One of the things I’ve learned is about keeping a distance between me and any drama. It’s taken some years for me to step out of getting involved. To remind myself that the energy of negativity creates emotional chaos.
And to remove myself from any emotional involvement that disturbs my balance. I can’t say I’m completely there with this discipline yet. But I’m much better than I used to be. I feel it’s easy, especially as I am intuitively aware, to get involved in the negativity of other people. Especially if I over-sense their energy. The healer and nurturer in me switches on. I want to save the day by rescuing everyone and making it all come out well. Learning to operate at an emotional distance has been hard. I seem to have come in hard wired to gather everyone under my wings.
Add to that a healthy dollop of responsibility that goes with being the eldest child and it’s no wonder I played the peacemaker so often. Unfortunately it took me a long time to work out that diplomats also get the blame for outcomes too. Because you can’t please all of the people all of the time. A hard lesson for me to learn. One that often ended up with me being judged by all sides. And found wanting by all sides. So imagine how complicated it makes it when I know how everyone is really feeling. They might smile and talk positively. But I know the truth underneath. And there is nothing I can do about that.
Mainly because most people are still operating behind polite masks. They distance themselves from their true feelings. And have to make all sorts of complicated manoeuvres to feel comfortable creating drama.
At times that has frustrated or bored me. Or annoyed and upset me. Stepping out of the drama was hard when I felt I was supposed to justify myself. Yet another thing I’ve learned though is no matter what I say I’m talking to closed ears. People drive things on the way they feel they should go. Or try to manipulate the outcomes to fit their own agendas. So over the past few years I have stood back from situations as much as possible. I like to observe what people do rather than listen to what they say. I also step aside from as much negative energy as I can. A toxic environment is no good for anyone who is on a positive journey.
That’s the real reason to distance myself from drama. I prefer to flow in positive energy. It makes my connections to Energy Beings much stronger. It also means I can share positive energy and beam it out to anyone who might need a boost. The recipients don’t need to know I’m doing that. Hopefully they will feel a little bit better about their life or situation. And want to do something positive to change their outlook too. I’ve also tried to stop,creating my own drama too. I’ve stopped hanging on to things that need to be let go. Walking away from people and situations that create negative feelings in me. Knowing that I choose not to have those feelings.
Drama and turmoil is a life choice. I’ve learned that no one creates my drama for me. Putting the distance between me and my drama as well as the drama created by others has created a peaceful flow to my life. Since I want to keep my life this way I will be carrying on stepping into the distance.
Day 435 of my blogging challenge.
Last week I was sitting back expecting a quiet February. My Guides had been clear. I couldn’t take old energy into the New Year. So I knew the workshops I had already planned would not run. But I had no clear idea of what else I would be doing.
Quiet times, I thought. A chance to do lots of planning I was sure. Writing and creative work. I already knew that many things were going to change for me this year. So I was ready for a ‘slow’ February. Until we hit the Chinese New Year and the new moon. I’ve mentioned leavings and joining already. But I didn’t expect quite such a rush of fresh energy quite so quickly. Saturday found me painting my new Parashiel’s Balm healing room. Yesterday I finally confirmed my move away from church services. Today the new therapy bed arrived and has been used.
And today, instead of workshops, I’m setting up Energy Connections groups which are filling up fast. Plus my next Inspired 2 Write challenge starting mid month. No wonder one of my friends messaged me to remind me I’d said I was having a quiet February. It seems my idea that there wouldn’t be much to do has completely transformed. Yet I do have to organise some of my other work. And, of course, write a load of stuff for the other things that my Guides are bringing in. Somewhere in all of this will be a point of balance. I’ll get to the end of the month and everything necessary will have been done.
I have to trust that my time and attention will go into the things that matter. That February will give me a great start for the year ahead. Because I know my Guides are ready to send me lots more work. If I want it. And when I’m ready.
So for now I’m going with the flow. As the inspiration comes in I’m following my intuition. At one time I would have found that so hard to do. I needed things planed and possibly over organised. Yet I love how much I can trust myself that everything will work out exactly as it should. The shift seemed to take ages to happen. I don’t actually know the tipping point. Though now I am really relaxed about following my inner prompts. In fact, it always turns out better when I do what I feel is right for me. Overthinking has had me an indecisive wreck in the past. So roll on February. I’m ready to take action!
Day 442 of my blogging challenge.
Earth’s ArchAngel Parashiel
Still more leavings and joinings to go! Yesterday I wrote about the changes that have been happening. How I felt that letting things go was also bringing new things forward. Today it’s all been sunshine on a rainy day.
I woke up to the rain on my window. The clouds had arrived so the sky was gray. One of the changes in my Centre has been to stop renting out my healing room to other practitioners. I’ve been getting the signal from ArchAngel Parashiel, one of the Earth’s ArchAngels, that it’s time to offer his healing more widely. Today I got the push to get his room decorated. I’ve already had to order his new therapy bed. And reorganise what furniture is going to be in his room. As I stood looking at the colour charts in my local paint store he pointed to a bright, almost fluorescent green. What! Bright green, I thought. It’s a ray of sunshine he told me. Get it in silk not matt.
Enjoying a little chuckle to myself, these ArchAngels can be a bit insistent (make that bossy), I purchased the green paint. Yet when I started to paint the walls I understood at once. The colour has gone on a wall that catches the sunshine when it’s about. I saw immediately that the healing rays of the sun would bounce from the wall right onto the therapy bed. Clever ArchAngel! It might have been rainy outside but I could feel the warmth of the sun already and I’d only done a little bit of the painting. Now I have a peach and green room that reflects Parashiel’s warmth and healing love. No wonder he calls his healing a Balm.
I can’t wait for my first client on Monday to road test the sunshine for me. I’m sure there are going to be many happy people walking out of that room.
And Parashiel jumped in later this evening too. I’ve been getting some design work done for one of my new adventures. Chatting with Kirsten, my lovely graphic designer, I mentioned that I would need a logo for the Parashiel’s Balm healing. She started doodling as I mentioned the room colours and before we knew it there was Parashiel’s burst of sunshine captured on paper. How to design a logo on the back of a beer mat, so to speak. Of course it seemed obvious to both of us that he had already picked his colours. All I needed to give Kirsten was a little more information and it was done. Parashiel pushing me forward yet again.
I’ve grown used to being unsure until the relevant Energy Being speaks up. That’s because it happens such a lot. I love the way their beams of sunshine bounce around me. Bright inspirations drop in endlessly. All I have to do is ask. Then be listening for an answer. They don’t control me though. I have my own free will choice so I could have picked any colour of paint I wanted. It happens, however, that I agree with the choice that was made. I love my newly freshened room. It’s going to be a pleasure to work in there.
Only one little issue. ArchAngel Parashiel want some his energy painting hung on the wall. Currently the space is occupied by ArchAngel Arsheliel’s energy painting. Arsheliel doesn’t want to give way. We are in his month so he feels he should stay. I wonder who will be on the wall come Monday?
Day 440 of my blogging challenge.
It’s been one of those strange days. I have them now and again. Leaving or joining? Which ever way I look at it I’m growing.
Leaving or joining comes with a question on these days. Sometimes when I let go of control over my life it’s a chance for fate, destiny or whatever to step in and turn what seems to be a loss into a gain. In the deep flow of energy whilst I was doing some Reiki healing for myself and others it seemed that whatever I let go of went easily. Leaving was just about a temporary parting. Anything that was necessary to me was still with me. I felt myself joining the Universal flow. Understanding that the grief of loss was also a temporary feeling. That there is really no loss at all.
This evening I was doing a demonstration of mediumship in a spiritual centre. Leaving once again seemed to be around me. Of course the Spirit people who came in had left this Earthly life. Yet in their leave-taking they had also been gifted another life. They had joined another community. They were continuing to grow and thrive in these new surroundings. So they came, one after the other, in groups large or small, to show that their going had been a progression. To give us the hope that we will join them eventually. When it is our turn to leave they will welcome us as we join once more with them.
I know that to leave and to join are the challenges we face in our human form too. Connection is what we desire. Belonging. A sense of place. Of community.
I’ve seen people stick hard to being part of a family, a group of friends, a club or a community. I know I’ve done that myself. Working to fit in and be accepted. Yet it hasn’t always worked. Part of my experience, my growth, has been to find myself sometimes on the outside. Still looking for like minded people. Joining and leaving time and time again. For a long time I wondered why I moved from community to community. Then I realised that each move, each set of new faces and views, added something to my understanding of me. I began to find it easier to take my leave. Because I knew fresh adventures were waiting.
Sometimes I grieved deeply. Other times I realised it was a relief. That the particular group or community had become a restriction. Today I sensed it was time to embrace more leave-taking. To look forward to fresh joining opportunities. As I sat in the Reiki energy I felt the shift in my energy. I’m letting go without resistance so the new energy can flow easily into my life. It made me smile to remember that it’s the Chinese New Year and we have a Fire Rooster. It’s the energy I need right before my Dog Year next January. I hope the fire energy pushes the leaving and joining along for me. After all, no matter what, I’m growing, changing, progressing. As above, so below ?
Day 439 of my blogging challenge.
Yesterday I was thinking about some great memories of times when the flow of love seemed so powerful in my life. Times with my family and friends. Laughter, music, love, sharing. An old song by The Sawdoctors brought these precious moments to mind.
Our feelings are so powerful. Perhaps we don’t acknowledge that enough. I know when I’m busy with doing, when being is a distant memory, I can be distracted from what I feel in my heart. There is a general sort of politeness that I was brought up with. Feelings had to be suppressed mostly. Tonight I found myself encouraging my daughter to suppress hers. Yet why hold back on that wonderful feeling of being overwhelemed by love? Like when she was born. I can’t properly describe that rush of feeling that flooded over me. But it swept me away with it. I was immersed in love.
Sometimes I’ve felt I was drowning in love. When the powerful obsession that can be a sort of love gripped me. In those times I would give my all to the other. Loose my identity in an ocean of feelings. And only realise with my last gasp how insubstantial that feeling was in reality. Either on my side or theirs. Yet I would rush into the next moment of love ready to drown all over again. I guess I was also prepared to be powerless in love too. How strange. That we move from one state of love to the next. Powerful to powerless to powerful once again. It was only with the passing of time that I could identify this aspect of love. The cycle that I entered into when I chose to become a human being.
The song I heard is called Sing A Powerful Song. It’s a simple sentiment. Stand in your own power. Love yourself enough not to become powerless. Express your love for yourself and others by being a strong voice for the power of unconditional love.
Day 438 of my blogging challenge.
It was great today to meet up with my lovely friend Brenda who writes and also does PR. We talked about the frustration that happens when everything seems to be confusion and chaos.
Then I had a conversation with one of my favourite spiritual friends, Diane, where the same topic of frustration came up again. Both these discussions centred on the process of change. I know that when I feel restless and ready to change it can be a bit difficult to find out when that change is going to happen. Or exactly what I’m aiming for. There is always a bit of a pause, just after I decide I’m going to change, when it seems I’m surrounded by chaos. Then the confusion piles in on top. I feel like like I have lost control of the whole change thing.
In the past I would let the frustration build up way past boiling point. I would rush around trying to plan, organise and be in charge of every little thing. It was my way of trying to reassure myself that I knew exactly what was happening. And where I was going with everything. One of the biggest steps forward for me last year was to recognise my pattern. Trying to be in control was my coping mechanism for the insecurity that change naturally brings. We want certainty. It’s far less stressful. Yet I know I live in an uncertain world to some degree. Tomorrow is always a hope because all we really have is today.
Thinking about the level of frustration I’ve been feeling recently I recognised that I can cope with the uncertainty much better. I don’t need to know exactly where this set of changes is taking me.
Somewhere along the line I’ve developed more trust in myself and the world. I can wait and see. It seems because I am more relaxed the direction of the changes has become a lot clearer much quicker. The hints and half ideas I’ve been getting are coming into focus very fast now. I can see the big picture and I love the direction I’m being taken in. I’ve lost my frustration at not knowing immediately where the changes lead. Accepting that I will be confused has given me the space to let the processing happen in the back of my brain. So rather than chaos that has no end I find myself sure of each next step.
From the outside I admit that it might still look like chaos and confusion. But not frustrating. Instead I found myself speaking confidently to Brenda and Diane about my direction for the next few years. I know that I still have quite a bit to resolve yet. There are more decisions to be taken. But I’m putting aside the uncertainty of it all. Of course it does help that my Guides keep sending in confirmations of the new direction. They also keep reminding me that some things I had planned to do will not happen. They are old energy. So I’m taking their suggestion and checking everything I’m expecting to do.
Their advice is: Look for those things that flow with the new energy you are feeling. Notice the things that you have done the same way for a long time. Ask yourself if the old really fits with the new and let go of anything that doesn’t. Be prepared to start with a blank sheet of paper. Remind yourself to welcome in all the new opportunities. Order will return to your life in the end.
Day 437 of my blogging challenge.
Several things came together in my head today. When I was visiting my friend I gave her an update about my Inspired 2 Write challenge. The group I set up has been writing every day since the first of January and we are nearly at the end.
I’ve been enjoying reading what people have been posting. I can see the progress they are making in finding their writing voice. Talking to my friend I was explaining how I was inspired by a challenge to search for my own writing voice. And how, now that I have found it, I want to write a lot more. I love being able to share things my way. Even if I’m only sharing them with myself. We drifted into a conversation about the Women’s Marches last weekend. I’d read an update that 673 marches took place. It felt to me that here were many thousands of women finding their voices too. Not necessarily in writing but in taking some form of action.
I watched the update of number of attendees pop up on my social media on Saturday mesmerised by the tide of peaceful protest. By the power of collective action. There were some inventive signs. Lots of comments and clever ways of expressing their concerns. Our language is a wonderful gift. Expressing ourselves can be such a positive force for change. So our conversation took me all the way back to the writing challenge. I know that I will be running more writing challenges. I feel strongly that the internet can be a force for positive change. But only if people are prepared to raise their voices so to speak.
Every time I update my social media feeds I can choose to post something positive or negative. That seems simple. It’s up to me how I express myself.
I also know that whatever energy we give out we get back. So my writing is generally positive. I want to encourage not dismiss. It’s important for me that I show my daughter how to communicate in an empowering and supportive way. And especially that I am comfortable with the fact that people may totally disagree with what I write. But that I can respond positively to their world view too. Which is why it was disappointing to see some conversations about the marches descending into personal attacks. Everyone has the right to voice their views. Even the most offensive to me. And I have the right to voice my views in return whether anyone agrees or not.
Only by listening to the views of others will we make radical changes to the way we relate to one another. I would expect the same respect for marches in support of Donald Trump. Because in the end, one way or another, we all have to learn to get along. And sometimes it takes someone to be the voice of unpalatable opinions. If only to get us to realise that to get along we need to change our deeply held beliefs about the world. I feel the way to do that is to have lots of voices speaking, a great big debate and plenty of understanding that reaching a consensus point may take time.
Big changes do take time. Getting us to update our world view of women is a starting point.
I would like many more women to be heard. So my challenge, in part, has been to get other women confident in their writing voice. Because women do see things differently than men. I feel it’s one of the best things we have about being human. This ability to have both a creative and a make it so input into our lives. Yet the voice from women has been subdued for a long time. I know it’s time for us to update our view of what women contribute to the world. It needs women themselves to share their voices. Our daughters, granddaughters and great-grand daughters need an example to follow. So my challenges continue. For myself and for anyone who would like to share this journey with me.
Day 436 of my blogging challenge.
Fresh. New. Clean. Today I was looking around my Centre with different eyes. I’m so used to seeing it the way it is. But that’s the old way. What about all the new energy of this year? Time to make a few little changes.
I guess you could say I’m taking a fresh view of all sorts of things in my life. My home. The types of work I’m doing. What I’m interested in. Where I go. All the energy changes I’ve been through have brought me to being quite a different person than I was last week or last year. So today I wandered around giving everything a dose of looking at. Because my physical environment reflects my inner world. And I know I work better when both are in harmony.
I made little notes to myself. Where looked a bit tired and worn. Which covers needed freshening up. What could I do to encourage the plants to feel fresh and health. Look at the dust. I know I need to remove the recycling. And is the furniture in the right places. Although I have a disorganised desk and a creative space in chaos I also want to welcome people to a calm space. The Centre is my place for people to be able to step off the world. I want them to feel comfortable. So it can’t be so tidy that they are scared to sit down. Or too messy so there is no place to sit down.
A fresh pair of eyes is a great gift. I got a chance to consider the ambiance that I create. Looking around I knew what I wanted to do. And where energy needed to be freshened up.
It’s more than cleaning and tidying. The energy we live and work in can affect all of us for better or worse. I understand this because for a long time I used to work in a sea of toxic energy. Because I didn’t know it and had no idea how to clear my aura of it I even took it home. So my house also suffered from less than positive energy. When I discovered that I could have fresh, positive energy around me I was amazed. I worked very hard to protect my energy away from my home. And very hard to keep my home energy clear and uplifting. Not easy when the rest of the family struggled to understand all the energy stuff.
Now I try to look around my environment every so often to see if it needs frshening up. I’m going to invest in some paint as well as some retouching of paintwork. Furniture is being reorganised. Some new things are on order. And I have plans for a revamp of my group room. I hope that these changes, which might take a little time, will keep the energy of the Centre light, fresh and welcoming. Of course, looking at my workplace has also prompted me to look at my home space. That’s another list of little things to do to boost new energy too. So if you feel your work or home space is flat, drained of positive energy or draining you look again at your physical space. A fresh pair of eye might show you some interesting ways to change the energy you are in.
Day 435 of my blogging challenge.
I spent quite a chunk of today in bed. It’s the place I like to do all my processing. Withdrawing from my working environment I can let my mind and intuition bounce things around inside my head.
Already this year I feel very different to last year. I have a surge of energy that is propelling me forward. My plans are coming together. I feel motivated and ready for action. To make sure I don’t miss anything I took today to check out the direction I’ve set off in. When I’m making changes I can quickly get myself lost. I have a habit of rushing ahead, because I’m glad to be doing not procrastinating any longer, then finding I don’t really know why. Processing my thoughts, feelings and ideas is a great way to add extra layers to my plans. A bit like constructing stepping stones across a river. Testing each step, at least in my mind, to be sure it all hangs together.
I took my lead from the energy of yesterday. It was very moving to see so many Womens Marches across the world. And to read about my friends experiences in my Facebook newsfeed. What impressed me was the surge of Divine Femenine energy that rushed like a tsunami to touch each one of us. Even the voices of the women who didn’t agree with the marches were calling for equality too. I know we will have to deal with the changes now going on to the patriarchal structures we are used to with as much compassion as possible. Because change is here. The Divine Feminine energy will continue to flow into the world. And we are being reminded that it is an energy within all of us.
It will take some time for all of us to understand our own creative power. Processing the Divine Feminine energy will be about finding new and interesting solutions to the ways we currently live our lives as a global community.
At an individual level I know that I am processing this incoming energy by integrating it into my plans. I’ve been asking myself to apply creative solutions to make sure I’m moving forward in my life and work. Challenging myself by asking “is that the best you can do?” And “is this way of doing something in line with my feminine energy?” Interestingly, I’ve been taking my lead from the Morrighan too. She is a Goddess with a rather kick-ass attitude to life, a force to be reckoned with and a powerful connection with death and life. After all, if I’m going to make progress I have to be able to motivate myself to get on and do it. No point waiting until the Afterlive and then wishing I had got on with living.
So my processing is done for now. My plans are in place. It’s time to make progress happen!
Day 434 of my blogging challenge.