Getting a Grip: Moving Saturn’s Lessons On

Getting clearPhew! What a heavy few days. Saturn has really been shaking that Leo pride about. And giving me wobbles too. Today I feel I’m getting back on track. At last!

I welcomed in the New Moon knowing that there was also some tricky energy sttached to this one. Saturn had stepped forward to play a leading role. I always struggle with Saturn. He is all about responsibility, duty and lessons. Saturn energy makes me want to run and hide. Mainly because it reinforces my sense of obligations. And the need to act like an adult. That means I have to own everything I feel, think and do. Plus Saturn makes me consider very deeply if I am creating positive energy in my life. Because he has a trick of getting me to think of all the times I’ve wallowed in negativity.

This is only to ensure that I have ‘learned my lesson’ so to speak. But I find it hard sometimes to look back. My old emotions and thoughts get triggered. And sometimes I realise I am still hanging on to things that are distorting my present life. Of course the good that comes out if this is that I redouble my efforts to let go. But before I get to that point I can be very wobbly. That’s exhausting. Taken to gather with the Leo energy, having to look at what I pride myself on, it’s been a sobering few days. An almost ‘I’m really rubbish at this or that’ few days. Even a ‘give up now’ sort of thought train in my head.

Getting through this thought-provoking energy has been my challenge. Staying grounded in myself, my abilities and the help I can call on has been a key focus for me.

After all, I know I require help sometimes. I’ve even freed up more room for me to receive it. Grabbing the chance to clear my internal clutter once more through the kind help of other people. I also realised that the process of clearing is almost at an end. The stuff that surfaced in the past week is really old, deeply stuck experiences. So I was very grateful today to feel like I am getting through this energy phase. I’m digging up the real me and starting to be very proud of her achievements and abilities. That is important. This month is all about letting in the Light. Reminding myself that I have a purpose underpinning my life. And that only by being my true self will I achieve what my Spirit desires.

August’s energy is all about re-dedicating myself to serving for my highest good. To the benefit of a greater good. However, I have to make my promises without any clear picture of what that service entails. Except that I know I will be getting a chance to use all of my skills and talents. In the best possible way. If I let myself do this. I also appreciate that there will still be fears to overcome, doubts to dismiss and uncertainty to rise above. But the Saturn energy has been showing me that I have done this before so I can certainly do it again. All I have to set my mind and heart to is doing my best in any given moment. Then to let the Universal energy take care of all the rest.

I’m getting ready for a big shift. That step into trusting myself, my life and my wisdom no matter what service comes my way. I know I can do it. Saturn has reminded me that I can. I’m ready to welcome the Light. Are you ready to join me there?

Day 617 of my blogging challenge

Staying Flexible and Focused: Change Happens!

I’ve had a muddle of a week. My diary has shifted around quite a bit. I’ve had to be flexible. At the same time I’ve also had to be focused. It’s the nature of dealing with change.

There has been an spect of this New Moon where Saturn has thrown in a bit of a curve. I know these kind of curves. I’ve had a heavy Saturn influence in my birth chart for the last few years. That certainly means I have been tested. Or even that I’ve tested myself. The key to dealing with the impact of Saturn has been for me to learn to be flexible. I have had to respond to last minute changes. Recognising that the way I try to control my life can be a limitation as well as a structure that helps me. Because my diary has often turned up side down. Or got in a muddle. Things cancelled, then added and then cancelled again at the very last moment.

I know that ten years ago I was much less flexible. I expected my diary to run the way I had set it out. My life was neatly organised. Work was a set routine. In fact my focus was on so much routine that there was no freedom for the unexpected to turn up. Much less disrupt what I was set on doing. However, working intuitively doesn’t respond to the logic of a plan. It means I go where I’m sent when it’s the right time for me to be there. It’s taken me years to learn to go with the flow. And more years to learn to stay focused. Focused on what? I focus on the moment I’m in. Doing whatever I’m doing to the best of my ability. I know there is a bigger picture somewhere underneath it all. But I don’t worry over much what that is.

In fact the changes this week have left me with an opportunity to take some ‘me’ time. I’ve already got my art stuff out. I’m going to play. And be flexible about what I decide to focus on. Bring on the changes!

Day 612 of my blogging challenge

On a Go Slow: Feeling Out of Sorts

It’s been a slow day. I woke up feeling out of sorts. Nothing I could put my finger on. But heavy energy.

Sometimes it’s not clear to me why I feel that the energy is heavier. I know all sorts of things might be going on in the energy ocean that surrounds me. But I can’t quite get to the heart of what is shifting around. At this kind of time I have to be kind to myself and acknowledge that I’m not feeling just quite right. It doesn’t happen often. Because usually the waves of energy are very clear. And I know that everyone around me is feeling those same waves. Yet today it felt like some of the waves were definitely flowing in the opposite direction. So were many of the things I planned to do.

When this happens I know that things might appear to be going in reverse. So I feel like I’m not moving forward but back. Given that it’s also the start of a new moon with some interesting impacts from both Mercury and Saturn yet in the outspoken Leo it’s no surprise that everything I’ve been doing has come back under review. I have been busy manifesting my desire but now I also have to check if they are really what I want. Then I have to do the work of making sure they come into being. And that might be the challenge. Taking the right action when there are all sorts of things I can choose to do. I’m being asked to be decisive. Not a good thing if, like me, you tend to procrastinate quite a bit.

However, the time for thinking is almost past. I have one more go round in this heavy energy before I start to put my creative talents into bringing in my dreams. September is launch time. In this heavy energy I need to rest, review and refocus all sorts of intentions. How about you? What will you do?

Day 609 of my blogging challenge 

Grumpy Energy: Towards Full Moon

One of the things I’ve noticed this week is the increase in grumpy energy. I’m slightly less calm, forgiving and positive. There is a little extra bite in some of my conversations. My impatience is creeping up the scale.

One of the most interesting things is the idea that the lunar calendar affects our moods. Certainly the moon, as a satellite body, has created the gravitational pull that causes tides. And tides vary depending on the position of the moon. I also love my astrology. The theory that not just the moon, but a whole host of planets affect our moods. Yet astrology is still regarded as a pseudo science. Being someone who enjoys astrology I guess dismissing it as unscientific would be reason for me to feel grumpy. Because I do feel that the energy of the planets affects our energy too.

One of the planets I need to give a nod to is Pluto. At the moment it’s creating an interesting energy. Along with Saturn, the teacher or task master, Pluto is pushing us to notice issues of power or powerlessness. Hence the slightly grumpy atmosphere everywhere I look. As the energy effect of the moon increases, at it’s height when the full moon is in, it’s adding it’s feminine flow to the transformational and challenging demands of Pluto and Saturn. And the moon is full in Leo, another powerful masculine sign. But that’s not all. Along with the full moon we are getting a partial lunar eclipse and a close pass from a comet. With all of that celestial energy I am sure the grumpy feeling will be with us for a few days yet.

That’s because all of the letting go of last year has finally got me to a point where I have to embrace the changes. Stepping back is no longer an option. Definitely a reason to make me feel grumpy.

I’m stepping into an uncertain future. I have to remember to stand in my own power and manifest all that I want. It would be so much easier to let someone else do all the hard work. But I have Saturn breathing down my neck reminding me that I’m the one who has to put the effort in. Blast those planetary energies. And my Spirit that decided I would come here again. I’ve tussled with the meaning of power all my life. From rejecting my own power to overpowering myself. Or lost in relationships of all kinds where power was given away, traded, taken and lost. Some days I’ve been very glad I’m not the only one struggling to understand and balance my power and your power.

So how do I survive the grumpy feeling without exploding like a volcano? My best tactic is to notice my grumpiness. And how grumpy others are being too. It will help me to adopt a ‘Whateva’ attitude to myself and others. I’m also giving myself lots of space to sound off to myself if I need it. And moving a lot of the pent up energy into exercise, clearing clutter and getting organised. I’m also making sure I spend some time each day meditating. Sitting quietly and letting the feelings and thoughts flow through me without comment. I know that suppressing the grumpy feeling will only make it stick more. In the end it’s not really useful to keep going around like a bear with a sore head.

Most of all I’m being kind to myself right now. Recognising that all of us are sharing the same current of energy. Telling myself to keep calm. This too will pass. It’s true. Next week we will face a different energy altogether!

Day 444 of my blogging challenge.

Revisiting Conversations

Sometime in a week a theme or topic seems to be ever present. Perhaps this week, because of the effect of Chiron and some Saturn energy, I’ve been paying attention to the conversations I’ve been having.

I’ve already written about that. Yet I found myself revisiting the conversations of earlier in the week when I was talking to more friends today. One of the strands of discussion was about the way in which we all go through wobbly moments. I noticed a lot of my friends have had wobbles, mainly on Tuesday and Wednesday, at the very time when the Light is returning to the world. I wobbled too. Although the energy of Imbolc, or Bridget’s Day, or Candlemas, is a positive uplift the week has been less Light inspiring than I expected. It’s as if we all got a blast of Light but got blinded by it at first.

Now that the week I’d drawing to a close I feel that I have had that Light helping me. I’ve been revisiting my view of myself. Looking at me as an I Am. seeking out any new changes or old stuckness. Probing into my inner world to identify what the wobble was all about. Because wobble said always bring things to the surface for me to pay attention to. It’s interesting how I cling to negative energy. Or perhaps it should be how negative energy wants to cling to me. Sometimes when you distance yourself from the sources of negativity it’s as if that energy flow tries to hook you back in.

I used to get hooked back in quite easily. Revisiting my experiences of the past eleven intuitive years I realised that I felt more comfortable in the negative zone.

Then I would search for the teacher who could pull me out of it. Sometimes not realising that the teacher was stuck too. Of course I was responding to the needs of my Ego. I stayed safe within the limits it set me. Even when my Spirit was prompting me that I was more than those particularmlimitations. Even in the face of my Guides pouring endless unconditional love over me. It was like I couldn’t love myself enough to believe in and trust myself. I didn’t really start to change until my Guides stopped sending me to teachers. Then I saw that co-dependency was a key factor of my comfort zone. I needed someone to validate my inner wisdom.

That’s actually quite a popular method of self-sabotage. When I revisited my search for teachers I realised that I had given my power to them. I had gone to learn with an attitude of ‘I’m not worthy’. So my lessons were hard. And I often refused to acknowledge my own wisdom of myself. I’m not alone in giving others ‘expert’.power. Our school systems tell us that our teachers know best, are like Gods and have all the power. So I went along trying to validate myself by getting teachers who might, one day, say I was some good. That I had wisdom and knowledge. In fact, that I was worthy.

In reality, I stayed stuck. I couldn’t embrace my unique combination of wisdom and experience. Or accept that it had any value to me or others.

It was only when I started to teach awareness of intuition and later energy connections that I finally let go of that inner judgement. Revisiting that time I know I had no external validation that what I was sharing was ‘right’. However I had Guides who encouraged me to continue sharing. They helped me to understand that my path was only my path. Yet if I told others about it they might be encouraged to find their path. And if I showed them what I had done they could experiment for themselves. I discovered that my best teacher about my inner world was me. It was then that I really began to embrace my own inner knowing.

Now I do what I feel prompted to do. I still read and listen to other people’s experiences. I notice the language they use to describe their experiences in case we are talking about the same things but in different words. If I find something that seems to resonate with me I will try it. Best of all, I pay attention to the conversations I have with my Guides. If I’m stuck I know they will help me revisit what I don’t yet see clearly. I enjoy being self taught. Because I’m the expert in me. And I’m the only one who can translate my experiences into meaning for me. I still love to teach by sharing my experiences.

Best of all I love it when the people I am sharing with can find their own self belief, wisdom and knowledge by connecting first with their intuition and then with their Guides. Believe in yourself. You are wiser than you know.

Day 438 of my blogging challenge.

Some Days Bring Sparkle

imageThe sun sparkled. The smiles of the people around me twinkled. I’m sure my aura was shining too. It’s been one of those days.

I love those days when everything has a sparkle. The easy to float through days. Everything sparkles. They always come when I’ve taken my first steps on the right path. How do I know it’s the right path?  My whole being vibrates with a positive flow. Abundance pours over me. I can feel the excitement of change. I become aware of the birds, the smell of the trees, the laughter all around. Life has fizz. I love it so much I want more. Much more.

If you have been reading my blog you might be wondering what has happened. I’m not always good at accepting or making changes. Sometimes I hold myself back from the good stuff because I’m still debating what to do. Yet there is always a tipping point. A moment when to stay blocked will result in stagnation. The only way really is onwards and upwards. I know that recently I passed that point. Reaching deep inside I pulled out the tough love Annie I can be. I needed her to push me to my limit. To help me get unstuck.

Tough love is so important. It is the Saturn energy, or the Grandfather Samesh vibe, that pushes me onward. A blast of power to help me reach the sparkle of new beginnings.

There are times when I have to do what I have to do. Not to do so would be disrespectful to myself. There are times when I will definitely not be pleasing everyone. I wonder how often they have considered pleasing me. Respect is a mutual thing but it starts with respect for self first. When I’m lost in the confusion of change, busy weighing up everyone else’s needs and forgetting mine, tough Annie yells in my ear. She reminds me to take life less seriously.

For that’s what happens when change energy is about. All sorts of things that don’t really matter seem to become very big. It’s easy for me to forget that I’ve been around this block a lot more times than once. And that’s without remembering my past lives or those yet to come. I have to keep it clear in my head that I’m here to live a good, happy and purpose filled life. That’s because it’s what I planned for myself. It’s only me who has been making it hard. The sparkle in my day reminds me that I’ve started making easy for myself once again.

Is it time for you to notice the sparkle? To jump into the change energy and find a new beginning? Happy days ???

Day 283 of my blogging challenge.