Yesterday’s theme continues. I’m running late with a couple of things. And struggling with a press release I have to write. It’s certainly not like me to be stuck for words!
I’m getting used to flying through a piece of writing. Letting my words flow out and then organising afterwords. After all, at the moment I’m writing at least two pieces a day. Plus the social media posts, answering questions by email and message and bits towards my new book. Who would have thought a press release could cause so much anxiety, frustration and doubt? It’s not as if I haven’t written any for myself before. In the last eleven years I’ve done plenty. But like my Amazon Authors Page and my lulu Author Spotlight page doing a piece to send off for publicity has me running for cover. So, of course, I’ve left it almost to the last minute.
I’ve had many debates with myself about writing a press release. Is it my Ego Mind playing with me and generating false modesty? Am I still ruled by that childhood instruction not to be big headed? Is there a little corner of me still saying I’m not worthy of being talked about in a positive way? Have I discovered a part of me that thinks saying what I’m good at is boasting? I suspect it’s a combination of all of these added in with that bit of me that has always been shy. Most people who know me now wouldn’t think I was shy. I learned quickly to ‘fake it ’till I make it’ so that I can be outgoing. But when my Guides asked me to stand up in public and give messages I refused for quite a while.
Until I was able to encourage the shy me to step back so the talkative me could take over. Then I could press on with working for the Spirit World. She has stayed in the background pretty much.
Yet I feel she’s raising all sorts of objections again right now. I have to take another step out of my comfort zone and she’s worried. Worried that the wider world might not like what I offer. I keep telling her that I’m past caring about what people think. But she still does. She cares that people will judge her and find fault. That people will press criticism on her so much that she will be in bits. I know that there is a person like this in most of us. It’s the bit that didn’t get quite enough loving, positive approval for being who I am. The girl who could paint but was told not to bother. The woman who wanted to write but only wrote factual, dull reports.
No wonder a press release, talking about what I’m doing with my writing, is a challenge. I’m going to have to dig very deep to get past this. But I will. Because I love that shy, reserved girl who practised her singing and wanted to be in a band. Yet was too afraid to chase that dream. I love that she puts in an appearance when I’m about to take a leap forward. And I love her persistence. Even though she lost some of her dreams she’s determined not to be forgotten. I know she has courage. She regularly comes up against the domineering me who wants to take on the world and win because she’s always right. Shy me always calms domineering me down. Shy me keeps me grounded.
I guess the press release will get written. In the end I have to learn to talk about myself and my abilities. It’s a delicate balancing act but worth it in the end. Because what matters is the book. It’s arrived through Spirit intervention. They have helped me press on. And what ever is said next, I know I have acknowledged my love of words.
As the dust of the last twelve months settles I can finally see some of the big picture emerging. Enough to encourage me that I’m on the right track. So I am ready to make more decisions.
I’ve understood for a big part of this year that I had to be ready to travel light. In other words the glimpses of the big picture always seemed to be about me making sure my aura energy was clear. I’ve worked hard to lighten my energy load. Letting go of the past has been quite a journey. But I also understood that at some point I would have to let go of material things too. That process started and stopped, then started again, as my Ego Mind clung on to the ‘reality’ of this world. The reality represented by my possessions. I guess I was scared that if I stopped having so many things I would be judged as less worthy somehow.
But that was me in my Ego Mind. Pressing me to stay in the box of my own creating. Because the box stops me from seeing the big picture. More importantly it stops me taking the action to move myself forward to new things. And life is really all about moving forward. I’ve had to keep focused on the snippets of the bigger picture. Trusting that there was a lot more to see. And seeking out the guidance and support to help me recognise or focus on what else is there. Now I feel the shift in energy I’m also aware that the dream I sense is becoming more visible to me. Last night I wrote about the Full Moon energy and sending out my wishes for the future. Right about now is the time. And I have a lovely list to release.
The picture I want to create for my life is full of amazing experiences. New possessions will replace the ones I have let go. And I can see that all is well in my Intuitive World.
That doesn’t mean I have that big picture yet. Just like my paintings the image has yet to be completed. I am using what I can see to guide me forward. Putting my trust in the flow of Universal energy. And I am also sending my belongings to new homes. To people who are ready to use the books, crystals and paintings I have loved. These things have served me and are ready to serve the next person who ‘owns’ them. Because that is the reality of energy. It should flow out and back between all of us. As it does so, I create the space for those new experiences.
After I sorted out all of my books today, did I mention that I felt inspired to by the lift in energy, I looked at them. There was a large pile of books ready to move on. I noticed that I had been very clear what to keep, a not too overlarge pile, and what was going. In the releasing pile were some books I would have found it hard to let go of even six weeks ago. But I know they need to be gone. Their wisdom is stored away inside my head. I have embraced all they had to share with me. The much smaller pile on the other side of the room may shrink too. As I recognise the big picture more the information the books contain may turn out to be redundant.
That’s the beauty of getting to see the big picture. I know the items I need for the next part of my journey. And I am able to lighten my load some more. Until I’m down to the essentials and stepping lightly along my road!
I was tired last night. Looking forward to a good sleep. Yet I woke up four times from emotional dreams. Though each time I felt I was letting something go.
Dreams are fascinating. They are a way of my mind processing the events I have experienced. They are also messages from my unconscious mind to help me make sense of what is going on in and around me. I also find that my Guides appear fairly often in my dreams. And sometimes I have to be very firm in telling them to let me sleep. Because sleep is an altered state of consciousness at one end of a spectrum that starts with consciously experiencing my world. My trance mediumship is somewhere in the middle. And when the energy waves are very strong my dreams also respond just as my waking mind does. So my dreams can be a rollercoaster. No wonder I woke up!
On each waking I was in a hurry to get back to sleep. I wanted to drift off into that space where my Ego mind was shut down. Because I enjoy a lot of my dreams. They bring me messages of encouragement and love when my Guides are around. Each time I was hoping for a good dream. Yet each time it seemed I wandered into turbulent emotions. Though each time when I surfaced from my sleep I couldn’t remember what I’d been dreaming about. All that kept coming into my mind was ‘let it go’. When I finally woke up properly this morning I asked myself what had gone. Then burst out laughing. Because it doesn’t matter what has shifted. So long as I am getting lighter and brighter I don’t need to know how it’s happening.
I love my sleep. Tonight I’m hoping for a dream free night though. Unless, of course, my Guides want to pop in and have a chat. If it’s time for you to let go of old emotions I wish you sweet dreams. And the support of your Guide Team too.
I don’t know where I went in my dreams last night. But the darkness certainly felt like it was pressing in. I was restless. Keen to get out of the dreams.
Searching for my freedom from something I remember waking up trying to recall a word. I know I said it in my dreams. It seemed to connect them all together. And it also seemed to be the key to setting me free. Free from what I wondered? From my fears came bouncing back at me. Along with another thought. Voiced by someone else. Karma is when you recieve the pain you caused others. Then have to feel it. As well as live it. It took me a little while to get back into balance. Looking back at my life I know there are threads that tie together. Waiting in the darkness of my shadow side are patterns and habits that drive me even when I think I’m making rational choices.
I thought about the delight I felt yesterday when I made my book ‘live’ to be purchased next week. The first copy is winging it’s way to me already. Yet, following the feel of my dreams last night, today has been one of potential setbacks. One stride forward three thousand steps back. But I also realise that the darkness in me is trying it’s best to swamp me. After all, if I do make big changes in my life my Ego Mind has nothing to frighten me with. It won’t be able to keep me small. Does that mean that I will play out endless karma? How can I release myself from what I have created? That’s the reminder I was being given. It’s time to challenge myself to embrace that darkness and show it some light.
Yet I feel I have been doing that for a year. The darkness has been in and around me pulling me back every time the light has pulled me forward.
I know that the resistance from the Ego Mind is at it’s highest at the tipping point when change is only a fraction of a step away. Then there’s the fact that I am catching the energy of the second big wave meant to shift us all forward. September has been heavy with unpredictable energy. Surfacing, clearing and surfacing the fears for me once more. This shift, at it’s peak tomorrow, is all about letting us know that everything that can happen happens somewhere. What that means is that the energy between the parallel worlds is very thin. We get a glimpse down the trouser legs of time, as Terry Pratchett would have put it. I have been experiencing, through my dreams, the me who made different choices.
The exchange of energy has shown me who I would have been, and who I am, in another life. Also who I am with and what I am doing in that series of lives. Because I’m picking up more than one life. So it’s easy for me to get lost or confused about what is actually happening in this life. I know it’s a hard thing to process. I spent a lot of the morning trying to check which life I was in whilst my Ego Mind kicked up a load of fear energy. The point of recognising parallel lives helps me to let go of those fears though. Somewhere, in some life, I am doing all of the things I dream about doing in this life. There are infinite possibilities. So I’m also lucky that I like the way my life is now. And where it’s going. That way the darkness doesn’t suck me into a fear state.
Once this current ‘thin-ness’ between the dimensions passes it will be up to me how much darkness I keep in my life. My dreams also showed me that I can be free. The key to being free is being me. The one driving the choices in this life from my Spirit self, not my Ego Mind. The missing word is authentic. Puzzle solved!
The sun shone. I had my paints out. In the warmth of the morning I tuned in to create more vibrational artwork. It’s a lovely way to open up to intuition.
I’ve been really fortunate with my Guides. They have helped me to explore lots of different ways to open up and use my psychic senses. I’ve learned that guidance can come in many different ways. And I’ve also learned that there are boundaries to be pushed within me so I can channel vibrational energy in differnt ways. That’s what I love about painting and drawing. It’s a completely different way to share a message from Ener Beings. Although when they drifted the idea across my mind the first few times I was really doubtful. I thought psychic art was all about the faces of loved ones in Spirit. But my Guides knew different.
I was put on the spot to draw the energy flowing through a group where messages were being given. I picked up the chalks reluctantly. Then I watched myself draw a pattern of colours that made perfect sense. To me and to everyone else. And I heard someone confirm that they had seen the same thing clarevoyantly. It was mind blowing. But it took me another year or so to get into painting. Yet when I did I found myself feeling the presence of other Beings. In fact a whole queue of Beings. All ready to share their vibrational energy with me so it could be transferred to the canvas or paper. Letting myself respond to the requests to paint I noticed that many pieces had faces hidden in them. And that the colours refelcted the personalities of the painters.
I also found that working in a range of vibrational energies made my intuitive connections stronger. After a short time I was able to sense better, get message information clearer and stay in the link for longer.
My clarevoyance also improved. It’s the weakest of my psychic senses but working with my creative, visual ability certainly helped it to expand. Now I encourage people to get into art in any way they can. I know it will help them work their intuitive psychic senses. It’s also fun. That’s the positive vibe that Energy Beings like as it makes connecting easier. The best way to start is to grab some coloured pencils and paper. Then play. I like to pick up whatever pencil I’m drawn to, put it on the paper and start to doodle. Keeping my mind as unfocused as possible I invite my Guides to make a connection for me. Because I want to draw on their behalf. So my thoughts need to stay out of the way.
I know that my Ego mind will want to direct me. Trying to make something recognisable. But I always remind myself that Energy Beings see our world in a different way. And what interests me is their viewpoint. Over the years I’ve become much better at occupying my mind and ignoring what my hands are doing. Because sometimes I work with my non dominant dominant hand. So it’s a lovely surprise to see what has been captured on the paper. From paper and pencils I moved into using encaustic wax, acrylic paint, watercolour Andy pastels. Certain communicators like paint, some want watercolour, or charcoal or whatever. I go with whatever I’m prompted to use. The vibrational energy is transferred whatever I create.
If you have been searching for a way to practice your intuitive psychic abilities vibrational art is a great thing to try. I know I had to stick with it past all of my inner critic’s comments. If you do I am sure you will discover a whole new way of connecting.
Today has felt hampered by all of the Eclipse and Mercury retrograde energy. Yet underneath I have been feeling a pressure. Something reminding me that dream do happen.
My internet and mobile phone connections continue to play up. Letters I’m waiting for haven’t arrived. I felt like energy was draining out of me. All that stuck stuff I’ve been carrying finally disappearing. But it left me feeling tired. Because it takes energy sometimes to move energy. The final piece of frustration was trying to complete the upload of my book so it could be printed. Nothing was going anywhere. Certainly not the cover art or the file I’d formatted. I noticed I was starting to feel a pressure to get something, anything completed. But it ended up that I didn’t.
Instead I walked away from my desk and took a break. Yesterday was busy and lots happened. Then overnight, as well as dreaming I was in New York, I had some contacts with Energy Beings. They kept moving things around and wanting to channel information. In my barely aware state I let them get on with some of it but after about an hour I told them to come back later. I know they are helping me manifest all of the things I’ve asked for so I’m willing to give them space to work. But there are limits! No wonder today I felt a bit spaced and distracted. As well as low in energy. However, I also feel the excitement of new beginnings. A pressure on me to be ready, get clear minded and able to set off at a moment’s notice. I’ve no idea of when, where or how.
So what about those dreams? Have I built from a solid foundation? Have I asked for everything in the best possible way?
This afternoon, to take the pressure off, I sat down and listed out my requirements and desires. All of the things I want to have in my life. Even those things I don’t know about yet. Yes, I’ve put a sentence to allow me to receive all that is best for me even when I don’t know what it is. I believe in covering everything. Because I know I don’t know everything. My list is as complete as I can make it. I’ve asked my heart what I desire and pretty much left my head out of the debate. There is no time to let my Ego mind throw up lots of objections or distract me. I don’t want to have my abundance derailed by fearful thoughts. It’s important that I stay focused on recieveing all of the good things into my life.
After I had written my list I felt a lot better. The pressure had eased. I know the push that is coming will be really helpful to my life. But I also understand that I will get what I ask for. So picking the right things matters. No wonder that intutive part of me was kicking up a fuss. Working to get me to notice the shift in manifesting time we are all experiencing. Often what has frustrated me is that it seemed so long between asking and receiving. So long that I’d forgotten what I asked for in the first place. Now the things I ask for are popping up almost immediately. Sometimes no sooner thought than visible in my life. That’s fast. And I have to be quick to accept and be grateful for what I have received so that I keep that lovely flow of materialisation going.
Are you feeling the pressure? Do you need to sit down and write your list of dreams? Over the next few weeks there is a great opportunity to reconfigure your life. But you have to be clear about what you require and desire. Then it can be delivered to your doorstep straight away.
When everything is urgent, nothing is urgent. That’s what I used to say to give myself a sense of the priority in all the tasks I seemed to find to do. However, I rarely gave myself permission to be at the top of any list of priorities.
I’ve had another busy day. There are lots of things on my ‘To Do’ list. Some are necessary now for my book or my art. Some need to be done if I want to make sure that my business moves forward. And some are the first steps to making my new vision of the future become real. Then there are the everyday priorities of eating, sleeping, housework and looking after the cats. My daughter has to, reluctantly, look after herself! Which one is top priority? Or do I recognise that some are equally necessary right now? If so, how do I decide what to do first? It’s really easy for me to get in a spin about prioritising. Then I jump from one thing to another never quite finishing either. Or all,of them.
Yet I’m changing. I’ve slowly come to recognise the truth in ‘when everything is urgent, nothing is urgent’. I’m proud of myself for making some significant differences in the way I approach what is a priority and what isn’t. Through the kindness of friends, who have let me use their place in Scotland and who house sit, I have come back to my rest place. My focus at the start of today was to keep my mentoring appointments, send out readings CD’s, put out some advertising and tidy up my diary. I tackled these because I wanted to leave myself clear to head back to Scotland. Before I did I knew I was doing a service at Burnley Spiritualist church.
So I also made it a priority to have an hour of rest before I went there. At one time I would have worked through that hour to write my blog. Becuase my priorities would have been on anything but me.
Making that rest a priority was important. I knew I had a three hour drive afterwards. Pushing myself to do everything only makes my time away less active as I recover from exhaustion. I knew it would mean posting it past my daily deadline. But I also gave myself permission to do that too. And I feel like I’ve accomplished all of the priority tasks of my day. So the next few days can be restful me time. I do have plans. They are very flexible though. I’ve given myself permission to do the minimum I require and the maximum I desire. This is so far away from what I used to be like that when I notice it I sometimes feel startled. Of course my Ego mind tries it’s best to drag me back to my old pattern.
It doesn’t like change at all. Let alone change that means I am free of it’s interference. That’s what I’ve given myself permission for too. My focus is to have a happy life doing what I choose to do. I want to be able to suit myself. That’s why I work for myself. So why do I let all sorts of non-important tasks seem like they are urgent? Oh yes. It’s that Ego mind wanting to keep me small and safe in a box of my own making. It’s priority is to keep me safe and possibly really miserable. That’s why giving myself permission has become really important. I have permission to grow, to change, to make prototypes, to fail. Most of all I have permission to rest when I have done enough of what I want to do.
The priorities set by others will have to wait. So will the priorities set by my Ego mind. I love reminding myself that I can give myself permission. For anything. Staying small is not my choice. I’m so glad I am changing. What priority do you give yourself? Are you last on your own list? Or not even on it? Is it time to give yourself permission to be top priority in your own life?
The breeze was blowing as I walked along the beach today. It was hot in the sunshine. So the cool wind was very welcome. It was also clearing my head.
I’ve been doing some work on where I want to take my life in the future. Passion Planner at my side I bounced around all sorts of ideas. Because I’m getting to a point where I have to take some decisions. New inspirations keep popping up all the time. Old doubts wobble through from my Ego Mind. Blowing my thoughts all over the place. That’s the problem. The distraction of fears can keep me stuck going round in loops. Those old fears are like cobwebs catching the dust. Too many cobwebs block my clear view of what it’s best to do. That’s why a walk was really good.
I stood looking at the sea. The tide was out. I thought about when the tide turned. The beach would be covered by the waves slowly but surely. And the water would mould the sand once more. Before it retreated again. The wind was blowing the waves too. Everything was happening in an eternal cycle that had been going on for millions of years. I felt like the sand. Being modded by my feelings and the breeze of change. My life will take shape, then reshape itself again and again. I realised that I can choose what I want to do but I also have to be flexible enough to let my life reshape my intentions too. I don’t know what tides will be blown through my life tomorrow or any day after. But I can keep my mind open to all sorts of possibilities.
Accepting that the wind of change is always blowing I can recognise that my life is on shifting sands. But I have a solid foundation. I have ability, courage and determination. The tides will change but I will never drown!
I’ve had a quiet day. Lots of time to reflect. Noticing the light and dark within and without. And embracing it all. Because balance is the lesson I’m learning.
Sometimes doing a kind of nothing lets me process better than rushing around pushing myself into activity. So I’ve enjoyed a day of reading, a short visit to the shops and a chat with a new acquaintance. Nothing too taxing for my mind or emotions. I’ve been embracing time off. Yet bubbling underneath has been an internal discussion. My Spirit and my Ego Mind have been debating my light and dark attributes. Sorting out my charateristics. Those inherent parts of my personality that surface to steer my life.
Of course what I regard as light and dark very much depends on the judgements I make about myself. But I also recognise that many of these come from what I’ve been taught. Embracing my abilities and finding a balance in who I am means checking out those learned beliefs. I’m like a blank card in some ways. Free to define myself in any way I choose. As if to help me there were rain clouds scudding across the sky. Some were dark, almost black, whilst others were whispy white against the grey. A real mixture. Exactly like I am.
Embracing all of my abilities is all about seeing that there are positives even in the darker bits. The land need rain to be fertile. The clouds are brining that blessing.
I require the dark bits so that my creativity can blossom through the challenges I set myself. My abilities need to grow and develop. But that will only happen when I have to work at it. Get through the tough stuff. And give myself a break. Embracing my inherent goodness. That’s important to me. I believe we are all good hearted. That we want to be a community caring for one another. Doing my best to help and be of service. So knowing I have some dark attributes, stuff that perhaps I might not like about myself, gives me something to overcome.
I can do that best by also embracing my light attributes. Recognising and crediting myself with those things I use to make a positive difference in the world. And somewhere in the middle is the balancing point. The place of being me that honours my whole personality. Not to be holier than thou. Or better than everyone. But to be a more complete me. If I deny my dark attributes I am presenting a false front. One that isn’t going to be as effective as the whole me can be.
Reflecting only my light attributes is a dead end. Embracing my dark attributes is the way forward. I’m looking forward to that balancing point. Now it’s time to go back to my reading and let my Spirit and Ego finish their conversation.
There is so much to talk about today. All my conversations with others have had lightbulb moments for me. And it’s all about choice.
However, I really want to say something about the process we are all in at the moment. I’ve written about it a bit in other posts but as the energy gets clearer so does the overall message. I know that at the moment we are all undergoing a purification. The Spirit that is inside us is reaching out to wake us up to our upcoming change. That change is to live life with a new purpose. To become the Spirit acting more powerfully through our human body. Because it will soon be time for every one of us to make a choice. In fact all of the energy surrounding me and you is pushing us towards a decision.
Decide what? That’s the next step. When I step away from the illusions of life – the products of my ego – then I can see that I have a spiritual mission. I have unique abilities that can assist all of us to change the way the world is. However I have to exercise my choice and use those abilities. It is me saying that I am dedicated to serving the world the best way I can that moves me on. But my ego mind will certainly try to distract me. Or pull me back into an illusion. Back into a comfort zone that may appear to keep me safe. But really ends up stopping me from doing all I am capable of.
As I step through into my ‘initiation’ in September I will be joined by many other Lightworkers. All of us will be making a choice. A pledge, if you like.
That choice will be to live a spiritual life. No matter what challenges or issues. I know that we will agree to do whatever is asked of us. Willingly and for the greater good of our fellow Spirits. Stepping away from the ego mind. Letting go of anything that has no place in our journey forward. It’s going to be a simple choice really. But one with big consequences. Because I know we will have to give voice to a different set of values.
And then live to those values. This is the change many of us wish for. But perhaps don’t know how to bring about. In turning my mind to an Ascension Consciousness I am placing love at the centre of everything I do. As much unconditional love as I can muster. I have been on the journey of learning to love myself for a long time. But to love others I have to embrace myself first. And keep in my mind and heart the hope of unconditional forgiveness, gratitude and service that flows along with unconditional love.
I also know that some people will make a choice to follow the other path. The one laid out by the ego mind. The mind that says change is too hard.
This will be another choice I have to make. I know that the people around me may prefer to stick with being unloving towards themselves. To reject the love and compassion that is being offered. Maybe even to continue to struggle. Keeping a ‘life is hard’ attitude. I have to accept that there is nothing I can do. It’s a choice they have made. However, since I also know about the process we are in I can engage in open, honest and clear conversations with my loved ones down here.
There is still no guarantee that we will make the same choice. I’m going to make the effort though. Because I also know that the decision we make will keep us on our chosen path for the next nine years. If I end up on the service (Spirit) path some the people I care about may be on the illusion (ego) path. That will bring me more decisions. Perhaps to much to think about at the moment when I am still in the process of choosing. And working to love me enough to let everything of the ego mind go.
The best I can do is be aware. Notice myself. Recognise the energy shifts that are bringing about this choice. And talking to everyone I can to share my observations. Are you getting ready?