Recycle, Release, Rubbish: Zooming Through Clearing

RecycleThe upgrade continues. Today I found myself emptying boxes and containers looking for possessions to recycle, release or throw in the rubbish. Fortunately I wasn’t doing it all on my own.

I’m a bit of a hanger-on. I keep all sorts of things in the hopes that I can use them again. Or because they are still nearly new. Or have sentimental value. Even the replacement buttons for cardigans that I’ve sent to the charity shop years ago. I have a sort of ‘just in case’ mentality that I’m sure came from my Mum and Nanna. When money was tight they saved and reused everything they could. It was their way to recycle. So I acknowledge I’ve learned to be a hoarder from an early age. But not any longer. Because I know that stuck ‘stuff’ in my physical space also blocks the flow of abundance.

However I also recognise that even with the best of intentions I struggle to recycle my stuff. That’s when it’s wise to acknowledge  the barrier. So I asked someone to help me. My lovely friend Rosie enjoys decluttering. She also, obviously, enjoys a challenge! For three hours today we unpacked, uncovered and dived into boxes, bags, drawers. In an orderly way I designated things to be sold on Amazon, items for the charity shop, bits for the recycling bin and unusable or broken objects for the bin bag. Inspired by this clearing I also identified 3 items of furniture that can be offered to new homes. And we moved my room around a little so that it felt light and airy.

Tonight I feel like it’s a recycle job well done. I hardly noticed the items leaving me as Rosie and I chatted. She valiantly put all sorts of ‘hard to let go of’ objects in front of me (books and CDs especially) and encouraged me to let go. As the clearing of energy goes on why not find a friend to help you let go too? It really can be so easy!

Day 625 of my blogging challenge 

Ouch! Upgrading Energy Once Again

UpgradingI’m glad I’ve had a busy day mentoring. Because I woke up this morning with an upgrading of my intutive system going on. In other words my body was going ouch!

I always know when I’m getting an energy boost. Because I develop slight cold symptoms for 32 to 48 hours although a full blown cold doesn’t happen. I also feel rather tired and need to rest. Then I loose my appetite too and forget to eat. Usually that is followed by upgrading of my intuitive senses. So ringing or buzzing in my ears. Headache feelings across my forehead. Especially where my third eye is located. And the feeling that cobwebs are drifting across my skin. My joints can ache as well as other parts of my body where stuck energy is being pushed out.

Small upgrades happen all the time. Like regularly scheduled maintenance. Bigger upgrades happen every now and again when I have a full reboot of my system. All this means is that my intutive senses are working better, receiving clearer information and I am translating it faster. However, Inc Erin a while the upgrading is a massive blast. Something that’s necessary for a whole new level of functioning. Then my body can be full of energy surges aligning me to that new level. And I can get much more serious ouch effects. Like today. My chest hurt, my right knee throbbed and my shoulders were cramped. In other words, lots of old energy surfacing from deep down to be let go.

Upgrading can be hard. So the distraction of work was very welcome. I could forget the pain for a while and enjoy the successes of my clients. Who are also all going through an upgrade. Because the whole world is. So tonight it’s time for me to rest, reflect and let the upgrading finish. And look forward using to the new software!

Day 624 of my blogging challenge 

Deeper Dreams: Getting Help to Clear the Past

Dreams of releaseOver the last week I’ve been having deep dreams. Plenty of them. Tangled recollections of my past in this life. With elements thrown in that I don’t recognise. All seeming to take me back to other times.

Yet, at the same time, these dreams contain symbols of travel. Cars, trains, a large ship, even a bicycle. I recognise that I’m being reminded I’m on a journey. Though it seems, at this particular point, that in my outer life I feel a bit becalmed. Stalled in some way. Definitely waiting for something to happen. Perhaps feeling the weight of the World too much. Of course I’m plodding along in a way. I’m taking each day as it arrives and doing my best to do what I feel is right for that day. But the bigger picture is missing right now. My focus seems to have shifted to re-examining my past experiences.

So along come the dreams. Not necessarily bad dreams. Because they take me back doesn’t mean I’ve got problems with what has happened in my past. But I awake from each one with a slightly different understanding of what might have been happening back then. I see that I was given lots of choice. There were times when I decided things, for all the wrong reasons, that somehow turned out right. By linking back in the dreams I’m being reminded that somehow I have made progress. Each phase of my life has allowed me to travel a new path. By doing that I have learned so much about being human.

My dreams are also showing me the times when I felt overwhelmed by being in charge of my own destiny. Even the times when my dreams crashed and burned.

When I didn’t honour my needs, dreams and abilities. And when I resisted asking for, or receiving, help with my burdens. Even if they were the ones I had created for myself. Because I can always ask for help. Or take some time to work it out with the help of other people and Energy Beings. It is possible to lighten my load. If I can find a hearer, companions to share with or those who can sustain me. I can also, with loving kindness, hand back any burdens I have taken on that really belong to others.

My dreams belong to me. I can’t manifest any for someone else. When I go into these deep dreams I’m also being reminded that each of us has to follow their own path with their own purpose. So the people who pop up in my dream have to be allowed to move forward with their own dream. Shouldering their own burden. I can help by giving them loving kindness. But it will be up to them if they receive and use it to lighten their load. In the end we might find that we have do-created a shared dream. That would be a wonderful outcome. But I’m also being reminded it’s not the only option.

I am embracing these deep dreams. I am revisiting, once again, who I am and what I have to offer. Ready for that moment when the tide turns. And my ship sails again. I’m going to be navigating to a new place. A place of more dreams.

Day 615 of my blogging challenge 

Oracle, Tarot or Guidance Cards? Open Your Intuition

I have about forty packs of oracle, tarot and guidance cards. Although I learned to use my intuition with playing cards first. At the time I thought it was a bit of fun. Now I know it was a baby step.

Today I had an opportunity to teach a few people how to open their intuition by using oracle cards. It took me right back to my own beginnings as someone who was sceptical but willing to explore. I got a book about reading ordinary playing cards. Then a friend bought me a pack of cards for my birthday. It didn’t take me long to get going. I was fascinated with the way the information always seemed to be accurate. I read about probability, influences through telepathy, beating the odds. All sorts of information that tried to establish if oracle and tarot cards could predict. Or be accurate. I talked with a lot of people. Quite a few of them couldn’t explain why the cards seemed to work. It was intriguing.

Behind all of this I kept using the cards. I bought more packs. Making sure I read the notes and did all sorts of things to ‘bond’ with the cards. I learned what the colours, symbols and pictures meant to me. For a while I tried sleeping with a card under my pillow. Then I put crystals in top of them to charge the cards up. I got special boxes to keep my packs in. Did I prefer oracle cards to tarot? Or where they all actually the same thing? Could I use them on my friends? Was the information always correct? And if not, why not? In a way I was carrying out my own form of scientific research as I dealt card after card. I began to notice that ideas about the meaning of the card spreads seemed to bounce into my mind.

After a while I could look at the cards and there was a complete message in my head. Clear and detailed. That’s when I recognised that my oracle and tarot cards seemed to be connecting me with a source of information outside of me.

Something else was happening. I had gone way beyond a lucky guess. There seemed to be someone, or lots of someone’s, helping me to uncover details that weren’t necessarily in the cards themselves. Because I had noticed this I started to ask before I even turned the cards over for information. I would write it down. Naturally when I turned the cards over I was excited when my words matched the cards. I could only conclude that I was getting extra help from Guides of some sort. As if they wanted me to notice them. And use their input with the oracle cards. That’s when I really began to wonder who was helping me. Although it took a bit more time before I decided to go off and learn how to connnect with them properly.

In the end, as I explained to the people today, I can use oracle and tarot cards as a daily boost. That means picking a card and letting it help me focus on something particular in my day. Or I can look at the meaning of that card, or cards, and give myself an intuitive message. Once again that’s about focusing on something in my life. Paying attention to things I might not notice. And letting myself be guided if I have a challenge to deal with. If I want to be more specific I can ask a question in my mind and get three, four or more cards. Those cards will suggest ways that I can deal with the question I’m asking.

Finally, if I want to ask my Guides to help me with whatever is coming up, I can take some random cards and let my mind wander around. The oracle will be the Energy Beings around me.

Because I can let my mind respond to the ideas they are putting there. Or the feelings the pictures on the cards create. Perhaps I will see certain colours. Even shapes that have a meaning to me. Or if there are words on the cards what that represents about what is around me. Best if all, I can use the oracle cards to give messages to others. A lot of people are concerned about Spirit messages. They worry they will get upset. Or that the people who come to speak will be ones they don’t know. Sometimes they have a religious objection to Spirit messages. Even a sense of fear because of what they have been told about tarot cards.

So being able to use one of my many packs of oracle, guidance or divination cards is really useful. It’s a different way of helping and guiding. It’s also a lot of fun. And it appeals to people who like to have visual information. It’s also a way of showing people an intuitive technique that they can use for themselves. I know that many people who have a card reading decide to buy their own pack. That’s really great. Because I have shown them how simple it is to master a card reading. And it means I have helped them to start opening up their own intuitive abilities. Since I am certain that everyone has intutive ability I would really like many more people to explore what they can do too.

If you are looking for a way to get some guidance think about oracle and tarot cards. When you are ready to connect with your inner senses invest in a pack. And when you want to find out if your Guides and the Spirit World are there use the card spreads to make contact. I hope you enjoy exploring!

Day 611 of my blogging 

Considering Giving Up? Dig Deeper!

Sometimes I get to a point of wondering why I am bothering. It’s a natural feeling. That’s when I find I have to dig a bit deeper into my determination.

When a message seems to be like pulling teeth. Or I can’t quite seem to get whatever is being put in front of me. Even sometimes when I want to be busy and active but the energy seems to have gone. I had a few of these moments today. And by mid-afternoon was wondering if it might not be easier just to go back to bed. Knowing that I had to be in Skipton for a church service so hiding under the covers wasn’t really an option. When I get this ‘life is tough’ feeling I know I require some self-care. Somehow I’ve stopped looking after me enough. So I have to stop and dig into it.

This came up again later in the evening. I’d been talking about impatience in my philosophy at the church. One of the people at the service started talking about developing his mediumship. But he couldn’t decide if he should be doing his healing first. I understood what he meant. When I realised I could be in service with the Spirit World I imagined I might start with doing healing. Speaking for Spirits wasn’t even on my agenda. Yet I found myself doing messages first. And my Reiki training second. I wasn’t sure there was a point to my messages. Because I didn’t really see the positive impact they were having. I was too full of self-doubt.

It was only when I had to dig down into my beliefs that I understood. It mattered to me that I was helping people.

And I was uncertain if my messages were clear or good enough to be helpful. That brought on the ‘what’s the point’ feeling that I had been tussling with. As I strengthened my belief in my ability I was able to find the point of giving messages. And the point of approaching healing work once I had overcome a big chunk of self-doubt. I was glad to dig below the surface. It helped me to get past something that could have stopped me once and for all. I also recognised that my self-care had to include room for doubt, space to reflect on my beliefs and permission to have that ‘what’s the point’ feeling.

This afternoon I got an echo of this when I was facing my computer. I was trying to follow instructions to upload my book into a publishing site. The instructions all seemed to be based on knowledge I didn’t have. I felt as if I was going round in slow circles. Simple instructions? Not really I thought. I felt that ‘what’s the point’ feeling start to emerge. I could sense myself starting to feel defeated. And stupid. Because the instuctions I read seemed clear. I forgot to acknowledge that they were written with the assumption that the reader knew certain things already.

I started to take the instructions as a personal dig at my abilities. Then I paused for a moment. Perhaps today was not the day to do this?

When I considered giving myself a break the feeling started to retreat. I decided to dig out the download about book publishing I’d got from the website when I set up my account. Instead of giving up altogether I read some of this information. I know I will go back to the process tomorrow feeling much more able to do what I want about my book. Things will get done but without me pushing myself to the point where I would give up. That’s the blessing of being able to persevere. To find a different way around a block or a limitation. Letting me get where I need to go but in my own good time.

When things have really got to me I know I have to get out my spade and dig on. Keep turning things over until I find the best way of planting or nourishing the seeds of what I wish to grow. In reality giving up is never a good option. It can leave me defeated and unfulfilled. The trick is always to find another way. A different point of view. Or a recognition that a pause is a good strategy. And, of course, to employ patience and self-love in huge dollops to anything I am doing. It’s the love that can keep me on track. Recognising that today might not be the best day to do what I’m expecting of myself. And doing instead those things that feel easier, simpler or less demanding.

And, of course, to dig into that place of being instead of doing. Sometimes the most important thing I find is that I have to stop doing. And take time to be instead.

Day 608 of my blogging challenge 

Waterstones Cafe? It must be time for a Spirit download!

I was looking for a morning off. Headlining into Leeds with my daughter. Delighted to spend some time in Waterstones. A book store with a cafe. Perfect!

I love a chance to be surrounded by books. Probably my favourite treat. And if I can get a latte whilst I browse I feel like I’ve had the best treat. So today I seized the chance to have a trip out. A bit close to my holiday break but I’ve been working hard. I felt I deserved it, I thought. As I wandered through Leeds station I spotted some notebooks. Purple pens. I’m a bit of a sucker for stationery. New notebook tucked into my bag, plus purple pen, I set off to Waterstones. Not to use the notebook. But to do a few ‘tasks’ to clear my desk for my holiday. Because I can get a bit fraught if I feel I’ve left things undone.

As I settled in with my iPad to a little bit of work I felt really relaxed. I also pulled my Passion Planner out of my bag to check a diary date. That’s when it happened. I found myself reaching for my new notebook. And that pen. My arm felt heavy. My fingers seemed to have a mind of their own. Oh, I thought, someone is here. Then I set off writing at a speed that was hard to keep up with. Before I’d finished writing one thing the next one was in my head. My hand and the pen were struggling. Slow it down I insisted. The thoughts went a bit slower for about fifteen seconds. Then my hand was off in a hurry again.

In the middle of Waterstones the Spirit or Energy Being channeled a whole list of sayings for a set of oracle cards. Then started to download the meanings!

I was busy thinking ‘more work’. Trying to hold on to what had been said. All around me people were chatting, reading, shopping in Waterstones. It felt a bit surreal. It’s happened before but not usually with so much insistence. I wondered why the hurry. And if this was the way I would spend my train journey on Thursday. Writing up these notes. Getting them ready for production. Eventually the energy started to die back. I was laughing to myself. So much for a quiet morning. With no work so to speak.

I love inspired writing. Because when they drop into my head I know that I will always learn something. The inspirations they gave me will remind me of important things to think about. They can be shared much wider than me. I also loved that they had chosen Waterstones to contact me. About twenty feed from where I sat was the shelf where mind, body and spirit books were stacked. Along with some packs of oracle and tarot cards. A sort of ‘if you dare’ challenge. Asking me to think about my own book and oracle pack being on those shelves. If I dream big enough. Finally, I thought, shades of J K Rowling, lol!

Well done Waterstones. I had a wonderful morning doing what I love best. Sitting letting the Energy Beings communicate with me. All in all a great start to my holiday.

Day 596 of my blogging challenge 

Poltergeist, Ghost Or Other Apparition?

I’m often asked about poltergeists, ghosts and all sorts of other phenomena. Usually because something is happening that has made someone feel worried or anxious.

Occasionally I find that someone has become so frightened they feel like they are being hurt or harmed by the presence of ‘something’ in their home. I know it can feel scary when things are being moved. With lights and other things being turned on or off. When there are noises. Or someone is sensing or seeing another non-physical person around them. However I know that our Spirit loved ones never intend any harm. They often do all sorts of things to try to tell us they are still around. I know they are busy still taking an interest in our lives. Wanting to share our ups and downs. Hoping to express their love for us. Yet they can be considered by the person here to be a poltergeist, ghost or apparition.

A poltergeist is considered to be a troublesome Spirit haunting a particular person. Although confusingly it can also be linked to a particular place. Ghosts tend to come under the same sort of category. As do apparitions. Sometimes these visitors are said to bring a warning about death or to want to scare the person who is seeing them. Or sensing them. What is noticeable about them is that the activity they cause usually happens when someone in the household is psychically open. Because they can sense, hear of see with their intuitive senses it can attract the Spirit people who then try to get our attention.

The Spirits usually want to communicate but it can be a bother when they are being too noisy. And the more everyone notices what they are doing the more the Spirit people think we are willing to communicate.

Most people assume the activity is bad but it’s all about wanting to talk to us. I usually ask the person contacting me to think about any changes in the house recently, any problems they has been having and asking for help with or any anxieties about the future. The person doing the stuff will be trying to reassure them. In which case I explain that the best thing to do is stay calm. Would you be frightened of your Nanna, Grandpa or other loved ones?  Also to tell the visitor very, very firmly to be quiet.

If the person really wants everything to stop it’s at this point that they have to stop paying attention to what is being done. After all, if they really don’t want to have all the ‘poltergeist’ activity it’s not fair to encourage it and then complain! If the person is happy to have some contact I suggest they tell their ‘poltergeist’ that there are house rules to follow. This could be the times they are welcome to visit and what room said they can be in. With a firm request that the belongings in the house are left alone too.

Someone might also need to understand about thier intuitive psychic abilities. There are blog pieces I’ve written that they could read. Or they could look for a good book to read about it. Not necessarily the scary stuff about poltergeist or ghost activity.

Even attend a workshop or find a development group to learn how to close down their psychic senses if they don’t want the Spirit people to connect with them. There are lots of ways that can help resolve the issue of communicating with the Spirit trying to get your attention. In fact I’m sure that a small part of the activity will be to encourage someone to explore their psychic side. Because our loves ones would prefer to connect with us direct instead of through a third party. I know they like to offer us their support as much as possible. At the moment that often means finding a medium every time.

Very rarely the Spirit who is trying to connect is unsettled, lost or confused. As in life so in death. So that Spirit may need help to communicate what they need. Especially when they may not be sure what has happened to them. In those circumstances I will talk to the Spirit to explain that they are being a bit noisy or disruptive. I will also offer to help that Spirit sort out what has happened or to return to the Spirit World if that is necessary. I find that any poltergeist activity stops as soon as that Spirit person realised where they are and that they have been upsetting people.

One day I hope that any poltergeist or ghost will be able to announce exactly who they are. And why they have popped by. Because I and everyone else will be on their ‘wavelength’ able to communicate clearly.

Day 591 of my blogging challenge 

Conversations Sharing Compassion And Wisdom

The stand out feature of today has been my conversations. Wonderfully full of compassion and wisdom. I love sharing this way.

One of the gifts of being human is that I can have conversations with other people. All sorts of vibrant discussions, debates and exchanges of ideas. My blogs often feature inspiration for the chats I’ve had with all sorts of people. What is also a feature of these chats is the sharing of compassion and understanding. When we discuss things it gives me and you the chance to explore each other’s point of view. Not to persuade one another to change our views. But to help me and you to find common ground. Ways in which both of us can live comfortably side by side.

I feel that we have to focus more on our conversations. On actively listening to each other as we share our own views about the world. If I come to a conversation with a compassionate intent I can enjoy both the differences and similarities that arise. In a sense I can live and let live. I am also opening myself up to the possibility that our conversation may contain wisdom that will help me live my life better. Because a conversation stretches my mind to open to another perspective. It allows me to consider what I take for granted from a different place. It may even help me to understand myself, my world and other people better.

That’s why I love conversations. Held in an atmosphere of compassion these chats have the power to unite us in our humanity.

In the same way my conversations with Spirits and Energy Beings feature compassion and wisdom. They talk to me about my life, answer my questions and help me to navigate a spiritual path. Never seeking to change my mind but asking me to think about things in a deeper way. And if I am the medium through which a conversation can take place between loved ones then the loving kindness overflows. Ever helpful but very aware of our right to free will the Spirit and Energy people hold to that rule. In the discussions there is never a do this or do that. Just gentle encouragement to decide from the heart.

What matters to them is our choices work out better when we follow our heart intuition. Not the head logic. And my Guides and loved ones in Spirit certainly understand how the heart and head can get muddled up. That’s why they have so many conversations with me. Getting me to listen to my intuition instead of my fears. To acknowledge my feelings and not my anxieties. Having compassionate conversations with me until I have sorted myself out and can choose wisely. In whatever way the speak to me I can benefit from listening.

I feel it’s time to put compassion at the heart of all we say. No matter who we talk to we all want to have a positive way forward in our lives. Is it time to find the wisdom contained in all of your conversations?

Day 584 of my blogging challenge

My Wish Is No Stress. Cool, Calm, Collected Instead

I start each day with the wish that I can stay cool, calm and collected. An old fashioned way of saying I’m going to stay away from stress of any kind.

It’s a wonderful intention. But as they say – the road to hell is paved with good intentions! However I am becoming much better at minimising my stress level when I notice that I’m getting a bit twitchy. When I think back to my twenties and thirties I notice how much time I spent stressed out and exhausted. I’m not sure now what I thought all that stress was achieving. Certainly not what I thought it was anyway. There was the shift into being married not single. Trying to get ahead in my career. Discussions about babies and family life. A messy divorce. Singlehood. Another messy relationship. Still trying to forge ahead with a career despite moving from one end of the country to another.

Now I look back I seem to have been trying to pack an awful lot of living into a short space of time. I feel that’s one of the benefits of getting more years under my belt. I can shake my head and laugh at all the stuff that created stress for me. Because none of it matters now. I’d love to be able to share that perspective with some of my younger mentees. But I’m not sure if they would get it. We jump into life wanting all sorts of dreams and stress ourselves up to the eyeballs to get them. Only to find, quite often, that the dream we were chasing isn’t the one that is right for us. It took me many years of self development to get to the point of recognising and rejecting my stressy head.

Of course reacting to stress is a survival technique. It’s just that the ego mind now sees risk in all sorts of things. And learning to tell the difference between survival and a dream dying can be hard.

One of the best things I learned when discovering how to be less stressed was that I was doing it to myself. If I made something matter to me then it got stressy. I remember working really hard doing a lot of overtime to buy a particular car. When I got in to drive it for the first time I hated the way it drove. I moved from stressing about affording it to stressing about wanting to get rid of it. It took me a long time to work out that I could have had a test drive in all sorts of cheaper cars in case there was a more affordable one that was lovely to drive. I think we all do that far too often. Forget to think things through because we are focused on one outcome.

When I started to think things through I found that I could let issues drop. I could step back from the pressure of making decisions that felt like they had to be concrete or perfect and let myself have more options. Flexibility too. Stress decreases when I know that it’s ok to change my mind. Or that I can try something and then swap to another choice if I want. The relief from believing something is the only option is wonderful. It also helped me to notice when the stress wasn’t really mine. Because I had to deal with people who were also stressed. Pressured in one way or another. Their minds running wild with fear and anxiety.

Stress is a bit like a virus. You can be immune. Or you can catch every variety going.

Part of freeing myself from stressful days was to develop an ability to step back. Not to react in the same way when someone was stressy headed with me. Letting their energy flow around and past me. I began aiming for that cool, calm, collected approach in my dealings with others. Letting them say and do what they needed to express their stress but not joining in. Reminding myself that I was only responsible for myself and my actions. I also found that if I spoke what was truthful for me I carried less stres around.

It was hard to find my authentic voice because of all the conditioning about how we should, ought or must speak to one another. Yet when I took off my masks and spoke from the realest me I became more at peace with myself. Even if I wasn’t heard or understood. I recognised that suffering in silence, so to speak, was stressful. Then I began to notice that when I was calm so were others. Calmness spreads like a virus too. I promised myself that I would bring as much of that energy into my day as I could. Meditation really helped me to hone my calmness. Being able to release myself from my thoughts. Letting my feelings go. Living in the moment.

Nowadays I am much more likely to step back from stress. To decline to get wound up. Happy to let anything that is problematic resolve itself. I haven’t lost that stressy head completely. But I’m nearly there!

Day 582 of my blogging challenge 

Old Feelings Rising To The Surface

Yesterday I wrote about wobbles. The natural result of feelings coming to the surface. As I got into bed last night I realised that I had been feeling scared. Only I had no idea why.

That set me off on a little journey today. Trying to work out what, if anything, I had in my life that I was scared of. Although I thought about it for a while I still felt that this feeling was a bit random. It had come to the surface of my thoughts so I wanted to pay it some attention. Yet I felt stuck with identifying what it really was. I know that I can release my feelings easily once I decide to do so. But this had me a bit stumped. An important step was giving myself the time to think it through. But I knew I also had to go into the feeling itself to see if I could place it better.

I decided to sit quietly in my healing room and meditate for a short while. Taking those few moments I allowed the feeling to surface more fully. I could sense that the fear was around my self-esteem. Somewhere in my life some energy had got stuck. Perhaps I’d been unable to express this fear to anyone. Or the situation, whatever it was, meant that I locked the feeling away behind a closed door in my mind. It may have been that whoever else was involved had more powerful energy than me. As I slowly peeled back the layer of energy it seems that it was something very early in my life. Coming to the surface was something I had no thoughts about. Because it was in the time before I thought.

Children start to develop the ability to think around the age of seven. Before that they feel more than think. Under the surface of their conversations they are processing with their emotions instead of their minds.

Tracking down what inspired a fear becomes much more of a challenge when reaching back into childhood. However the meditation allowed me to be in the feeling. I could surface it enough to recognise that I was scared of being in the spotlight. It made sense. I have mixed feelings about being a public medium. I love making the connections to pass on messages. That feeling of being of service to others. But I also want to have a private life with my own opinions and views. This ambivalence comes straight from that fear. As a child I remember being told lots of things that made me feel I was pushing myself forward. And ‘good’ children don’t do that.

As I surfaced from my meditation I felt much more positive about that fear. Because I knew I could let it go. It doesn’t fit as a part of me any more. That’s the great thing about the energy that is around at the moment. I’m being helped to free myself from restrictions that I might not even know I’m applying to myself. I’m looking forward to the New Moon to help my fear on it’s way in the process of being transformed. That’s the key to the new me. Letting myself find and remove any stuckness. Transforming my life bit by bit. Through transforming me. I love this process. It’s bringing the best of me to the surface. That really is exciting. I wonder how I’ll turn out?

Day 578 of my blogging challenge