty sixth day of my blog challenge. Like a marathon runner I’m experiencing fatigue and loss of energy. Yet the end is really close. Far more is behind me than in front of me. And that is the issue. I love new beginnings. But I’m a bit rubbish at endings.

Letting go means stopping doing something. Putting it in the past. Completely in the past. I recognise that is the point that is hitting a nerve. When something is good I want it to continue endlessly. Even when it’s getting less good it can still be hard for me to stop. I feel that I’m not alone in this pattern. Most of us are reluctant to change. So I know that lots of us will be hitting walls all the time. Trying to find the energy to complete one thing before we move onto the next. But ending up carrying everything forward instead. Instead of sitting excitedly at my computer finishing another blog I dragged my feet today.

Other things got left too. But I know that I will have to push forward once again instead of hanging on. Hitting the ground still running. Making sure I complete the outstanding work so new things have a space to get my focus. It’s ok to take time to recognise the fatigue feeling. I know understanding that feeling will motivate me to keep going. Here’s to another 135 blogs!

Day 866 of my blogging challenge

Concluded! The 6th Inspired 2 Write Challenge

empowerment concludedI’ve concluded that I love writing. That might seem obvious after 765 blogs and a book. However, it’s taken me a while to get to the idea that I am a writer. An author.

I’ve just concluded my sixth Inspired 2 Write challenge on Facebook. This year I took the opportunity to see if I could extend or expand my writing. And I decided it would be great to have some company whilst I was doing it. Hence the six groups and various numbers of people joining me to explore their writing voices. It’s been an amazing journey. Some people have been with me on each challenge. Others have done one or two. Each time I launch it I get really excited that I will be reading pieces from lots of different points of view. In fact I find that the time flies by and the end is happening before I know it. I love it so much that I’m usually working our when I can start another one!

Finishing something also brings a little sadness that these wonderful voices might retreat into silence again. I don’t want that to happen. Writing has given me so much throughout my life. Even in the times when my own writing voice was squished or fell silent. Overcoming writers block enough to get through two years of blogging showed me that I really wanted to get the words out into the world. And they empowered me to stand by my writing voice when I wobbled and worried. I feel that the blocking time has been concluded. Now I hope that the people who have been in the challenges will feel empowered to pick up their writing even when there is no ‘official’ challenge.

Knowing that I am concluding a year of lots more writing has also empowered me to make a big leap. A leap into writing nearly full time. So I want to share the my final piece to the group tonight.

” I love that I set these topics without thinking. I’m empowering my creativity to leap out and bite me on the bum. Especially with a request for 300 words! And after a full on day and a church service. I guess I enjoy a challenge. That’s what I have been empowering myself to do. Grab the challenge, manage the fear and enjoy the leap of faith. For a long time I let other people tell me what to do. Or I responded to their expectations. Without realising that I was giving away my power. It seemed to be one of my obsessions that people had to be looked after, be happy and that I must do as much for them as I could. Yet all of the time my needs shrank further and further into the background.

So much so that I become unable to express my needs because it felt like they wouldn’t be listened to. I was sadly in need of empowerment by the time I realised I had nearly burnt myself out with this imbalance.

Taking back my power has been a long, frustrating and uncomfortable journey into myself. But it has taught me how easy it is to strip the power out of other people. Gaslighting, passive/aggressive behaviour, disrespect or undermining language all take their toll over time. I gave away my power in lots of situations because i wanted to be kind to others, not seeing that they weren’t kind to me. But the regaining of power can be done. I have given myself permission to speak as I find. And allowed myself to let other people’s reactions pass me by. I understand that my intentions are good even if other struggle to see that. And I recognise that I have the same right to life as everyone else. So I make no apologies for living life my way. And enjoying doing so.

Empowerment is about what you will let yourself do to recognise your rights as a human being. It brings with it the requirement to have an ethical base to work from. And a heart full of compassion for yourself and others when issues of power, rather than empowerment, crop up.” Challenge concluded!

Day 736 of my blogging challenge

Inspired 2 Write Again: Fourth Time Around

How the year is flying by. I find myself running another Inspired 2 Write challenge. It’s number four and not something I had ever planned to do. Yet it started again this week.

Late last year I was talking about my blogging during an interview for an article. The subject of my writing came up. I was fast approaching a full year of writing a daily blog. All out of a challenge I’d joined. It was to write every day for thirty days. About half way through I felt so inspired that I decided to keep going. I set myself a new target and now I’m over half way there. As I thought about what a gift that challenge was to me I realised I wanted to help other people to feel inspired too. Reading and writing have been a big part of my life. Through my blog I realised I had a writing voice. More, I realised I wanted to use it and share it.

After the interview I decided to try a challenge of my own. To help others write every day for twenty eight days. So here I am. Fourth challenge launched. And already feeling that there will be more of these mini challenges this year. I love the way writing words down helps to clear my day away. It’s great to go back and read what was on my mind too. And I can also recognise my patterns. Those issues that keep coming around again and again. Having written about them before I can also notice how I’ve changed. See where my responses are different this time. Track my progress as I change and grow in my life. No wonder I love writing. Or that I want to help others discover their own writing.

Of course as I’m taking part in the challenge too. It doubles the amount of writing I’m doing. Very soon I’m also going to start writing my next book. One of my lifetime dreams is finally coming into being. I’m inspired. Why don’t you get inspired to write too?

Day 562 of my blogging challenge 

Reaching the Half Way Point

Way back when I started a challenge. Now I find myself half way to completing that challenge. It’s a strange feeling. A mixture of yippee and who me.

I’m not sure I can put into words what getting half way feels like. I started out on a 30 day challenge but realised I wanted to push myself more. So I set myself a thousand and one day blogging challenge. I knew it would take nearly three years to complete. But I wanted to encourage myself to keep writing. I suppose a part of it was about whether I could write every day. Another part of it was to see if I really enjoyed writing. Then there way the bit of me that likes to dare herself to do the impossible. It certainly seemed like the impossible back at the start. Because I had the most massive writer’s block. Yet here I am. Half way along and looking forward to the finishing line. Even if it’s many months away yet.

I’ve proved to myself that I can write every day. I’ve accepted I’m a writer and I’ve shifted my writer’s block. But I’m still a little bit in disbelief that I’ve done it. I guess most of us have felt that too. Not quite certain that we can do something then rather shocked when we do. What I’ve realised is that I thought I would fail. All through there has been a nagging doubt that I’m too half hearted to complete a big challenge. That particular doubt has prompted potential self sabotage. The times when I was tired and had to insist I wrote. Occasions when I left it so late I was certain I would miss the deadline I’d set and then what would be the point in continuing. Moments when my mind was blank even though I knew I had lots to say.

Half way through I can see how much I’ve grown from taking this challenge. I love writing and have confidence in what I say.

So much so that I have run three mini writing challenges to help other people find their writing voices. I have pushed through the fear, worry and doubt and found a way of writing about myself that is comfortable. I would love other people to find that comfort with expressing themselves too. Because there is something else important about the challenge I set myself. I have proof of my determination, focus and commitment to myself. To honouring one of my abilities. It’s not about being the greatest writer in the world. What I have been able to do is listen to the true me. The voice inside that is often shouted down by the Ego mind. Or other people.

Now I’m determined to have my say. Because it’s me talking to me. If anyone listening to that conversation is prompted to think about what is being said that is an added bonus. I know I wIll finish my challenge. I want to listen to myself a lot more. Not in any half hearted way. But with full attention to what I’m saying to me. I often say to people that the heart is always the best guide. I ask them to check what they feel about their choices. But I know we have forgotten how to access the heart’s voice. For me writing has been the path to listening to my heart. It’s easy to give advice and much harder to take it. My writing challenge is me taking my own advice. And finding that I enjoy what I hear.

When you are half way through it’s tempting to stop. But I won’t be doing that. My writing is changing my life for the better. And I want more of it.

Day 500 of my blogging challenge