Sometimes I find myself so full up of words. They are crammed in my throat. I want to release them. That’s when I hope someone will listen.
I know that there have been times when what I wanted to say got stuck. The timing wasn’t right I told myself. What I wanted to say felt too harsh. Or judgemental. I was angry, hurt, upset, frightened. Even feeling that it might be wrong to say the words that rushed forward. Yet if I don’t speak those words what happens? I push them back. Suppress what I want to say. Until the moment when someone else might find those words being aimed at them. With a power that has gathered strength because I’ve worried over those words for some time.
I feel that we live in a world where what we can say has been strictly defined. There are the ‘right’ things to say. And most definitely the ‘wrong’ things. Even if I know what I want to speak is the truth I might hold it back because it’s something I’m not supposed to say. That’s when I find myself feeling really frustrated. Because some of the things I might want to say could be to someone who could be behaving badly towards me. Yet being polite beats being truthful. Also being nice instead of telling it like it is. So I’m left with a jumble of unsayable or unsaid words roaming around in my head. Taking up space. Affecting my energy. Always ready to pop out unexpectedly.
With all of these stuck words I require someone who is willing to listen to them. To let me spew them out into the air. Helping me mop them up and throw them away.
Someone who can listen and not judge. A ‘hearer’ instead of a healer. But who, by the act of listening, can help me to self-heal. That’s why I work as a counsellor and mentor. I know the value of being heard. And why I talk to my Guides when I am suffering from an overfullness of words. I am not expecting a two way conversation. Or looking for answers. Even sympathy. I am taking the opportunity to clear the words out of my system. So their energy is no longer stuck in me. And my energy is no longer stuck in the words. Because saying them out loud is a way of clearing. Lightening the thoughts in my mind. They no longer need to be stuck around those particular unspoken words.
Sometimes finding someone to listen – just listen – is a challenge. Occasionally even my Guides seem to have gone AWOL on me. Then I start to write. Pouring words out of my head onto the paper. Imagining that I have a hearer siting with me to observe my words. It’s really almost as good as having a person actively listening. It can get me by. Until there is a friendly person ready to listen to me. Of course there is a trade off involved. I am actively involved in being a hearer too. It’s important to return the kindness someone has shown me. By validating my right to speak they have helped me release the energy attached to all of those words. So it’s only fair that I take my turn as a listening ear too.
Someone will always turn up who is willing to listen. Because I am a willing listener. And what you give out you get back. Offer to be a hearer for someone’s words. Then you will always be able to speak your own words out into the world.
Day 610 of my blogging challenge