On the third day of my Open Studios event I got a chance to reflect on how I’ve changed. It was quiet this morning. I sat down to proof read my first book. And my past opened up.
It’s a bit strange proof reading about myself knowing that what I’ve written will be going out into the world. Not because I’m worried about what people will think. But because I can see how much I’ve changed. I know that we all change over time. And understand that my ‘me’ isn’t set in stone. My life experiences have pushed me through changes in a big or little way. It’s that I was seeing those changes from this point in time. And recognising the inner journey I have been on. It’s even that I’m different now to the me who began writing the book.
As if to make it really clear and give me more proof my first visitor started talking about the journey he was on. He had been helping a friend and realised that his friend was stuck. Trying to avoid making changes. But complaining about not getting anywhere with life. I listened as my visitor talked about his realisation. That making changes only happens when we are ready to shift our outer world around. I understood what he was saying. Having an inner journey of change has got me to where I am now. Because I changed inside my outer world changed too.
I guess that old saying ‘the proof of the pudding is in the eating’ applies. I can only check if the ingredients of my life have ‘baked’ a good life by experience it.
And that is where his friend was stuck. Intuitively recognising that change was needed. But doing nothing to make it happen. Because I know that trips most of us up. Wanting the dream yet stepping back from taking the necessary action. It’s as if I am frightened to imagine the ‘me’ I will be when the dream becomes a reality. Or to make the changes to ensure that the ‘me’ then enjoys the dream that’s been manifest. As I read about my journey I recognised that in my dream for the future I hadn;t thought about the ‘me’ I would be.
I’ve written a lot about wanting proof from Spirit in my book. How much I pushed for evidence. And how that evidence pushed me to change my beliefs. Because experiences I’d had couldn’t be dismissed. So I had to change inside so that I could keep following the path my intuition, and my Guides, laid out before me. Today I started to wonder what the ‘me’ will be like when my next set of dreams comes in. Who am I becoming? What parts of me have yet to emerge? I find those questions a little bit scary. Also a little bit exciting.
I’ve decided that whilst I take some time away from my desk over the next week or two I’m going to ask myself about those questions. Even allow myself to write down the ‘me’ I’m becoming. The one who will make the best of the dreams when I get them delivered to my doorstep.
Day 594 of my blogging challenge