Today is the third birthday of my Down 2 Earth Centre. It’s been an interesting journey. Not always easy but certainly enlightening.
I work a lot on threes and nines. My life has been full of their influence. Over time I’ve got used to being a third of the way through something and finding I’m having to change things once again. House moves, work occupations, sometimes a lot of the people in my life. For a person who doesn’t do change too well that’s a lot of change. When I decided to set up the Down 2 Earth Centre I had a very clear vision of what I wanted. And how it would work. With all of the ways it would be successful. Yet as I approached this third birthday I had to step back and see how much of that vision had happened. Because if need be I would have to change what I was doing.
Certainly stepping back has brought me an interesting couple of months. Not least because change always makes me (and most of us) wobble. The certainty I once had seemed lacking in March. As did some of my motivation. Not helped by being energetically ‘under the weather’. But recognising my patterns around change energy I accepted the step back that I was required to take. And I took a good long look at what I was doing with my life. Then I was able to match that with what my vision had been. The gaps were obvious. Rolling my sleeves up and tackling those gaps should have been my next step. But it wasn’t. I needed to think a bit more.
Getting a third of the way through anything means it’s still early enough to walk away without feeling like something has been a waste of energy. It’s a kind of first quitting point.
For me three years is an acceptable time to have tried something for but also to turn around and say it’s not for me. Longer than three years and I start to build up an attachment to the outcome. Quitting is less of an option because I want things to work out the way I thought they should. Even if those outcomes no longer fit for or matter to me. Seeing the gaps between my dream and my actual position added an extra layer of reflection. Was my dream still what I wanted? Could those gaps be narrowed or disappear altogether? How much energy and effort would it require from me? And was I hanging onto a dream that has passed?
Lots of discussing, thinking, checking my feelings later I’m glad to say my vision for my future is still the one I want. I have to do some more work on how to flow with the changes I’m making. Perhaps I wanted step ten when I was only needing to be on step one. I’m constantly dealing with my impatience. As well as my need to try to control outcomes. Plus my general dislike of change. Yet as I sat in the peace and quiet of the Centre today I realised I’m getting better at change. At pausing a third of the way through and checking if I’m going in the direction I want. That my numbers are sliding into elevens and twelves. And instead of walking away I am delighted to keep going with the extra new ideas that will help me navigate this time of change energy.
Step back whenever you can. It’s well worth it when dealing with change.
Day 504 of my blogging challenge