Personality Cult: A Spiritual Answer

Why did my Past Lives workshop bring up the idea of a personality cult? Sometimes when I’m working my Guides throw in extra ideas. Today they wanted to remind me how deeply rooted some patterns can be.

Helping other people find out the karmic patterns that are currently affecting their lives is really rewardsing. It can explain why someone has a particular aspect of their personality. Or why they might have chosen to experience certain events in their lives. I know that understanding my past lives has helped me to make better choices in this life. Choices to love more. Share more. Be the best me I can be. As I balance off each karmic strand I am preparing myself for improved choices next time round. But there is one question I always run into. What happens if I know the best choices but decide not to make them?

What if, instead of thinking for myself, I get drawn into the cult of personality? Either my own or someone else’s? I have been thinking about this kind of cult all week. Mainly because of the election of Donald Trump as President of the USA and the forthcoming elections here in the UK. In times of fear people look for a strong leader. Someone they think can take control and change things for the better. Their vulnerability leads them to trust in the words of the voice that shouts the loudest. That person believes in themselves so strongly there is no room for arguement. Anyone who disagrees must be bad. Yet a strong leader who goes unchallenged may become autocratic and authoritarian.

There is a lesson for me in this. My personality must always remain open to challenge. Not only by other but by myself too.

Only by remaining self-aware can I deal with the potential to believe myself so totally in the right that I ignore or attack others. Again I am thinking about the example of Donald Trump. His campaign very heavily criticised and vilified Hilary Clinton. It descended into the policitcs of personality. A cult view requiring all the members of his following to demand that ‘crooked Hilary’ be put in jail. Without any trial, reason or evidence. Simply on the say so of this cult leader. I wonder what happened to innocent until proven guilty. People seem blind to the inconsistencies of this. Reacting to ‘do as I say, not as I do’. And also operating with the same closed mind as their leader.

How can I deal with this? This person has the power to affect my life in some ways. What is the spiritual response? My past lives have helped me with this. Because I am aware enough to question the cult of personality. I have learned through my own past life experiences of abuse of power so I notice it in this life. To watch for it in myself. And to look at what people do rather than listen to what they say. I’ve also learned not to be blinded by the hype surrounding leaders. Listening to the polictical discussions in the UK at the moment I’m very aware that the cult of personality is running the show. That’s why Teresa May is the focus of media attention busy portraying herself as a strong leader. Although her policies seem to have no substance. Whilst Jeremy Corbyn is standing in the Hilary Clinton role.

How do I deal with this challenge? What can I do to reach the best spiritual decision about my response to the cult of personality?

I will be living with the consequences of the choices that are made by others. So one thing I can do is to remind people to look at the actions of all of the candidates. I can also encourage debate with my friends and family about personality politics. Sometimes it’s important to remind myself that we all have prototypes in our past. The mistakes we made whilst finding out who we are and what our values are. Also that I am a different person than I was at 20, 35 or 48. Hopefully a better, more experienced, wiser person. What is important is whether I keep my promises and speak my truth. How do these leaders measure up? Then I can make the best choice I can and accept that my choice may not be the one that wins.

There is one more thing I can do. I can talk to my daughter and her friends about the cult of personality. It is a human response to fear and uncertainty. A strong leader can entice people to say and do things they never thought they would. And to very much regret it later. When it’s too late. Actually there  is a lot we can all do. Educating our children and young people so that they can think and act for themselves. Teaching them that they are strong even when life is at it’s worst. Strengthening their sense of self and self-love. Explaining to them that ‘borrowing’ the strength from another for a short while can help. But becoming dependent on someone else to take responsibility for thier life is a trap.

I know that when we all love ourselves enough to care for the vulnerable in society before ourselves the cult of personality will die out. There will be no need for empty words and broken promises. Because we won’t be talking. We will be doing.

Day 544 of my blogging challenge 

Expressing Grief: Why Moving On Matters

I love how my day brings everything into focus. The background topic this week has been about expressing grief. Or the risk of getting stuck in grief.

I recalled today a general thread of conversations about letting go, moving on or feeling loss that had been demanding my attention for several days. Of course when there is a period of great change I have to let go of the old in order to be able to get hold of the new. There is a process to that which involves feeling the grief of letting go, of loss. Yet I know I am reluctant to express the grief. Even though I know I have to step through expressing the shock, disbelief, denial, anger, depression and acceptance of each loss in our lives. Sometimes the loss doesn’t matter too much – like loosing a glove – but often the loss is much more significant. So it’s painful.

That’s when I feel it’s important for me to make sure I am expressing the feelings as freely as possible. When I don’t do so the energy becomes stuck. Stuck energy creates problems. As more and more emotions pile up on top of old stuff it can take a lot of effort to hold it all in. To keep plodding on trying to convince myself that nothing has changed. Yet if I express my feelings as soon as possible there is one thing I definitely avoid. An emotional blow out. A volcanic eruption. Though I’ve had a few in my life because I tried to ignore the grief. Now I try to allow myself more freedom with expressing my feelings. Eventually the energy is exhausted. There is no more for me to express. I am at the point where I can move on.

Moving on is a different kind of expressing my feelings. It’s the point at which I know I’m ready to re-engage with my life as it is now. Not as it was.

Because no matter how hard I try my life has changed. Though there have been times when I’ve tried every way I could to make it go back to the way it was. Usually ending up angry, depressed and still trying to deny a new reality. So moving on at the right time is a positive aspect of grief. When I have reached the point of accepting that my life is going to be different. Moving on gives me a space to bring in the positives that change has brought. Perhaps I’m stronger. Or I have a new focus for my life. I might even have found new people to enhance my experiences of relationships. Or a more optimistic outlook.

Whatever it is, I will have my hope restored. Because grief dims hope for a while. Expressing hope even feels like an impossible ask. But when I have started to move on it means I’m prepared to give myself another chance at life. To have dreams again. And to remember with gratitude whoever or whatever has been lost. To be thankful that I can feel enough love to recognise the pain of loss. Today I reminded myself to honour my grief. I am moving on in so many ways. There is no place for the old feelings, thoughts or patterns. And I reminded myself to let go, gently, easily and hopefully.

Day 543 of my blogging challenge 

Is It More In Sorrow Than In Anger?

A couple of my conversations today turned out to be about anger. And how negative that emotion can be.

I do believe that anger serves a purpose. It is a store of energy that can be put to good use. For instance, if there was an injustice happening then feeling anger might get me to become involved in some form of peaceful protest. I would be turning the energy into an action. So long as I thought about it carefully my action would be a measured response. Because the point is not to aim the anger energy at anyone, even myself, but to do things to change the status quo. That’s the point. Anger turned inwards can become depression. Whilst anger turned at others can become aggression. Whether attacking self or others anger can set up a negative cycle of ever increasing energy. Feeling wronged becomes the justification for ever more attacks. Yet it’s going nowhere. Nothing changes.

During my discussions it highlighted for me the need to step out of the anger/blame game.  My energy is precious. I have lots to get on with in my life. So getting sidetracked by anger is a distraction. A long time ago I learned that releasing anger as quickly and finally as possible was important. That’s when I discovered how useful it could be in reshaping my life. Later I realised that I didn’t want to carry any stuck negative energy from others either. This was about the time my Guides really came on board with me. They helped me to strengthen my own aura enery whilst I learned the discipline of cleaning and protecting my own energy system from the energy of others. They also helped me to think more carefully about the energy exchange that might be taking place.

If I responded with anger would I be responding appropriately? Or would it mean my positive energy would be traded for negative energy? Also, what was happening for the other person?

That’s when I rembered something a lovely friend, Mary, told me many years ago. She reminded me that anger comes when I take things personally. Therefore I had to step out of the events and consider the big picture. In that way I would learn to respond to anger with an attitude of ‘more in sorrow than in anger’. It was a way of staying out of the anger/blame game. Her wise words have come back to me many times. So as I worked through my lessons about energy with my Guides I reminded myself often that there is another side to anger. It’s about someone becoming stuck. Going round and round in a negative spiral. Feeling that the world is at fault. When really there is an inner gap that is never filled.

I know this is true because at times certain times in my life I have been an angry person. When grief has hit me, when life has disappointed me or when I’ve felt like I’ve let myself down. The emotion has given me energy. But it has sometimes taken away my clarity. I’ve been blind to the truth of a situation, or a person or an issue. Looking at the big picture I know that it’s sad to be stuck in anger to the point that moving on becomes difficult or impossible. So when I encounter anger nowadays I think about the energy. Do I want to engage in an exchange that might be even more harmful? Or that may feed someone’s stuckness? Or can I let any feelings I have go so that I can move on? Even if they can’t.

There are events happening in the world today based on so much anger. So much blame. And not much sorrow that it’s got to posturing and aggression. It’s time to step back from the negative impact of our anger and make it work for us. Time to turn the energy into peaceful action for change.

Day 542 of my blogging challenge 

A Spiritual Test : When the “victim” is the aggressor

It wasn’t until I began to study counselling that I really started to understand the difference between victim and survivor. Or that these two words reflected a world of difference in how we choose to live our lives.

I guess you could say I’ve spent  most of my life slipping between both those positions trying to find a comfortable balance. Mostly hitting my head against resentment. Occasionally finding a position where I could exercise forgiveness. Finally realising that what matters is my authentic self. My truth. With a healthy dose of personal responsibility thrown in to balance out my rights. In working through this particular spiritual test I’ve also embraced the victim in me. And turned her into a survivor. Better than that, I’ve turned her into a ‘loud and proud’ voice for my beliefs. Best of all, I let my actions follow my words. Because I know this is the way to work from my heart centre.

So why the victim? In my experience there are a range of reasons why I or someone would identify themselves as a victim. Of course we have all had experiences where we feel that we have suffered some harm or abuse at the hands of others. Unfortunately that does happen and I won’t ignore that bad behaviour and treatment does happen far too often. However, it’s when we get stuck in defining all of the events in our life as being ‘done’ to us i.e being powerless, helpless, that a victim playing pattern begins to emerge. The person concerned, for whatever reason, turns all challenges, prohibitions and no’s into another justification for reacting as if they were a victim.

The boundary between the outer world and the inner world becomes distorted. Sadly if the label victim is embraced by the person eventually everyone else becomes the ‘enemy’.

This is where aggression can further distort the perception of the victim. Because the person is defending a belief in powerlessness everything becomes a battle to assert power. Whether the facts support the assertion or not. Aggressive words and actions follow in an effort to reclaim the ‘lost’ power. Except that this response often reinforces the sense of powerlessness when the other person/people respond. In this distorted energy circle it can be really hard to break through a victim mentality. Which is where the word survivor can be of real use. I have had all sorts of bad experiences. In order to move on from a feeling of powerlessness I have had to consider my life events from a different point of view.

I’ve become a survivor. This is a powerful way to define myself. It acknowledges that bad things have happened. At the same time it gives me a sense of myself as able to cope, powerful enough to get through all of the consequences and become whole again. Whole but different. It also removes any sense of guilt or shame that I was powerless. What I have experienced will have reshaped who I am. But not to my detriment. Survivors endure, persevere, are resilient. If I hold this self image I can continue to experience the world without bitterness or fear. There will be no need for my behaviour to be as if everyone else is an aggressor. I will also be able to respond naturally to the aggression of others with kindness. Perhaps even understanding. Rather than perceiving threats everywhere. As a survivor I will be able to handle conflict and confrontation.

Understanding the difference became a cornerstone of my counselling practice as I supported many people who moved from victim to survivor. Then I started to wonder what the spiritual significance of victimhood represented.

Why did I want to experience this particular life view? Especially more than once! What purpose did it serve? Of course it took me ages to understand why I was choosing to use this energy. It was all about use and abuse of power. Another recognition came quickly after that. Sometimes I am the mirror for another person. The karma agent. Being the victim offered someone the chance to experience being the persecuted. It might seem off the wall to want to play these roles (or archetypes) yet I found it helped me to understand my spiritual journey. We aren’t here looking for love and connection. I know we have that in the pink perfect. We are here to experience the absence of love. Self-love.

Following on from this it seems clear to me that if I am the victim I can also be cast as the persecutor. I have to mirror that energy as well. What a spiritual conundrum. In any exchange which am I being? What is the truth? Victims need persecutors. Or to perceive me as the ‘baddie’ so that they can continue to experience victimhood. That certainly made my counselling supervision and spiritual guidance lively. Similarly, as a survivor I had taken on aspects of self-love. Perhaps embracing the reality that connections between people have many, many layers of meaning. What is on the surface is not the reality at all. The surface is the place where manipulation can happen. Guilt-tripping. Fighting fire with fire. Self-justification. An absence of shared truth.

How do I step out of this cycle of victim-survivor and regain my personal power?

It took me quite a few spiritual lessons to work this one out. When I looked at the underlying energy of this type of situation I realised that what the victim wants is power and what the survivor wants is power. The power of love instead of it’s absence. Then it seemed an awful lot clearer for me. I already had power. It had been with me all the time. In life shit happens. Always. It’s how I shovel it that matters. So I stopped giving away my power. If things happened I asked what I had done to help them turn out this way. I acknowledged when I was self-sabotaging myself. And I loved myself enough to stop. I also understood that I could step out of the game any time I wanted. It became possible to give voice my views about game playing too.

I stopped giving my power to others. Stopped loving them more than I loved myself. And I make a commitment to examine my own feelings, thoughts and behaviour. So that they couldn’t be manipulated by others. Twisted against me by aggression. Or pulled into blame, shame and guilt by those who needed to feel like victims. I understood that stepping out of the game would make me more visible. People who are prepared to stand in their own power are often feared. Because we have escaped. And we are not afraid to tell it like we see it. Most of the time nowadays I let the power struggles pass. I will always speak my truth, especially when called upon to witness aggressive behaviour by others. Because I have no vested interest in outcomes. I call out their behaviour because until we end power games unconditional love will struggle to get a toe hold in this world.

There are too many victims, not enough survivors and too few of us standing in our power. So sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Day 541 of my blogging challenge 

Spiritual Exams – Tests to Pass the Gateway

Here in the UK many children have just finished or are starting exams. Tests designed to place a value on that child’s ability. Not necessarily for any useful purpose because ability is a variable that changes over time and circumstance.

But I don’t really want to talk about human based exams. They sift people out into bandings that can either enable or disable life choices. They also tag each one of us with a label which may result in a lifetime of missed opportunities. As I discussed the idea of exams with several people today my Guides were busy talking about spiritual exams. I hadn’t particularly thought about it before but I have been through a series of tests over the last 20 years. Tests designed to get me working on me. On my beliefs, values, attitudes and how they translated into my lifestyle.

One of these was my attitude to my physical body. Although I was a compulsive gym member in my 20’s and 30’s by my 40’s I’d sort of given up. Staying in shape seemed a bit pointless. My body shape was never going to match my ideal because my ideal was something I accepted from all of the influences around me. And women with big boobs are definitely not considered beautiful. Think how hard it is to find a pretty bra in a big size. Sexy – or a sex object (I lost count of the times men would talk to my boobs instead of my face) perhaps. But I was worn down with my body being defined by the two lumps that stuck out of my chest. Why keep in shape if they were never going to go away?

So how does this fit with a spiritual exam? What was the test I needed to pass?

Gradually it dawned on me that I had stopped loving my body. That also meant I had stopped providing my Spirit with the best possible accommodation. Yet how to get back on track? It took me an even longer time to realise that I had swapped my I enjoy exercise attitude for an exercise is hard viewpoint. So every time I wanted to do some exercise I sabotaged myself. No wonder my body got cranky with me. It started throwing aches and pains my way. Things stopped functioning properly. I wasn’t taking care of it so it wasn’t bothered about lasting out my lifetime in a state of wellness.

Last September I sat a series of spiritual exams. I didn’t know it was happening until afterwards. But I found myself signing up for a personal trainer. I also found myself wanting to remove sugar from my diet. Then I noticed that I wanted to have much more rest time in my schedule. I wasn’t quite myself. I had started to find a desire to be well. Physically well. As this journey has unforced I’ve mostly stuck at it. This weekend I realised that I was back to loving my body. Bust and all. I feel well. And I also feel fit. Not quite ready to run a marathon or cycle all day. But pleasantly comfortable with a body that is happy and generally pain free.

So what about the other spiritual exams? I know that I am being challenged to live my spirituality as much as talk about it.

There are also a few more energy waves like deep revision sessions rolling in. End of May and first couple of weeks in June, early August and mid September is the timetable according to my Guides. These periods are where I will be going back over old exam papers to check what I have learned. So I’m expecting some more testing. Bigger challenges. And a lot more lessons. I’m excited to be doing this work for several reasons. I will be able to see how far I’ve progressed in my journey. There will be some clear information about the progress I’m making in developing my abilities. Then I will also have a chance to look at where I want to go next.

Perhaps best of all, if my progress is going well I can move into the next tutor group. I’d like to go through the gateway to the next vibrational level. I feel ready to switch my focus into loving me much more. Doing all of the exercises needed to get me fit to offer more back out into the world. Because that is the real point. It’s important for my Spirit to be able to take on more work as there are big changes required to the way humans live their lives. Change is much easier if there is tough love support. That seems to be my spiritual purpose.

Passing my spiritual exams will show me that I’m ready to work at the next level of service. It’s time for me to look forward to getting through that gateway soon.

Day 540 of my blogging challenge

Rights, Responsibilities and Choice

I love the way my blog emerges from my day. There was a lot of talk today about rights and choices. Perhaps not so much about responsibilities though.

Strands of conversations intertwined around what I have the right to do. Or even if I have some spiritual rights to consider when making choices. Alongside that was another strand. If I have a right surely I have a responsibility? Even a spiritual responsibility to exercise my rights carefully? One of the things highlighting my thoughts was a speech I was at given by Jeremy Corbyn. Along with most of the Western World, it seems, the UK is in the process of a election. Do we choose the strong leader or the authentic leader? The one who talks about fear or the one who suggests collaboration? Is it an issue of Brexit, immigration or refugees? The debate swirls back and forward. Somehow I have to choose.

It’s very clear that I have rights. I can vote. There are opportunities for me to join the debate. Read up on the candidates and parties. I can have my say by placing a tick in a box. But I also have responsibilities. I have to consider what is best for me, for my family and for my community. All before I get to thinking about what is best for a whole country. How to exercise my rights responsibly? Do I go for the me requires or the greater good desires? How do I sort out who will deliver the rights we all expect in the most responsible way? Sometimes it seems like a very tough choice. Especially when I want to manifest a life for our children’s children’s children to enjoy. So whose rights do I consider right now?

That’s an interesting point. And one that was highlighted very clearly as I waited to hear Jeremy Corbyn speak.

It’s easy to assume that our needs are superior to other people. To demand that we get what we want. Even at the expense of others. In a packed room with everyone wanting to be at the front it was never going to be possible. There had to be a lot of give and take. Some people were generous and acted responsibly. Some didn’t. Yet each of us has a choice in the way we claim our position. As I stood back and observed it seemed to me that the choices each person made reflected the reality of this election. It will never be possible for everyone to agree. We are too focused on defending our right at the moment. But ducking the responsibility too.

Later this evening I was discussing the view that we are Energy Beings first and foremost. That what we give out we get back. I feel that I have a responsibility to manage my energy in such a way that it sits well with my spiritual values. Because I have the right to believe what I believe. And my actions have to, as much as possible, reflect my values. So when I choose who to vote for it is my private decision based on what I feel is best in alignment with my values. In the end there will be a result. Whatever that result I will have exercised my right and need to take responsibility for continuing to do the best I can in a somewhat fear-filled world.

I hope that life will continue much as it always has. I hope that our children inherit a better world than it feels to be at present. And I hope that we all recognise that along with rights come responsibilities.

Day 539 of my blogging challenge 

Who Do I Follow? Them Or Me?

There was a moment today when I asked myself who do I follow? I was sitting in the sunshine thinking about the last conversation I’d had. Reflecting on the fear factor in our lives.

It’s as if I want to stay on my hamster wheel when all the Guides are reminding me that I have stepped off many times before. Yet fear still seems to pull me back to old patterns. So much has changed about my life over the years. Sitting enjoying a coffee this afternoon I realised that I have been to the lowest point in life and all the way back. So what is that fear about? What pattern do I still follow that makes me want to be uncomfortably stuck? That’s when I wondered about who was directing my life. Is it really me? Or am I doing what I’m told by others?

In times of fear people seek what they see as a strong leader. They trust the words they hear and ignore the actions. I know that the patterns I follow are derived from the ideas and expectation of the people around me. Yet whilst I am doing what they say are they following their own words? Are they taking the action they are suggesting for me? That’s particularly important to think about at the moment. Not least because we are busy picking our leaders. Am I reacting to my fear? Do I place my trust in others to solve my problems? Or do I realise that I am the only one who can change my life?

I also thought about the way I use words to describe my life. Do I speak in a fearful or can’t do way? Do my affirmations follow a positive pattern? Or am I creating a negative wave of energy instead?

My inner world will manifest in the outer world. What are my thoughts like? Do I show the Universe I mean what I say so that anything I am wishing for can manifest? If I say I want to have a better income flow am I doing anything to help that along. Or am I just sitting wishing? Telling myself that it could never happen to me? So I’m actually not bothering to do anything. Wallowing in low vibrational energy and not following on my thoughts with actions. Isn’t it the case that actions speak louder than words? I’ve always believed that. Though I admit to not always letting action follow my words.

There is a new phase coming in. Not long now before we get more energy to blast us forward. But the key is to sort out who I follow. Do I trust myself enough to know that my heart will get my actions right? Or do I blindly follow anyone who seems to have the strongest voice? I’m determined to live my life as fully as possible. I want to follow my dream and make my life have meaning. In the end I really know the answer. Not only do I have to say what I mean to do – I also have to deliver on those words. And I want to be off the hamster wheel for ever.

So I know my answer. I’m going to follow me. Because I am the strongest person in my life. And always have been.

Day 538 of my blogging challenge

Resilience – Love and Human Beings Endure

I’ve been to a family wedding today. It was an uplifting day. And a reminder about resilience.

There is a lot of fear energy around at the moment. So many big issues on a global level for all of us to address. Every time I look at social media or the news there are lots of negative stories. In hard times it’s important to have reminders that we will come through all of the challenges. I’m always looking for that glimmer of hope to show me the way. So as I sat listening to wedding vows being made I thought about resilience. None of us would have been sitting there taking part in the celebration without the determination of our loved ones who have gone before us. I’m sure there were plenty of family present from the Spirit World. But it also represented the enduring nature of love. The trust that through love our families will continue.

I also looked at the faces of the little children in the church. They are just starting their journey through life. How wonderful to be surrounded by people who know how to survive that journey. Because that’s the truth. We have  all come through many and varied challenges. Our lives have been bumpy as well as calm. Each one of us has, I am certain, had to find the courage to continue after it seemed like our world had turned upside down.  At the reception I saw family and friends sharing the occasion. Catching up. Updating. Enjoying meeting again. At least four generations representing all that is hopeful about families. Looking around I ticked off the grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren. A perfect representation of the way in which human beings carry on surviving.

It takes resilience to keep on living and loving. A toughness that is powered by hope. Based on love for one another. I don’t fear for human beings. I hope for more love for all of us.

Day 537 of my blogging challenge 

Let It Go: Releasing Resentment

One definition of resentment is ‘bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly’. Today the word kept coming into my mind as I listened to the conversations around me.

I know we have recently been through a big energy upgrade. Last Sunday the download of new software blasted in. Along with the reboot energy of the full moon. It’s time to get authentic. There has been a push for me to speak my truth for quite a while now. Yet I’ve also felt a bit held back about what I want to say. Today I realised that part of the new software was a patch to release resentment. I’m sure I’m not the only Lightworker who expected the world to be a fairer place by now. In fact I was grumpy about being back here for a long time. Shouldn’t humanity have got it’s act together by now? Yet it quite clearly hadn’t.

As I grew up I seemed to be hard wired to expect people to be fair. When they weren’t I was disappointed. Sometimes bitterly let down. And unclear why people thought it was ok to demand, take or expect more than their fair share. That was the problem. The definition of a fair share. My ideas often seemed to be completely different than some of the people around me. Even to the point that I would behave in an unfair way too. Because I felt like I wasn’t getting my fair share and had to grab for it. Over many years I slowly recognised that my hope for fairness had built up into a resentment. I begrudged other people their share of life. I had fallen completely into the trap of comparison. And had told myself that I had less.

The resentment of less had affected my outlook on life very much. Inside I carried a bitterness about my life that meant anything I achieved was overshadowed by comparing myself to others.

I was in a sad state. Pushing to achieve more but never finding it enough. Needy for success but with no definition of what that would be. It made me ill. My energy was out of balance. The resentment I felt drove me more and more. I was fortunate that behind the scenes my Guides were arranging things to help me. I discovered meditation. Though it took me quite while to calm my mind. I went on creative workshops, to Mind, Body, Spirit events and discovered my love of crystals. At every step I was learning to love myself. That included releasing myself for the idea that life had to be fair. I was taking a chip off my shoulder.

As I understood more about myself I also began to let myself off the hook for wanting to be fair to everyone. I realised that some of my resentment came from an idea that being kind to everyone was only fair. My upbringing had led me to connect politeness with kindness and fairness. I sunk my voice behind a cloud of positive statements, compliments and acceptance speeches so I never challenged unfairness. With no voice to challenge it was no wonder I started to resent. But a key point came when I started to develop my mediumship. I had to speak for the Spirit people. They didn’t dress things up. The spoke through me to tell it as they saw it. My lovely communicators had no time for resentment.

In the end I began to understand how much the idea of fairness was a limitation. The Spirit people understood that being human is to live through the heart not the mind.

It took me a while to realise the distinction. Fairness is an expectation of the mind. My mind wanted everything to be equal. My heart knew that doing the best is what matters. The best with what I’ve got. Which might not be the same as what anyone else has got. My unique talents can contribute to the whole community. To resent others for having different talents is a waste of energy. Or a different life path. Even different challenges. So to get into a state of bitterness or indignation about what I haven’t got is a self-defeating move. As I realised it was a block to my spiritual progress I knew I had to deal with this mind construct. It seemed like I needed to have a better connection with my heart.

I began to focus on my abilities. Looking at what I liked about myself made sure that I spent less time comparing. Challenging myself every time I thought that something was unfair. I reminded myself that I was making assumptions and that the facts might be quite different. Because I knew that people’s lives were much more complex that it appears on the surface. After all my intuition was telling me that all the time. Resentment seems to be based on face value a lot of the time. On a sense of fair or unfair that differs so widely from person to person. I had to find a level of trust in myself to withstand my assumption that I was treated unfairly because I was me. More often than not any unfairness was purely the way life fell out.

My resentment finally started to clear in a big way when I learned to love myself. That had many parts to it.

Firstly, I became determined to use my skills. I looked for opportunities to offer out what I was good at. So I got used to doing the things that I liked and suited me. Then I made the changes in my life that made me feel more contented. Clearing out the clutter that reminded me of comparisons was a big help. I realised how much I had instead of how much I lacked. Because a focus on the material world things drives the idea of unfairness. I found like minded people to support me. Not to forget the support I have constantly had from my Guides. Most of all I found my voice. I became able to say what I was really feeling or thinking.

Then I realised something very special. My heart is content with not speaking out as much as it is with speaking out. My resentment has disappeared to a large degree. If I want to say something about the way I am being treated I will do so. Whether it’s fair or not. I am comfortable with giving compliments or with setting the record straight. But I am also able to feel whether it matters enough to me or the situation to speak at all. As it’s my choice of saying something or not how can I then feel resentful? I can’t. My voice and my heart work together to ensure that I’m not storing up bitterness or annoyance with others, my life or my situation.

I feel like I have reached a place of calm. I know I’m only too human. Resentment might pop up again. But I also know what to do to release that feeling quickly and easily. Because I love my abilities and I can speak for myself.

Day 536 of my blogging challenge 

Shining Light Into Dark Places

My work today has all centred around shining light into dark places. Working with healing energy flows to illuminate where people have got stuck. Because sometimes it can be hard to work it out by yourself.

I woke from a dream this morning where I had been releasing negative words and energy. The negativity had become stuck in my mouth area. In the past I have had a loop of words to define myself that have been much less than positive. This loop has gone round and round for far too long. In the last week I’ve been taking action, along with my Guides, to clear it. Hence the dream. As the stream of energy flew out of my mouth it disappeared. Three times I released the energy and watched it as it faded into nothing. I was surrounded by light. It was shining on me as my energy brightened. Finally, I thought, my stuckness has disappeared. I can speak about myself in a better way.

Later I had the opportunity to do a Parashiel’s Balm healing for someone. As I scanned their aura I could see a huge lump of negative energy around their shoulder. No wonder they had felt like they were stuck in the dark all alone. Or that they had been struggling to make sense of a low feeling that never left them. Guided by the ArchAngels in the room I began some psychic surgery. These loving Energy Beings filled the space with light. Shining it at the dark lump of energy I watched as the negativity faded to be replaced by the wonderful orange rays of self-confidence. Beamed into the person was the strength of belief to help them overcome the challenges they faced. Another person released from being held back.

I used to wonder about the light energy. It comes shining through so brightly. Would it ever run out?

That’s when my Guides explained to me that the light energy is the energy of unconditional love. It is an endless, eternal supply freely available to anyone who asks. How wonderful I remember thinking. And I set off telling as many people as I could about it. Until I realised that not everyone is ready to become unstuck. Some people alre comfortable in the stuckness. Shining a light on their limitations doesn’t help. They need to be left in the patterns and habits that are comfortable for them. Understanding this changed my focus. I started to work with the people who were ready to work out and work through what was holding them back.

That’s how I ended my day. Discussing how my mentoring might be able to help someone  to start moving forward again. It’s all about that really. Because if someone can recognise they are ready to change they can also put in the commitment to change. It’s as if they have reached a tipping point. Being ready to let go of old habits they bring all of their focus and energy to bear on shining more light into their lives. I know this process works. Becuase I’ve had to do it myself. The words of my dream were released as a result of my efforts to identify self destructive patterns. In the long run it’s possible that I would have changed my habits eventually. But I want to make my changes now.

I’m prepare do to keep shining light into all of my dark places. And committed to supporting other people who want to do that too. In whatever way is the best for them. So that we can change ourselves and thus the world a step at a time.

Day 535 of my blogging challenge