I’ve been thinking about passing another milestone. A marker of my progress towards my authentic self. How different my voice has become through my writing practice.
It’s been an interesting journey. From the scared to the confident. From ‘can I really say this’ to claiming my subject matter without hesitation. Past the wondering if people will read my blog to not caring if they do or don’t. All along the way I have been trying to reach the authentic words that live inside of me. The words that define what I believe and create with. A journey into me. Not to notice only the words I like about myself but to uncover the words underneath. All the little vocal sub routines that stop me being who I really am. Knowing that if I find them I will want to reshape them. To be, as my counselling self would say, congruent. Feeling, thinking, acting the same as my principles. Not an easy piece of work. A big milestone.
I set off on this journey on a tide of irritation. I’d watched a TV programme that seemed to have gone out of it’s way to find people who expressed their psychic selves in ways that the makers could easily ridicule. I know I was fed up of being expected to dress in black, or have bangles and jangly earnings, even to behave as if the Spirit people couldn’t shut up in every conversation. I felt it deeply. What I saw wasn’t me at all. Yet I wore the same label. However, I was an ordinary person doing extraordinary things. Things I knew everyone could do if they wanted to. I suppose that isn’t good television. And the programmes create such a lot of misunderstanding. Don’t get me wrong. I love that people are aware of psychics and mediums and ask questions. If only the answers given were more straightforward.
So my first milestone was to get thirty blogs done. My second was to talk about my life as a psychic and medium.
By the end of a month my third milestone was to keep on going for another nine hundred and seventy one blogs. As I passed the half way point of my daily blog target I realised that I was developing my writing voice. The blogs behind me were slowly revealing my true nature. Instead of being ‘how to’ pieces they were the review of my day. Inspired by conversations, feelings, thoughts and experiences I had. That’s when I decided to put a book together. As if, by exploring another writing path I could get extra practise at speaking for myself. In the end the book emerged. Not a reworking of my blogs. But a record of my journey into mediumship.
I feel it was another milestone in my progress to live in my intuitive world. To be brave enough to speak about how I ended up here and why. A counter-balance to the stereotype that psychic medium brings to mind. And the blogging continued. At the start of this year I found another milestone. A desire to help other women bring their writing voices to the table. To break the wall of silence imposed on intelligent, articulate women who didn’t believe it was ok to be themselves. Inspired 2 Write will have it’s sixth challenge next month. The voices that are emerging are speaking up and speaking out about women’s lives, our intuitive selves, in a different way. A powerful way.
So I’ve set myself another milestone for next year. To bring together an Inspired 2 Write weekend for women. Another opportunity to hear my writing voice alongside those of other women.
It’s really necessary at the moment. The truth about what affects the lives of all women is being revealed. The recognition that women stay silent whilst they are disrespected and abused. A feeling of not rocking the boat. Even of powerlessness. The idea that sexual harassment is a normal, everyday occurrence and women just have to put up with it. Recognising the little voice screaming inside to be heard. This is not about men and what they can do. It’s about the experience of being a woman. And what I can do. Not only feeling irritated enough about the label psychic to challenge it but also inspired enough to challlenge the label ‘woman’.
I know that my blogs don’t always draw people to read them. I can see the website stats. After all I’m not posting about things that go bump in the night. Or Spirits that won’t leave me alone. Nor the tragedies inherent in the messages I give. That’s not my experience of the intuitive world so I don’t write about it that way. I’m proud of fact that my writing voice is clear, down to earth and getting stronger. That I keep putting in another milestone. Now I’ve also set myself the challenge to explore what being psychic adds to being a woman. I’m going to deal with all the energy of oppression that I have soaked up in my life. I’m not sure how but it seems like a good thing to do. Another part of my journey to bring out my authentic self.
Milestones are way markers showing me how I am growing. I’ve passed a few very important ones in order to speak up and speak out. Now I’m ready to head towards the ones that release me from silence on subjects people prefer not to talk about.
Day 700 of my blogging challenge