Kind Thoughts: Whatever The Energy Between Us

Kind thoughtsSometimes I wake up with word running around my head. Usually in the middle of the night. Often from the conversations I’ve been having with my Guides. One recent discussion was about kind thoughts. Because I have been working on forgiveness.

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to take on board is to be kind to myself. I learned very early in life that I was expected to be kind to others. But I’m not sure that I ever balanced that out with the other half of the equation. That I also needed to give myself the same kindness. When I did start to recognise it was a balance I’m sure I got it wrong lots of times. Because I also needed to understand the nature of forgiveness. Being kind to people I liked was easy. As was me being kind to those who liked me. But what about all of the people I struggled to like? Or didn’t want to like? What about the people I though had done me wrong? How could I offer kindness to them?

When I started to talk to my Spirit Guides they were keen for me to understand how forgiveness, like love, had to be unconditional. If I wanted to be kind to myself and others I also had to be free to forgive myself for anything and everything. That way I would also be ready to forgive other people too. It brought up interesting ideas about guilt and blame. Two great inhibitors on any form of forgiveness. Working through these ideas and feelings was hard. Very hard. Until I started to send out kind thoughts to people. All sorts of people. Including myself. Recognising that we are all flawed. That sometimes we don’t do the best things for one another. Or to one another. Bit by bit I worked to send positive thoughts to people who were in my life. No matter what had passed between us. Or how I felt about that person.

The sending of kind thoughts allowed me to release myself from judgements. I could forgive myself for being less than perfect. And I could also forgive others for the same. Every time I get a negative reaction to someone, or myself, I remind myself to deal with it kindly. And to move on. There are more important things to learn about life. Especially about kindness and forgiveness.

Day 829 of my blogging challenge

Changed Mind: Moving To A Different Way Of Seeing

changed worldHave any of us changed the world we live in? That was my question to me at 4am this morning as I drove home from an emergency call out. I wondered what it would take for everyone to finally live in peace.

The emergency had passed. My mind was free to wander. I was thinking about what had changed in my life since the big shift of Maya energy in 2012. That was the year to end all years apparently. Mankind was on the brink and whether we survived was debatable. It was also the year I stepped up my commitment to my spiritual service. And challenged myself to bring my actions into line with my spiritual beliefs. I have to say it’s been harder than I thought. It’s ok to say I believe in loving everyone because they have the light of spirit within. Far harder to do when people get hurt or die as a result of someone’s actions.

My Letters From The Light Side video guidance this evening echoes my early morning thoughts. How can I make a difference in the world if I’m swept away by the energy of fear? Until I have changed my inner state I can’t possibly approach compassion and forgiveness in any kind of realistic way. Yet I also realised that I am seeing the world very differently. Over the last five years I have learned to appreciate the strength that comes with forgiveness, even if forgiving somethings is still a challenge. Because it means I am letting go of hurt and pain. I am opening myself up to the energy of peace. Accepting that the person who harms me or mine is also a damaged, harmed human being.

That’s something that has changed. I know that people do what they do because they feel they have no other choice. Their life experiences have taught them to be limited.

Can I insist that they are bad or evil because of what they have chosen to do? Or can I see that they are individuals who make mistakes. Mistakes that sometimes have consequences almost too big for them to live with. And what about the much bigger spiritual picture? I have changed my view about life because I have started to live the wisdom that, whilst every human life is precious, we have many lives. In this one I can return to old karmic patterns or not. I have the freedom to make better choices this time round. So I can do my best to make a difference by recognising all of my choices. Then trying to take the best ones forward. As I’ve changed myself I have felt many more moments of peace, certainty and direction.

And I have also realised that I don’t need to change the world I live in. I need to change me. If I show respect and value to myself and others I operate in a different way than when I approach life in a fearful way. Especially when that fear is hidden deep inside, out of sight of prying eyes, as I assume confidence and certainty like a mask. I am much more open about my vulnerability because we are all vulnerable. Susceptible to being influenced because we want to belong. Yet as I have explored the vulnerability hidden in my shadow side I have also discovered a great strength. I have discovered that I can navigate through my own life. I am capable of choosing and living with my decisions. And I can forgive myself for wrong actions because the intentions were right.

Now I have changed myself I’m ready to answer that initial question. Yes, we have changed the world. By small, important and loving steps we are building towards a peaceful future. Peace is not only a possibility to dream of but something actually on the horizon now. And getting closer.

Day 751 of my blogging challenge

Forgiveness: A Challenge

One of the themes of today has been forgiveness. Not what it is but how to achieve it. Especially when a lot of time has passed.

Forgiveness is a key virtue in many religions. Some also have rituals to help someone achieve a state of forgiveness. However, I have always found that to forgive can take a lot of inner work as well as a willingness to do that work. Perhaps the things I consider small transgressions are easier to forgive. In myself and others. I used to be particular about timekeeping. Arriving late was unforgivable. And that applied to the other people too. Perhaps even more so as I didn’t like to be kept waiting. Then I learned that sometimes, no matter how early I set off, I got to appointments late. Because it was me could I keep being so unforgiving?

At that point I started to understand that forgiveness is also based on a judgement about extenuating circumstances. In other words, it was ok for me to be late if I had been prevented by things I couldn’t have foreseen. I was allowed to forgive myself. If I could forgive myself I also had to be able to forgive others if they were delayed. It was only fair. But only if they had done their best to get there on time too. Perhaps this was a somewhat selfish application of my power to forgive. However, I found that I became less focused on timekeeping. As an offence it bothered me a lot less that it once had.

My next lesson in forgiveness came because of an old saying ‘I can forgive but I’ll never forget’.

At some point arriving on time, either me or others, became a fluid matter. I seemed to have lost my unforgiving need for punctuality. It was much less stressful to understand that time doesn’t rule my life unless I make it something I focus on. So I started to consider other things that I might need to forgive. Like my impatience with myself. It seemed I always wanted things to be perfect first time round. Although I was learning to forgive myself I didn’t seem to be able to forget that I wasn’t perfect every time. Or even to forget that drive to be perfect. I could excuse myself, tell myself it was ok to be good enough. But every time I started something I remembered.

At times this inability to forget caused me a whole lot of problems. I resisted starting new things or trying new experiences. My comfort zone shrank instead of getting bigger. Forgiveness seemed an empty achievement whilst I was still beating myself up for not being perfect. Of course quite a lot of that had to do with expectations. I noticed that this push for perfection was based quite a lot on what other people expected of me. I really was trying to please all of the people all of the time. Yet that favour wasn’t returned. Other people seemed to be quite happy being less than perfect when I wanted perfection from them. And they were able to forget all the time.

So where did that take me? Could I forgive, forget and do so over and over again?

I’m still working on forgiving some of the big things. The things that hurt me or those close to me. Whether they are what I’ve done or other have done. But it’s hard when forgetting is difficult too. Sorry is never enough. It doesn’t move the feelings on. Forgetting is no easier even if you feel that you have been acknowledged. It’s even harder where you never get that acknowledgement. I like to think of forgiving and forgetting as a process. A spiritual challenge that takes time to be completed.

I also think that it’s ok to be human. To recognise that perhaps there are some things that will never be forgiven or forgotten because they have had a deeper impact. However, there is always the hope of forgiveness. That enough will be resolved within me, and with others, that a state of true forgiveness will happen. That there will be a time when all hurt is really forgotten because the circumstances that created the feelings cease to happen ever again. Now I’m working on more forgiving and forgetting as a way to clear my path for all of the new, exciting things that I’m going to be doing. Time for another expansion of my comfort zone!

Day 424 of my blogging challenge.

Forgiving Everything

SorryA0616There is an Elton John song ‘sorry seems to be the hardest word’. The lyrics have always resonated with me. I do find saying sorry is a hard thing.

Perhaps because I’m never sure that sorry leads to forgiving. Or forgetting for that matter. And I’ve certainly said some insincere sorry’s in my time. Usually when I still felt like I was in the right and the other person was in the wrong. Or when I felt like I was being blamed unfairly. Yet I had a lot of conditioning when I was growing up. All about apologising. Even about apologising for being who I was. Sorry was a politeness. So I often said sorry for things that weren’t my responsibility or my fault.

That is the heart of the issue really. Sorry is only useful in limited circumstances. When I actually feel that I want the other person to know I am acknowledging a ‘wrongness’. Sorry is a prelude to ‘please forgive me’. Sorry is an opportunity to practice forgiving. I know that is another challenge for me. Some things have happened in my life that are hard to forgive. Perhaps another person could do so easily. Or perhaps not at all. It depends on the way I experience what has happened. And how I choose to process my thoughts and feelings. I know I have said at one or two points of my life ‘I will never forgive …’

Forgive but not forget?

It’s at those points that I’ve said or heard the phrase ‘I can forgive but I’ll never forget’. What a limiting statement to make. Am I really saying that I will let whatever has been a wrongness pass but I’m going to keep the information in my head? Why would I do that? To keep score? To bring it back up months, years, decades later? To let myself continue to feel aggrieved about a wrong? So I have to ask myself have I really been forgiving? Holding on to past events will eventually keep me stuck in the past. My energy will be spent gazing backwards instead of moving forward.

That has been a challenging lesson for me to learn. To acknowledge that what is done is done. Perhaps even to let myself see, once enough time has passed, that what was appeared to be wrongness has turned out to be rightness. I have had to recognise that feeling sorry can get intertwined with feeling guilty. Guilt is an interesting feeling. It comes from the should, must, ought and duty rules we have stuck in our heads. When I feel guilty I always have a look at which rule I’m breaking. Should I have called someone stroppy? Must I take the blame when I actually didn’t create a problem? Ought I to apologise because that’s what nice people do? Is it my duty to make someone feel better? Even if all I’ve done is spoken my truth?

Unconditional forgiveness?

I’m back to the insincere sorry again. Seeking forgiveness has to be from my heart. From an understanding of my own desire to act in the world from a conscious ethical choice. When I am given a sorry from someone I can also accept it as their conscious choice to behave in an ethical way. If I act from my heart by behaving as I would like to be treated I might even reduce the number of sorry’s I end up saying. I write this in the full understanding that my actions may still be perceived as a wrong. I have no say over how my actions are perceived by others.

Recognising that point was a key change in my understanding of forgiveness. I realised that the person I say sorry to the least is me. I am reluctant to forgive myself. I want people to be happy living a good life in whatever way that means for them. It’s been my life mission. Yet I’ve so often got my actions wrong. Or blamed myself when they don’t have a happy life. As a parent that came home to me in a very big way. After all, it’s easy to blame someone else, have them feel guilty and be forever apologising to you. So how do I make sure that I forgive myself unconditionally?


One of the ways I started to remove the barriers to forgiving myself was to tell myself what I was thankful for. Not about the outer world but what was in me. I’m thankful that I care enough to try to help. I’m thankful that I will speak my mind. I’m thankful that I am prepared to get it wrong right now in case it might be right in the future. I’m thankful that I think about what sorry means and how to forgive. I’m very thankful that I am prepared to forget things that I feel were wrongs against me.

Forgiving myself helps me to forgive others. Saying sorry is getting easier too. I’m developing an approach to my life based on unconditional love leading to unconditional forgiveness. I’m by no means good enough at it yet. I still have to remind myself of the journey I’m on. Every day is an opportunity to say sorry to myself, to be thankful for myself and to forgive myself. Every day unconditional forgiveness grows a little stronger in me. One day I hope to be able to forgive everything in myself and others. I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to do so.

Day 226 of my blogging challenge. 

Mistake or prototype?

imageWe all make mistakes. We all do, say, think and believe things that we later determine were not the best thing for us. If we are not careful we spend a lot of time feeling that our mistakes are our failures. We can carry judgements about ourselves based on the mistakes we feel we have made. We can also carry judgments about others based on what we feel their mistakes have been too. A mistake implies a judgement anyway. That something is not the best it can be, or that has unforeseen or unexpected outcomes. So we try harder and harder to get it right, to do, say, think and feel the perfect thing in all circumstances. But we might be fooling ourselves by looking at our mistakes in this way.

I love to cook. There is a recipe to follow. Clear instructions that will result in a perfect cake if followed exactly. Except that some days the scales are a little off. Or my spoon measure is a touch too generous. Or my hand slips when I’m adding the liquid. Or the oven isn’t at exactly the right heat. Does one degree less hot really make a difference? Of course, the best chefs will say any time you go off plan you risk baking something less than perfect. And it’s true. Many times my cakes have been too flat, solid, burnt or misshaped. The local birds have had plenty of crumbs as a treat. Sometimes, and it is getting better with practice, they are light brown circles of heavenly taste. These kind of cakes rarely last more than a day!

Even my mistake cakes have a value, if not for me then for the birds, as making cake disasters lets me work out the very best way to produce something excellent to eat. And the truth is that our mistakes all have a value. They help us work out what hasn’t worked. Mistakes give us clues to the way to do things better for ourselves and others. I like to look at my mistakes as prototypes. Working models of ways in which I can interact with myself and the world. A prototype isn’t going to be right first time. It’s not expected to be. It’s the idea made solid and therefore may have to be tweaked again and again until it is a reliable working whole. Prototypes also show us what is working well and how we might make it work even better. After all, life is never black and white. It’s much more a mixture of grey areas. Going off plan, leaving the recipe behind, might be the only way to develop the prototype at this time.

To help me remember that I’m busy testing prototypes (instead of making mistakes) I focus on practicing unconditional forgiveness. I’m learning to forgive myself for the cakes that came out of the oven scorched. Or the cakes that came out half baked. I’m also applying unconditional forgiveness to anyone else who is involved in my cake making. The baker who wrote such a complicated recipe. The person who phoned just as I should have taken the cake out of the oven & made me forget. Or the person who said they really liked banana cake and then refused a slice of the cake I’d made just for them. I forgive myself for my Marie Antoinette queen bee moments of muttering under my breath ‘let them eat cake!’ The more mistakes I make the more I can practice unconditional forgiveness. How clever is that?

My Guides are big on our unconditional love for ourselves and others leading to unconditional forgiveness. They like the way that energy carries us forward to unconditional gratitude and finally the willingness to serve unconditionally. Sometimes they remind me of that old saying from the Bible ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.’ They’re not hot on the word sin. They explain this saying to me this way: if you have never made a mistake then perhaps (and it’s a hesitant perhaps) you can argue that you are in a position to be able to judge others. But think very hard. Then think harder. Mistakes are a natural part of life. Prototypes are your way of being. Before you can legitimately judge others you have to be prepared to judge yourself. Do you wish to be so harsh on yourself that it denies you the ability to love all of yourself? Hopefully the answer is that you don’t really want to be harsh on yourself. Then why do you wish to be so harsh on others? Find the forgiveness for yourself and others. Make a revised prototype and try again.

There is something precious about mistakes. They might bring us or others pain. There might be challenging consequences. Yet each time we create a solution or try to do something differently we are acknowledging that we have grown. We are refining our way of living as a human being. If we are fortunate we are also uncovering our Spirit within. If we look back at our prototypes perhaps what has emerged as a result is a more loving, forgiving, spiritual person that we imagined possible. That person is more closely who we are – our authentic self, tested in experience and growing in wisdom. So celebrate your mistakes. They are allowing you to discover who you are. Design the next prototype and test that model too.

Day 112 of my blogging challenge.