The moon is approaching full. I’m feeling jittery. The surge of energy to help me manifest my dreams is stirring up the things that need to be released too.
That jittery feeling started some time this morning. I was busy sorting out the things I want to keep in my Centre. Having a big physical clear out in other words. Looking at some of the items I found it hard to put them on the ‘leaving me’ pile. I was tempted to hang on. Later in the day as I juggled furniture around I thought about how much I seem to need. How many chairs can I sit on at once? Or cups to drink tea from? Why do I keep papers from years ago? Especially as I never look at them. Or the box of bits and pieces from my desk drawer. Too many pens, pencils, drawing pins and paper clips.
I think that’s when I first noticed the jittery feeling. Located somewhere at the top of my stomach. A kind of ‘I don’t like this’ feeling. The thought with it was ‘keep it as you might need it’. As if all this physical stuff could somehow connect me to myself. Of course what we surround ourselves with is an expression of our taste. And what appeals to us. Or is pleasing. Even comfortable. The feeling seemed to be about making myself more solid if I surrounded my self with these things. I wondered for a moment if I’d been making myself invisible again. Had I slipped out of this world into another time and space? Or was a scared that I would if I stopped holdiing onto physical possessions? Could that be it?
Full moon is always a time of noticing for me. I wanted to understand what the jittery feeling was stirring up.
I went to sit down in my healing room. Quietly searching my thoughts and feelings. Tracking back through my morning to see where the feeling first started. I had been trying to catch up with myself in my Passion Planner. There is a section to review each month but I haven’t even thought about April yet. Nearly a week of May has gone already. Looking at the Planner I remember thinking ‘but I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing yet’. How could I ask for all sorts of abundance if I had no idea what I wanted. After that I walked away and started sorting things out. That’s when the jittery feeling got my attention.
I love using new moon energy to ask for what I require and desire. Then I use the full moon as the turning point to switch into releasing what is no longer useful. Here I was getting rid in a manifesting phase. It seemed a bit like putting the cart before the horse[. I was scared that I was scrambling my energy requests. Once I got to that point I realised that I could let that jittery feeling go. I’m well on with manifesting everything I’ve asked for. The fact that there is nothing I require right now is a positive. I’m sure there will be more that I desire but it’s good to feel content with where I’m at right now. Especially after all the turbulence of the last year.
This evening I watched the sun go down and the moon come up. I was up on the moor near my home. It was so very peaceful. As the moon beamed her light down on me I felt grafteful for my jitters. They reminded me how much I have available to me right now. 💜
Day 529 of my blogging challenge
A while back I went to a training event about web analysis and how to optimise a web page to be visible to as many people as possible. All in order to drive business your way.
There are all sorts of companies advertising their services to help me make it to the top of Google rankings. I must get several emails a week about how their analysis will get me more clicks. So this training was worth attending. I made a lot of notes and took some of the steps they advised. I’ve installed Google Analytics on my web site now. It feels like I’ve stepped into another minefield though. Trying to make sense of the data it gives me. Wondering if I’m reaching anyone with my blog. And adjusting it for my daily posts so it makes more sense to me. Today it got me thinking about when I over analyse.
As I closed the door on one part of my business life so that I could be more effective in the Growth Into Ascensionwork I wanted to carry forward I was running through an analysis of the last four years. A bit like the software on my web site I was trying to sort out what had worked and what hadn’t. Perhaps to see if I came up with different answers to the last time I looked backwards. Or even to beat myself up by saying it was a change I should have done sooner. But I feel the most important thing I was doing was trying to balance my experiences of the last four years to confirm it had been worthwhile. In a way I was ranking and rating myself.
Then I stopped. I though about the Google Analytics information. It doesn’t necessarily give a true picture of what happens on my web site. I have to consider the kind of business I’m in.
It’s not actually about driving customers to my door. Particularly my blog. My site is here to represent me and my views. It’s also here to give people inspiration, hope or a different viewpoint to think about. And some of that can’t be measure in the sort of analysis that the software gives. So to with my Growth Into Awareness business. It can’t be measured and analysed quite the same as a business based on profit motives. GIA has been an amazing way to develop myself and others. But it’s time for new energy. So Growth Into Ascension has arrived. A small change but very meaningful. A redefinition of the way I will be working from now on.
That’s when analysis is helpful. When it moves me forward by prompting me to consider other information. But it’s only a part of the story. I also have to remember that my outcomes might not be measured in ‘hard’ statistics. It is important for me to look at the ‘soft’ feelings and outcomes that my work generates. I decided this afternoon that I needed to approach the analysis of my website, business or life with my feet on the ground. Recognising that a spiritual business or spirituality can be measured in different ways. And not letting myself get too distractedly by search engine optimisation, Google Analytics and click rates. Over analysing over 💜
Day 526 of my blogging challenge
I love the light mornings. Up with the lark as the sky moves away from darkness. Listening to the bird song and slowly coming awake. Spring is certainly here.
I find early morning is a great time to set my intentions for the day. Especially if it is light. In Winter I want to stay snuggled under my duvet. In Spring I’m ready to get up and get going. Today as I emerged from sleep I thought about the restructure I’ve been doing with my spiritual business. My Centre has been open for three years but recently I’ve revisited it’s purpose. I wanted to be sure I was focused on the dreams I have for what I can do there. I suppose when I started back in 2014 it felt like a bit of a lark. An adventure. Perhaps not to be taken all that seriously because it felt like having fun.
Over time my attention drifted. I took on things that weren’t necessarily at the heart of my dreams. Little side wanderings onto paths that looked interesting. But possibly for now are dead ends. That’s what I realised this Spring. The song of the lark in the dawn light reminded me to look to what makes my heart sing. Hence the restructuring. Bringing my attention back to the work of my Centre. Preparing to have another go at aiming for my dreams. That means a big clear out of old energy. And ‘old’ stuff like furniture, stock and books. Today I also cleared out my doubts about my business purpose. It’s natural to have them. But they can end up limiting my options.
Most people setting up in business are unaware that it can take three years or so to move into profit. And feel that a profit is sustainable. It’s actually a lot harder in a spiritual business when profitability is not the way the business is measured.
Perhaps that’s why I felt like I was larking about in the beginning. Not taking business seriously in terms of generating a vast profit. Lots of business people around me kept asking about my bottom line. They didn’t mean my figure or my derrière. They meant my income from my business. I found it quite hard to explain to them that I knew I would be provided for. That the Universe would make sure I had enough coming in so that I could concentrate on helping people rather than charging. I probably sounded very vague and somewhat fluffy to people used to looking at cash flows and the bottom line all the time.
However I have managed to build my business. People keep finding me. I have something to offer and it seems to be what they want. That makes me glad I’ve spent the last three years learning a lot about myself, business and running a spiritual business. Today I started to implement some of my new plans. Off to my office early to move myself more into my Centre. Reorganising the rooms ready to hand some of them back to the landlord. I do keep an eye on my business finances so the changes will be cost effective. But I also know not to let the current profitability or otherwise of what I’m doing get in the way of my enjoyment of what I do.
That’s what had me singing like a lark this morning as I moved desks and shelving. I’m enjoying investing my energy in my business. It’s what I want to be doing right now. I’m certain it’s going to be another year for adventure 💜
Day 512 of my blogging challenge
I have to say paperwork is not my most favourite thing. Yet today I needed to do some. I badly needed to sort out all the bits and pieces cluttering my side desk.
I’m a bit of a hoarder. All sorts of receipts, invoices and bills wait in a heap to be sorted. Until the pile seems to have a mind of it’s own. Then it throws itself across all sorts of other things. The book I’ve put to one side to read. Healing records. Workshop notes and course exercises. Business cards to be filed. Until there is a mish mash of paper floating all over the desk. And of course I end up spending ages trying to find the one bank statement my accountant needs right now. I know I could be tidier. More organised. Kinder to the paperwork.
I also know that I’m expecting a lot from myself to do that. Because paperwork takes up time I could spend doing something more exciting. So I suppose I resent it a little. It should be organised enough to get into neat little piles all by itself. Petrol receipts in one. Utility bills in another. Amazon order invoices in a third. Then when I was filing it I wouldn’t be spending ages sorting it all out. Believe me I can spend ages. Mainly because I leave this task for a month. Well maybe three. Or even more. When I sat and thought about it today my resistance only makes this small task much more of a mountain.
I was also thinking about the ‘paperwork’ of life today. Whenever I move address I have so many places to notify. All so that the necessities of life continue. And the bills can find me.
I wondered if it was the same for my Spirit. Is there a great big pile of paperwork tracking my very existence as a human being? Do I have to file reports regularly? What happens with some one like me who is a bit sloppy with the paperwork? I was quite intrigued. I had a vision of my Guides throwing their hands up in horror every time they were asked to provide my completed Human Experience Monthy Report. Of the panic setting in as they realised I was ten years behind in filing my Spiritual Progress Reviews. Of them sitting in team meetings saying that I seemed to be getting the hang of things whilst they had their fingers, toes and everything else crossed.
In a way the paperwork tracks my progress. On a business or personal level by recording my achievement of certain tasks. So I’m sure that my spiritual progress is being tracked too. And not only by my Guides. I want to know that I am getting the most out of being human. When I look back I’d like to be able to see myself growing and evolving through my experiences. To note that I can handle things better than I once could. And to remind myself of what I still want to achieve. The piles of paper are worth organising because I know where I’ve been. Then I can decide where I still want to go. If I pay attention to them I can move myself forward. If only I could get the discipline I need!
Day 470 of my blogging challenge.
One of the things I like about my work is the apparent lack of any routines. What I put in my Passion Planner can change from day to day, even moment to moment. As I respond to what other people require from the Spirit World my life is never dull.
That’s one of the things I notice about routines. They can be reassuring. But they can also become boring. Something I enjoy doing regularly can suddenly flip into a task I’d rather not be doing. Even necessary routines like showers or cleaning my teeth can loose their meaning when I’m in one of my rebel moods. Of course, I realise I must wash sometimes so it’s about turning it from dull to fun. That’s why I think we have all those different shower gels. To entice the dullness out of taking a shower. When I think about it I feel it’s much the same for all sorts of stuff.
Today I had a few CDs to burn from my weekend work. It’s something I feel is a necessary part of doing a reading. I like being able to send out a recording because often the Spirit people say so much their relative can’t take it all in. I know I can’t when I have a reading. But some days it feels distinctly like a dull routine. That’s when my Guides like to mix things up a bit. First the recordings wouldn’t transfer over. Then my software closed down unexpectedly three times. After which I switched the computer off. But it wouldn’t shut down because another piece of software was staying open. Finally I unplugged the whole thing.
Routines! I thought. Even the computer is fed up of burning CDs. Taking a deep breath, talking nicely to my pc and asking my Guides what was going on I switched on again.
How lovely! The files transferred in a flash. The software stayed alert and the CDs got burned perfectly. I couldn’t help chuckling to myself. What an interesting way to free me from the possible boredom of producing CDs. And to remind me that the CDs mattered. The people who had readings would get a chance to listen again to what their loved ones had to say. That contact from the Spirit World is never routine. I guess that’s really why I love being a connector and communicator. I have no idea who will come through. Or what they are going to say. Except that they will be trying their best, through me, to show that their love for us continues. To reassure that all will be well.
Life will continue, much as it always has, with the daily, weekly, monthly and life long routines that we all set ourselves. It’s up to me how dull or adventurous I make them. Because, in the end, it’s up to me to choose how I see it.
Day 448 of my blogging challenge.
I’m in love! I’ve spent most of my last two days passionately planning all sorts of stuff in my new Passion Planner. I owe this surge of energy to my friend Fiona. She encouraged me to get hooked on planning.
Of course over my adult life I’ve done a lot of planning. Project and Programme management were my stock in trade in the corporate world. I have to keep a diary so I know where I’m meant to be. Church bookings are usually done a year in advance too. I’ve also done a plan every year for my business. Or to launch new projects. But I don’t feel I’ve ever been inspired to work at my planning so passionately. Even though I know that manifesting what you want works best when you send your wishes off charged with passion.
The Universe needs to know that I really want what it can send to me. The amount of energy I put into my Wish List sets the speed at which the dreams are delivered. And if I’m unclear or half hearted about anything the Universe struggles to shape the energy into what I want. I’ve learned to be as clear as possible about what I wish for. Trying to remove all my negative language from my requests. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I’ve had to overcome that niggle of doubt and a mind set that I don’t deserve what I’m asking for. Passionately wanting something is no good if I’m not open to receiving it.
That’s where I am inspired by my new planner. Bit by bit it’s getting me to focus on exactly what I’m passionate about. Which means I can let the rest go.
Even though I’ve been letting go for a long time now it’s still a challenge. Especially as I used to say yes to things too easily. I felt obliged to be busy on behalf of others. It’s an old energy of believing I have to be responsible for everyone else if they ask me to be. But since I started to practice saying no letting go has been much easier. However I know how easy it is to get stuck with deciding what exactly I want to be doing in the future. The future is an uncertain place. And Energy Being work can bounce me from what I expected to be doing into a completely different task as I pick up intuitive shifts in energy.
Yet my Passion Planner has plenty of space for these sudden shifts. There are some great questions to get me focused on the big picture. With some inspiring tools to break that big picture down into it’s smaller components. Lots of encouraging words and sayings. Plenty of blank spaces to add in more suggested areas to plan for. It’s as if the Planner is passionately supportive of my need to focus. I certainly want that focus. I’ve been looking at my five year plan for the last few weeks. There are some things I’ve already got underway. Yet my Guides keep reminding me that the surge of new energy all through this year is here to help me manifest more than I am currently dreaming about.
I know I need to dream bigger. Be more adventurous. Let myself imagine a passionately expansive future full of everything that is good.
Perhaps it’s my passion for excellence leaping out of the Planner at me. To remind me how much I’m prepared to give to be the best me I can be. So that my passion in sending out for what I want will bring the passion of enjoying everything that I get to do. That sounds like a great way to live. It also feels achievable. I’m excited to see what the Universe delivers back to me over the coming weeks and months. I’m certain there are going to be surprises. Good ones I’m sure. Because I know life has ups, downs and complete turn arounds. I’ve survived before and I will again. It’s time for me to passionately embrace my life and plan for an amazing future.
Day 440 of my blogging challenge.
Today felt like the right day to spend some time considering my purpose. It might be Friday 13th but as I’m not particularly superstitious the Full Moon energy was my guide instead.
Very soon the Moon will begin to wain again. That’s a good time for letting go of anything I no longer need. At the beginning of every year I like to think about the year I’ve left and release old energy. The start of that process is always to look at last year’s plans. Then to set out my new plans. I can see what I’ve manifested and what is still on my wish list. Getting clear about my purpose is also part of the planning process too. Because what we are here to do changes depending on what we have experienced over the last year.
So I sat quietly with my notebook from last year ticking off the things on my wish list that had happened. I also looked again at the purpose I’d written out for 2016. What had I hoped to do, change, learn or experience? Of course I have more than one purpose in my life. So I like to consider my personal, business and spiritual missions. They may all be enfolded in one statement of intent but it’s useful to separate them out from time to time. Because I want to be sure that what I’m doing for myself serves both my business and my spiritual journey.
Revisiting my purpose in this way helps me to notice what I’ve achieved. I can also decide if what hasn’t yet been manifested is still what I want.
I believe that I am evolving. Each experience gives me an opportunity to decide differently next time. Based on the outcomes that have flowed from my experiences and how I’ve handled them. As I change it’s reasonable to think that my purpose will change too. After all, this year I don’t particularly want the same things as I did when I was twenty. I’m a very different person now. So acknowledging what I can cross off my plans, because it’s already happened, will leave me room to add in new things. In this way I believe that my purpose is evolving too.
At twenty my personal, business and spiritual missions were very different. I didn’t have a business for a start. Nor did I have a strong spiritual belief. This year, after many years of life experiences, I have a strong spiritual focus which encompasses both my personal and my business desires. As I wrote out a new plan containing my mission for 2017 I noticed that I am becoming more confident in integrating all aspects of my life under this spiritual theme. I want to do the things I love doing because they serve my spiritual purpose. 2017 is going to be a great year!
Day 425 of my blogging challenge.
One of the things I love about my work is that I can do what I want when I want. So if someone needs a listening ear I can offer to listen. Every now and again I am surprised by a kind donation that represents a return of what has been given.
I would love to do what I do for free. However, that’s not a realistic approach. I have to pay my bills for my Centre too. So I do charge for some of my services. Yet when I can I love to listen when someone needs a bit of space to explore their life. To help them make sense of what is happening. To provide a fresh pair of eyes, as it where, so that knots can be untangled. Or patterns identified and understood. It’s my donation to them. A little bit of loving kindness can make such a difference. I certainly know the benefit to me of all those listening ears who gave me time and space.
Becoming a counsellor was one of the ways I hoped I could donate back the kindness. As a medium I also find that I can give back some of what was donated to me. It’s a kind of pay it forward initiative. Because once you have had loving kindness given to you then you realise how much a moment of someone’s time matters. What a difference it can make. I wanted to write about this today as someone very kindly made a cash donation to the Centre. They didn’t put their name to it. Although I have a suspicion who it is. Their kindness means I can put the money towards the bills. And the Centre can continue to be a place where people find a listening ear.
All too often I find that giving comes with strings attached. People want a return. It’s what we have been conditioned to expect.
Though I feel we are not very authentic about acknowledging that either. Often there is a feeling of obligation attached, whether real or assumed, that gets in the way of the transaction. That’s why I find it makes more sense to people if they feel they are paying for a service. Then they can choose to spend the money or not. Yet there are times when I know I have felt I couldn’t afford a particular treatment or that to take something for free would make me indebted to the person giving their time. What strange attitudes we have about giving and taking. Even a donated service or funds can stir up strong feelings.
I now realise that my donation of time is a contribution to the flow of energy exchanges going on around me. So why wouldn’t it come back to me in some way or other. How wonderful that someone feels strongly enough to contribute to me in some way. It doesn’t necessarily have to be money. A kind word, a few minutes of someone’s time, a helping hand to tidy up. All of these donations share the love back to me. Even better, they encourage me to share more love. They are the signal that the flow of energy is a circle. A circle that I can donate to and receive back from at any time.
I love the phrase ‘Random acts of kindness’. Today my benefactor gave me a random act of kindness. I’m going to use that kindness in a way that will pass the gift on to the next person. The love will go around and around and around ❤️
Day 418 of my blogging challenge.
Today I had to contact several call centres on behalf of an elderly relative. I was trying to make sense of a couple of letters which affect how much income comes in and what bills gets paid. Who cares about how easy or difficult we make it for people to sort out their finances?
Interestingly the organisation that had suspended everything had acted on incorrect information. I explained that a mistake had been made. However I was bounced off to another organisation who apparently made the mistake. The second organisation said they hadn’t and all the first organisation had to do was look at the shared database. I went back to the first organisation. Nothing they could do for five working days I was told. They would get the back office to make a request for up to date information. It seemed quite clear that no one cares about the stress this has placed on someone having to manage a budget.
Then I contacted a third organisation to make sure that the best option for paying bills was in place. What a change! Both people I spoke to quickly updated records, gave me information and adjusted one thing that could make a big difference. They advised me of other options that were available and when it might be best to use them. Speaking with compassion and consideration these two operatives put in place a couple of other things as a back up plan. I came off the phone feeling like my faith in others had been restored.
I know it’s sometimes hard to work in a pressurised environment. Who cares for the operators answering call after call?
When things go wrong it’s all too easy to try to sidestep the issue. I know that I get defensive if I feel like I’m being blamed. That’s a natural reaction to the way we treat mistakes. Because blame certainly isn’t coming from a place of compassion. So how do we change a blame culture into one that accepts mistakes happen. I guess all I wanted from the first organisation was an apology and the issue being corrected. What I got instead was someone trying to shuffle the blame in another direction. And certainly no prompt action to resolve the issue.
Yet I found the third organisation cares enough for it’s staff that they feel able to go that extra mile for callers. There had been a mistake too. But I found that they corrected it with a clear and sincere apology. They showed compassion and I felt I could respond in kind. So how do I create the environment around me where compassion and caring are clear in what I do? That’s a big question. Because I also have to assess how I can be compassionate and caring to myself. There is a balance required. One I know from my life experience it can be hard to find.
What is encouraging, and why I will keep trying to find the balance, is that today showed me it is possible. A large organisation can do it. And if they can, so can I. My starting point is to care for me so I can also offer that care to others.
Day 386 of my blogging challenge.
I would have liked to sleep in this morning. Instead I had readings to do, meditation to lead and a Drop In to run. Working for myself I fondly imagined I would be able to please myself about my day.
That is where I was wrong. Living an intuitive life means things are less predictable than I once imagined. Of course, as my own boss, I can set my own working hours. It’s just that sometimes I am drawn to say yes when perhaps I had intended to say no. I guess when I started out working publicly as a medium I assumed that there would be an even, steady flow of work. People who booked to see me would stick to their appointments. I would have certain days only when I was available. And I would have lots of time for the things I thought I would like to do.
I imagined predictable things would happen. Readings, church services, a bit of teaching and some healing. There would be a pattern and a flow so I would have a diary filled with organised days. Of course it has never worked like that. Not that I haven’t tried to make my days an organised dream. Or that part of me has been itching to colour code, block out and schedule everything neatly. As the years have clicked by each new diary has had planner and pages noted and marked. Events and workshops placed on dates where I am certain they will fit beautifully with everything else. Only to find six or eight weeks in the appointments and lists are a hotch potch of crossings out. All order thrown firmly out of the window.
I do it so often that redoing my diary is now predictable. Perhaps the only thing that is when I’m looking to the future.
For that’s another thing I’m often asked to do for people. They want me to predict for them without realising that not everything is set in stone. It’s predictable that if we always do what we have always done then we will always get what we alway got. The future is only available for me to read if the person concerned is willing to change course. Having something new happen relies on creating the energy and will to change the pattern we have now. So one of my biggest strides with my work and business was when I realised that old habits die hard. I had to learn to free myself up to the unpredictable nature of change.
My intuition always prompts me when change energy is on the way in. If I pay careful enough attention I can even predict what the changes are likely to be. Of course, I may resist the changes, especially if I have got too comfortable in my current pattern. Yet if I do follow what my intuition, or my heart, suggests I find myself in a better situation. I meet new and interesting people. There are fresh work opportunities. I have fun. Things change a bit and I hold onto the past less. Eventually something reminds me how much I have changed from the way I used to be. This is the process of evolution in action. My life is helping me to grow and thrive. I know it can feel strange or unsettled for a while but now I wouldn’t swap my intuitive life for predictability.
Day 347 of my blogging challenge.