Resisting The Impulse: Feeling Like I Have To Fill A Day

Resisting rest?Some days I find myself resisting the impulse to fill my time with activity. Part of it is about running my own business. Part of it is that Spirit people often drop by unannounced. Asking me to do something for them.

A common challenge with working for myself is to ensure I take enough time for myself. The flow of work is unpredictable. I can be very busy then on what seems like a go slow. So it’s tempting to say yes to everything I’m asked to do in case a quiet spell is on it’s way. But that isn’t good for me. It’s too easy for me to become exhausted by chasing all the work. Or feeling like I have to be there for people at all times. Since I am also someone who enjoys being busy it can be very seductive to follow that impulse to work as much as possible. But I have been resisting both of these drives for some time now. Because I know I’m not effective if I’m tired.

In the same way, my impulse when I get Spirit visitors is to give them my time and attention. It’s a natural reaction as I want to help anyone I can. Yet, again, I’ve had to understand that resisting the impulse to pass on messages at inappropriate times is important to my wellbeing. I know that in the beginning I was frightened that if I told the Spirit people to go away they would never come back. But I now know they always do. Because not too many of us are prepared to communicate with them. And they really want to get their messages through to us. Over time I have become much better at setting ‘working hours’ for the Energy Beings.

So it has been a strange experience to find that I couldn’t sleep last night. At all. Not because my mind was active. Or that there was work to do. But because I was resisting letting myself relax.

I realise I needed a little lesson. A reminder that work of any kind isn’t the be all and end of my life. There has to be down time. I have to give myself a break. Of course I ended up doing something during my wide away night. I read a novel. Finally stopping myself resisting my wide awareness. Using it instead. But understanding that I must take it very easy on myself during today. Which I have done. And I have had chance to consider where this busy, busy, busy side of me comes from. Because it is part of my personality to enjoy being active. But it’s also become over exaggerated by my desire to achieve.

Ambition is a great energy to use to get things done. However, we live in a world where ambition has become a major driver in people pushing themselves past their limits. I have done that in my work in the past. Trying to achieve what I thought would be good for me. Resisting the signals of my body and mind that ambition and achievement had pushed me passed my limits. I was clearly rejecting those signals because my balance was off. I had no ambition to relax properly. Over the years since I have become much better at being busy doing nothing. Yet there must be a little bit of push left. And my sleepless night gave me plenty of time to recognise it.

Resisting a balanced life is an experience many of us share. The energy waves of the moment are asking me and you to notice where we reject rest and relaxation. To understand how our mind tries to keep us busy and active. With no time for contemplation  or relaxation. I’ve enjoyed a day without ambition or achievement. Tonight I can sleep.

Day 643 of my blogging challenge 

Up With The Lark And Singing

I love the light mornings. Up with the lark as the sky moves away from darkness. Listening to the bird song and slowly coming awake. Spring is certainly here.

I find early morning is a great time to set my intentions for the day. Especially if it is light. In Winter I want to stay snuggled under my duvet. In Spring I’m ready to get up and get going. Today as I emerged from sleep I thought about the restructure I’ve been doing with my spiritual business. My Centre has been open for three years but recently I’ve revisited it’s purpose. I wanted to be sure I was focused on the dreams I have for what I can do there. I suppose when I started back in 2014 it felt like a bit of a lark. An adventure. Perhaps not to be taken all that seriously because it felt like having fun.

Over time my attention drifted. I took on things that weren’t necessarily at the heart of my dreams. Little side wanderings onto paths that looked interesting. But possibly for now are dead ends. That’s what I realised this Spring. The song of the lark in the dawn light reminded me to look to what makes my heart sing. Hence the restructuring. Bringing my attention back to the work of my Centre. Preparing to have another go at aiming for my dreams. That means a big clear out of old energy. And ‘old’ stuff like furniture, stock and books. Today I also cleared out my doubts about my business purpose. It’s natural to have them. But they can end up limiting my options.

Most people setting up in business are unaware that it can take three years or so to move into profit. And feel that a profit is sustainable. It’s actually a lot harder in a spiritual business when profitability is not the way the business is measured.

Perhaps that’s why I felt like I was larking about in the beginning. Not taking business seriously in terms of generating a vast profit. Lots of business people around me kept asking about my bottom line. They didn’t mean my figure or my derrière. They meant my income from my business. I found it quite hard to explain to them that I knew I would be provided for. That the Universe would make sure I had enough coming in so that I could concentrate on helping people rather than charging. I probably sounded very vague and somewhat fluffy to people used to looking at cash flows and the bottom line all the time.

However I have managed to build my business. People keep finding me. I have something to offer and it seems to be what they want. That makes me glad I’ve spent the last three years learning a lot about myself, business and running a spiritual business. Today I started to implement some of my new plans. Off to my office early to move myself more into my Centre. Reorganising the rooms ready to hand some of them back to the landlord. I do keep an eye on my business finances so the changes will be cost effective. But I also know not to let the current profitability or otherwise of what I’m doing get in the way of my enjoyment of what I do.

That’s what had me singing like a lark this morning as I moved desks and shelving. I’m enjoying investing my energy in my business. It’s what I want to be doing right now. I’m certain it’s going to be another year for adventure 💜

Day 512 of my blogging challenge