Early Morning Musings

Sometimes my best thinking comes as I lie in bed early in the morning. I’m waiting to launch myself into the day. No quite ready to give up the warmth of my duvet. Awake and aware though.

I’ve been dreaming vividly for the last week or so and last night was no different. Each morning I’ve wondered what all that restless, emotional sleep was about. Early on I realised that I was busy clearing emotional energy from my aura. Yet I had no idea what exactly was going. Certainly Past Life stuff. Probably this life’s karmic consequences from all that old stuff. And possibly some future life possibilities too. That’s a lot of letting go, I thought.

There is a line of reasoning that everything has happened somewhere at one point or another. That our moment to moment decisions move us from one future possible to another. And that releasing karma in this life will heal the lives that are spread across all of our parallel lives. For the Spirit state operates outside of the limitations of time. Or other physical laws that operate in this Universe. Any where, any when I may be doing a thousand other things. Yet they will still all be my Spirit experiencing life. These ideas aren’t easy to get my head around. Especially in the early morning.

Thinking about my life this way does help. This morning I applied that idea to my continuing quest to find a balance with money energy.

It’s really hard to drop into a new life and find out that there is an energy which cuts across manifesting. When I lived in the pink perfect I could get what I wanted in an instant. It was simple. I willed it and it happened. Early on in this life I was exposed to the impact of money energy. I remember waking up on winter mornings with the frost inside the glass. Sleeping under piles of coats with my siblings to keep warm during the night. Home made clothes and hand me downs because the money wouldn’t stretch that far.

Eventually I saw another side to the energy flow. A house with so many rooms I felt lost. New clothes three times a year. We had a car and a garage. Gardens to play in not a street. Something and altered the flow of money through my life. My parents worked hard throughout both periods. So it wasn’t that. Perhaps there was more money flowing through the economic system so pay was better. Or a feeling of plenty generally so people spent more. There was a growth in credit available. Getting money seemed easy. I feel like I came out of these different energy experienced with quite a mixed up view. Lack was the energy of my earliest memories. Abundance was the energy of my teenage years.

When I got out on my own finding a balance with money was much harder. I had to reply on my own expectations. It was all about what I chose to manifest. I’m sure my Spirit was really confused.

Was my journey about experiencing lack or experiencing plenty? Or a bit of both. Or about not experiencing money at all? If only I had known enough to consider asking for a look at my Blueprint. But I seem to have forgotten to put that in my life plan too. Early this morning I was thinking about all the effort I’ve spent in my life trying to understand the flow of money. Quite early in my spiritual development I read about a lot about manifesting. Especially for money. Because it’s something that concerns most of us. I’d even go so far as to say it consumes us most of the time. And it’s a very difficult addiction to let go of. Because it’s based on fear.

That is the power of lack. I recognise I’ve been driven by lack to believe that money has to rule our lives. Though I can recognise this it has taken me a few years to really understand and release myself from the energy of money. Because every time I thought I’d stepped out of it I found I was stepping right back in. There is something seductive about the fear of lack. It can give you a great buzz to push you forward. Striving for money and winning is a huge high. Followed by the deep downs of recognising what you have got is never enough. You are chasing the money dragon.

Releasing myself from this pattern has taken a huge effort of will. I started with the ‘No pockets in shrouds’ philosophy of my Mum.

I followed up with Law of Attraction and manifesting. Yet there was still a little hook. Somehow that old rush of panic when money came in or went out wouldn’t go away. This morning, as I thought gratefully of my home, my food, my clothes I understood that I chose to step into the energy of money. Yes, to balance it for my karmic progression. But also to develop my faith. I have always had some sort of roof over my head. And the talent and ability to manifest anything I need. Money is a form of ritualised barter. I have spent many lives in the rituals of money. And it has never killed me.

Because Spirit never dies. That’s the ultimate driver within lack. The fear that if I don’t have such and such I will die. I even feared social death if I wasn’t wearing the right brand of clothes. This morning, listening to the sounds of people arriving early in town to secure a parking spot, I decided to get off the money merry-go-round. I don’t need anything else to complete my life. I can trust in the Universe to provide for me. There is no tomorrow, only today. I refuse to be weighed down with a feeling of lack. Instead I am celebrating my flow of abundance.

There are things I might need to barter my skills for. I am going to do so in the joyful expectation that the energy flow I am in will balance out between give and take. After all, my many lives have shown me that it always does. There is always another life to explore and enjoy.

Day 433 of my blogging challenge.

Set a Course for The Next Nine Years

I’ve been writing about the energy shifts for a little while now. About how this is a year of new beginnings. The first in a cycle of nine and this year I get to pick my course for all of that time. So how do I choose?

If you have been reading my blog for a while you’ll know I can get stuck very easily with choosing. It’s a bit of a Libran challenge. The urge to procrastinate in case I decide on the wrong thing. So I’ve been working for some years to get comfortable with the idea that all choices can be reversed. Or can lead to new choices that take me back to where I started. If I want. In fact I’m getting more spontaneous because I accept that not choosing at all is a waste of energy. I’ve discovered that choices aren’t concrete. And they don’t all have to be perfectly right. That’s a useful change when I’m considering setting my course for the next nine years.

Now is the time to step into fresh energy. To make choices that will set me off on a better course through those nine years. But how? One of the things I’ve noticed over the past five or six days is an energy shift. Once more I’m finding it hard to sleep or stay asleep. I’m waking up tired. Because I’ve been having restless, vivid dreams all night. Dreams that bring up uncomfortable feelings. Ways I’d rather not feel as they are low vibration emotions like fear, anger, sadness. Some have been quite graphic I think. Yet when I wake I can’t quite remember the content of my dreams. Interesting, as I’m usually a good lucid dreamer.

As usual, when I’d had three nights of this type of sleep I asked my Guides what was going on. Of course I’d already forgotten it was the waning phase of the moon. So obvious really. My Guides came back with the answer that I was letting go.

Letting go of what I wondered? Some of the snippets I could remember seemed at odds with my life experiences. Then there was another lightbulb moment. I was busy letting go a whole load of past life stuff that was still hanging around in this life. I find that the interesting thing about my karma is that I’ve built lots of echos of past life struggles into this life. But I don’t always know it. Often it’s after events have happened that I realise it’s an echo. Sometimes I haven’t realised. So it turns out the energy I’m releasing whilst I’m asleep has never made it into my consciousness. Somehow it has to go. Or I risk being blown off course.

I have to say that I thought I had done as much clearing out of stuck energy as I could in 2016. What a challenging year! Now it turns out that I have stuff stored away that I hadn’t known existed. But it’s stuff I don’t need to really bring into my conscious mind. Instead I can let my subconscious mind get to work releasing it. The benefit to me is when it goes my decisions will be clearer.  Especially since they stop being based on stuff I didn’t know was influencing me in the first place. Whew! I hope that makes sense. Time for me to embrace this current period of internal housekeeping. I have lots of exciting decisions to make!

Day 432 of my blogging challenge. 

Letting Spirit Speak Though Me

There are days when connecting seems a little bit harder than usual. And days when Spirit speaks so plainly that it is unmistakeable. I work hard to get more of the second type of day than the first.

I find that those people who doubt that we can connect to non-physical beings always point out a lack of consistency in messages. They use the reality that I can’t always get a perfect connection as the point in which they dismiss everything I say. Apparently it’s not scientific. For a long time I was frustrated with this dismissal. Of everything I knew was genuine for the Spirit World. I asked Spirit Beings to explain, over and over, why my connections could be hit and miss. They kindly gave me lots of examples and explanations.

Because connecting with a Spirit is subject to rules. Quite predictable rules. And yes, the messages and evidence can be variable over time and circumstances. But there are reasons why. Understandable reasons if you consider communication as a matter of exchanging energy. In the end, I found that the more I practiced, developed and understood the connections and energy the better I could make a link to Spirit. Today was one of the days when everything worked. The Spirit visitor was loud and clear, making his presence felt immediately. It was wonderful to witness the reactions of my client as the evidence and support flowed through the words I was asked to speak.

What I have learned from understanding the Spirit rules is that the best connections are when I step to one side and let the loved ones speak.

What this means in practice is that I do my very best to say everything I feel, see, hear and sense. Whilst I am in connection with a loved one I am busy being a reporter. Not guessing. Or saying what I think or feel. I’m not an interpreter of the message. I give exactly what they give to me. Because that way my client will know whether this is their loved one or not. After all, someone you have known and loved has their own ways. They use certain words or phrases. Or gestures. They have certain things about their lives that only the client will recognise. And when it all comes together the person getting the message will know for sure who is speaking to them.

So I’ve had a good day. Someone went away feeling the love of their Spirit family still around them. Encouraged to be hopeful about life and it’s challenges. I feel really blessed to be part of that communication process. It’s something I will always be grateful for. From where I started to where I am now has been an amazing journey. No wonder I want to go to work every morning hoping that my day is going to be full of plain speaking from Spirit.

Day 431 of my blogging challenge.

Maintaining My Balance

I’m a Libra so I’m always trying to find the balance in life. Maintaining a balanced energy state is my challenge this life around. Whether you believe in astrology or not I believe that being in balance is the way to wellbeing, peace and love.

Why do I feel balance is so important? And why do I work hard at maintaining my balance? It’s one of the most interesting creative touches about the human race that we are the product of duality. Female and male. Love and hate. Ego and Spirit. Fear and bliss. I’ve been blessed with a mind and a heart. Sometimes my feelings and thoughts are in agreement. A lot of the time they are in opposition. I believe it is this state of opposites that sets free will again spirituality. Our unique challenge is to choose wisely. To me that means choosing from a point of balance.

Of course that balance will shift over time, events and options. But every time I choose to exercise my free will I can affect my state of balance to move more in one direction or another. In a real life example, I have been deciding what to do in my Centre for the next year. It’s third birthday is fast approaching. Maintaining the Centre as it is would take me to one end of the scales. Moving it into a new phase of activity will take it to the other end of the scales. I’ve been working out where the middle ground is. What point should I balance on? How far can I push in either direction. Most importantly where do I feel comfortable?

That’s the sticking point when trying to balance. How do I know if I’m in balance. Can I trust that comfortable feeling? Do I need to push a little bit further so it’s not so comfortable.

As far as my Centre is concerned I have had to weigh up the needs of other people who use it and my needs. Within the community who access the services there are many viewpoints. I’ve had to consider them all. And set them alongside what I need from my working day. Then add in the needs of my business. Plus the needs of my Guides and the Energy Beings. Considering all of those views I’ve also had to unpick my thoughts and feelings. It sounds like a lot of work. It is. Yet it is also an important way to be sure that I am doing the best I can for as many people as possible whilst honouring my own journey.

Because it’s the only way of maintaining positive forward momentum. From the balancing point, which is also a pushing off point, I can see the next decision that is required. If I stay in that state I can also give myself the best chance of keeping my heart and mind working together as one. My focus is on a step by step progression. I believe that we are happy, well, peaceful and loving when we feel we are able to influence our life journey. Not control it. But, like a ride on a surf board, I can shift my balance moment to moment so that I maintain my position. I can ride the waves of energy instead of finding myself in the water time after time. Decisions about the Centre have been made and I’m moving forward!

Day 430 of my blogging challenge. 

Ascension Consciousness

I’ve had a full day with lots of action and some deep thinking. It’s time to connect with Ascension energy for this next phase of my life.

I’m busy reshaping what work I’m going to for the next nine years. It’s time to go forward with the activities that I put in my life Blueprint before I came here. I was reminded of this tonight when I went to give a talk at a lovely local group. New Directions brings like minded people together to share mind, body and Spirit information and experiences. So the opportunity to give my forecast of the energy for the next tweleve months was too good to miss. I love combining numerology, astrology, Earth’s ArchAngels and Tarot. My talk contained elements of all of these to highlight the Ascension energy shaping our world.

Of course all the talk about Ascension isn’t new. People have been waiting for Armageddon and the last days for a long time. There are all sorts of theories about how we will ascend into the heavens and collect our reward. However, I have always been cautiously optimistic that we wouldn’t need a hero to rescue us. That we would enlighten ourselves eventually and stop needing to be human beings. For a long time I’ve known that humanity is in the process of awakening to our Spirit selves. Back in 1998 I called my business Growth Into Awareness because I felt that was the journey I was on. Along with everyone else.

At the start of this year I rebirthed my business. It is now called Growth Into Ascension. The time is right to move from waking up to getting out of bed.

As I looked into the energy of the next year everything confirmed what my Guides have been telling me for the last eight years. Spirituality has to be lived not talked about. There is no hero Messiah to save us by making us play nicely with one another. Instead I know that it is time for everyone to find the Divine within themselves. Our Spirit is what will save us. Ascension consciousness is the acknowledgement that I am more than human. And that I am ready to live my life in a different way. Not a perfect way. But I have to live my spirituality to the best of my ability.

Why does that matter? I know that we are changing the energy vibration of the Earth to create positive energy conditions for the children of the future. The Crystal children who are already here in vast numbers. If I want to leave a legacy for the seventh generation I need to start acting from a higher consciousness now. And I want to share that journey with as many people as possible. My talk this evening reaffirmed the direction that my Guides have been taking me in for sometime. I am awake, I have got out of bed and now I’m taking the action that I promised myself I would. Bit by bit we can all change the world. I hope you will join me soon.

Day 429 of my blogging challenge. 

Cards: Reading the Energy Waves

Today I’ve sent out my latest batch of CD’s. I’m always excited when I send a recording of a reading out. I hope that the person will enjoy hearing the reading once more. That they will feel the same energy as when I was in the room with them.

Of course, I might be doing a reading at the other end of the phone, or online but the energy always flows. Whether it’s a Spirit person, a Guide or that I’m taking a peek at the next energy wave someone is going to feel. Sometimes I use Tarot or Oracle cards when I’m looking to the future. Not only because the Energy Beings use that way to bring things to my attention. But also because a psychic tool like cards is a great way to focus my mind. I learned early on with my connections that if my mind wandered I was pulled about by the currents. If I payed attention by using cards then I would get to where I wanted to be.

A reading is all about trying to get more specific information. I know it’s easy to say life has ups and downs. That some days will be great and some will be rubbish. But a reading is only useful if it can give more details. I tend to ask for Spirit or Guide readings when I’m dealing with big events in my life. They have sight of the bigger picture and can help me find my way through things. I know they can’t interfere with my free will choices. Which can sometimes be frustrating for both sides. So I don’t expect yes or no to my answers. But they can steer me to look at things in a different way. A bit like giving me clues so I can work the answer out myself.

If I want to see what’s in the energy coming towards me so I can plan I tend to use my cards for a reading.

That’s because I have a sense of where I’m going and might want to check in on my progress. Perhaps I also have a problem that I know the Energy Beings can’t give me a yes or no to. The cards might not either. But they will show me that if I carry on in the same way what the energy around me is likely to be like. And the cards often offer a different choice for me to consider. Perhaps by making some changes the outcome of my future will be different. I find Oracle cards are particularly good for tapping into a positive energy flow too. Some days I pick an Oracle card just to give me a boost. To remind me to set my energy for the day into a positive vibration.

I also look at my Tarot or Oracle cards when I’m stuck with a problem. Or I feel like I’ve slipped into negative energy. It can be quite a surprise sometimes what cards fall out of the deck as I’m shuffling. Information about the background energy, the situation, me and anyone else involved. Even the global energy flows that are influencing everyone at the moment. I find it reassuring that the card meanings give me a prompt. A boost to get me thinking. Because if I’m thinking it means I can find new options. I can deal with my issues in different ways. The cards help me identify new choices.

I know not everyone sees Tarot and Oracle cards as positive. Having a reading this way might be against some people’s principles. I continue to look forward with my cards because I enjoy the viewpoint it brings to my life. Anything that helps me make better choices is ok by me.

Day 428 of my blogging challenge.

Peaceful Feeling Easy

Sometimes when I’m working I get snippets of songs. Lines that repeat in my head. They are part of the messages I’m passing on. Sometimes they are also messages for me.

As I drove home from my service at Dearnley Spiritualist church an Eagles track came on the radio. I commented to my daughter that I loved driving to the music of that band as it gave me a peaceful, easy feeling. Then we had a giggle about that being one of their songs too. I love the chorus:

I got a peaceful easy feelin’
And I know you won’t let me down
‘Cause I’m already standin’
On the ground

I felt as if I was being reminded about my Guides. That’s because I am going through a change of their line up. It’s time for me to let go of some and work with new ones. But they want to remind me to make the change easy for myself.

I’ve had a bit of an issue with accepting the change of Guides in the past. I can be stubborn about moving on. Yet I have new work to do so I need the best possible guidance they can give me. Letting the chorus of the song drift through my mind I remembered the work I have been doing over the past few days. Releasing anything that might hold me back can also mean accepting that my inspirers have to change too. I know that the new Guides will be there for me every step of the way. Yes, I am standing on the ground. Solid ground.

It’s interesting how far I have come. I can feel easy about these changes now. I understand that I am always supported and helped. But trust isn’t always easy to find.

Not only have I had to find a way to trust my Guides, I also had to find a way to trust myself. Working together we have grown that trust until I can feel that my connections are easy. I can relax and be peaceful about how the communication will happen. As I thought about the way we work together I realised that I used to expect everything to be hard work. I had soaked up a belief that achievements were only valuable when I worked and slogged to get them. If it was too easy then it wasn’t really anything special. What an odd way to look at the world.

If something comes easy to me why wouldn’t I want to praise myself for that. Surely I would want to enjoy the way I could expend less effort to get something done? And be peaceful about how simple it was. I feel that a ‘hard work’ attitude to life keeps me in uncertainty. Never quite knowing if I’m getting anywhere. Complicating my life with stress. Driving me to push myself when perhaps I could be taking it easy instead. Yet with the solid foundation of trusting myself I can do so much more. Achieving becomes simple. Because I don’t have to strive hard. Instead I can focus on doing what I am already good at doing.

So I’m going to enjoy this peaceful, easy feeling because feeling easy provides me with so much peace. No more making my life hard for myself. It’s long past time for me to release that old habit.

Day 427 of my blogging challenge.

Release the Past in a Waning Moon

Today is a good day to start releasing the past. As the full moon tips into a waning moon, shrinking away into darkness, I always consider what energy, situations, feelings and thoughts no longer fit me.

It’s important to think not only about the recent past but also about those long ago times that may still haunt me. Or shape me. Do I want to continue letting them influence me? A waning moon reminds me that I can let go of anything I wish and remake myself anew. Because the waning  moon brings us the next full moon. It’s an eternal cycle. A reminder that nothing ever dies. We leave and return once more. I’m sure that’s why our ancient ancestors worshiped the moon as the Goddess. With the sun as the leaving and returning balancing of Divine energies.

So I’ve been writing a list of what I want to leave behind me. All sorts of thoughts, feelings, situations and energy made it onto my list. Of course I want to make changes but perhaps doing it all at once would feel rather strange. If I woke up tomorrow morning with all of these things gone would I know myself at all? Would the change be so drastic that I rushed to get all those released things back again? I’d rather not rush it and find myself back where I started. The list needed to be prioritised. What to loose first?

Back to the waning moon again. What is the first slice of energy to go? What is holding me back right now?

Part of letting go is also making sure that I’ve got a clear understanding of what it is. That means asking myself how that energy makes me feel or think. So, for example, perhaps I have to release doubt. Where does that doubt come from? How is it being expressed in my life right now? Am I ready to let it go? Because if it’s the most important thing I have to be totally committed to releasing all my doubts. There has to be no doubt, lol. If it’s holding me back and I’m clear that it needs to go then I will be releasing it’s power over me. And knowing when and where I gave my power away to it helps.

That’s the way manifesting works. Bringing to my attention the ways in which I have stopped the flow of abundance into my life. Reminding me that I have to make room for the new by letting go of the old. As I experience life I make choices. What energy to take on board. I make jusdgements, or listen to the judgements of others, about the meaning of my actions. Sometimes I can’t find the root of my doubts. But it doesn’t matter if I’m really intent on letting this feeling go. Knowing some of the reasons I am full of doubt I can set my intention to realease all doubt.

Then I can begin the process of shrinking or waning the old energy. First by imagining the new me. And how I will feel.

I like to write down what I plan to let go of. It clears my mind. And I find I recognise lots more about the stuck energy when I do so. Then I spend a little time imagining what I would feel like if I got out of bed tomorrow with no more doubts. How would it make me feel? What would I do? How would my life be different? I sit quietly and call in the feelings of a life without doubt. The energy of those feelings helps to make my intention concrete. When I feel like I have soaked up those positive vibes I write myself an affirmation. Something that starts with ‘I release … and I feel …’ It can be as long or as short as I feel it needs to be.

The last step is to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. It’s a curious thing about being human, when we add action into intention we get a reaction. What we want manifests. I’ve got my affirmation, I’ve got the feeling, thought or thing I want to release so I’m ready to take action so the Universe will act too. Each night for the next three nights I will light a tea light. I will read my affirmation statement. Then I will burn a slip of paper with what I want to let go of written on it. I’ll let the candle burn out completely. When it has gone I’ll remind myself that I’m letting go.

Every morning when I wake up I will tell myself that I have no more doubt. That the Universe is aware that I have changed and is sending me exactly what I need. As the waning moon turns into the new moon I will look forward to lots of brand new, doubt free times.

Day 426 of my blogging challenge.

Manifesting My Purpose

Today felt like the right day to spend some time considering my purpose. It might be Friday 13th but as I’m not particularly superstitious the Full Moon energy was my guide instead.

Very soon the Moon will begin to wain again. That’s a good time for letting go of anything I no longer need. At the beginning of every year I like to think about the year I’ve left and release old energy. The start of that process is always to look at last year’s plans. Then to set out my new plans. I can see what I’ve manifested and what is still on my wish list. Getting clear about my purpose is also part of the planning process too. Because what we are here to do changes depending on what we have experienced over the last year.

So I sat quietly with my notebook from last year ticking off the things on my wish list that had happened. I also looked again at the purpose I’d written out for 2016. What had I hoped to do, change, learn or experience? Of course I have more than one purpose in my life. So I like to consider my personal, business and spiritual missions. They may all be enfolded in one statement of intent but it’s useful to separate them out from time to time. Because I want to be sure that what I’m doing for myself serves both my business and my spiritual journey.

Revisiting my purpose in this way helps me to notice what I’ve achieved. I can also decide if what hasn’t yet been manifested is still what I want.

I believe that I am evolving. Each experience gives me an opportunity to decide differently next time. Based on the outcomes that have flowed from my experiences and how I’ve handled them. As I change it’s reasonable to think that my purpose will change too. After all, this year I don’t particularly want the same things as I did when I was twenty. I’m a very different person now. So acknowledging what I can cross off my plans, because it’s already happened, will leave me room to add in new things. In this way I believe that my purpose is evolving too.

At twenty my personal, business and spiritual missions were very different. I didn’t have a business for a start. Nor did I have a strong spiritual belief. This year, after many years of life experiences, I have a strong spiritual focus which encompasses both my personal and my business desires. As I wrote out a new plan containing my mission for 2017 I noticed that I am becoming more confident in integrating all aspects of my life under this spiritual theme. I want to do the things I love doing because they serve my spiritual purpose. 2017 is going to be a great year!

Day 425 of my blogging challenge.

Forgiveness: A Challenge

One of the themes of today has been forgiveness. Not what it is but how to achieve it. Especially when a lot of time has passed.

Forgiveness is a key virtue in many religions. Some also have rituals to help someone achieve a state of forgiveness. However, I have always found that to forgive can take a lot of inner work as well as a willingness to do that work. Perhaps the things I consider small transgressions are easier to forgive. In myself and others. I used to be particular about timekeeping. Arriving late was unforgivable. And that applied to the other people too. Perhaps even more so as I didn’t like to be kept waiting. Then I learned that sometimes, no matter how early I set off, I got to appointments late. Because it was me could I keep being so unforgiving?

At that point I started to understand that forgiveness is also based on a judgement about extenuating circumstances. In other words, it was ok for me to be late if I had been prevented by things I couldn’t have foreseen. I was allowed to forgive myself. If I could forgive myself I also had to be able to forgive others if they were delayed. It was only fair. But only if they had done their best to get there on time too. Perhaps this was a somewhat selfish application of my power to forgive. However, I found that I became less focused on timekeeping. As an offence it bothered me a lot less that it once had.

My next lesson in forgiveness came because of an old saying ‘I can forgive but I’ll never forget’.

At some point arriving on time, either me or others, became a fluid matter. I seemed to have lost my unforgiving need for punctuality. It was much less stressful to understand that time doesn’t rule my life unless I make it something I focus on. So I started to consider other things that I might need to forgive. Like my impatience with myself. It seemed I always wanted things to be perfect first time round. Although I was learning to forgive myself I didn’t seem to be able to forget that I wasn’t perfect every time. Or even to forget that drive to be perfect. I could excuse myself, tell myself it was ok to be good enough. But every time I started something I remembered.

At times this inability to forget caused me a whole lot of problems. I resisted starting new things or trying new experiences. My comfort zone shrank instead of getting bigger. Forgiveness seemed an empty achievement whilst I was still beating myself up for not being perfect. Of course quite a lot of that had to do with expectations. I noticed that this push for perfection was based quite a lot on what other people expected of me. I really was trying to please all of the people all of the time. Yet that favour wasn’t returned. Other people seemed to be quite happy being less than perfect when I wanted perfection from them. And they were able to forget all the time.

So where did that take me? Could I forgive, forget and do so over and over again?

I’m still working on forgiving some of the big things. The things that hurt me or those close to me. Whether they are what I’ve done or other have done. But it’s hard when forgetting is difficult too. Sorry is never enough. It doesn’t move the feelings on. Forgetting is no easier even if you feel that you have been acknowledged. It’s even harder where you never get that acknowledgement. I like to think of forgiving and forgetting as a process. A spiritual challenge that takes time to be completed.

I also think that it’s ok to be human. To recognise that perhaps there are some things that will never be forgiven or forgotten because they have had a deeper impact. However, there is always the hope of forgiveness. That enough will be resolved within me, and with others, that a state of true forgiveness will happen. That there will be a time when all hurt is really forgotten because the circumstances that created the feelings cease to happen ever again. Now I’m working on more forgiving and forgetting as a way to clear my path for all of the new, exciting things that I’m going to be doing. Time for another expansion of my comfort zone!

Day 424 of my blogging challenge.