Some days it feels like I’ve come back to a while load of beginnings. Been around a full circle. Or three. Ended up where I started from with everything. And wondering why I bothered.
Because sometimes the new beginnings look very much like the old beginnings. I wonder if I’ve made any progress. Or learned anything new. Except, of course, about staring all over again. And keeping going. Yet when I take a few moments, or chat something out with someone, I can see that the new beginning is really with a new me. The things that has changed is me. Not the opportunity. Or the task. Not even the vision. But I can bring a different point of view. Or a new skill. Even a whole new way of imagining my dreams. What was there for me before no longer fits with the new me. So it has to begin again.
I can find it wearying, frustrating or upsetting to be back at the beginnings of my vision. Knowing I have to rebuild once more can feel like a mountain too big to climb. And all of the old fears and doubts get a chance to come back again. It’s hard for me to stay balanced and positive. I wobble about things like mad. I distrust my intuition once more. Because finding the energy to move in a forward dierection calls for me to be strong, positive and powerful. And there a days when I just don’t feel like that. Yet I have a deep belief in my mission, dream, vision. Whatever I want to call it I know I want to make it happen.
Thats when I have to turn these beginnings moments into inspirations. Reviewing my prototypes. Spotting the flaws. Redesigning my choices and decisions for a better outcome.
It’s at times like these that I try to take a step back. To see the ‘big picture’ in all of the fine detail. To remind myself that experiences are valuable. No matter what outcome has happened. I may be back to the drawing board but only to refine and improve what I’m going to do. Along with a step back I also forgive myself for the need to try again. If it didn’t go as I hoped then I remind myself that I tried something new. It’s bound to take me a few goes for things to fit together well. And I also remind myself that it’s ok to step away completely. If the new beginning is not actually for me then I can let it go. Find something else new. Put my energy into a different part of my dream.
Finally, I can acknowledge what has changed in me. I can recognise and honour the new me who is ready to start all over again. New beginnings give me a chance to praise the new me. Because I can do anything so long as I believe I can. Perhaps my last new start faltered because I stopped believing in myself. Not just that either. Perhaps I stopped believing in my dream. I gave up on everything and lost my way. Going back to the beginning I can get the focus I need to move forward doing the things in my life I am passionate about. Remembering that I have all of the skills, abilities and energies to make the new happen. The biggest change may be, after all, that I’m back at the beginning believing in myself much more than I have ever done before.
Day 482 of my blogging challenge.