I bounced awake at 3.16 am today with the image of Grandfather Samesh in my mind. Pulled from a deep sleep I wondered what was happening. And why he was there.
I am fortunate to work with the Earth’s ArchAngels. They are the Guardian Angels for this solar system with particular responsibility for all of humanity. One of these is Grandfather Samesh. He has much ancient wisdom concerning the formation of our Mother Earth, the evolution of living things and the abundance of life here. Samesh always shows me the Earth as a wonderful garden. A garden full of plants, flowers, trees and wildlife. All of it here for me to enjoy and live off. But he is also that rather grumpy Grandfather who sighs every time I forget to do the right thing. And those words were echoing in my head when I woke.
At the moment, with all of the fear, chaos and unsettling energy of change, it’s easy to make decisions that end up being a step onto a path that will make me unhappy. Or miserable. Trying to avoid the necessary things that have to happen or running and hiding from myself can get me on the road to nowhere. That’s the time I need Samesh the most. As that rather tough loving Grandfather who will help me see the wisdom of doing not what is easiest but what will be for the greater good. I soon drifted back to sleep clear in my mind that today was a key day to do the right thing.
What Samesh was helping me see was the need to clear myself of the fear of change. In fact to clear myself of all sorts of fears. Even the ones I’d never admited to myself.
Because I have some fears that are unspoken. I believe we all do. But whilst they remain inside of me, unsaid, I can pretend I don’t have those fears. Yet they can still be influencing my choices. So I took an opportunity that presented itself this afternoon. In the company of a good friend I sat and named my fears. Some were still powerful. But many were only the remains of fear. That in itself was enlightening. Understanding that some of my fears were gently dwindling down to nothing helped me see how much progress I’ve made. I realised that the ones that still had power were due to go. I couldn’t continue giving them headroom in case the changes Ii am making become based on fear reactions.
Of course Grandfather Samesh has things all lined up. Tonight, on the evening of the Full Moon, my friend had organised a Yoga Nidra. And I was free to go. The perfect way to release old fear energy and do a bit more to reduce the more active fears. I took my opportunity with gratitude to both my friend and Samesh for their loving kindness. They both played a part in the shift I experienced during the Nidra. The outcome of my day has been the support of good friends, an ArchAngel included, and my feeling of lightness. My Spirit is refreshed. My mind is focused. I am ready to embrace the chaos of change once more. And determined to do the right thing.
Day 505 of my blogging challenge
Today is the third birthday of my Down 2 Earth Centre. It’s been an interesting journey. Not always easy but certainly enlightening.
I work a lot on threes and nines. My life has been full of their influence. Over time I’ve got used to being a third of the way through something and finding I’m having to change things once again. House moves, work occupations, sometimes a lot of the people in my life. For a person who doesn’t do change too well that’s a lot of change. When I decided to set up the Down 2 Earth Centre I had a very clear vision of what I wanted. And how it would work. With all of the ways it would be successful. Yet as I approached this third birthday I had to step back and see how much of that vision had happened. Because if need be I would have to change what I was doing.
Certainly stepping back has brought me an interesting couple of months. Not least because change always makes me (and most of us) wobble. The certainty I once had seemed lacking in March. As did some of my motivation. Not helped by being energetically ‘under the weather’. But recognising my patterns around change energy I accepted the step back that I was required to take. And I took a good long look at what I was doing with my life. Then I was able to match that with what my vision had been. The gaps were obvious. Rolling my sleeves up and tackling those gaps should have been my next step. But it wasn’t. I needed to think a bit more.
Getting a third of the way through anything means it’s still early enough to walk away without feeling like something has been a waste of energy. It’s a kind of first quitting point.
For me three years is an acceptable time to have tried something for but also to turn around and say it’s not for me. Longer than three years and I start to build up an attachment to the outcome. Quitting is less of an option because I want things to work out the way I thought they should. Even if those outcomes no longer fit for or matter to me. Seeing the gaps between my dream and my actual position added an extra layer of reflection. Was my dream still what I wanted? Could those gaps be narrowed or disappear altogether? How much energy and effort would it require from me? And was I hanging onto a dream that has passed?
Lots of discussing, thinking, checking my feelings later I’m glad to say my vision for my future is still the one I want. I have to do some more work on how to flow with the changes I’m making. Perhaps I wanted step ten when I was only needing to be on step one. I’m constantly dealing with my impatience. As well as my need to try to control outcomes. Plus my general dislike of change. Yet as I sat in the peace and quiet of the Centre today I realised I’m getting better at change. At pausing a third of the way through and checking if I’m going in the direction I want. That my numbers are sliding into elevens and twelves. And instead of walking away I am delighted to keep going with the extra new ideas that will help me navigate this time of change energy.
Step back whenever you can. It’s well worth it when dealing with change.
Day 504 of my blogging challenge