I’ve been adding things up today. All sorts of bits and bobs. Snippets of work. Ideas and inspirations. Trying to get a sense of the big picture.
Sometimes I know I can’t see the wood for the trees. I see each task or choice and lose sight of the overall plan. It’s the same with my spiritual world as it is in my material world. So I sat down at my desk today with a list of tasks I wanted to complete. Steps in my book project, information to share about the Centre, bills to check and pay. Plus the healing and tarot appointments that were booked in. By 2pm I was fighting a lost battle. I was finding it hard adding up all the remaining things I still had to do and fitting them into the time I had left. Perhaps it was as well that I had an exercise session booked in. Because part of my commitment to my wellbeing is to make sure I do enough physical exercise.
Whilst I was doing the exercises I had to change my focus. To concentrate only on the movements. That meant that I could shift away from all that adding up and step back. Because taking that step away let my subconscious mind work on the themes I am experiencing right now. The wood, so to speak. In the end I finished my session bursting with fresh insight. Understanding that what was adding up in front of me was a whole heap of fears. Fears that have been trying to distract me from moving forward. Therefore I had no chance of seeing the wood. I could only stare at the tree in front of me and wonder, helplessly, what I could do to shift past it.
As I listed the fears that had been working all morning I understood how powerful they can still be. Adding to them was pointless. So was ignoring them. Or denying that I felt any fear at all.
Of course I knew what to do. I’d done it many times before. I needed to speak them out loud. And ask myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. Taking each task, choice or idea, one by one, I worked through what if. That most powerful of thought experiments. Because it also allowed me to visualise success as well as failure. To see that some of my imaginings were much worse that the worst that could actually happen. And to allow myself the feeling of trust. Each fear was me saying I didn’t trust me. Adding to the confusion between heart and head. Nibbling away at my confidence in myself. Adding to a general feeling of being lost or stuck.
Speaking my fear gave me a chance to hear it outside my head. As a result I could challenge what I was thinking. I could remind myself of all the things that had already happened in my life that were much worse that these fears. In regaining my perspective the trees blended into a whole forest. I could see the way through and the many paths I could use. It’s sometimes surprising how things begin adding up once I face my fears. How the Universe answers in kind. If I am fearful it will send some more fear as it assumes that’s what I want. Because that is what my energy is living. Yet if I am hopeful the Universe will send things that bring hope. Once again, because I am living hopefully.
Tonight I’m back looking at the big picture. It’s made up of all sorts of bits and bobs that are adding up to a wonderful new beginning for me. I’m looking forward to my journey because I know, if ever I get lost in fear again, I will be able to find my way through anything.
Day 665 of my blogging challenge