How Far Have I Come? Thoughts On Ancient Days

Looking around the buildings of Kirkwall today I started to think about ancient times. Not only the lives of people in Orkney five hundred years ago but also of three thousand years ago.

This chain of islands has so much history to offer. Of course so have many places all over the world. It’s just that sometimes I forget to stop and notice. I guess it’s the same for everyone. Living takes up all the time and space I have. Busy going here, doing that, meeting them. Finding a way to keep a roof over my head. Wanting to ensure my daughter and I can eat, be safe, or warm and dry. Looking for a purpose and meaning in my life. Was it the same in ancient times?

I looked around the Cathedral today. There were plenty of grave stones with memento mori inscriptions. The reminder that death comes to us all. At the Earl’s Palace the shell of the building remained. The Earl himself only enjoyed it for a few years as he was forced to give it up in 1609. To the Archbishop who had a palace already. The Earl was later executed for rebellion. Surrounding these monuments are a network of small streets made up of little terraced houses lining the harbour. Two big cruise ships had docked at the ferry port. So the streets were also full of visitors being shepherded around the town by the  tour guides.

All of us taking in the ancient buildings. The quirky town. Trying to get a feel for a life gone by. Photographing the graves of the long dead.

I wondered what people in those burial plots thought about the Afterlife. Certainly there had been a shift from the Viking tradition of many gods and goddesses to Christianity which focused one one god alone. Then in later centuries the disputes between Catholic and Protestant factions. But I was thinking much further back. What about the people who had a Neolithic existence on these islands? Our ancient ancestors may have had a goddess tradition. The purpose or meaning of their lives could have been from a different perspective than mine.

But I am sure that they also lived with the same focus as me. Keeping a roof over their heads, finding food and warmth, sharing with others. So I know they also had to work to make these things happen. And they also died. Their lives had an ending too. I find that the most grounding of all thoughts. We are continuing a basic pattern that has lasted for many thousands of years. I doubt that it will be destroyed overnight. Whatever happens the remains of ancient times remind us of the enduring human experience. To live, to love, to reproduce and to die. And to pass something on for the next generation.

Because we endure. What ancient monuments show is that we survive. They are a powerful reminder to me of the hope I have for humanity. We can overcome anything.

Day 599 of my blogging challenge 

An Open For Conversations Studio Event!

It’s been an energy filled, Spirit connected day at the Down 2 Earth Heart Centre. My Open Studio event turned into all sorts of conversations. I loved it!

I got the chance to start my day with some mentoring. Then it was on to the business of opening up my Studio for visitors. Of course I can be a bit of a last minute Larry at times. A quick burst of washing up followed by a rapid clear of clutter. Finally I felt ready to let my artwork speak for itself. Mainly because that’s what it does. It’s full of the energy given to me by the Spirits, Angels and others who enjoy getting me painting on their behalf.

Some people are drawn to my work because they need that energy vibration. Others like the way the colours resonate with them. And some people see the faces that always peep out to catch attention. That’s why I really love working with abstracts. People get what they need from the painting. Not what I think is in the picture. I also love chatting with visitors about what they expect from my painting. If they paint themselves I like to find out what works for them. New ideas are always there if I listen to what they say.

My Studio work has evolved with each year I’ve taken part in this event. Over the three days I’ve been given so many inspirations.

So it was lovely to have a discussion with two artists today about my way of working. I hope it has inspired them to try something new in thier work. It will be exciting to see what they do. That’s why I love this event so much. It doesn’t matter if you are a professional or an amateur. Every Studio, even the kitchen table or the desk in the conservatory, counts. Every person opening up to their creativity. And playing with paint.

The discussion continued into another of my subjects. I like to help people understand what happens in the Afterlife. It was great to help people recognise that thier loved ones are still with them and wanting to communicate. Especially when our conversation turned into a marvellous debate about psychic ability. Who has it. Or not. Because, once again, I love to share the ways in which we all have intuitive psychic ability. We only have to recognise that we are being contacted to understand that fact.

I will be back in the morning to open my Studio once again. Ready for more great chats, discussions and debates. My creative painting work is a great connector. Is it time for you to get creative too?

Day 592 of my blogging challenge 

A Human Transitions Back To Spirit

I traveled out to Bacup today to take a church service. My job is to relay the messages from those who no longer live in a human body. They have made the biggest change of all. Back into Spirit.

It’s a job I’ve done for a long time. I often think I’ve covered everything there is to know about death and the Afterlife. Yet every now and then the Spirit World reminds me of the amazing process that transition can be. In the move from being human to being Spirit again how much love and compassion there is. Because today there were some lovely examples of the continuation of our exsistance and one very wonderful message of hope. I’ve written before about my evidence based mediumship. I want the person getting the message to feel or sense the presence of their Spirit loved one. That is greatly helped by factual information that I can be given that I would be unable to get in any other way.

During the messages this afternoon there was plenty of fact passed on through me. Confirmations that someone other than me was present. But to get that sense of presence  I also want the messages to be relevant to the listener. Loved ones come back to help. To give us a positive boost. To get us laughing and even hopeful again. I know they can’t take away the grief of their leaving. But they certainly want to remind us that they haven’t gone for good. So sometimes it’s also important to explain how they made the transition to the Afterlife. Giving information about their death or what happened afterwards helps to confirm that they have crossed over successfully. It sets minds at rest on this human side of life.

It’s also true that in the Afterlife they keep their human personality. That way when they message us we can recognise them. But they have returned to their true Spirit self as well.

Today I saw both aspects of that transition. There was a message from a very recently passed Spirit who came in his human self to ask that his family be reassured that he is safe with loved ones in Spirit. He told who collected him and helped him cross. He also asked that his loved ones here be supported in their grief. And he provided comfort to others by showing that loved ones survive that great transition. Now matter how challenging it may appear to be to us. From our human perspective. Along side him and helping him was another Spirit known to some of the congregation. The second Spirit explained that the energy around the first one required a booster. The second Spirit was the boost.

Although both Spirits were complete strangers to one another they shared a common link with people in the church. Much to the delight of those who it mattered to both Spirits had joined forces to bring in their messages of love. Especially the second Spirit. This one came as a pure Spirit being. One who had been human but was now through the completed transition process and fully back connected to the Afterlife. One who could let the human personality go and move on to do the work required in the Afterlife. My Guides tell me there is always a great sense of achievement when a Spirit completely lets go of their need to be human any longer. Because it is a new beginning. A fresh start. I know my Mum made that transition in order to be one of my Guides. That doesn’t mean I’ve lost her human side. She can pick it back up again if she has to.

However, I also get the benefit of the unconditional love she radiates as a Spirit. That helps me so much. Human aspect or Spirit aspect, our loved ones have made a tremendous change. One we have to make. But one that, when it comes, will be a joyful new beginning for our Spirit.

Day 580 of my blogging challenge 

The Glue Holding Us Together

Families. Love them or hate them they are the glue holding us together. But perhaps the definition of family is worth looking at.

Today I went to see my friend Jan as she packed up her home. She is getting ready to move closer to her family. Life has pulled her across to a new location and she will have more time with them. But less with the people who are this side of the country. It got me thinking about our friendship. And how friends become part of our family too. Then they move further away as life drifts us into new opportunities. Yet the glue that holds us together remains. I like to think of my family in this way. Who am I glued to?

I was delighted to meet a friend recently who I hadn’t seen face to face for eleven years. The glue was still there. She and her husband became part of my family a long time ago. I think about them often and remember them in my prayers. In the same way that Jan will also be thought of often even if I can’t pop over to see her as often as I do now. That’s the beauty of family. It doesn’t have to be only blood and married in. My family is very much a mixture of blood, marriage, friends and loved ones in Spirit. I take my lead from the Spirit World. In the Afterlife we are all one family. There is no distinction about how I am related to anyone else.

I am part of the eternal family. The glue that holds us together is love. Because that is the enduring energy of connection.

Today I found that a reassuring thought. Over the past week I’ve been arranging to meet up with some of the people I consider to be my Earth family. It will be lovely to catch up and find out face to face how they are doing. Because sometimes a phone call or message chat isn’t quite the same. And I will see if the glue of love is still present in our relationship. I say that because sometimes it seems that a family member is ready for a new family. Like a marriage where a son or daughter is gained or lost friendships come to a natural end. Of a sort. That person will remain in my family thoughts. They will be someone I think fondly of but they may now be ready to relate to me in a different way.

Love has many different aspects. Families are the same. I feel that I have learned so much in my human journey through the different kinds of love I’ve shared. The times when the glue has been so strong the bond is unbreakable. Those connections when the glue has worn away and we have gone in different directions. Or those relationships where the glue has to be reapplied time and again. Even those wonderful ones where the glue is very flexible and stretchy. When I can share the love whether the other person is near or far. Most wonderful of all, to realise that the glue crosses time and space. I am connected through love to the Afterlife and my family forever.

I am surrounded by loving family. Even in the moments when I feel most alone there is glue linking me to the other people in my life. On top of the moors today that thought blew me away.

Day 527 of my blogging challenge 

Is It Survival of the Fittest?

Back in my science days I learned a lot about survival of the fittest. The competition for scarce resources. Of the human drive to stay alive. As I was writing this afternoon a few random snippets clicked together.

I can’t quite remember when but on the radio recently I heard someone talking about the guilt he had felt about his ability to think survival thoughts. He had been in a transport with many other prisoners, all cramped and starving, and he had wished that someone would die so he could have more room. A better chance of survival. Because only the fittest survive. The ones who can grab as much of the resources as possible. That’s the push behind trying to get the most we can. Before anyone else can get it.

After all, what matters most is that I survive. Not the most creative, or the most vulnerable or the one with the most necessary skills. It’s all about me. Somehow this energy has become a deeply entrenched part of the way we live. It’s ok for me to want the best home, car, phone. It’s also ok for me to do whatever it takes to get that. Of course I can dress it up by saying I work for what I have. I can tell myself that I’m providing an income for others who work to provide what I want. Even cutting across someone else’s livelihood or land or status is ok because my needs come first. I excuse myself by saying that my presence on this planet is greater than yours.

It’s why we turn a blind eye to the weak. Not being the fittest is a judgement that is acted on in every moment of the day. Because we think resources are scarce. So only the best at grabbing them deserves them.

There is a crisis in our health care, our education, our global financial system. It’s not that we are running short of resources. It’s that we have let the ‘strongest’ grab the most. I’ve also joined in that game. Panicked about income and material things. Convinced myself that if I don’t have such and such I will die. That my wellbeing will be severely damaged if I stop grabbing for everything. That death will get me. Because that’s the thing that pushes us all. If we don’t survive we die. But we all know we are going to die in the end anyway. It’s just we’d like it not to be yet.

Survivor guilt can be a powerful emotion. It links in with shame. And anger. Having had a thought I can’t take it out of my mind. In the same way that I can’t unsay words. Of course I can try to forget. I can hide the greedy, needy side away from myself. Yet it will still be there. Ready to jump out as soon as I find myself back in a situation where survival of the fittest comes into play. It’s a fundamental part of competition. So I’m likely to run into it all the time. Because we also seem to have turned competition into a virtue too. All day long people try to be better, more beautiful, more productive or more well liked than anyone else.

What am I fittest for? Does my life have to be lived on the edge of a fake drive to survive?

I was writing a piece to be added into my book. It was all about Spirit, Spirituality and Spiritualism. Something that I’ve thought a lot about over the last dozen or so years. A subject I’ve definitely tussled with as I’ve watched people do horrible things to each other in the name of  a Divine Being. Or to grab at more of the resources they need. And I include adulation, flattery, money, power and control in that list of ‘survival’ items too. We have developed a psychological dependence on one upmanship that drives much of the tit for tat behaviour over who has the most of everything.

I’m not sure we are the fittest to survive right now. That doesn’t mean I’m writing the human race off. But I do feel that our survival has to be based on a new insight into our inner nature. There are better choices that could be made by all of us to ensure that everyone had the prospect of surviving most of the ups and downs of life. And I feel that our Guides are doing their best to remind us that the survival we should be interested in is the one where we head to the Afterlife. I can’t move away from the knowledge they have given me of the Spirit World. Why would I need to worry about surviving here when my death is a new beginning? Instead of survival of the fittest now it’s time to acknowledge that we all survive. Always.

Day 477 of my blogging challenge. 

Bringing Waves of Laughter

Laughter is the best medicine. That’s what I tell myself if I’m in need of a boost. Although some days I forget the accuracy of this idea. Especially when I’m feeling ill or stressed. That’s when I find my Guides bringing me giggles.

Laughter is also something I notice the Spirit people bringing to their loved ones. Grief and sadness can be set aside for a few moments if we can laugh about something. A shared story of a memory. Something that brings us to tears because it’s funny once again. I know that I often get silly pictures in my mind. Random evidence so that the person I’m reading for will remember the fun times. I also know that my Guides bring me amusing things when I’m feeling low. They get me laughing so that I can step out of the low feelings for a while.

The power of a few minutes giggling. Or chuckling and laughing out loud. It can move me from feeling sorry for myself into feeling like I’m ok. That’s what is so powerful about a wake. Having a space to both laugh and cry about the person who has gone to the Afterlife. And long after the passing of a loved one the laughter can still be shared. When I’m bringing in the evidence and messages the warmth of laughter still connects love one to loved one. Today I met a lovely Spirit man. He was bringing the laughter to the person I read for. I discovered it was badly needed. Because sometimes we are hard on ourselves. When it’s not actually necessary.

That gift of fun boosted both of us. We started laughing. Healing energy flowed into the room as the tension was released. The causes aren’t important. What was wonderful was the moment when laughter took over.

I love that this Spirit and my Guides worked to get me some lightness today. I’m still a bit off balance. My car decided to have a problem and I had to cancel another event. Something I don’t like to do. I really needed to rest again. But was giving myself a hard time about doing so. After the reading, with that blast of laughter energy still making me chuckle, I took myself off to bed. Where I had four hours of peaceful sleep. How precious that bringing the laughter has helped me do some more healing.

Day 474 of my blogging challenge.

Energy Beings: It’s Good to Talk

I’ve heard it said that it’s good to talk. I have to say it was for me. My journey into mediumship really became a possibility when I became a therapeutic counsellor. Talking became my trade.

The fascinating thing about being a counsellor is the way I had to deal with my own feelings and thoughts. How could I be present and authentic for the people who came to me if I was carrying baggage too? So I had to take time out to talk. To a counsellor to see what being a client felt like. And to a Supervisor to help me identify my stuff so it wouldn’t cross over into the client’s stuff. As I became more used to talking I also discovered the power of silence. Of listening to the other person. Paying attention to what was said so I could understand their world view.

Eventually I also found myself noticing something that clients found hard to talk about. Their beliefs about an Afterlife or a Divine or even about Spirits. Yer these themes came into the conversation in one way or another. Often for me to mirror back to that person so they could get a different viewpoint for a while. By picking up the threads of those subjects it seemed I could get people talking more. I also found my own thoughts being drawn to my beliefs. What did I believe? As I focussed on this more and more outside of the therapy room I felt as if someone or something wanted to make contact with me.

I have to say it took me some time to recognise their need to talk to me too. I was so busy deciding if I believed in an Afterlife.

Going backwards and forwards with myself meant listening to them was a bit side tracked. But eventually I did realise that I wanted to know more. And that the best way to find out was to talk to the Spirit people. At that point I found my way to connect better. I also found that my therapy work seemed to be drifting into more of a spiritual counsellor role than a therapeutic one. The emphasis was different. I was helping people who wanted to find meaning in their lives. Often through a connection to a sense of Divine life. Finally the pressure to talk to the Spirit people clearly and unambiguously led me to a development group.

That’s where the emphasis on talking took on a new aspect. It’s harder to communicate if you are speaking different languages. Harder still if you can’t see, hear or touch that person. Lots of ways of talking get ruled out. I had to learn to process what I was feeling, both in my physical body and through my emotions. It was a big relief when I could finally ‘talk’ in this new way. Better still the other ways improved too. With continued practice, regular sessions of talking, I am now happy to be fluent in Spirit communications. And it is good to talk with them. Because I can pass on the love and support they have for us. Who wouldn’t want to share in that!

Day 468 of my blogging challenge. 

When There Is No Answer

I love doing readings. I get to answer a lot of questions for people. Questions about how their loved ones are. About what happens in the Afterlife. Plus letting people see that loved ones still take an interest in us.

They love us as much as we love them. The love stays even if they have to go. For a short while we are separated from each other. So loved ones also come back to tell us that they are going to be there when we eventually join them. There are other questions people bring to the reading. I know that they want an answer to all sorts of things besides the loss of their relatives. Such as why is life so hard? Why do these things keep happening to me? Will the people I’m with down here be happy, be healthy, be safe? Is the person who has hurt me going to be punished? Lots and lots of very important questions.

It’s difficult when I have no answer for them. I am able to pass on what the Spirit people tell me. If they don’t answer there is nothing more I can say. I can pass on the love. Or I can bring evidence of survival after physical death. And I can support and encourage. But if I am not told the information the question has to stay unanswered. That’s hard for me. As hard as I’m sure it is for the person wanting an answer. It’s always tempting to try to give some sensible advice. To fill the gap, so to speak. Because I really want to help people make the best of their lives.

I have to keep in my mind that I am the voice for Spirit. They are the only ones who can really offer answers. That’s because they are the ones who can more easily see the bigger picture.

I know that unanswered questions are a disappointment. It’s about our need to know. Even about whether we are right or wrong. The Spirit World have clear rules. They cannot tell me anything that would interfere in the choice someone has to make. We have been given free will for exactly that reason. It’s all about having to work it out for ourselves. One lady left today without an answer to her question. All the love and comfort that had been given in the reading was set on one side because she didn’t hear what she thought she needed. I hope that soon she can remember the love that her family were trying to share with her. Sometimes the answer ends up being unimportant because love is what we need to receive.

Day 467 of my blogging challenge.

Joyful at the New Beginning

This month I have three anniversaries of loved ones passing over to the world of Spirit. Although they have happened over a number of years it took me a while to feel joyful about their loss.

I know it might sound strange to say that their loss was joyful. I felt the pain of their going. An empty space was created just at the point of the year when I feel the connection most to family and friends. Grief at a time of celebration is hard to handle. With each loss I struggled to immerse myself once again in the festivities surrounding the turn of the year. Sitting around the dinner table knowing that these people had gone beyond my means of connection. Remembering that they were frozen in time now. Lost to me as my years clicked by but theirs didn’t.

This was long before I understood about the Spirit World. The afterlife that I now believe waits for all of us. I walked through my grief thinking I had lost these loved ones forever. Each December I remembered their absence with a pang. Death happens. It is a certainty in an uncertain world. Yet I struggled to understand why these people had been taken away from me. I wanted them back. There were lots of natural reasons for my desire to make the world back into what it had been. In some ways I was still a child, afraid of the unknown, wandering in the dark.

Eventually I started to discover my ability to communicate with Spirit people. It was a frustrating and joyful process.

My views about the exsistence of an afterlife changed as a result of my experiences. I learned that there were Spirit people ready and able to talk to me. So long as I paid attention to them. I also learned that they enjoyed making the connections with us. They wanted to remind us of their love. But I found it hard to get to speak to my own loved ones. Over and over I asked them to talk to me. It seemed that they had gone silent. I wondered if they were really there. Or if they did still love me. It was my lesson in patience.

Of course I asked my Guides to help me all the time. Even they seemed slow to respond. Until one particular day. They must have decided I was ready to hear what they needed to tell me. I’m not sure I was listening as much as I should. But they have told me exactly the same many times since. My Guides asked me to think about death from the perspective of the person who had passed over. They asked me to think about this change as a birth. A new beginning or a return to where we had left off in the Spirit World.

My Guides wanted me to consider what it would feel like to wake up dead. And to find myself surrounded by loved ones.

It was a question which I thought about a lot. How would it feel? I thought at first I would be a bit shocked. Perhaps sad that I’d had to leave the Earth. But I would also feel glad to be seeing the people I loved once more. Maybe I would wonder if I’d left anything unfinished. Perhaps I would be relieved that all physical pain had disappeared. Or wanting to go back and be with someone I’d left behind. I began to see that moving from this life to the next would provoke such a mixture of feelings.

At this point my Guides reminded me that I would be reunited with people I had missed, perhaps for a long time, and there would be catching up to do. I finally had a light bulb moment. It would be a celebration to find myself back with those people. I would be joyful to see all of them again. And surely they would see this as a joyful occasion too? Even if there is no such thing as time in the Spirit World they would be meeting me as a changed person from the one they knew. One of my grandma’s died when I was a child. I wonder what we would talk about if I met her now?

That became another interesting question. How joyful to finally reconnect, share, and discuss our life together with a lady who I will always remember from a child’s point of view. Inside or perhaps hidden underneath the grief is an opportunity to once again share the love we had in this life. I am remembering my loved ones tonight with joy knowing that they found joy in returning to their loved ones. And I will share in that joy when it is my time to become Spirit once more.

Day 401 of my blogging challenge.

The Power of Grief

img_2335I write a lot about the power of love. Today I encountered the power of grief. When it’s time to let a loved one go onward to the Spirit World it can be an overwhelming wrench.

I had a reminder today about that feeling as I recalled both my Mum and my Dad. Although years have passed since they died I still feel their loss. However there is a distance between then and now that makes the shock and disbelief a distant memory. I realised I have become accustomed to the feeling of grief. Or, at least, to some of the feelings associated with the grieving process. I’m not sure how long it took for the shock to wear off. Many mornings I woke up to a sharp realisation that my world had changed. Plenty of times in my day I suddenly remembered that one or other was gone for good. Eventually it seemed to stop. To be replaced with a sense of disbelief.

There were days when I so wanted to phone my Mum. Or drive over to see my Dad. How could they be gone? Surely they should still be there for me? Time and again I would be faced with a problem that I wanted to ask them about. But I couldn’t. That got me angry in so many ways. Angry and sad. I’m still not sure how many tears were sad and how many angry. As I moved through my grief it seemed like it was never ending. Actually I didn’t realise I was moving through it at all. I had a long period when I felt stuck. That’s when I was at my most unreal. When I rejected all help because I was soldiering on. Putting on my happy face.

That’s aspect of the power of grief. That we keep going, carry on regardless or refuse to admit our deeper feelings.

There is a danger in getting stuck in grief. The power of emotions that can colour life black. I know that I was gloomy on many days. Perhaps not bitter or despairing. But times when I felt an absence of love or support out of all proportion to the events of my day. I refused to trace it back to my grief and loss. It was as if I couldn’t bear to look at my reactions too closely. Or let anyone in to help me. Over time I came to realise that I had to give myself permission to grieve. And to reach out to get the help I needed to come to terms with my losses. I loved my parents for who they were – not the idealised pictures I had in my head because that’s what we are supposed to do.

What a silly saying – don’t speak ill of the dead. That restricted me in the way I could process my grief. It blocked me from saying how angry I felt that they had left me. Even though I knew they had no choice. So it was a big step forward for me to express that anger. And to cry some more about loosing them. To be surrounded by others who helped me over that hurdle. Actually I knew they could. They had also been affected by the power of grief. They understood where I was at. Ever so slowly I came to a place of peace. I knew that my grief was also an expression of my love for my parents. That the deeper the love the stronger the grief. No wonder it hurt so much.

Now when I meet people who want to know how their loved ones are in the Spirit World, or yearn to have them back here with them, I remind myself that I have walked that path too.

My work with my Guides has put me in contact with other people’s loved ones. I have the privilege of passing on their messages of love and support. They help me to explain how it is to be in the Afterlife. That can’t take away the pain or loss. But perhaps it can help the people left here to move through their grief inch by inch. Connecting with their loved ones in a different way perhaps those left behind will also give themselves permission to grieve. To learn that the power of grief is also the power of love ❤️

Day 363 of my blogging challenge.