Daddy’s Girl: Ten Years of Missing Memories

daddy's girlDaddy’s girl! My Dad has been in the Spirit World ten years today. There are lots of days when I don’t immediately remember that he and Mum are gone.

But at some moment in every day I notice that they aren’t around. It’s like a sort of ‘oh, yes’ in my head when I am on the point of picking up the phone to call them with my problems. Because that’s what I really notice now. There is no back up. I don’t have them as a sounding board when I’m in my stressy head moments. I miss their wisdom. Even if I didn’t always agree with it. It was hard for me to be a Daddy’s girl and then to have to join the tribe of women. Underneath I feel I was always trying to impress my Dad. Even when I needed the influence of my Mum and other women. I do know I pushed hard against my Mum. And equally hard against my Dad. That’s what teenagers do.

As I made that transition from child to adult they gave me space to do it. And were there to help me pick up the pieces afterwards. Yet for the last ten years I have no memories of my Dad. We didn’t have time to make any new ones. He hasn’t seen my child grow up. Or been able to influence her life by his presence. I so wish she could have shared some of the magic I had as Daddy’s girl. Because I am sure she would have become a grandad’s girl too. There is sadness when I think of the missed memories. Yet I also know that he has another life now. He is in the Spirit World with my Mum. They both keep an eye on me and help me when they can. That’s a comfort.

Not quiet as good as being able to sit round the table with them down here. But something Is always better than nothing. I’ll still be Daddy’s girl no matter how old I get. So I’m looking forward to that time, when I eventually return to the Spirit World, were we can make more memories together. Love you Dad ❤️

 

Day 667 of my blogging challenge

Validating Experiences: Sharing The Stories

Validating aliensThis evening I’ve been to a local UFO group. It’s an interesting subject and one where validating experiences is important. Because it’s very easy to be a sceptic about flying saucers.

One of the things that I discovered for myself, as I developed my connections to Spirits and Energy Beings, was the disbelief of other people. It was hard enough for me to make sense of what was happening. Doubly so when the people I talked to denied that I could be having those experiences. There were a few people who did help though. The ones who listened to my stories. And revealed that they had experienced similar things. They were validating, for me, what I had been going through. That was very important for me. Because it encouraged me to continue trying to communicate. In the end, I found my way to the people who openly accepted my experiences as real when I stepped inside a Spiritualist church. And I never looked back.

Tonight I was able to listen to other people share their personal experiences and to be part of the group validating what was being said. In this case it was about experiences of contact with Beings from other planets. One of the interesting things was that this subject affects many more people than is currently said. It’s as if the people being contacted haven’t quite found their voices yet. So these stories aren’t part of the mainstream discussion about our world and our experiences. And that’s the problem. Whilst the few who speak about what has happened to them have to deal with a tidal wave of disbelief others are not encouraged to follow suit. They are silenced. They can’t get help in validating their experiences. In fact they may end up feeling very alone, isolated and scared.

I want to share the information about the Todmorden UFO group that meets at the Golden Lion on the third Tuesday of every month. It’s a way of encouraging you to share your experiences. Or to go along to a similar group and find out more about the experiences others are having. After all, one day we may need to welcome Energy Beings into our lives more fully. Either through intuition or because we have actually met them.

Day 666 of my blogging challenge 

Adding Bits & Bobs: It All Makes Sense

Trees adding upI’ve been adding things up today. All sorts of bits and bobs. Snippets of work. Ideas and inspirations. Trying to get a sense of the big picture.

Sometimes I know I can’t see the wood for the trees. I see each task or choice and lose sight of the overall plan. It’s the same with my spiritual world as it is in my material world. So I sat down at my desk today with a list of tasks I wanted to complete. Steps in my book project, information to share about the Centre, bills to check and pay. Plus the healing and tarot appointments that were booked in. By 2pm I was fighting a lost battle. I was finding it hard adding up all the remaining things I still had to do and fitting them into the time I had left. Perhaps it was as well that I had an exercise session booked in. Because part of my commitment to my wellbeing is to make sure I do enough physical exercise.

Whilst I was doing the exercises I had to change my focus. To concentrate only on the movements. That meant that I could shift away from all that adding up and step back. Because taking that step away let my subconscious mind work on the themes I am experiencing right now. The wood, so to speak. In the end I finished my session bursting with fresh insight. Understanding that what was adding up in front of me was a whole heap of fears. Fears that have been trying to distract me from moving forward. Therefore I had no chance of seeing the wood. I could only stare at the tree in front of me and wonder, helplessly, what I could do to shift past it.

As I listed the fears that had been working all morning I understood how powerful they can still be. Adding to them was pointless. So was ignoring them. Or denying that I felt any fear at all.

Of course I knew what to do. I’d done it many times before. I needed to speak them out loud. And ask myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. Taking each task, choice or idea, one by one, I worked through what if. That most powerful of thought experiments. Because it also allowed me to visualise success as well as failure. To see that some of my imaginings were much worse that the worst that could actually happen. And to allow myself the feeling of trust. Each fear was me saying I didn’t trust me. Adding to the confusion between heart and head. Nibbling away at my confidence in myself. Adding to a general feeling of being lost or stuck.

Speaking my fear gave me a chance to hear it outside my head. As a result I could challenge what I was thinking. I could remind myself of all the things that had already happened in my life that were much worse that these fears. In regaining my perspective the trees blended into a whole forest. I could see the way through and the many paths I could use. It’s sometimes surprising how things begin adding up once I face my fears. How the Universe answers in kind. If I am fearful it will send some more fear as it assumes that’s what I want. Because that is what my energy is living. Yet if I am hopeful the Universe will send things that bring hope. Once again, because I am living hopefully.

Tonight I’m back looking at the big picture. It’s made up of all sorts of bits and bobs that are adding up to a wonderful new beginning for me. I’m looking forward to my journey because I know, if ever I get lost in fear again, I will be able to find my way through anything.

Day 665 of my blogging challenge

Leaping Into Darkness: Standing Steady

LeapingSometimes I feel like I’m leaping into darkness. I can’t see what’s ahead and my shadow side is doing it’s best to hold me back. That’s when I have to make the biggest effort to stay on track.

For most of this year I have been navigating my life blind. My usual sense of knowing exactly what I’m doing and where I’m going has been off line. That’s because it’s a year of big shifts, personally, globally and energetically. I’m not the only person confused, waiting and wondering ‘what next?’. As the year has gone on I’ve found myself shifting in all aspects of my life as the changes work their way through. But I’ve also noticed that whenever I’ve been leaping into the unknown my uncertainty has almost stopped me moving ahead. It’s really important for me to understand that habit. If I let it carry on into my future choices I could end up leaping – but not far enough or well enough.

That’s why I’m working hard to understand my fears. The parts of me that quake my way through change rather than striding confidently forward. I know I’m a bit of a control freak still. Change is something I’m only slowly getting comfortable with. But I have to help myself enjoy change when it happens because then I’m much more likely to make the best choices for me. And that’s the problem with my shadow side. When it gets in the way I don’t do the best for myself. Leaping forward turns into a jump backwards. As I acknowledge my fears it doesn’t remove them completely. But it makes it easier for me to ignore that ego prompt to stay in the same habits. Standing steady is my answer. I remind myself that I’m in charge, not the fear. And I remind myself of the many times I’ve leapt and succeeded.

That’s the point. Knowing that the leap will be over at some point. That I will be back on solid ground. And that everything will turn out well. Is it time to trust yourself enough to take a leap out of your comfort zone too?

Day 664 of my blogging challenge 

Sunshine, Handfasting, Making a Commitment

HandfastingThe sun is shining. I’m glad. It’s my pleasure to be conducting a handfasting this afternoon. How wonderful to be part of the process of making a commitment.

I always enjoy representing the Spirit World. One of the ways they ask me to serve is to be the speaker at wedding, handfasting or commitment ceremonies. When two people decide that they want to share a life together in the energy of love the Spirit World rejoices. Because they have found the true way to connect to one another. I know that making any commitment represents the underlying energy of love. Loving myself and others enough to make a pledge of some sort. An agreement. A bargain. And I also know that it’s not a step taken lightly. I struggle when I break a promise. That’s why I try to make only those I am sure I can keep. However, I’m also a realist enough to know that love is conditional on the Earth plane. And some promises do get broken.

It’s how I handle the broken promises that matters. And how I make myself better in keeping to my commitments. That’s why the tradition of handfasting arose as a commitment that could be entered into for a defined period of time. After that period the couple could end the vow or choose to continue for another spell. I’m always delighted if a couple know they want to enter a permanent handfasting. It means I am working with people who value the love they share and have reached a place of total certainty. Because life is unpredictable. So I know it takes a lot to pledge to something for the rest of your life in spite of ups and downs.

This afternoon as I wind and tie the cord to bind them the energy of that commitment will echo up to the Spirit World. Where their loved ones will be celebrating the love too. And I will be reminding myself to commit to loving me more too. So that I can make that loving commitment out into the wider world ❤️

Day 663 of my blogging challenge

Harsh Judgements: My Inner World

I love mentoring. Bringing things into the light so they can be released. Today there was a theme. Harsh judgements. It made me think about how my judgements hold me back.

I know that I can be a bit harsh on myself. I also know we all can. In my life I’ve tried to follow the rules. All the ‘how to’s’ that fill my day. Yet those rules have caught me out very often. Because I am unpredictable. We all are. Without that little bit of unpredictability I feel we stop being human. I find it really funny that our machines, those engineering innovations of predictability and reliability, are also unpredictable. Because it seems that everything needs a bit of spontaneity. A random chance. Two atoms, cars or people colliding with unforeseen consequences. I know this generates variety in my life. So when I’m choosing what I do it seems a little harsh to try to judge the outcomes. Although I admit to trying very hard to second guess my life.

And that’s often the problem. In judging my choices I agonise over what I’ve done. Was it the right thing? Have I said something I shouldn’t? Where will it all end up? Then I store away the judgement I have made. I keep it in the shadow side of my inner world. I tell myself I’ve failed or done badly. Because I’ve kept the judgement it is always ready to surface at a moment’s notice. To remind me, in a new situation, that I was rubbish the last time I had to deal with something like this. Added to unpredictability it’s a cocktail for my disaster. So I hesitate. Or shout at myself. Using harsh words I tell myself to doubt myself. Eventually that judgement ends up paralysing me. My inner world can never be a calm, safe space. Because that judgement is waiting to surprise me again.

I’m working on loving my shadow side. Noticing how harsh I can be with myself I have renewed my promise to be gentler with myself. I’ve also decided it’s time to clear out those old judgements. I’m no longer the person who made those choices. It’s time for the new me to free the old me.

Day 662 of my blogging challenge 

Taking A Break: Serving Spirit In Churches

taking a breakI’ve been over to Blackpool tonight taking the service and demonstrating my mediumship. It’s something I have been doing for nearly eleven years. But I’m winding down my work.

I never expected that I would be standing at the front of a Spiritualist church or centre giving people messages. It was the one thing I said I would never do. Yet I found myself, as a very nervous fledgling medium, standing up and passing on the things the Spirit people told me. To the public. Because it is a way I can help people. I don’t really know if I was very helpful in the early days. The things I said were accepted by the people I spoke to. However I always felt a niggling doubt about my ability. Taking the service became more and more a part of my life and eventually my doubts faded away. And I got very busy going here, there and what seemed to be everywhere. I loved my new vocation. Especially as I communicated with so many bright energies.

Now I’ve come to a new passion. My writing. Today I started taking pre-orders for my first book. Communicating with the Spirit World gave me the push to find my hidden abilities. So that I could do more to pass on their wisdom to everyone. So I will be taking a break from giving public messages in churches and centres. The time is right for me to use my connecting abilities in another setting. Between the covers of books. I’m excited to set off on this new adventure. Even though, like tonight, I really enjoy being the messenger for loved ones to speak directly to their families still on Earth. I hope that when the time is right I will return to public demonstrations of mediumship. Taking a break doesn’t have to mean stopping altogether.

So at the end of the year I am stepping off the platform and walking into another way of working with Spirit. Perhaps a change really is as good as a rest. I’m certainly going to find out!

Day 661 of my blogging challenge 

Total Wellbeing: My Focus On Physical

Total fitnessI had to go along for a blood test this morning. It’s part of my aim for total wellbeing to check how I am doing with various bits of me that need attention. And to keep on improving my physical health.

I know that I feel much better emotionally and mentally if my physical body is well. Although I have a few things that don’t work as they should I’ve always tried to keep them under control. When I started working with my Guides they were quick to point out that symptoms had to be dealt with. Especially since something left untreated can end up being the thing that really debilitates me. And stops me from being of service to the Spirit World. They gave me a total run down on all of the things that were affecting me. Then gradually encouraged me to tackle them one by one. Because their view is that dis-ease comes from stuck energy in my aura. And as I released that energy I found myself agreeing with my Guides.

When I moved into energy healing I began to understand that I was bringing in energy to the whole body. Not just the bits that were aching or hurt. I also realised that I could help myself by making my intention, my goal, total wellness. That way I was telling my physical body that I care about it enough to want it to be well. I also followed up my intention by changing my diet. Not going on a diet. And not cutting out all of the things I liked that might be seen as bad for me. But a steady shift to remove sugar, caffeine and processed food from my menu. I also looked around for activities to keep me moving. Or to get me moving much more. I consulted a homeopath, had energy healing for myself, discovered yoga nidra and made sure to get reflexology.

All things to show my body how to embrace total fitness. Of course, I was showing me how to love me more.

That’s the important point. Total wellbeing is all about loving my physical body as it is. Helping myself to have the body that is right for me. Not the body someone else thinks a woman of a certain age should have. I’m ok with the reality of aging. My body does get older. It will develop more issue as it soaks up more of life. My focus is to keep well for as long as possible by doing things now that help me. The trip for tests is also useful to keep my focus. I’m pleased to say that over time I have improved my general health quite a bit. As well as improving the physical issue I have been dealing with.

I know that it’s a work in progress. It will take time to be in a state of total wellbeing across my body, mind, feelings and Spirit. But it’s something I visualise. I know that if I can imagine it and believe it then the Universe will also make sure to deliver it for me. So my attention to diet and exercise continues. My wellbeing affirmations are said every day. When I look in the mirror I see a healthy body emerging. I remind myself that I am capable of lots of physical activities. Then I block time out in my diary to make sure my body is working out, one way or another. My body feels happy and much healthier for my attention to it.

The point of wellbeing, for me, is that happy feeling. It means I can do the things I want and be of service to Spirit because I feel capable of being so. And my happiness at following my passions in life feeds the feeling of wellbeing that my body shares. It’s a win/win!

Day 660 of my blogging challenge 

Weird Energy Days Continue: Decision Time

weird wyrd sistersAnother weird energy day! Technology working then glitching. People feeling unsettled. Deadlines shifting. And an air of waiting. Like the calm before the storm.

Of course there are storms raging across the planet. In many different ways. I know that the weather is anything but settled. At all level s of our global society people are unsettled. In fact, for many of us, life is unsettled and has been for many months. But today some of the weird aspects of life became more noticeable. I want to use weird with the meaning it had a long time ago. As in something connected with fate. Or a person’s destiny. The Celtic word wyrd is the origin of weird and signified a belief that fate threw changes into a person’s life to challenge them. I know that there is a fresh energy surge coming in on Sunday. So the feeling of weirdness is part of the build up to more changes for all of us.

That’s the point. I’m not the only one awaiting my fate. So is everyone else. The best I can do is to stay calm and grounded. I keep reminding myself that I have faced challenges before and got through them successfully. I am resisting the urge to moan about the weird things that have been happening. Instead I’m welcoming these signs of my progress. My life needs a bit of freshening up. It’s time for me to follow new interests. Get myself moving towards new horizons. Dream new dreams. But also to be aware that my destiny is waiting to be fulfilled. So I’m ready to follow my fate wherever the weird energy takes me. I’m also aware that the synchronicity of events had picked up pace. Everything is starting to fall into place.

If you have been wondering about the weird energy remember that your destiny is to use all of your skills and abilities for a happy life. Let fate bring you what you have been dreaming of. Stay patient. It’s almost here.

Day 659 of my blogging challenge 

Bumping Into A New Direction At Last

Bumping carSometimes it takes a bit of a jolt to get my attention. Bumping my car yesterday was one of those moments. In a weekend of strange and weird moments this was one that really got me thinking.

Of course, when I looked at some files this evening it all made perfect sense. But bumping into a wall was the key point for me to make a decision. I have to say it wasn’t a serious accident. I’ve had a bit of a stiff neck, shoulders and back today. And my car needs some cosmetic repairs. But the jolt of sliding into a stone wall certainly electrified my mind. For the rest of the day there was a little voice in there asking me how I wanted to spend the rest of my time on the Earth. A kind of invitation to check in with the direction my life was taking. With a view to making sure I was enjoying myself.

I had a good day with the Thin Places group. And a chance to stand on a high point to see things from a higher perspective. As well as recognising the fun of sharing my ideas with other people. When I got back to the office today I started pulling out the files I use to keep my work organised. One after another, like bumping into the wall again, I saw the titles bouncing me around again. They were activities I have wanted to do all year. All dated 2016. It’s taken me a year to get back to the focus I had when I made up the folders. But I’m coming back to them very much clearer where they fit in my bigger picture.

Because I’ve spent a year bumping into the bits of me that have held me back. All sorts of beliefs and values muddled in with doubts and fears.

Yesterday gave me a chance to think about my work. And ask myself again why I do certain things. Especially if I’m not really passionate about them. I know it can be hard to let go of what I feel I should, must, ought or have a duty to do. Yet I also know that often those SMOD’s are the needs and demands of others. Not my own. The last year has been about releasing myself from other people’s expectations. Because I have to be able to do what fits for me. Rather than try to fit with what fits for others. That way leaves me bumping against their interpretation of my life. And how they think I should live it. Not in a nasty way. But because that’s what we tend to do to each other.

Placing conditions on what is given and received. Stepping back over the last few days I’ve been able to appreciate that conditionality. And to choose to remove the barriers to what I require or desire in my life. Now it’s full steam ahead for Embrace Intuitive Mentoring and my writing. There is even a little space left for my painting. Out go the groups and workshops of the last ten years. Although there will be a little online teaching work for part of 2018. The folders are ready. I’m ready. All that remains is the tidying up of loose ends and clearing of space. Although I know that will be made much easier because I am ready to make the changes I need in my life. So the Universe will make sure it unfolds in exactly the way it needs to.

Bumping the car reminded me not to waste the time and energy I have. It gave me something immediate to focus on. In the moment my sub-conscious mind made a string of decisions. And confirmed my intuitions of 12 months ago. Time to drive a new route!

Day 658 of my blogging challenge