I love mentoring. Bringing things into the light so they can be released. Today there was a theme. Harsh judgements. It made me think about how my judgements hold me back.
I know that I can be a bit harsh on myself. I also know we all can. In my life I’ve tried to follow the rules. All the ‘how to’s’ that fill my day. Yet those rules have caught me out very often. Because I am unpredictable. We all are. Without that little bit of unpredictability I feel we stop being human. I find it really funny that our machines, those engineering innovations of predictability and reliability, are also unpredictable. Because it seems that everything needs a bit of spontaneity. A random chance. Two atoms, cars or people colliding with unforeseen consequences. I know this generates variety in my life. So when I’m choosing what I do it seems a little harsh to try to judge the outcomes. Although I admit to trying very hard to second guess my life.
And that’s often the problem. In judging my choices I agonise over what I’ve done. Was it the right thing? Have I said something I shouldn’t? Where will it all end up? Then I store away the judgement I have made. I keep it in the shadow side of my inner world. I tell myself I’ve failed or done badly. Because I’ve kept the judgement it is always ready to surface at a moment’s notice. To remind me, in a new situation, that I was rubbish the last time I had to deal with something like this. Added to unpredictability it’s a cocktail for my disaster. So I hesitate. Or shout at myself. Using harsh words I tell myself to doubt myself. Eventually that judgement ends up paralysing me. My inner world can never be a calm, safe space. Because that judgement is waiting to surprise me again.
I’m working on loving my shadow side. Noticing how harsh I can be with myself I have renewed my promise to be gentler with myself. I’ve also decided it’s time to clear out those old judgements. I’m no longer the person who made those choices. It’s time for the new me to free the old me.
Day 662 of my blogging challenge
It’s been a slow day. I woke up feeling out of sorts. Nothing I could put my finger on. But heavy energy.
Sometimes it’s not clear to me why I feel that the energy is heavier. I know all sorts of things might be going on in the energy ocean that surrounds me. But I can’t quite get to the heart of what is shifting around. At this kind of time I have to be kind to myself and acknowledge that I’m not feeling just quite right. It doesn’t happen often. Because usually the waves of energy are very clear. And I know that everyone around me is feeling those same waves. Yet today it felt like some of the waves were definitely flowing in the opposite direction. So were many of the things I planned to do.
When this happens I know that things might appear to be going in reverse. So I feel like I’m not moving forward but back. Given that it’s also the start of a new moon with some interesting impacts from both Mercury and Saturn yet in the outspoken Leo it’s no surprise that everything I’ve been doing has come back under review. I have been busy manifesting my desire but now I also have to check if they are really what I want. Then I have to do the work of making sure they come into being. And that might be the challenge. Taking the right action when there are all sorts of things I can choose to do. I’m being asked to be decisive. Not a good thing if, like me, you tend to procrastinate quite a bit.
However, the time for thinking is almost past. I have one more go round in this heavy energy before I start to put my creative talents into bringing in my dreams. September is launch time. In this heavy energy I need to rest, review and refocus all sorts of intentions. How about you? What will you do?
Day 609 of my blogging challenge
Rest is very important. It’s a point I make over and over when I’m mentoring. So today I’ve taken a rest day. And perhaps to give myself time to think.
Of course taking a holiday break gives me a chance to step back from my work. To move out of my life as it is and do something different. I also enjoy the time I get to reflect when I take a break. Because I can think about those things that are going right with my life. And what isn’t. Interesting these things often come up in the events of my holiday. Take noise for an example. I hadn’t realised how much I enjoy quiet time. At home and in my Centre I am very lucky to enjoy the absence of most noise whenever I want. Staying in a hostel full of noisy people has been a challenge. Rest has sometimes been hard to find.
The walls are very thin. The communal areas can get very busy. The doors bang continually in the morning as people get up, shower, have their breakfast and set off for the day. One or two late night parties have taken place overhead. When the silence descended today I breathed a sight of relief. I’ve had a couple of moments of praying for deafness. And of wondering if people are aware of being inconsiderate. I realise how precious silence has become to me. In the quiet I can tune into that inner voice of guidance. The Guides can draw closer. In this relaxed space we talk about all sorts of things.
I’ve also enjoyed a rest after all the walking. My body loves being active. Wind, rain or shine it doesn’t matter. Striding along gives me more time to think.
Ideas jump into my head. Wondering and wandering. Reviewing my life as a journey like my walking. The past couple of days I’ve enjoyed thinking about what my life would have been thousands of years ago. Probably lots more walking, of course, but still a journey from birth to death. Maybe a few more children than in this life. Probably grandchildren by now, if not great-grandchildren. Of course there might not have been much in the way of medical care so childbirth could have been a hazard. It reminded me that my body matters too.
After I watched the ferries arriving and departing this afternoon I sat down for a coffee. In a quiet cafe I sat with my Passion Planner to review last week. It’s something I do every Monday even if I’m on a rest day. I find the commitment to looking back over my week helps me shift any thoughts or feelings that I’ve got stuck with. It also clears my head for the week in front of me. The ferries got me thinking. When I am on a boat there is nothing to do but rest. Surrounded by all that water there is nowhere else to go. I am contained within the area of the boat. Like my life is contained in my diary most of the time.
I am contained by my passion for what I do. Yet I can also find those trips to other places that help me relax. As well as recharging my batteries taking time out refreshes my ideas and purpose for my life. Well deserved rest!
Day 602 of my blogging challenge
On the third day of my Open Studios event I got a chance to reflect on how I’ve changed. It was quiet this morning. I sat down to proof read my first book. And my past opened up.
It’s a bit strange proof reading about myself knowing that what I’ve written will be going out into the world. Not because I’m worried about what people will think. But because I can see how much I’ve changed. I know that we all change over time. And understand that my ‘me’ isn’t set in stone. My life experiences have pushed me through changes in a big or little way. It’s that I was seeing those changes from this point in time. And recognising the inner journey I have been on. It’s even that I’m different now to the me who began writing the book.
As if to make it really clear and give me more proof my first visitor started talking about the journey he was on. He had been helping a friend and realised that his friend was stuck. Trying to avoid making changes. But complaining about not getting anywhere with life. I listened as my visitor talked about his realisation. That making changes only happens when we are ready to shift our outer world around. I understood what he was saying. Having an inner journey of change has got me to where I am now. Because I changed inside my outer world changed too.
I guess that old saying ‘the proof of the pudding is in the eating’ applies. I can only check if the ingredients of my life have ‘baked’ a good life by experience it.
And that is where his friend was stuck. Intuitively recognising that change was needed. But doing nothing to make it happen. Because I know that trips most of us up. Wanting the dream yet stepping back from taking the necessary action. It’s as if I am frightened to imagine the ‘me’ I will be when the dream becomes a reality. Or to make the changes to ensure that the ‘me’ then enjoys the dream that’s been manifest. As I read about my journey I recognised that in my dream for the future I hadn;t thought about the ‘me’ I would be.
I’ve written a lot about wanting proof from Spirit in my book. How much I pushed for evidence. And how that evidence pushed me to change my beliefs. Because experiences I’d had couldn’t be dismissed. So I had to change inside so that I could keep following the path my intuition, and my Guides, laid out before me. Today I started to wonder what the ‘me’ will be like when my next set of dreams comes in. Who am I becoming? What parts of me have yet to emerge? I find those questions a little bit scary. Also a little bit exciting.
I’ve decided that whilst I take some time away from my desk over the next week or two I’m going to ask myself about those questions. Even allow myself to write down the ‘me’ I’m becoming. The one who will make the best of the dreams when I get them delivered to my doorstep.
Day 594 of my blogging challenge
I’m an air sign. Often I find myself floating off from life instead of being grounded into what is happening. Sometimes that means I will avoid my feelings until they burst out of me.
That can be volcanic. And scary. Plus taking other people completely by surprise. They wonder where all that fallout has come from. Certainly not from the present moment. Perhaps I should revisit what I’ve said. I used to be volcanic. Now I’m chilled. My air energy has found a connection to water. My feelings have become much more flowing and I find myself grounding them out instead of hanging on to them. How did this happen? Certainly not with the wave of a magic wand. But my journey into my spiritual side has had an enormous impact on the way I deal with my feelings.
I’m also rules by the planet Venus. She is the planet of love. But in my journey through life I have experienced an absence of love for a lot of the time. Something my air nature tended to waft me away from. But I need to clarify what that absence has been. I have always had love around me. And, as I thought, given love to others. Yet the one person I didn’t give much, if any, love to was myself. I preferred to skip over the bit about loving me. Thinking that to do so I had to be perfect. I didn’t understand that I could love my flaws as much as I could love my abilities. Learning to love me has been a long journey. Because I had to remember that loving is as easy as breathing. No wonder I have asthma. And feel like I’m drowning.
I struggled to let love into me from me. Like gasping for air I only grabbed little bits of love. And only for certain things that would prove I was a ‘good’ person.
Until one day I ran completely out of self love. I was down at the bottom of the murky ocean of life. I wanted a way out. Yet I struggled to understand that love was the air I needed to breath. Instead I felt full of hate. Then someone threw me a lifeline. Or should I say my Gatekeeper Guide stepped in. He wrapped me up in the energy of love. Carefully he nudged me into connections with people who radiated love. People who gave me a reason to continue swimming. I found hope again. Then I began the process of learning to love me fully. My Spirit rejoiced at the opportunity to engage fully with being human.
I learned to be grateful for me. Along with learning to forgive me for being me. And I finally realised that feeling were good things to have. My air nature might float me off but the love of my Guides kept me connected to the Earth. I started to find love for myself reflected in the people around me. They were sharing their love for me and I was finally listening. I felt myself sharing my love for them. We created loops and spirals of love around each other. My life became incredibly positive. Not challenge free. But I knew I could meet every test with courage because I loved myself enough to do so. What’s more I loved others enough to take the help they wanted to give me. Our bonds of love have been woven tightly together.
I’m no longer drowning. I breathe the air of love. Surrounded by loving people, some of whom have shared my day today, I am afloat in a wonderful world. Love yourself. Breathe the love. Share the love.
Day 581 of my blogging challenge
It’s Monday. It’s hot. I’m looking at all the To Do’s I have. How best to make my time count? Can I give myself permission to take my day a bit slower than usual?
That was my though as I got up this morning. I was debating what time to start work and how much work I could leave to one side. Could I count on catching myself up later in the day? My ego mind was definitely at odds with my intuition. My feelings were shouting out really loud that I had to slow down and take things easy. Yet my mind wanted to tell me off for being lazy. For not doing enough. And for being uncommitted to what I was hoping to achieve. I realised it was time to take firm contol of my inner words. After all, what good is doing loads of work if what I produce is a bit below par. Better to sort out those things I could do well and let the rest wait until it’s cooler.
Decision made I started to think about the words I had been using. Then I turned on the TV. With great sadness I watched a news report about another attack on innocent people. This one outside a mosque in Finsbury, London. It seemed one man had driven a large van into a crowd of people who had been around in the street. It was being described as a terrorist attack. I wondered what words had been in the driver’s mind to inspire him to take such dreadful action. What was he thinking? Also what was he feeling? I asked myself what words had got tangled up in his mind that produced this dreadful action. It’s the same question I asked of the bomber in Manchester and the people in the van on London Bridge.
How had any of these people become comfortable with the idea that causing death and injury was ok?
Words do count. How I express my feelings, thoughts, opinions and judgements makes a difference. If I express myself in divisive terms then I am promoting division. If I talk in compassionate ways then I am stressing similarity. Lodged in the minds of each of these people must be words that promote harm. Because otherwise they wouldn’t have done what they did. Words that have twisted respect for all life into a belief that some lives don’t matter. I know that we may never discover those words or who said them. But I also know that we have to understand very clearly that what we say in any circumstance or situation does count.
That’s why I was deeply disappointed to go on my Facebook feed and read arguments about today’s incident in Findsbury. It has been called a terrorist offence and I believe that is quite correct. It was a use of unlawful violence and intimidation for political aims. The intention was to terrorise people. To make them live in fear. Yet some people were determined to call it something different. Attempted murder. Or anything that absolved the person who did it from some sort of public condemnation. Because this was a white man attacking Muslims. And some people seemed to be blind to the horror that this provoked. Underneath, in the words being used, was a sense of tit for tat that I found distressing.
I also noticed that there was far less in my newsfeed of people sending healing and prayers. These words and intentions count.
They show that we care about everyone equally. Because sending healing is a recognition that we are all part of the human race and all deserving of equal care. So excuses for the person who did this and less help for those who suffered. What am I to take from that? Is it right that underneath but very close to the surface there are words of hate? Feelings of revenge or payback? What words are we actually using inside ourselves that sneak out unnoticed in the pile of words we use to give our opinion of these events? I keep saying that to live a spiritual life I have to walk the talk. My words have power. So they have to be good and positive words.
However, until I address the cruel, hatefilled or judgemental words inside me my efforts won’t count. It’s not about suppressing my words. But by owning what I say inside and considering if it’s what I would be brave enough to say outside. Bringing those words out into the light and recognising what I truly feel. I know that a lot of people argue that political correctness has gone mad. But if I have those hate filled words inside me eventually they will escape and be said. They may even drive me to actions I never thought I would do. And there is an even greater risk. That I will teach those words to others. They may be the ones who act on what I say.
For whatever reason today’s perpetrator acted on the words inside his head. Who influenced him and why matters. If only so that this chain of hatred can be broken. Think carefully about the words you use. One day they could come back to haunt you.
Day 574 of my blogging challenge
It’s been a busy day of intuitive mentoring. I really enjoy working with people in a holistic way to help them move through life changes and stuckness.
Sometimes I need to step out of the confusion. I might feel stuck, boxed in and unclear about where my life is going. Or my business and career. Even about being a parent. Or a healer and my spiritual path. All of these component parts make up my life. But if I focus on only one aspect I might be missing out on something vital in another aspect. It’s true that if I am happy in my work I am more likely to be successful. Both at my job and in my home life. Because there will be less stress. And if I’m happy in my home life or myself I can bring a positive approach to everything I do. Including my work. Intuitive mentoring is a great way to look at all these areas of my life in one go.
Because that’s the challenge. In the past I’ve gone to a spiritual mentor or a business mentor or to a parent’s support group. All of these have been valuable mentoring experiences. I’ve got a lot of support from the people who I’ve seen. However I’ve been left to piece the advice or support together for myself. I’ve been the one trying to see the big picture of my life all by myself. Even with the help of Guides it’s not easy to be detached enough to weigh it all up. So I’m delighted that I can work with other people as an intuitive mentor. I’m helping them to look at the bigger picture. Maybe even the spiritual picture behind it all. And I can remind them of the options they have when making choices.
Intuitive mentoring is a safe space to explore all that is happening. To identify barriers and blocks. And to find solutions that build more positive outcomes.
It’s also a space in which to explore skills and abilities. Including our natural intuitive and psychic senses. Because part of my mentoring role It to help someone identify what they are good at and to build on this strengths. I know that we all have so much to offer and contribute. But old attitudes, incorrect judgements and a lack of acknowledging talents get in the way. What my mentees enjoyed today was the time to look at themselves and recognise where they were holding themselves back anywhere in their lives. And to be able to develop strategies to changer their patterns and habits for more positive ways of progressing their lives.
Working with people every week can make the changes a bit hard to see. Yet I find that at the end of their block of mentoring sessions these lovely people are more confident, focused and at ease. They are lighter and brighter. They may still be dealing with lots of changes. But they feel empowered to manage those changes. I love to see that they have found their trust in themselves once more. That’s the best reason why mentoring works. We all need a little support from time to time. A calm space, without any judgements, where anything and everything can be discussed. A listening ear whilst we get the ‘stuff’ that’s keeping us stuck out of our head. Intuitive mentoring is that kind of support. No wonder it works.
Day 561 of my blogging challenge
I love a good cup of tea. It makes me feel relaxed and comfortable. It also links me to my childhood. Our family were forever drinking tea.
Whether it was a visit to my English Nanna or the trips on holiday to all of my Irish relatives I could guarantee that tea would be on the agenda. In the hurly burly of all the chatter flying backwards and forwards I would sink into a comfortable silence. I loved to listen. I wonder if that’s where I first discovered the joy of being invisible? The grown ups forgot about me as the teapot poured another cup. I probably heard far too much but I felt included in a bigger world. I loved the silence too. It was where I had room for my own thoughts.
Feeling comfortable is one of my key values. I want to be relaxed and I want others to relax too. Just like both sides of my family I tend to reach for the tea pot as soon as anyone calls by. It’s one of the things I enjoy about the Centre. Anyone can call in and get a cuppa. Then we can relax and talk. Or listen. Even sit in silence enjoying the moment. When I started my counselling training I rediscovered the peace of sitting with another person sharing the silence. It became a key part of my practice. Silence creates space for the mind and feelings to surface. Silence is a wonderful way to acknowledge my inner voice. And sitting quietly with another can be a perfect demonstration of empathy and support.
The world is very noisy. Busy. I love to sit in my office in silence too. Feeling comfortable with getting on with my tasks. Letting sounds fade away.
It becomes a timeless space. I become invisible to the world outside my door. With my cup of tea to hand I explore all sorts of ideas. I create, examine, find out, tidy up, calculate, surf, visualise, solve, plan, review and write. Comfortable in my own company. Focused on tasks. Or daydreaming the future. I am also processing my experiences. Tea and silence. A thoughtful space to explore how I’m feeling. To look at what is troubling me. A space too where I can get the support of my Guides. They may be invisible to the rest of the world too. Yet I know they are there. Sharing the moment, drinking their own tea and working things out with me.
There is nothing quite like that feeling. The comfort of knowing that they care. That is the energy I hope to share with my cups of tea at the Centre. And the silence of me listening if someone needs it. Or the quiet presence of company when times are tough. I’m grateful that I learned about silence, invisibility and the tea pot ceremony when I was young. And grateful for all of the cuppas that have been made for me whilst I poured out me feelings. To the people who listened in silence, fading into the background to allow me space, I offer my thanks. It’s because of your kindness that I can appreciate the comfort of caring for others in this way. My kettle is always on in honour of your example So pass the biscuits 💜
Day 528 of my blogging challenge
Take my hand, I’ll help you up. When I explain life counselling that’s the phrase I use to describe what I do. For a very good reason.
When I first started my counselling training I knew I wanted to give a hand to help others. So I worked hard to process my own mental and emotional ‘stuff’. I also read as much as I could about counselling theories. Why would talking to a stranger work? What was the magic ingredient I needed to offer so that people got well again. As I studied more and more it seemed that there were lots of ingredients involved. What could help was different with each person. Something of an obvious point I guess. But one that it took me a long time to discover because I was swept up in all the theories about what makes us tick.
Eventually I had the study under my belt and was working as a person-centred counsellor. Keen to do as much as possible for my clients I took on more studying. And then more. I ended up with a Masters Degree in Counselling. But was I any closer to the magic answer? Could I help my clients regain mental and emotional balance? It seemed the more I learned the less I knew. I was spending most of my time working with people that I wasn’t sure I was helping. They didn’t seem to manage to make any inmprovements to their lives. And I was getting exhausted by my work. It began to seem pointless.
It was then that I noticed something. When I offered help some people took it and reshape their lives. But others didn’t. I wondered why.
I feel we are all so used to being the giver, the helping hand, that we never question what we are doing. Or if it works. However I was starting to work with my clients in a different way. I seemed to know what they were hiding from me in my sessions. And I seemed to ask the questions that finally brought the information to light. Sometimes they didn’t even know what they had been hiding from themselves. This intuitive insight meant that I could offer what was needed in a much more specific way. I could be to the point in achieving the release of stuck feelings and thoughts. It was quite a revelation for me.
Because I also found that some people resisted the help of a hand up. They actually wanted a hand out. Their need was for someone to ‘own’ their issues so they didn’t have to. When I was offering my help in the form of supporting them to work through issues for themselves they tended to move on. I was fascinated by that. Pretty soon I could work out very early on who wanted a hand up and who didn’t. I started to focus my work towards those who were really ready to make the inner changes necessary for an improved life. Whilst willing to support in a more limited way those who wanted me to be responsible for their lives. Because eventually everyone who is stuck tends to want to move on.
I love life counselling. It can help with any issue by getting behind what’s on the surface. Allowing me to be the helping hand when the client is really ready to step up.
Day 523 of my blogging challenge