Mansplaining In A Divine Feminine Year

mansplainingThere has been a thread of conversation going on all day. Either out loud or with my Guides. This week I have been encountering ‘mansplaining’ from several directions. Interestingly not exclusively from men. In this year of Divine Feminine, when the focus is on relationships with myself and others, I wanted to find a spiritually creative way to deal with this.

Mansplaining has entered our language. It means “(of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronising.” When I was younger there was no word to describe what was happening when a man explained something to me that, it was reasonable to expect, I understood better. Like childbirth. Or being a woman working in a ‘man’s world’. Yet I am relieved to have a word that so exactly describes what it feels like. And how my inner dialogue wants to scream in annoyance whilst at the same time excuse him because he is a man. After all, girls have been socially conditioned to take the word of a man in preference to their own intuitions.

Here I’m thinking of several of my male teachers, managers and doctors. As well as a whole load of other men who passed through my life cheerfully mansplaining things to me. After all I couldn’t possibly understand cricket. Or rugby (which I played for a while). I’m relieved that my internal dialogue now wants to shout loudly at any man who tries to explain things I am best placed to know. It’s a kind of progress. Because I can stop telling myself the other half of the population automatically know better. That my opinion has little value compared to the opinions of men. I suppose I could be accused of being sexist in reverse here. But there is a lot more to it than that.

With my Guides I have come to understand about energy. That we are all both feminine and masculine energy. So where does mansplaining fit when it’s actually a woman who is doing it? To another woman.

That’s a really interesting phenomenon that I am getting use to spotting. And a strong reason why some women excuse mansplaining or everyday sexism. When I worked in a corporate world heavily influenced by men I tried to be ‘one of the boys’. Because I wanted a career. I wanted to do a good job. The wages were good. All sots of reasons that pushed me further and further into my masculine side. Until I identified more easily with masculine language, attitudes and behaviour. Most women in my organisation did the same. But still men explained things to us. Even when we were more senior, more qualified and more familiar with the subject.

At the time I didn’t realise I was also playing the mansplaining game. But I was. Now that I am aware of my dual energy flow I can understand that a woman who has drifted out of balance and into more of her masculine energy can also be the ‘man’ explaining. Without even being aware of any condescending or patronising language. In fact many women who are more in their masculine energy take on the language of patriarchy towards the women in their lives. And it can be a hard habit to break even when trying to get back into balance. Learning to listen to my inner dialogue is vital. As is recognising where my inner conversations are distorted in what I share with the world. Even understanding that I might be gaslighting myself.

So what does this mean in the Divine Feminine relationship energy? How to work with, through and around mansplaining?

First of all, I feel it is about becoming consciously aware of our speech patterns. Of the words we use as short cuts for much bigger assumptions and beliefs. And the judgements implied behind what those words convey. I believe this starts with an inner journey. Me watching what I tell myself about me. Once I have noticed the put downs I can start to recognise the outer conversations where I try to reclaim my power. Because that is what mansplaining does. It is a persistent attempt to remove personal, expert and social power. I may try to put on a brave, powerful or warrioress face. My words may sound apologetic, deferential or even ignore the explaining altogether.

Secondly, I have to find the peace and balance within to challenge both the inner and outer mansplaining. No matter where or who it is coming from. This also requires me to be my authentic self as much as possible. To get out of the blame game and accept I am personally responsible for letting it go on. If I am being treated badly then it is me who allows it to happen. This removes the influencing energy of the man or woman who has been undermining mine. I can work to create new inner and outer dialogues, bit by bit, to stand in my personal power. And I can start to move myself out of situations, connections and relationships where this kind of patronising behaviour is present.

Finally, I can get in touch with my own feminine energy. I can use respectful collaboration instead.

I believe that everyone is equal. We all have the same flow of Divine loving energy running through us. That it is a dual energy shouldn’t complicate our lives. Moving between feminine and masculine energy can be easy and useful. It would allow us to bring all of our energy to bear on our lives. Both the uniquely creative and the ‘make it so’. In a lovely collaboration of each person offering what they can for the good of the whole community. To bring this about there has to be a big shift. I know some people will feel they are loosing power or rights. And some will celebrate gaining more power and rights. Yet the feminine energy of this year is pointing out that it is time to do so.

I know we have a lot of challenges to face as a global community. Our children’s children’s children deserve the greatest of efforts from us to ensure they are born healthy, grow up loved, in a good environment and well fed. And are able to take their place as citizens of the future all working to gather on a harmonious planet. Mansplaining denies us the opportunity to move towards that goal. It is the outer dialogue of an inner sense of entitlement. An entitlement that I believe also carried with it little to no sense of responsibility. A kind of ‘there, there dear, let the man fix it’. I know men can’t fix it. Look at where we are now. It will take the whole population of the planet to collaborate in building a future full of entitlements and responsibilities that come equally balanced with one another.

For a while men will have to get used to being told when they are mansplaining. I know it will be confusing when they see women doing it too. And perhaps getting away with it. Yet I believe it is a necessary part of our growing up process. We have to remember that underneath everything flows the Divine energy which is unconditional love. The lesson we are all here learning right now.

Day 923 of my blogging challenge

Raised In Praise: New Beginnings

raisedIt’s a red letter day! I finally jumped off another cliff. With much love and support from some special friends I raised my game and drew the face of an ArchAngel. Something I believed I couldn’t do. All because of art lessons where criticism was the background to everything I did.

I know that our Crystal children are different. As were the Indigo children. Here to help prepare the planet for a huge energy shift, both these sets of young people had a lot to deal with. Schools, where we placed them to be raised, were often places of repression. And energetically toxic. I still find it hard to understand why people think it is an excellent idea to corral fourteen hundred teenagers together. And expect everything to be plain sailing. Raising our children often becomes an everyday battle to shield them from negativity. I know that some teachers are amazing. But not the ones like my art teacher.

Her words have blocked me for most of my life. Instead of praising where I had got to she was critical. I soaked up that energy. Her cynicism and dismissive appraisal of my early efforts to engage with art. My English teacher worked on praise. Raising our esteem with kind words of encouragement. I’m not surprised that I got great exam grades in English and didn’t even take art. Today I thought about all of the wasted potential we create when we deny our children praise. When the positive words from home are ripped away by the cruelty of some people in our schools. And when we are raised to be limited. My Guide Team have persistently worked to raise my vibration. So that I can pass that on to other people.

Let’s make a promise to our children’s children’s children. I know we can start this straight away. Raise your standards. Root our the inner critic in you. Do all of those things you thought you couldn’t. Praise yourself. And finally, start raising your children with praise. Help them to see that they are able to try anything they want. Because they might find they have loads more ability than they expect.

Day 907 of my blogging challenge

A Like Minded Community: Why Does It Matter?

like minded global communityOne of the things I often ask my Guides about is their insistence that the Spirit World is a like minded community. Surely there will be differences? It would be too perfect if there weren’t. How would the Spirit people progress otherwise? Is their world really so lacking in challenge?

Of course they enjoy debating this with me. I understand that we come here in order to experience the consequences of free will choice first hand. It’a the place where my Spirit gets to be a bit rebellious. It’s also the reality in which my Spirit experiences the limitations that free will choice can put on unconditional love. I know that we live in a world where love struggles to be the guiding force. Human emotions continually slide into the lower vibrational feelings. And then get denied, ignored or blocked out completely. I know how hard it is to look in my mirror and own my shadow side. The impact of that choice is a global community that is in bits. We are far from a like minded species.

When I’ve asked about this and the connection to the Spirit World we came from my Guides have always answered ‘Love’. They remind me that the community on the other side share a like minded understanding of unconditional love. Their sense of community is from recognising that only love matters. And also that each and every Spirit matters too. I was discussing this today with a really inspiring friend. I often forget that I matter. It’s part of my upbringing, my gender, my place in the structure of this world that I am conditioned to think that others matter more than me. I’ve been told all my life that my duty is to love others before I love myself. And if I do love myself then that love must be conditional.

It must be conditional because I don’t matter as much as the others on the planet. It’s funny how many like minded people I know who share that same wrong headed belief.

Because time and again my Guides have reminded me that I do matter. They have helped me to understand that by limiting my love for myself I am actually limiting the love I can give to others. No matter how much I do if I let that martyr lurk inside me then I will reduce my capacity to love the rest of the human race. To build a better community, at any level, I now understand that I have to recognise that I matter. Then I can open my heart to the idea that other people matter. Not just the like minded ones who limit themselves in the same way I do. But every single person on the planet.

That has been hard for me to grasp. How can I accept those who hurt and harm others in deliberate and clear ways? They are not like minded as far as I am concerned. What about the people who tell themselves they have to make hard decisions but their choices show that clearly, to them, some people don’t matter? Again, I would hope they are not like minded either. Yet if I am promoting unconditional love there is a point where I have to understand that they matter too. They are playing out the limited love they allow themselves. And the limited love they offer to others. Because a global community that acts from a flow of love is hard to achieve whilst we all sit in judgement on one another.

Ah, say my Guides, that is where like minded thinking begins. When I and others are ready to accept that everyone matters. And we stop limiting our love with judgements.

I know it is a big ask. I have spent many years learning that I matter. Challenging the inner dialogue that tells me I am not a good person. Or intelligent. Even that I’m not worthy. And a thousand other judgements that I have accepted or, worse still, applied to myself. It’s quite a struggle. yet it’s one I need to complete so that I can recognise more fully just how much other people matter too. So that I can grow my like minded community to include even more participants. I am sure that this is the way to change the global community. When we all realise the ‘I Matter – You Matter’ flow of energy there a a great chance that our young people will be able to love themselves unconditionally from the start of their lives.

That’s the biggest challenge of all. To help the next few generations turn the global community into a like minded one. Not by use of coercion or force. Or by preaching one single religious view. But through a deep understanding that every view matters and needs to be fully expressed. Then there are no hidden agendas, no secrets and no judgements. And I know we will be able to deal with even the most difficult views in a loving and compassionate way. After all, I know it works that way in the Spirit World so why not aim for the same here. Of course, I know my Guides would love us to need a new challenge. Because if, by our own free will, we acted as a community that cared for each member of that community then we wouldn’t be stretched enough.

Our Spirit Within needs to grow and evolve. I would love to have the opportunity of doing that within a community that came from the heart and recognised that everyone mattered. Think how creative humanity is. What wonders could we have if we became like minded and loving?

Day 824 of my blogging challenge

All Children of the World Need Our Love

It’s been a very hard day. Children have been the target of violence once again. There was a horrific bombing in Manchester, a place I know well, and so much grief as lives were shattered.

How to respond to the lone killer? What to do? How to stop this violence? Part of me was feeling the futitility of looking for needles in a haystack. Another part of me was connecting to the incoming wave of energy to increase the positive flow. I know that in my shock, disbelief and grief it would be easy to say that whoever killed the children was the worst kind of human. I would hope that if I had the power to launch missiles I would refuse. Because there are so many back stories to this tragedy. This is a massive failure of love. Lives lost because of division, hate and justifications of morally reprehensible actions.

What do I mean? As I processed the events in Manchester I thought about all of the children who are on the planet right now. Across the world children suffer on a daily basis whilst the adults around them wage war in one another. Sometimes a war of words. Often a war of economics. Certainly a war of violent bombing and sudden death. Even a war of sexual abuse. I feel we have ignored these wars in our own communities to our cost. The person radicalised to make this attack, whatever their religion, birthplace, culture, was manipulated by a victim psychology. When I refuse to listen to the stories of others I am part of that victimisation. If I refuse to address the inequality and hate others suffer I am part of that victimisation.

Hate is such an easy emotion to share. Based in fear, all sorts of fears, hate can be dished out to anyone and everyone who I mark out as different. Hate creates the backdrop against which someone drives themselves to kill.

Every bomber was a child once. It might be simplistic to say that but it’s true. I don’t believe that children are born evil. I believe that our experiences and the people who surround us shape our futures. There are always choices. But if you have been in the middle of a war zone for so long that it has become normal your choices might be very different than those of a child who has been safe. A war zone doesn’t have to be actual bombs and bullets. Words can create a war zone inside a child’s head. Adults preaching them and us, blaming certain sections of the community or remembering the injustices of many years gone by. These are hooks to hang hate on.

So alongside the people who were killed and injured yesterday evening, and the many events before that, I also want to place all of those children who have died. It is perhaps my greatest grief. That we do so little for so many defenceless, vulnerable future adults. They are our future. The seeds of last night were sown a long time ago. And until we start to accept that we will continue to experience violence as the last resort of the oppressed. This is nothing as simple as saying the violence belongs to one group, one faith system, one country or one gang. That all we have to do is eradicate that group, faith, country, gang. The very act of blitzing one group will create more martyrs to new causes.

What about the children then? How can I ever bring an end to the cycle of viloelnce? Something must change.

What I feel has to change is our response. It’s time to listen to the stories of all those who feel dispossessed, alienated and victimised. Compassion and love have to enter into this process. I believe we have to face our liking for division. It gives us something to blame when life goes badly. Then I know we have to put aside our focus on differences and start to acknowledge our sameness. The hardest part will be finding love. Strong, powerful love that says ‘not in my name’. The kind of love that refuses to strike back indescriminately at everyone and everything. A love that reminds us that we too can overcome hatred. Because we love ourselves enough to see that it’s the only way forward.

I know it’s also time to respect and cherish each and every child in the world. To offer children our protection, support and encouragement. I’m the adult who is responsible for creating a better, safer world for the children in it. It’s important that I remember that so I can do everything possible to challenge hate. Words aren’t enough. I have to put into action my promise to the children being born. It’s time for all of us to end their suffering. To stand as grown ups and demand change so that children’s rights are respected. To ensure that our elected representatives are working to put our children first. Respect for the basic rights of children must become our first call. These children are the future. With love and hope they can end the hate. But we have to do it first.

There are families grieving all over world today. There are parents who are holding their children a little bit closer. Tragedies unite us. Surely it’s time to be united in love for all children before the next tragedy has a chance to strike.

Day 547 of my blogging challenge