Return To Sender? The Pain Of Love

Return to senderI had a couple of conversations today about love. Whether We get a return of love and why love is painful. All about the absence of love. And how much that can hurt a human heart.

If fact, how it’s said we might die for or of love. So love, that most inspiring and precious of feelings, is also toxic in some way. Later in the afternoon I was thinking about those conversations. I’m always one to bounce difficult questions to my Guides. So we have had many chats about the purpose and nature of love. I’ve written about some of them before. But this little thought train refused to go away. In fact I kept hearing the lyrics from an Elvis song. “ Return to sender, address unknown. No such number, no such zone. We had a quarrel, a lover’s spat, I write I’m sorry but my letter keeps coming back.” How many times  have I rejected love? Or had my love rejected?

Not only romantic love either. Family love. Friendship love. All sorts of situations I’ve found myself in when I’ve wanted to make a connection to another’s human being. And all sorts of situations where what I did was return the opposite of love to the person or people involved. Putting myself through pain. Ignoring that others might be feeling pain too. All my little acts that showed I actually didn’t love the person who was busy loving me. Like a constant trade. Loving someone who didn’t love me. Demanding from but not loving the people who loved me. A swirling circle of energy spiralling lower and lower. Until I was in a place where there seemed to be no love left at all. Least of all for myself.

Today I asked my Guides why it was so easy to discover the absence of love and to sink into the pain of love not returned. Why was that a part of my life?

As always they approached this in a very loving way. They have told me many times that this experience of human life is so that the Spirit can learn about the absence of love. In the Afterlife unconditional love is the guiding force holding the whole of the community together. To experience anything else the Spirit has to take a trip to a place where love is conditional. That’s our human reality right now. Being here actually helps my Spirit to keep choosing unconditional love in the Spirit World. But here the choice is different. I can experience love or it’s absence. It’s up to my free will to decide what I have. And to sort out how much or how little pain I feel.

That’s because I can look at love as something to give and receive in equal measure amongst all the people I connect to. Or I can view love as something that is in limited supply so it has to be earned, collected, hoarded and returned. If others don’t return the love I can shut down giving or getting love. I can stop loving myself. And that can become painful. But my Guides are keen to point out the fatal flaw I sometimes trip up over. I can’t give love to anyone unless I know how to give it to myself. Because, they say, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And I have to consider all those times I’ve thrown the opportunity for love away. Fearing to get hurt. Thinking I’m stopping myself from feeling pain.

They keep reminding me to learn to love myself. All that I am. Not to return to the pain of the past. But to keep an open heart so any love energy passing through will fill me up too.

That can feel difficult. I know that this tricky energy called love takes many forms. So I have to love the child and teenager still within me as much as the adult me tryping these words. I have to love the irritating me who always likes to be right. And the me who gets in a flap when a deadline is looming. Or the me who wants to shout at the TV when men are telling me how it feels to be a woman or to experience life as a woman. The ignorant, intolerant, angry, judgemental me who shouts out from a corner of my mind that she hasn’t really gone away. Until I can embrace all of myself, surround myself in unconditional love then I’m not ready for the bigger challenge.

The greatest test of love. Loving all those people who don’t return my love. And all the people who want me to be something I’m not. Plus those who want me to give endlessly as a sign of my love for them but who resist giving anything back to me. All the people who returned to sender and let a quarrel end the relationship. Those who judged me and decided not to find any love for me. And those who knew I loved them but decided not to love back. They may all have had their reasons. I have to look carefully at any pain I might feel from the lack of their love. The pain I feel is showing me the gap in my loving of me. The bit of me I’m not embracing and loving enough.

A return of love is a boost. I also see that the absence of love is a gift to show me where I have to love me more. Because that will help me to send loving, positive energy to those who don’t love themselves enough to share the love we can all have. My Guides tell me that when we have all learned how to return love to ourselves and others in any circumstances we will have made a heaven here on Earth.

Day 706 of my blogging challenge 

Embrace: Every Woman’s Story of Self-Love

I’m heading off on a break tomorrow. Before I go I’d like to share some information about self-love. Something I’ve been discussing for a while in my blogs.

When I first started to connect with Spirits and Guides I was very unsure about what was happening. Through a process of working with them I began to accept that they really had picked me and that I had the abilities they needed. It too me a while to build up my confidence in what they asked me to do. Giving messages to strangers was outside of my comfort zone. But with their loving support I moved myself a long way out of that comfort zone. With help I found some self-love to support my growing confidence. And the rest is history.

I’ve had to support my daughter to find self-love rather more than I expected over the last eight years. Her school days have not been full of happy memories. She didn’t get to enjoy a prom night. Or the kind support of loving friends. She is her own person. With the confidence to outlast the bullies who made her life a misery. Because she didn’t pay attention to her looks, make up, clothes or boys. She kept on studying despite all the cruel words. I encouraged her to enjoy being different. To dress how she felt she wanted to. To be her own person. Not an easy thing, I know, for a teenage girl surrounded by all the body image hype.

What kept me strong in encouraging her was the self-love I had developed for myself. Understanding  and talking it through with my Guides. Realising why it was so important.

Tonight I went to see a film called Embrace. A wonderfully empowering story of the work of  Taryn Brumfitt to bring the focus of self-love into the issue of women’s bodies. All of my life I have been judged on my looks. Whether I was good looking overtook the issue of if I was intelligent, good at my job, capable or had ability. The dress code where I worked was quite clear. Women had to look like ‘attractive’ women. Whatever that meant in the eyes of the men around us. Or the media for that matter. I remember the power suits, shoulder pads, navy or black, heels and accessories that were understated. A world without colour.

I also remember the joy at being able to escape the work uniform. To drown myself in bright colours, flowing tops and jeans. I wasn’t the same person under the clothes. But judged very differently. As was my body. My chest really. It was prominent. So I could never match the models in the magazines. I hated myself at times because I couldn’t find bras and tops to fit that were fashionable. There was definitely a lack of love going on. And that is why this film and the work is so important. Women come along in all shapes and sizes. And we are all beautiful.

In the Afterlife I will have no physical body. Looks won’t matter. Do I want to look any different? No. I want everyone to be treated as beautiful for the skin they are in. Embrace self-love and love every bit of you because the true you will leave this body behind one day. Enjoy it whilst you have it.

Day 597 of my blogging challenge