Leaping Into Darkness: Standing Steady

LeapingSometimes I feel like I’m leaping into darkness. I can’t see what’s ahead and my shadow side is doing it’s best to hold me back. That’s when I have to make the biggest effort to stay on track.

For most of this year I have been navigating my life blind. My usual sense of knowing exactly what I’m doing and where I’m going has been off line. That’s because it’s a year of big shifts, personally, globally and energetically. I’m not the only person confused, waiting and wondering ‘what next?’. As the year has gone on I’ve found myself shifting in all aspects of my life as the changes work their way through. But I’ve also noticed that whenever I’ve been leaping into the unknown my uncertainty has almost stopped me moving ahead. It’s really important for me to understand that habit. If I let it carry on into my future choices I could end up leaping – but not far enough or well enough.

That’s why I’m working hard to understand my fears. The parts of me that quake my way through change rather than striding confidently forward. I know I’m a bit of a control freak still. Change is something I’m only slowly getting comfortable with. But I have to help myself enjoy change when it happens because then I’m much more likely to make the best choices for me. And that’s the problem with my shadow side. When it gets in the way I don’t do the best for myself. Leaping forward turns into a jump backwards. As I acknowledge my fears it doesn’t remove them completely. But it makes it easier for me to ignore that ego prompt to stay in the same habits. Standing steady is my answer. I remind myself that I’m in charge, not the fear. And I remind myself of the many times I’ve leapt and succeeded.

That’s the point. Knowing that the leap will be over at some point. That I will be back on solid ground. And that everything will turn out well. Is it time to trust yourself enough to take a leap out of your comfort zone too?

Day 664 of my blogging challenge 

Recharging My Batteries

img_2362Have you ever noticed feeling a bit run down. As if recharging your batteries is overdue? Today I needed a long lie in before heading to the office.

I know that there have been energy upgrades happening thick and fast. Sometimes too many all at once. Each time another one comes along I have to take a day or two just to resettle back into my skin. Recharging is a natural consequence of adjusting to running at a new energy vibration. So the extra energy bump I got yesterday has been evened out today. That’s why I took some extra time to rest. In fact, I have learned my lesson and don’t try to push myself too hard after a boost.

By the afternoon though I was back ready to work with Energy shifting again. Sometimes the place you live or work gets too big a build up of old energies. The Centre tends to gather the energy of the people who visit in exchange for giving out positive blasts. So I regularly clean the aura of the Centre. Sometimes I move the crystals and plants around. Other times, like today, I move the furniture around. Resetting the rooms creates new energy flows. I’m really recharging the space. And naturally, anyone, including me, who visits or uses it.

2017 has been a resetting and recharging year. However, it might have been easy to miss that in all of the fear energy that is coming to the surface to be released.

Part of the recharging is also about being able to let go of old energy. I know it’s easy to keep going round in circles. To keep thinking about the past or old feelings. It’s as if, sometimes, I can’t resist repeating the same patterns over and over. When I reset my energy by releasing old fears, worries and anxieties I make space for new, positive energy to flow to me. But old patterns often take a long time to shift. Especially if they have been there since childhood. Facing my habits with the knowledge that I can change is the best way to do it.

Getting myself on a new track is all about taking that leap off the cliff. I have to trust that what is new in my intuitive life has arrived for the right reasons. Not always easy, I know. But something that I’m doing to make sure I have the best start I can to the new year. I hope that you have found a little time to recharge your energy today. It’s worth a few minutes or event hours if you can. Then you will be ready for all of the positive, new and exciting things that will be happening very soon ?

Day 377 of my blogging challenge. 

Stuck Going Round in Circles

img_2350It’s an enlightening day. I was reminded several times of the saying ‘The more things change, the more they stay the same’. It seems that one or two things are coming round again. And I wonder if I’ve managed to move in an upwards spiral at all.

It started because I had a difficult time getting to sleep. A flood siren at 7pm, the river raging and rising, rain that didn’t seem to want to go away. I felt I was back round at Christmas Day 2015. This time, instead of an elderly aunt I had my daughter to keep calm for. Preparations done for the possible flood I headed off to bed. But my mind was full of the memory of the 7.30am siren on Boxing Day¬† that turned into a flood on it’s way. In the early hours of this morning I was waiting. Would the siren sound again?

As I thought about that waiting feeling I realised that the feelings from the flood were, to some extent, still locked inside my aura. Mostly it was my fear for the other person in the house and my cats. My rational brain knew that we would all be ok. We could stay safe upstairs. Yet I was remembering the aftermath too. Four days without power. No heat. No light. Wearing layers of clothes to keep warm and expecting the lights to come back on every few minutes. In the end I applied some self-Reiki, had a discussion with myself, sent the frightened me a lot of love and drifted off to sleep.

It’s interesting really. I am able to cope with fresh flooding but a little bit of me felt helpless. Is it ok to feel that way? What about being a survivor? That’s when the next thing came round.

People sometimes need my help then move on because they can manage for themselves. Sometimes they look around for different support. Occasionally they fall back into old patterns. Every now and then they stick with me as we move the support into new areas. It’s part of the exploration we all do. I know that I have had support from lots of different people throughout my life. When I have been ready I’ve moved on to a new choice or a different method. Chatting with someone today I picked up the question I’d asked earlier. Am I giving myself permission to feel vulnerable?

I feel that we are all under pressure to be strong. To survive everything. However, that stops me from acknowledging the fear that is in my life. It might even stop me from recognising that I’m living my whole life in fear. When I am able to see the scared part of me I have an opportunity to gather round me all of the support I need. If I can’t recognise the fear then I push the help away. It’s like a secret I don’t want others to find out about. So I hide it from myself too. That is a limit I’m placing on myself. And for all the wrong reasons.

Of course it’s ok to be frightened. It’s part of the survival mechanism that has kept us alive for thousands of years. What I’m coming round to is that I can’t jump at shadows. Otherwise I really would be going round in circles.

So when I thought about it a bit more I realised that what the residual fear was showing me was a way to spiral upwards. How not to get stuck. I have to recognise my patterns. When I am in them I need to acknowledge the fear. Then I need to choose to do things differently. And the first choice I have is to take the support or not. I can’t allow myself to be driven by fear here, there and everywhere pretending I’m ok. But secretly rejecting the support that is offered. I have to listen to myself with compassion. If I comfort the part of me that is feeling vulnerable I can stop the knee jerk reaction.

My old habits won’t get a look in if I give myself time to respond differently. And allow myself a full range of emotions. By accepting that it’s my right to feel frightened I can offer myself the best reassurance. The reassurance of experience. I have survived times when I didn’t believe for a moment I could. I have come through times when the fear was so strong I could taste it. In the end it’s knowing that fear won’t stop me carrying on with my life. As things circled through my day it helped me to see that each experience brings me a fresh insight into me. The chance to take a closer look at myself and understand that I am making progress in spite of my fears.

Day 372 of my blogging challenge.