Excited? Stepping Past The Wobbles

ExcitedWhat am I excited about? Today I realised that I had manage to step past another major wobble. I felt it beginning, remembered my intention and sent the wobble away. Progress at last!

I had a conversation this afternoon that really made me think about the process of change. And get excited. It was all about deciding to have a baby. I remember before I decided to have a baby I wanted to sort all the things out that would have to change. After all, I didn’t know how my body would respond to being pregnant. Or what work I would be able to do for the nine months of being pregnant. How much morning sickness would I have to deal with? What weight would I gain? Could I get enough sleep? Never mind all the issues about being a major wage earner and balancing the finances whilst I was unable to work. Then there were issues about my business. It’s my career but I would have to park it for at least a little while. It was exciting. But also challenging.

And it seemed as if I got all the down sides of having a baby. My partner could continue to work as normal and stay on a career track of his choosing. He wouldn’t be the one throwing up every morning or trying to adjust to a new centre of gravity when his body changed shape. He would also have his own income and I would have to depend on him for mine. Yet I knew I wanted to have a baby. We both did. Discussing this choice I know we both felt the excitement. The thrill of new life. I was excited about making our family bigger. So all of the resistance my mind threw up, the doubts and questions, gradually subsided. I had a baby. It was wonderful. But it was also nothing like I had imagined.

All that careful planning and the stressing about the detail went out the window. Though I was excited to begin a new life with my child.

What I hadn’t expected was the significant adjustments I had to make to my whole way of being. Baby certainly came first. Instinctively. Anything I had prioritised for me dropped off the list. The challenge of changing took a lot longer to settle out. Leaving me very wobbly at times. Working to adjust to a lot of unexpected outcomes. And being very stressed about the whole reality of motherhood. I know my confidence took a big blow. Not only because my life had changed out of all recognition. But also because I continually judged my performance as a mother. Excited? No, terrified! Of course I eventually sorted myself out. I saw that my child was surviving in my care and my confidence returned. Life settled back down.

That’s what happens when we change. I know all about the resistance I put up, then the wobbles and finally becoming accustomed to the new state of being. So I’ve learned to look very closely at myself when change is happening. There is a point when I realise I’m excited about what is happening. I can see the glimmers of the future me emerging out of the gloom of wobbles I’ve surrounded myself with. That first tiny fluttering of butterflies. A little ‘Yippee’ feeling about the time when I’m living my revised life. I also notice that I’m doing lots of ‘not planning’. In other words everything seems to be coming together all by itself. And the wobbles are getting less and less with every step I take towards my new life.

Now I know that getting excited as soon as possible when making changes can really balance out the wobbles. It gives me something to focus on instead of dread. As I step into my new life, birthing my new creations, I’m uncertain how things will shape up but very certain I will enjoy the outcomes. Thank you excitement!

Day 705 of my blogging challenge

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