I’ve had an interesting day observing how old habits really do die hard. It can take a lot of energy and effort to change the way I do things. And the expectations I have.
Of course, as I now try to look at my life and world from an energy point of view perhaps it’s easier to restate this proverb as ‘Old energy dies hard’. Because that is what gives us habits and patterns in the first place. I know that the situations and experiences I have encountered have left their energy mark in me. My thoughts and feelings are connected to the energy and can end up being driven by them. That’s why I can find myself responding in the same way to energy that is perceived to be the same or similar to those old situations. And that’s not necessarily a good thing. Especially if the energy I am responding to is low vibrational. Like fear, hate, envy or anger. All that does is trap memory firmly into a patterned energy response.
But breaking the habits of what might be my lifetime can also feel like an effort that it’s too difficult to make. Even if my responses keep drawing that old energy to me. Yet I know I want to do things differently. And what I’ve understood, by looking at energy rather than the actions or behaviours of habits, is that I can learn to release the energy. If I let the thoughts and feeling go I can replace them with more positive responses. I can change my energy and thus change the way in which my pattern operates. Today I noticed that I was driving rather anxiously because of the bad weather. I noticed that it tied in with the little crash I had back in September. And had echoes of another crash from an earlier part of my life.
The anxiety was likely to make my driving worse. Even cause an accident. So when I stopped I had a chat with myself about the old energy. I reminded myself that I could drive in theses conditions and that I had done so for many years. I sent my anxious self some love. And on my return trip focused on how easily I was driving. I will continue to watch that this anxious energy doesn’t return. Or that I don’t collect more of it. Have you got old energy you need to change? Is it time to love yourself enough to let it go?
Day 745 of my blogging challenge
I’ve taken myself off for a couple of days. House-sitter in place and cats in charge. Letting myself have some compassion for me.
That’s the hard part. When things are tough I can slide into picking at myself. I believe all of us have that little negative voice that pops up when we least expect it. It was there today. Nagging at me. Because it’s been a bit of a hard week. Energy wise and work wise. I’ve been getting the tests from the Saturn energy. Old issues that I thought I’d settled ages ago. But back up in my face once more. At least I’m getting better at recognising the negative voice and the issues it brings. So I’m please with myself for deciding that I needed some time out. Actually some time away. Grounding myself once more. It’s about compassion.
I know that we find it hard to put ourselves first when we believe in being of service to others. That often leads me to try to do too much. I also know that I’m not the only one doing that. So many people want to do their best for others. Like me they practice random acts of kindness. And perhaps take on too much responsibility for the outcomes others expect. Yet where is the self compassion? Random acts of kindness I do for myself? I find it hard to praise myself. It seems big-headed. I also find it difficult to say no. That feels like an unkindness to the other person. But I say no to myself so much. I tell myself I can’t have this, do that or enjoy myself too much.
The worst of it is that I know better. I understand that compassion is for me, you, everyone. Kindness is a blessing we are all entities to.
Several times this week I have found myself in echoes of old situations. Circumstances where I have felt that someone has been trying to take advantage of my good nature. Or actually has managed to do that. They have been blind to their actions or the feelings it led to. And I have been left to deal with how I feel as a result. One two occasions I’ve actually been unable to voice my feelings. Not at all like me as I am now. Yet very like me some years ago. It made me think. Actually it stopped me in my tracks. I started to argue with myself. Because I felt I was being unkind. To the other people involved. In an instant that negative voice was there. Telling me how awful I was. Worst of all I felt as if I’d lost all that ground I had already made.
That’s when I asked my oracle cards for help. Really I was calling for my Guides to give me a nudge. How had I let that negative voice upset me? They sent me the Goddess of Compassion. As a reminder and a prompt. I was forgetting to be compassionate towards myself. Of course I know that making spiritual progress is more like an upwards spiral than a straight line. So I was certainly being harsh on myself to think I had somehow slid back into old habits. Although it was also a reminder to make sure I use my voice and make my requirements very clear in future. Sometimes an old pattern is hard to break. Because it makes me feel safe.
Though an old pattern is also a temptation. To stop making changes, especially if they are challenging, and to play safe. My compassion for me is to recognise the ‘safe’ patterns are restricting.
And, of course, to keep on making the changes. I can do that best if I honour my abilities. So as I drove to my retreat I started to think about all of the wonderful things that I have received in the last few years. I am blessed with loyal and truthful friends. They help me remember what I’m good at. The Universe has sent me transport when I needed it, a retreat when I wish to clear my head and work that I love. I have a family who are caring and compassionate. My pets comfort me when I’m stressed. And I have Guides and Inspirers who push me just that little bit further out of my comfort zone every time. For everything I have given I have also received.
Although the negative voice has tried hard this week to remind me that I haven’t given this or that, or got that or this, I looked at the scenery I was driving through and knew I have everything I require. My life is happening in a way that is bringing me all I’ve ever wanted. Because I have decided to use my abilities. In spite of my fears trying to hold me back. I have let myself discover what I’m good at. What I’m excellent at. I’m living more and more of my life in that excellent zone. So of course the tests will be there to see if I can stick with it. The negative voice is actually scared of me. And my compassion towards myself. Because it knows it’s getting quieter. It has less influence. That voice is disappearing.
So I feel like I’m back on track. The Universe will keep delivering it’s random acts of kindness for me. And I will stay compassionate with myself. If I believe in my goodness I can also believe in the goodness in others. Life will rebalance itself without effort.
Day 613 of my blogging challenge
The picture with this post if of one of the cards from the set ‘Angels, Gods and Goddesses by Toni Carmine Salerno. I have adjusted it slightly with a photoshopping app.
After my day of resting yesterday today has been a day of themes. I’ve been mentoring people most of the day and noticing the similarities in the energies people are dealing with.
Of course I felt the big energy download on Sunday – my reason for resting yesterday – and the spike due to the full moon is only a day away. The mentoring couldn’t have come at a better time really. When there is a lot of positive energy flowing in it forces the stuck energy to the surface. I can help someone see more clearly what patterns are still operating within them. And how they might be sabotaging their own dreams. On alert for any similarities I wasn’t at all surprised to find several themes emerging.
Dreams was one of the themes I picked out too. I’ve had some vivid dreams. So had all of my mentees. The thread was all about what habits were still playing out. Or where had endings been inconclusive. I was able to stand back and highlight emotional or thought patterns for people. Because the dreams gave me clues. And also because in our work together we had teased out the patterns based on fear or insecurity. Discussing the content of the dreams along side the issues of the past few days helped everyone to look at their patterns much more clearly.
Human beings do things out of habit. It’s one of our themes. It helps me and you feel more secure in the world if our lives are generally predicatable. Yet often those habits become a trap.
I know I like to feel that there is a sort of order in my life. Chaos feels like a scary option. Yet I know that some of my patterns have finished serving me well. They have changed into self-imposed resitrictions instead. If I stay following them I will limit my personal and spiritual growth. That might mean I never fully achieve my dreams. I might even stop dreaming altogether. I would become stuck. That might not sound like a bad idea to my Ego mind which wants to keep me safe. But to my Spirit it’s something to be avoided.
Back to my mentees. The themes today were a reflection of their potential to become stuck in a pattern that has already become unfulfilling. And hidden in the dreams and patterns are the clues of what could change to prevent that. In fact for some of them they had already become unstuck. This current energy blast is a top up to keep their momentum for change going. This evening I also thought bout my patterns. It’s worth considering every now and then if I’m on track with my dreams. Or whether I’m sabotaging myself. Then I can adjust what I do to make sure I’m heading in the right direction.
Old habits die hard. It’s up to me to move into doing things differently. Each time I ask my mentees to review their progress I know I also have to review mine. That way we all learn and grow and change together.
Day 533 of my blogging challenge