The weather today has been freezing cold. Back to Winter as the frost bites. It seems like Spring is still a long way away. Despite the recent celebration of Imbolc. Yet the crocuses in my planters are starting to flower. And snowdrops are everywhere.
Perhaps this freezing cold weather will be the last blast of Winter. But I’m not counting on it. Because I know we need the frost and ice. My plants respond to the seasons. They push upward then pause until the perfect flowering conditions are available. Just like me really. I’ve been in a freeze for most of January. Stopping and starting. Feeling the need to rest and store up energy. Then finding myself in the middle of frantic energies of growth. I’ve also found it rather confusing. A bit like the plants must when the seasons get muddled. I’ve wanted to rush into my new work. Then found myself stalled by circumstances. Or by my own doubts.
This freezing of action has made me doubt that I’m making any progress. Yet once I’ve got moving again I have felt sure that I am doing the right things for me. Of course I have had to remind myself that a freeze response clicks in sometimes when I feel fear. It does for all of us. That moment in the headlights when I can’t decide whether to run or fight. So I stand still awaiting my fate. When this happened I try to take very small steps. Like the moment I ordered my business cards for Embrace Intuitive Mentoring. Or when I messaged some people to ask them to do a book review for me. Neither action took more than a few moments. But both made me feel like I was making progress in what I want to do.
If the freeze hits you and you feel like all of your action energy has drained away find a small thing to do. Make a call. Write a plan in your diary. Go for a coffee and discuss your options with a friend. Remind yourself that you a can and you will. Celebrate your progress in achieving at least that one step. And remind yourself that when you have taken one step you can always take another.
Day 802 of my blogging challenge
Sometime in a week a theme or topic seems to be ever present. Perhaps this week, because of the effect of Chiron and some Saturn energy, I’ve been paying attention to the conversations I’ve been having.
I’ve already written about that. Yet I found myself revisiting the conversations of earlier in the week when I was talking to more friends today. One of the strands of discussion was about the way in which we all go through wobbly moments. I noticed a lot of my friends have had wobbles, mainly on Tuesday and Wednesday, at the very time when the Light is returning to the world. I wobbled too. Although the energy of Imbolc, or Bridget’s Day, or Candlemas, is a positive uplift the week has been less Light inspiring than I expected. It’s as if we all got a blast of Light but got blinded by it at first.
Now that the week I’d drawing to a close I feel that I have had that Light helping me. I’ve been revisiting my view of myself. Looking at me as an I Am. seeking out any new changes or old stuckness. Probing into my inner world to identify what the wobble was all about. Because wobble said always bring things to the surface for me to pay attention to. It’s interesting how I cling to negative energy. Or perhaps it should be how negative energy wants to cling to me. Sometimes when you distance yourself from the sources of negativity it’s as if that energy flow tries to hook you back in.
I used to get hooked back in quite easily. Revisiting my experiences of the past eleven intuitive years I realised that I felt more comfortable in the negative zone.
Then I would search for the teacher who could pull me out of it. Sometimes not realising that the teacher was stuck too. Of course I was responding to the needs of my Ego. I stayed safe within the limits it set me. Even when my Spirit was prompting me that I was more than those particularmlimitations. Even in the face of my Guides pouring endless unconditional love over me. It was like I couldn’t love myself enough to believe in and trust myself. I didn’t really start to change until my Guides stopped sending me to teachers. Then I saw that co-dependency was a key factor of my comfort zone. I needed someone to validate my inner wisdom.
That’s actually quite a popular method of self-sabotage. When I revisited my search for teachers I realised that I had given my power to them. I had gone to learn with an attitude of ‘I’m not worthy’. So my lessons were hard. And I often refused to acknowledge my own wisdom of myself. I’m not alone in giving others ‘expert’.power. Our school systems tell us that our teachers know best, are like Gods and have all the power. So I went along trying to validate myself by getting teachers who might, one day, say I was some good. That I had wisdom and knowledge. In fact, that I was worthy.
In reality, I stayed stuck. I couldn’t embrace my unique combination of wisdom and experience. Or accept that it had any value to me or others.
It was only when I started to teach awareness of intuition and later energy connections that I finally let go of that inner judgement. Revisiting that time I know I had no external validation that what I was sharing was ‘right’. However I had Guides who encouraged me to continue sharing. They helped me to understand that my path was only my path. Yet if I told others about it they might be encouraged to find their path. And if I showed them what I had done they could experiment for themselves. I discovered that my best teacher about my inner world was me. It was then that I really began to embrace my own inner knowing.
Now I do what I feel prompted to do. I still read and listen to other people’s experiences. I notice the language they use to describe their experiences in case we are talking about the same things but in different words. If I find something that seems to resonate with me I will try it. Best of all, I pay attention to the conversations I have with my Guides. If I’m stuck I know they will help me revisit what I don’t yet see clearly. I enjoy being self taught. Because I’m the expert in me. And I’m the only one who can translate my experiences into meaning for me. I still love to teach by sharing my experiences.
Best of all I love it when the people I am sharing with can find their own self belief, wisdom and knowledge by connecting first with their intuition and then with their Guides. Believe in yourself. You are wiser than you know.
Day 438 of my blogging challenge.